5 possible reasons why your ex pulls you in by showing interest and then pushes you back by saying that she’s not ready, are:
1. She is trying to buy herself some extra time to find a replacement guy
Sometimes a woman doesn’t like the idea of being without a man, so when she breaks up with a guy, she will keep him around until she finds another man to replace him with.
For example: She might continue texting him and saying things like, “Hey, what are you up to today? I was just making spaghetti bolognese and I remembered that it was your favorite,” or “Hey, I just found some old photos we took on my birthday last year. We looked so happy back. I miss that,” or simply, “I miss your laugh sometimes…just thought I’d say that” as a way of keeping him hanging around feeling hopeful that they will get back together.
Naturally, when a guy sees that, he starts thinking, “Cool! She still seems interested. I’m close to getting her back now. I should arrange a catch up.”
He might then text her or call her and suggest catching up, only for her to say something like, “Ummm…I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I don’t know if I’m ready yet. Give me some more time.”
Alternatively, she may agree to meet up with him and then cancel at the last minute by saying, “I’m sorry. I thought I was ready to see you again, but I just feel too vulnerable at the moment. I’m not ready. I need more time.”
The guy is then left thinking, “WTF? One minute she pulls me in by showing interest and then pushes me back by saying she’s not ready yet. What gives? What is her problem?”
In the meantime, she’s using that time apart to find herself another guy, without having to worry about her ex getting in the way (i.e. because she’s been making him believe that he still has a chance with her).
If your ex is messing you around like that, you need to clearly understand one thing.
Getting back together again is not something that she has to control.
You can take control of the ex back process by making her feel attracted to you again.
Don’t let her control the ex back process.
If you do that, she will almost certainly play hard to get, or she will use the time apart to find a replacement guy and move on without you.
Don’t worry about the fact that she is giving you mixed messages.
If you worry about that or focus on it, you’re letting her lead the ex back process.
You have to be more confident than that.
You’ve got to be the more emotionally courageous one who makes the reconciliation happen, regardless of the mixed messages she is giving you.
When you focus on reactivating her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, she won’t be able to resist you for very long.
Even if she tries to tell herself that she’s over you, her heart will be pulling her back to you naturally.
Attraction is an automatic reaction that men and women have to each other.
Trigger it properly and she won’t be pushing you away anymore.
Another possible reason why she is behaving that way is because…
2. You keep making attraction mistakes that turn her off
Sometimes a woman will interact with her ex (e.g. via text, over the phone, in person) and initially begin to feel drawn to him again.
Yet, as the interaction continues, the guy keeps making attraction mistakes and slowly turns her off.
Her texts then stop, or she gets off the call or leaves the in person interaction and says that she needs more time to think.
For example: Here are some common attraction mistakes that guys make when interacting with an ex woman:
- Rather than showing her his confidence by laughing at her attempts to make him feel insecure (e.g. she is being cold and distant, teasing him, saying that she’s having fun being single, talking about other guys who like her now), he becomes upset, overly emotional, tense or even angry.
- Rather than make her feel feminine and girly in his presence, he stays on his best behavior and ends up turning her off because he lacks that all-important masculine edge that attraction women.
- Rather than take the lead in the interaction and gently guide her back into feelings of respect, attraction and love, he lets her dominate him emotionally (e.g. she keeps bringing up his past mistakes and he apologizes over and over again, she disagrees with any decisions he makes, such as where to sit if they’re meeting up at a coffee shop).
- Rather than just texting a little bit and then getting on a call to arrange a meet up, he keeps texting and texting until she eventually loses interest. His constant texts end up making him look desperate, lost or lonely without her.
She then goes cold and starts pushing him away and he wonders something like, “Why does my ex pull me in by showing interest and then push me away again?”
The answer is simple.
He’s not making her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with him (i.e. respectful of him, sexually attracted, in love).
Instead, he’s turning her off with his insecure behavior and she just doesn’t want to keep putting up with that.
How about you?
Have you been turning your ex off by the way you’ve been communicating with her and interacting with her?
Have you been making her feel like you want her way more than she wants you?
Is she feeling turned off by your need for her?
Have you been changing your approach to attract her in new, exciting ways, or have you been using the same old approach that got you dumped in the first place?
By making some attractive adjustments to your behavior and the way you talk and interact with her (e.g. being much more confident, standing up to her in a dominant, but loving way, using humor to break through her defenses), she will start to feel very drawn to you.
Rather than reeling you in and then pushing you away, she opens up to getting back together with you and follows through on it all the way.
Another possible reason why she is behaving that way is because…
3. She doesn’t believe that you can instantly change and give her the attraction experience she secretly wants
One of the main things that a woman looks out for when she interacts with her ex after a break up, is whether or not he has genuinely changed or improved.
If she notices that he has made some improvements to the things that caused her to break up with him in the first place, she will instantly feel a surge of respect and attraction for him.
Her guard will then come down and she will stop feeling the need to push him away when he’s getting to close to her again.
On the other hand, if she realizes that he’s still stuck at the same level he was at before, she will just pull away from him and try to move on because she doesn’t want to encounter the same old relationship experience again.
She also doesn’t want to give him another chance, only to go through another painful or annoying break up.
Now that they’ve broken up, she’s going to remain broken up unless he can convince her otherwise.
…and by convince, I don’t mean with words.
I mean by his actions.
As the old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.”
You’ve really got to make changes to yourself (e.g. how you feel, talk, behave, act) to let her see that you really are different now.
If you can do that, you won’t even need to waste time or energy trying to convince her that you’ve changed because she will see it for herself.
So, if your ex keeps pulling you in by showing interest and then pushes you back by saying she’s not ready, it could be because you haven’t yet fully shown her that you’re a new and improved man yet.
As a result, she still has her doubts about you is and is keeping her guard up.
How can you fix that?
Firstly you need to understand her real, more subtle reasons for breaking up with you and then begin making some adjustments, improvements or changes.
Secondly, you need to interact with her and let her experience those changes in you, so she can decide for herself that things really are different now.
For example: Some of the changes a woman might want to see in her ex are that:
- He displays more manly behavior around her, rather than being so emotionally sensitive, insecure or self-doubting.
- He now has goals and dreams that he’s working towards independent of his relationship with her. This is especially important for guys who got dumped for being needy, or for lacking direction in life.
- He is more emotionally dominant than her now, so she naturally begins to respect him and treat him better.
- He is affectionate and loving without being too soppy, wimpy or overly romantic about it.
- He is confident and has high self-esteem.
- He believes in his attractiveness and value to her.
- He makes her feel like a beautiful, desirable, feminine woman in his masculine presence, rather than making her feel like just a friend now.
Those are just a few examples of what makes a woman feel deep respect, attraction and love for a man.
Once you understand what your ex really wants you to change about yourself, you can then make the right changes, adjustments or improvements to yourself to win her back.
When she starts getting the attraction experience that she always wanted from you (e.g. you used to be insecure and emotionally sensitive, but are so confident and emotionally strong now, so she feels more girly and feminine around you), she naturally feels like it would be good for her to give the relationship another try.
She then stops pushing you back because there’s nothing to fight against anymore.
You are the man that she always wanted you to be and she can now relax and enjoy falling in love with you all over again.
Another possible reason why she is behaving that way is because…
4. She’s having a hard time dealing with the pain of the break up
If a woman is inexperienced with relationships or if this is her first big break up, she might not be able to handle all the painful emotions (e.g. loss, disappointment, heartache, yearning, regret) associated with losing the guy that she once really loved.
She may say to herself, “I can’t stand being alone and feeling sad like this. Maybe I should just give him another chance for a while and see how things go.”
Then, the next time he interacts with her (e.g. by giving her a call or seeing her in person), she starts to show strong interest in getting back together.
Yet, minutes, hours or days later, she realizes that although getting over a break up really sucks, settling for a guy who doesn’t fully spark her feelings of respect and attraction for him is probably going to be worse.
So, she says something like, “Sorry. I’ve changed my mind. I’m just not ready to get back with you yet,” and closes herself off once again.
When that happens, it’s only natural that a guy will feel confused and possibly even a bit annoyed, because he feels that she is now playing games with him.
Yet, in most cases, she isn’t.
In pretty much every ex back case that I’ve worked on where a women was giving a guy mixed signals, he simply wasn’t making her feel enough respect and sexual attraction for him.
So, she just wasn’t feeling motivated and inspired enough to give him another chance.
Rather than focusing on re-attracting her, the guy was simply hoping that her past feelings for him would be enough to re-start the relationship.
It was only when he changed his approach and started actively making her have sexual and romantic feelings for him again that she stopped playing games and gave him a chance.
So, if your ex keeps pulling you in and then pushing you back, it might be because you haven’t actively been doing enough to spark her feelings for you again.
You can start doing that from now though.
When you do, her indecision will naturally melt away and before she knows it, she will be back in your arms again, happy, loving you and looking forward to a future with you.
Finally, another possible reason why she has been showing interest and then pushing you away is that…
5. She’s just testing to see how you will react and respond
If a woman broke up with a guy because he was too emotionally sensitive, she may show interest and then push him back to see how he will react.
She wants to see if he has woken up and learned from his mistakes, or if he is still the same.
So, if he starts begging and pleading with her and saying things like, “Please stop doing this to me. I love you more than anything. I can’t handle the thought of us possibly getting back together one minute, only to have you push me away the next. I really love you and you know that, but you’re just messing with my feelings. Why are you doing that? Does it make you happy to see me suffer like this? Please stop the games and give me a chance to show you that things will be better this time. I promise that I will do whatever you want me to do to make you happy,” she will see that nothing about him has changed.
He is still being the same old, emotionally sensitive guy that she broke up with.
On the other hand, if he remains confident, laughs and says (in a joking manner), “Hey, no problem if you aren’t ready to get back together right now. Take all the time you need. How about 10 years? Maybe 20? Will that be enough? What the heck, I’m feeling generous today, so let’s give you 50 years to work out if you will us one more chance. By then you’ll be old and wrinkly and wearing big floral, grandma dresses, but maybe I’ll be into that sort of thing by then and we can go get some coffee together. Who knows…” she will see that he’s not the needy, insecure, emotionally sensitive guy he was before.
He maintained his cool, remained confident and lovingly made fun of her for being so indecisive, rather than sulking and seeking pity from her like the guy did in the previous example.
So, if he remains confident and gets her laughing in that way, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling surges of respect and attraction for him.
When that happens, she stops feeling the need to be push him away and starts wanting to experience the new and improved him in a relationship.
You can make your ex feel that way about you.
It’s actually very easy to do.
You’ve just got to use a different approach to attraction than you’ve been using up until this point.
You’re approach hasn’t been working, so if you are ready to try something new and get her back, now is the time.