Many guys blow their chances with an ex girlfriend who would have given them another chance, if they’d just used a different approach with her.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize their mistakes until it’s too late.
So, to help you understand whether or not it’s too late for you and her, here are 10 common mistakes that can cause a guy to blow his chances with an ex girlfriend:
1. He keeps trying to get her back before re-attracting her
A fundamental rule to getting an ex back is this: Attraction first and everything else after that.
If your ex doesn’t feel attracted to you, she’s not going to care.
It’s as simple as that.
You have to attract her first and then, she will become interested in giving you another chance.
Unfortunately, some guys aren’t aware of that and end up blowing their chances with an ex, by continually trying to get her back before re-attracting her.
As a result, it feels unfair to her (i.e. he’s pushing for another chance because he has feelings for her, but she doesn’t feel the same way. If she gave him a chance at that point, it would be like doing him a favor).
So, here’s the thing…
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she lost touch with her sexual and romantic feelings for him in the relationship and decided to go through with a breakup.
She may still think that he’s a good guy, but because she doesn’t feel a spark with him anymore, she doesn’t want to be his girl.
2. He doesn’t even know the real, more subtle reasons why she broke up with him
Most guys are aware of the obvious reasons why they got broken up with.
She wanted him to stop hanging out with his friends as much and focus on building his future (e.g. concentrate on his big goals, dreams and ambitions).
They often got into arguments because he didn’t make any effort to get to know her family or friends, didn’t pull his weight around the house, or often didn’t follow through on his promises.
They wanted different things in the relationship (e.g. she wanted to settle down, but he wasn’t ready to commit to it yet).
Yet, in most cases, there are more subtle reasons that may take a guy years (after the breakup) to eventually realize.
- He never truly understood what kind of behavior she felt attracted to (e.g. he was always nice and sweet, but that made her see him more like a friend than a lover. She wanted a good guy, who also had a bad boy side to him, or a good guy who was more of a challenge. Alternatively, she wanted a confident, good man who treated her well, but also made her feel motivated to treat him well in return).
- He often failed her confidence tests (e.g. when she created unnecessary drama, rolled her eyes at him, disagreed with him in conversation), by becoming insecure, emotionally sensitive or doubting himself around her.
- She always felt like she had too much power over him.
- He wasn’t confident enough in the bedroom for her.
- She didn’t like his body language (e.g. uncertain, nervous, stressed, needy, desperate or feminine).
- She didn’t like how he became nervous, or unsure of himself around confident, alpha males. It made her feel unsafe and see him as an emotionally weak, fearful guy.
- She didn’t like how easily she could make him lose confidence.
If a guy doesn’t figure out the more subtle reasons why she left him, he will usually continue turning her off in subtle ways (e.g. she’ll sense his insecurity, emotional weakness or lack of manliness) when interacting with her.
As a result, she won’t feel motivated to give him another chance.
3. He has been trying to get her back via text
If a couple only ver texted, or mostly texted each other throughout a relationship, a guy might assume that he should continue on with that form of communication after a breakup.
Yet, only texting an ex woman almost always results in her losing interest and moving on.
Via text, a woman can easily misinterpret what her ex is trying to say, which can then lead to arguments, or her going cold and no longer replying.
She can also get bored of the back and forth texting, or find it tiresome if her ex is sending big texts, asking a lot of questions or trying to discuss the relationship with her via text.
It’s always better to just call your ex, or at least send voice texts.
When she can hear your confidence in a voice text, or on a phone or video call, she will naturally feel some attraction.
When she can also sense the positive changes in you, based on how you now talk to her and react to her (e.g. you no longer become insecure, or emotionally sensitive, you are more manly now), she will naturally feel drawn to the idea of giving you another chance.
Another common mistake a guy will often make, which will result in him blowing his chances is…
4. He shows her a nasty side of himself
For example: A guy might…
- Get very angry at her, to the point where she feels afraid of him and what he might do.
- Be vindictive towards her (e.g. spread negative rumors about her to mutual friends, or to her coworkers, call the electricity company to have her power cut off, slash her car tires, post negative things about her online).
- Threaten to harm her physically, or even lash out at her (e.g. slap her, push her around).
- Threaten to share her nude photos online, or amongst friends.
- Insult her and call her names.
- Threaten to get her fired from work.
- Say that he never really loved her and was only using her, or with her for something to do.
- Say that he’d been with much better women before her.
- Tell her that he hopes she catches a disease by having sex with new guys.
- Say that he hopes she gets the karma she deserves, after hurting him the way she did.
If a guy behaves in one or more of those ways, a self-respecting, modern woman probably won’t want anything more to do with him.
Yet, even in pretty bad situations, I’ve seen that a guy can sometimes recover from it and get his ex to forgive him.
The guy starts the ex back process by apologizing, letting her know that he was in the wrong and was being stupid and immature.
She is well within her rights to reject him and not want anything else to do with him, but in many cases, especially when a woman still has feelings for her ex, she will forgive him and give the relationship another chance for a while.
If the guy honestly changes, sincerely knows he was in the wrong for behaving like that and starts being a better man, she will almost certainly want to stick with the relationship and hope that things work out from there.
Another mistake guys often make when trying to get an ex back is…
5. He remains in panic mode for too long
For example: A guy rushes to immediately fix things with her after the breakup, rather than accepting, giving her a few days of space to miss him and then contacting her to complete the ex back process.
Since he doesn’t calm down and give her a few days, he might make the mistake of behaving in unattractive ways that push her away further (e.g. beg, plead, promise to change whatever she wants, send flowers, write a long love letter, text or call her way too much, pour his heart out to her and cry and so on).
In some cases, a guy will panic after a breakup due to worrying that his ex woman will sleep with a new man if he doesn’t get her back immediately.
That is possible of course, but in many cases, women don’t immediately begin sleeping with new men, unless they have a new guy lined up and ready to go (i.e. she’s been flirting with him, he’s interested and all she has to do is let him know that she’s single now and he’ll ask her out, or come over to see her).
Additionally, if a woman sees that her ex is panicking, it doesn’t make her feel attracted and only pushes her away further, because women aren’t attracted to desperation in men.
6. He causes her to feel pressured into making a “Yes” or “No” decision
In most cases, a woman isn’t ready to make that kind of decision immediately after a breakup.
As a result, she says that she isn’t sure, says no, or tells him to give her space.
Yet, due to his approach (i.e. trying to get her back before re-attracting her), she realizes that he wants her, but she doesn’t want him.
That then pushes her away even more.
A better approach is to simply agree to be friends with your ex for now.
The point of staying friends, is so you have a good reason to interact with her again, so you can then reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
Don’t just act like a friend.
Interact with her, flirt with her, turn her on and attract her like you would with a woman that you’re picking up for the first time.
If you only talk to her like a friend, she will assume that there’s no spark between you and her anymore and therefore, the break up was the right thing to do.
7. He gives her the impression that he wants her back to make himself feel better
Essentially, he can’t cope without her and needs her back to feel wanted, valued, important and secure in himself again.
Without her, he feels lonely, rejected and like a failure as a man.
He needs to stop that pain by getting her back.
As a result, all she really hears from his approach is, “Me, me, me” even though he might be saying, “I promise to change. I will do whatever you want.”
She senses that it’s essentially about himself trying to stop himself from feeling rejected, left behind and unwanted.
As a result, she feels more turned off by what she perceives as his selfish, needy approach.
So, if you want your ex back, understand that her feelings are more important to her now than yours.
Your feelings matter to you, but for now, they don’t matter to her.
She will only care about getting back with you, if you awaken her feelings for you.
When you do that, she will feel compelled to give you another chance, rather than missing out on experience more of the new love, respect and attraction she now feels for you.
8. He continually tries to get her back, even though he hasn’t changed or doesn’t know what to change
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually not ‘out of the blue’ or ‘all of a sudden’ for no reason.
A guy may think that it is, but she will have been feeling turned off for quite a long time (e.g. months, or years) before going through with the breakup.
Certain aspects of his thinking, attitude, conversation style, behavior or actions will have been turning her off (e.g. he became too needy, he wasn’t enough of a challenge for her, so she didn’t feel motivated to put much effort into the relationship, he became insecure or emotionally sensitive, he gave her too much power over him).
So, for her to want to get back with him, will need to see that real changes have been made.
She won’t expect him to be perfect, but she will want to see that he has put in the effort to improve and level up, in some of the ways that matter to her.
If that has happened, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
If it hasn’t, her guard will remain up.
Additionally, if she also notices that he’s pushing for another chance even though he hasn’t changed the things she cares about, it will make her feel annoyed, misunderstood and disrespected.
She won’t want to waste any more of her time on a guy who probably won’t change, or never figure out what she really wants from him.
She will get to the point where she will want to find a ready-made man to be with, without all the stress and annoyance of being with a guy who doesn’t understand what women want.
9. He goes too far with the No Contact Rule
The general idea of the No Contact Rule is that a guy cuts off all contact with his ex for 30 days.
During that time, it is hoped that she will miss him and come running back to him before the 30 days is up, or shortly after.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t ever hear from their ex as a result of using the No Contact Rule, so some of them decide to extend the waiting period to 60 and then 90 days and so on.
Yet, the guy usually blows his chances with his ex by doing that, because when she doesn’t hear from him, a woman will almost always assume he’s no longer interested.
As a result, she will move on without him, rather than risking contacting him, showing interest, being rejected by him (or finding out he has a new girlfriend) and then feeling like the one who got dumped, or left behind.
So, by the time a guy contacts his ex after months of waiting, she will usually be happy in a new relationship, or will be enjoying single life (i.e. dating and sleeping with new men) and not want him back.
10. He tries to sell himself to her
Sometimes a guy will tell his ex about all the things he’s changed (e.g. he’s stopped playing video games, more focused on his career, learned that he needs to be more loving and attentive, has become more confident) and then ask her for another chance based on that.
Alternatively, he may promise her the world (i.e. he will do whatever she wants), if she’ll just give him one more chance.
Yet, when a guy tries to sell himself to a woman like that, it turns her off because it feels desperate and gives her too much power over him.
So, rather than trying to sell yourself to your ex and ask for another chance, just interact with her and let her experience the changes in you for herself.
Women are very perceptive about men’s behavior and she will notice your improved confidence, manliness, or ability to flirt with her and create sexual tension without you having to tell her.
Additionally, if you have become more focused on your work, or have stopped working as much due to being a workaholic, then don’t try to sell yourself to her based on that.
Let her pick up on it during the conversation and realize that you’ve changed, without you coming across as though you’re hoping for a, “Oh, good on you. I’m proud of you” sort of comment from her.
Essentially, don’t need any pat on the back (or head) from her based on what you’ve changed, or done since the breakup.
Instead, just let her experience the changes in you naturally as you talk to her and interact with her.
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