So, you’re dating a really great woman.
You love her and in your mind you see you and her being together for a long time, except there’s one major problem…
She is still in love with her ex.
The question going through your mind right now may be, “If my girlfriend is still in love with her ex, do I even stand a chance with her? Can I get her to forget him, or will I end up losing her?”
Well, that depends…
Are You Her Rebound Guy?
As much as you might hate to admit it to yourself, if you’re saying, “My girlfriend is still in love with her ex,” then you’re probably asking yourself, “Am I her rebound guy?”
There are many definitions for “rebound guy” but the simplest definition according to the Urban Dictionary is:
Rebound guy: A rebound guy is someone who you date or go out with to keep yourself busy, and you use him to keep your mind off your ex who you still have feelings for.
This doesn’t mean that your girlfriend doesn’t have feelings for you.
However, if she is still in love with her ex, it means that he makes her feel more love, respect and attraction than you do…
If you are her rebound guy, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be her main man and get rid of her ex.
You can, but you have to focus on giving her a better attraction experience than he ever could.
At the moment, she is probably attracted to you because you are filling certain gaps that were missing in her previous relationship with her ex.
For example: If her ex was a self-absorbed guy who took her for granted, she may be attracted to you because you are a nice guy who treats her like a princess.
On the down side, if you’re too nice to her and lack the balls that she finds attractive in a man (e.g. you let her decide everything, you are too generous to her, you treat her so nicely even though she treats you badly, you don’t know how to put her back in her place in a loving, but assertive way), she will miss that from her ex.
She will start to compare how he made her feel compared to you and even though you are being good to her, she will feel more drawn to him because the attraction she felt for him was much more enjoyable.
Women know that a guy who is super nice to them is usually hiding something.
What is he hiding?
The fact that he can’t really attract other women by choice, so he overcompensates by being really nice, giving and sweet in the hopes that the woman will be happy.
Yet, although she might like being treated like a princess for a while, she just won’t be feeling a strong spark of sexual attraction for him because he lacks the balls that she needs a man to have around her.
Are You Making Her Feel Attracted to Him?
Many guys unknowingly push their girlfriend into the arms of another man or a former flame, by being insecure.
Watch this video for an example…
For example: If feel insecure about her still being in love with her ex, she will feel turned off by your emotional weakness.
If she then remembers how confident he used to be about his attractiveness to her, she will focus on the fact that she is now with a guy who feels like he isn’t good enough for her.
Women hate that.
What a woman wants is a man who remains confident in his attractiveness to her no matter what she or anyone else says or does.
It’s not about being arrogant, showing off or putting the other guy down.
Instead, it just about having that relaxed confidence in yourself where you know that you are the man and that her ex guy isn’t better than you.
If you doubt that for a second, she will pick up on it and it will turn her off.
So, be strong, otherwise you will be making her feel attracted to him and as a result, she will feel like she is more in love with him than you.
She is Forgetting a Lot of the Negatives About Him
Now that she’s dating you, he is no longer treating her badly like he used to, so it’s easy for her to focus on his positives and forget his negatives.
If you are being insecure, clingy or needy, she won’t be feeling attracted to you and will begin to focus on your bad qualities in comparison to him.
Attraction has a funny way of messing with our minds (just think about how you suddenly think, feel and act when you see naked women), so if your girlfriend is feeling attracted to her ex, she isn’t going to be thinking straight.
To stop her from wanting to be with him, you have to stop saying and doing the things that have been turning her off about you.
Once she sees that you make her feel the way she wants to feel (e.g. loved, appreciated, valued, taken care of, like she’s with a man who knows what he wants in life and isn’t afraid to go and get it), her ex will begin to fade in her mind because she will be getting what she needs from you.
You Have to Make Her Ex Pale in Comparison to You
Yes, it sucks having to be the guy who’s saying, “My girlfriend is still in love with her ex,” but just because she feels like that now, doesn’t mean you have to sit around in the sidelines and hope she’ll miraculously change her mind and decide that you’re the man she really loves.
You’ve got to start being the type of man that makes her ex-boyfriend pale in comparison to you.
Let her see by way of your behavior, actions, attitude and vibe that you are a way better man than her.
This doesn’t mean that you should suddenly be nicer to her than you already are, but instead, you need to focus on triggering her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you.
Right now, you have the advantage because she is already dating you. If you do the right things, she will naturally stop thinking about him and fall more deeply in love with you. To achieve that, make sure that you…
1. Don’t compare yourself with, or compete with her ex.
Yes, her ex is an ex for a good reason, and yes you’re probably a great guy in many ways that he’s not.
However, telling your girlfriend, “But, I’ve got such a great job and he is so broke” or, “What could you possibly see in that loser?” or, “How can you forget how badly he treated you? I do everything for you…I have always treated you so well” will unfortunately make you look insecure to her.
Even if all these things are true about her ex, the more insecure she perceives you as being, the bigger the “gap” in your attractiveness to her will grow and the more appealing her ex will look to her.
If you want your girlfriend to see you as being “better” than her ex, you have to BELIEVE that you are.
You can’t convince her with words or by badmouthing him. You have to show her with your actions, your body language and in your conversations with her.
2. Don’t try to make her feel sorry for you.
If you think saying to your girlfriend, “How can you do this to me?” or, “But, I love you so much and you’re hurting me” is going to make her suddenly realize that you’re the love of her life…you’re unfortunately wrong about that one. In fact, what’s more likely to happen is you’ll push her right back into the arms of her ex.
Women are attracted to the strength in men and repelled by weakness. Nothing is a bigger turn off for a woman than a guy who is “feeling sorry for himself”.
3. Don’t sit back and hope that she’ll eventually choose you.
Yes, you shouldn’t compete with her ex, but sitting around hoping she’ll choose you without making any effort to fix your issues and improve yourself, is just wishful thinking.
If you don’t know what things are attracting her to her ex and repelling her from you, you won’t know what “gaps” to fill.
- If you’re insecure, you have to work on becoming more self confident.
- If you let your girlfriend make all the decisions in the relationship, you have to take the lead and be the man in the relationship.
- If you’re needy and clingy, you have to work on fixing that and becoming more mentally and emotionally strong.
When your girlfriend sees that there’s nothing her ex can give her that you can’t, she will naturally begin to see you in a new light. She will begin to see you as the better option because you can make her feel the way she wants to feel in her relationship.
Do you know how to make your girlfriend feel the type of attraction that she really wants to feel?
If not, you need to focus on improving your ability to give her the attraction experience she really wants.
If you don’t, she will naturally feel attracted to other guys (or her ex) and will be wondering how she can end things with you, so she can get the attraction experience she really wants in a relationship.
Why Are You Putting Up With Her Lack of Love and Devotion to You?
You don’t ever have to settle for being second best in anyone’s life. If you’re saying, “My girlfriend is still in love with her ex,” it means that right now you’re settling for second place. Ask yourself why?
If right now you could date any woman you wanted, would you still be with your girlfriend? If your answer is “Yes” then clearly you love her and that’s okay.
By improving yourself and fixing any issues that are making you unattractive to her, you can make her feel a deeper respect and attraction for you. When she sees that you are better than her ex she will naturally realize that her feelings for him are nothing compared to how she feels about you.
On the other hand, if your answer is “no”, then you need to ask yourself why you’re putting up with a woman who is clearly not treating you with respect. Could it be that you lack belief in yourself and in your abilities to attract other (even better and hotter) women than her?
Alternatively, could the problem be that you simply don’t know how to get your girlfriend to feel a lot of love, respect and attraction for you?