Here are 4 common reasons why a woman will say that when breaking up with a guy:
1. She’s tired of pretending to feel attracted to your approach
Based on a man’s approach, a woman will either feel motivated to contribute to the relationship and be a good, loving, devoted woman to him, or she will gradually lose respect and attraction for him and begin pulling away.
For example: A guy might think that a woman should be happy with his friendly, neutral approach because they get along so well and he cares so much about her.
Yet, he lacks the masculine edge that she looks for in a guy and that maintains a woman’s attraction and respect.
It’s just too neutral because of his approach.
As a result, she stops feeling the way she wants to feel in the relationship with him, so she decides to break up with him and find another guy who can give her the attraction experience she really wants.
Here’s the thing…
Without sparks of sexual and romantic attraction, a relationship slowly starts to feel more like a friendship.
Yet, that’s not what a woman wants.
She wants a sexually attracted, romantic relationship.
In other words, she wants to be in love in a romantic way with her man, rather than feeling like she’s his partner or best friend.
So, even though the guy might be a really good guy and thinking things like, “We are so good together. We have the perfect relationship. I’m such a lucky guy to be with a wonderful girl like her,” she’s likely thinking something along the lines of, “This relationship has become so dull and boring lately. I don’t feel like I’m in a romantic relationship anymore. Instead, I feel like I’m living in a dorm room with my best friend whom I don’t want to date or have sex with. There’s just no spark between us anymore. I don’t feel sexy around him, but he doesn’t even seem to notice or care. He’s just happy for us to trudge along this way forever. However, I’m not. I don’t want a buddy, I want to be passionately in love with my man and feel like neither of us can keep our hands off each other. I can’t take it anymore. I hate the idea of hurting him, but I have to break up with him for my sake.”
So, although you may have thought that you and your ex had an ideal relationship, it’s quite possible that she didn’t feel the same way about it as you.
Instead, although she appreciated that you are a good guy who treated her well, she may have also needed you to be more emotionally masculine and make her feel like a feminine woman around you.
This is why, if you want to get your girlfriend back, you have to change your approach and give her what she really wants, not what you think she should be happy with (i.e. romance and attraction rather than friendship and predictability).
You need to use every interaction that you have with her from now on to reawaken her sexual feelings for you by making her feel the way she always wanted to feel with you, but didn’t.
When she stops feeling bland, boring, friendly emotions and begins feeling excited and turned on again, she’ll naturally start to think about you in a more positive (i.e. sexual and romantic) way.
She will then want to talk to you on the phone and hang out with your more to see if you can maintain this approach and continue making her feel attracted, or if she needs to move on for real.
Another common reason why a woman will say that is…
2. She tired of trying to make the relationship work
If a woman gets a sense that she’s always having to turn a blind eye to her guy’s mistakes (e.g. she forgives him over and over again for breaking his promises to her, she always picks up after him while he sits around watching TV or playing video games, she makes excuses for him to her friends and family because he refuses to make an effort to spend time with them, he’s unreliable and lets her down when she needs him the most), she will eventually feel that sticking with him is just too much work.
She may then begin thinking things like, “Why am I always trying to make this relationship work, while he just messes me around? Why am I letting him do this to me? Where is my self respect?”
When a woman reaches that point in her relationship with a guy, she will almost always break up with him to focus more on herself and her needs, rather than continue to deal with the stress of trying to make the relationship work.
This is why, if you want your girlfriend to open back up to the idea of giving you another chance, you need to get clear about what you need to start saying and doing to properly re-attract her.
For example: Ask yourself…
- What aspects of my thinking and behavior made her feel stressed out, annoyed or like I didn’t care (e.g. you took her for granted, you didn’t pull your weight, you were too immature and childish compared to her)?
- What is it about me that initially attracted her to me (e.g. your confidence, your ability to make her laugh, that you made her feel like a feminine woman around you) and did I maintain those things over time?
- Did I try to get her to accept things about me that just aren’t attractive to her (e.g. you wanted her to lead in the relationship, you displayed annoying habits that she clearly didn’t like)?
- Did I give this relationship the attention it deserved, or was I distracted by other things (e.g. work, hanging out with your friends, your family)?
When you can honestly answer those questions for yourself, you will have a much better idea of what it will take to get your girlfriend back.
Another common reason why a woman will say that is…
3. She has matured a lot faster than you and doesn’t want to keep lifting you up to her level
Sometimes, at the beginning of their relationship, a man and a woman will start off being at the same level of maturity.
However, over time, one of them, most often the woman, slowly begins to surpass her guy and grow up, while he stays stuck thinking, talking, acting and behaving in an emotionally immature way.
When this happens, she naturally begins to feel uncomfortable and unfulfilled in the relationship, until eventually she breaks up with him.
The guy might then feel hurt and confused and wonder, “What happened? I thought everything was great between us. I thought we were on the same page (i.e. enjoyed the same things, we had the same interests). I just don’t get it.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
For a relationship to last past the initial stages and grow and evolve into something deeper and longer lasting, there needs to be more than just a superficial attraction between the man and woman.
Instead, they need to be able to grow and mature together and begin wanting the same things (e.g. to pursue a career, to go traveling together, to get married and settle down, pursue common dreams and goals, feel like life is getting better rather than worse).
So, when a woman discovers that she is maturing a lot faster than her boyfriend (e.g. she’s ready to stop partying and focus more on her career, but he isn’t, she wants to take the relationship to the next level like move in together, get married, or have a baby but he doesn’t want to), then she may start feeling like he’s no longer the right man for her.
Initially, she might stay in the relationship for a while longer in the hope that her guy will catch up to her in maturity, but if he doesn’t, she will eventually lose too much respect and attraction for him to want to stay in the relationship.
At that point, she will break up with him and say, “I’m sorry for doing this, but I have to do it for myself.”
Another common reason why a woman will say that is…
4. She doesn’t feel like it’s necessary to have a relationship anymore because the feelings just aren’t mutual
A woman will sometimes date a guy even though she doesn’t have strong sexual or romantic feelings towards him, simply because he’s a nice guy.
In her mind she might justify her choice by thinking something along the lines of, “He’s so good to me and I’m tired of dating jerks. He’s loving and kind and even though there isn’t a big spark between us, I’m sure that over time my feelings for him will get stronger.”
However, rather than feel stronger respect, attraction and love for him over time, she discovers that his thinking, actions and behavior are actually turning her off even more (e.g. he’s so nice to her that she ends up walking all over him, during sex he’s always too sweet and thoughtful and treats her like a friend rather than throwing her on the bed and ravishing her like she’s a desirable woman, he’s often insecure about his value to her and he keeps needing her to reassure him that she still loves him).
As a result, she starts to feel unsatisfied in her relationship with him and like if she doesn’t break up with him, she will end up ruining her chances of finding a man who can make her feel the passion and excitement she craves.
So, even though the guy is in love with her and feels like they are meant for each other, the feelings aren’t mutual so she can’t see the point of staying in the relationship with him anymore.
Here’s the thing though…
Just because your ex girlfriend might not have strong sexual and romantic feelings for you right now, it doesn’t mean you can’t change how she feels and make her really want you (even if she never felt strong attraction or love for you before).
In fact, when you interact with her and spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. by making her laugh, smile and feel good to be around you, flirting with her to make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman, maintaining your confidence with her when she’s being aloof or even bitchy towards you), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
Even though she may have convinced herself that you’re not the right guy for her and that she just doesn’t have any feelings for you, she will suddenly start imagining what it would be like to be your girl for the long term.
She will realize that you have leveled up as a man and have now become what she always wanted you to be (e.g. more confident, emotionally masculine, emotionally strong) and she will want to experience the new you.
She will then drop her guard and open back up to interacting with you to see how she feels.
Then, the more you ignite her feelings of passion and desire for you, the more she will begin to regret her decision to break up with you.
4 Mistakes to Avoid Now That She Has Broken Up With You
The good news is that you can easily get your girlfriend back if you want to.
When you improve the way you talk, act, behave and respond to her during conversation and make her feel surges of respect and attraction for you, it actually becomes something she wants to do too.
However, if you approach the ex back process in the wrong way, you can just as easily turn her off even more and convince her she made the right decision.
So, to avoid that happening, make sure you don’t make these mistakes:
1. Promising to change if she gives you a chance
It’s only natural that when a woman says, “I’m sorry for doing this, but I have to do it for myself,” a guy’s first reaction may be to start making promises to change.
For example: He might say something along the lines of, “Please don’t do this. I swear I will do whatever it takes to become a better man for you. Just give me one more chance before you make up your mind. You’ll see… things will be different this time. I promise!”
Yet, that rarely makes a woman change her mind. Why?
By the time the guy starts promising to change, his woman has already disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
So, his words don’t really mean anything to her, because she’s already been preparing herself mentally to break up with him and his promises just come across as “too little, too late.”
Also, in most cases, a guy will have likely promised to change at least once or twice before (usually more), but every time he’s improved for a little while, only to revert back to his old patterns of thinking and behavior.
As a result, she doesn’t trust him to keep his promise, so she says, “No,” to giving him another chance.
This is why, if you want your girlfriend to change her mind about breaking up with you, you need to show her that you’ve changed some of the things that are important to her, rather than promise her that it will happen.
Remember: Actions speak louder than words.
When she can see for herself that you really are different now, she will be a lot more open to the idea of giving you another chance.
The next mistake is…
2. Asking her what you could change to make her reconsider
This is one of the worst approaches a guy can take when trying to change a woman’s mind about breaking up. Why?
Most women don’t want to be responsible for shaping their guy into the man that he needs to become to make her happy.
So, if he asks her to tell him what he needs to do, rather than feel flattered or pleased that he needs her help to become a better man, his woman usually feels turned off by his lack of understanding as to what makes a woman tick.
If she has to tell him how to be the man she needs, she will lose respect for him because he’s not his own man.
He is simply following her instructions, which takes the romance out of being with him, because he’s not a real man to her anymore, but rather a confused guy who needs a woman to hold his hand and teach him how to think, act and behave to make her feel attracted to him.
A woman doesn’t want to do that.
This is why, if you want to make your girlfriend change her mind, you have to figure out how to re-attract her without asking her for instructions.
Then, go ahead and do that and get her back.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Trying to discuss the relationship or work things out via text
When it comes to discussing your relationship with your ex, doing it via text is a bad idea. Why?
This only annoys her even more, because she has to put so much time and energy into physically replying to your long texts.
She sees it as you being selfish and expecting more out of her than she should be willing to give after a break up.
Here’s the thing…
Long discussions about your relationship should only happen in person and only after you’ve reactivated her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Only then will she be open to talking to you about it and willing to work things out with you.
On the other hand, if you try to engage her in conversation via text before she has feelings for you again, she will almost certainly close up and possibly even block your number on her phone.
The next mistake to avoid is…
4. Trying to make her feel sorry for you
It’s only natural that your girlfriend’s approach has upset you, hurt you and left you feeling lost and confused.
However, playing the pity card and saying things like, “How could you do this to me? After everything we had together, you’re just willing to walk away without even an explanation. All I ever did was love you with all my heart. Why wasn’t that enough for you? Why are you being so selfish?” will actually make things worse rather than better.
Firstly, at this point, your ex girlfriend doesn’t really care how bad you’re feeling, because she’s disconnected from her feelings for you and is looking to move on.
Additionally, your emotional weakness (i.e. not being able to cope with being broken up) is a turn off to her and it only convinces her even more that she made the right decision.
So, regardless of how hurt and disappointed you might be feeling right now, forget about trying to make her feel sorry for you as a way of getting her back and focus instead on what works.
You need to interact with her over the phone and especially in person and reactivate her feelings for you (e.g. by making her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you again, showing her via your actions and conversation that you’ve changed and improved, flirting with her to create a sexual vibe), so that she wants to get back with you.
That’s the easiest and most effective way to get an ex back.