When a guy contacts me to say, “My girlfriend said I’m not the one for her,” he’s usually assuming that it is her FINAL decision and that he can’t do anything to change how she feels.
Yet, after helping 100s of guys to bring dead relationships back to life or to get an ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife back – I know for sure that a woman’s feelings can change.
You need to get her to respect you again and she will then open herself up to feeling attracted to you (e.g. when you make her laugh, when you’re confident around her, when you’re charming, etc).
When she opens herself back up to feeling attracted to you again, she will then begin to reconnect with her love for you and when that happens, she will then begin to see you as being the one for her.
She will literally get to live out the classic Hollywood movie storyline where a relationship breaks up, changes happen, the couple then gets back together and fall even more madly in love than ever before.
They then live happily ever after with a new and improved relationship dynamic that naturally creates feelings of respect, sexual attraction and passionate love.
You can guide your girlfriend back into feeling love for you again by making her feel respect and attraction for you in new ways.
For example: If a boyfriend is being insecure, clingy, needy and controlling in a relationship with a woman, then he is behaving in a way that will destroy her feelings of respect, love and attraction for him.
However, if a boyfriend is emotionally strong and confident and is able to love her in an emotionally balanced and mature way, then he will be behaving in a way that naturally deepens her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him over time.
Did You Miss the Warning Signs?
These days, many guys don’t grow up around male role models who can teach them how to deepen a woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love over time.
Without that early education, some guys make the mistake of assuming that once they get a woman into a relationship and she says, “I love you” he can pretty much do whatever he wants (e.g. treat her badly, be insecure, cry to her, stop making progress in life, etc) and she will stick around no matter what.
Yet, that’s not how it works anymore.
In the past, women were completely dependent on men and had to stick by a man for life even if he treated her badly or if she was horribly unhappy. Back then, it was shameful to get divorced, so women just put up with their man and stuck out until death did them part.
In today’s world, a woman is allowed to get in and out of relationships (and even marriages) as often as she wants. She will be supported and encouraged by society and even the government.
So, for us modern men, the only way to keep a relationship together for life is to have the ability to deepen a woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love over time so she never wants to leave.
If you are unable to do that, your girlfriend will likely turn to you at some point and say that she doesn’t think you are the one for her.
Who is the one for her?
A guy who is able to make her feel deeper feelings of respect, attraction and love over time. A guy who makes her happy, proud and excited to be in love with him, rather than a guy who simply takes her for granted and expects her to stick around for life because things felt good at the start.
When a guy asks me, “Dan – my girlfriend said I’m not the one for her. How do I fix this?” he either lacks relationship experience or hasn’t yet been taught how to keep a relationship happy with a woman for life.
He has also either missed her signs of unhappiness in the relationship or chose to ignore them in the hope that she gets over it by remembering how good things used to be.
Yet, as you have probably discovered with your girlfriend – ignoring the issue doesn’t fix it.
You’ve got to do something about this, or else she will break up with you and move on with another guy who can make her feel the type of respect, attraction and love that she feels she deserves when in a relationship.
What She Really Means When She Says “You’re Not the One for Me”
When a woman says, “You’re not the one for me” it simply means that she doesn’t feel as though you have the ability to make her feel the way she wants when in a relationship.
For example: If a woman is beautiful, socially confident and determined to succeed in life, she is usually going to want to have a boyfriend who has similar qualities.
If she finds herself stuck in a relationship with an insecure guy who lacks confidence in social situations or a guy who doesn’t have enough belief in himself to follow through on his biggest goals and ambitions in life, she might start to feel as though she is too good for him.
She might complain to him that she always wants to hang out with friends, while he just wants to stay at home on the couch with her, or stay home alone and play video games.
She might also complain that she is making progress in her career, while he still doesn’t even know what he wants to do with his life. In situations like that, the woman will often say that she needs time alone to find herself, work on her life or she might even be more direct by telling her boyfriend, “You’re not the one for me.”
Making your girlfriend see you as the one is actually a very simple thing to do. You can make it complicated if you want, but it essentially boils down to this…
When you make your girlfriend feel the way that she wants to feel when in a relationship, she will automatically perceive you as being “the one” for her.
For example: If your girlfriend wants to be able to look up to you and respect you as her confident, emotionally strong man, you need to show her that you have now have changed and are that kind of man anymore.
When she sees that you are no longer insecure and are now a confident, emotionally strong man, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and will stop being in such a hurry to get herself away from you and the relationship.
Don’t Expect Her to Teach You
If your girlfriend doesn’t feel as though you’re the one for her, it means that you need to make some changes to how you think, behave and act around her.
Up to this point in the relationship, you will have been saying and doing things that have been turning her off and slowly ruining her feelings of respect and love for you.
Yet, this isn’t something that your girlfriend is going to want to discuss in detail because she won’t want to become your teacher in life on how to be a man.
Women want to have a ready made man, rather than having a confused guy that they need to guide and carry through life.
A big part of what attracts a woman to a man is his ability to be a man and take the lead in the relationship without needing her to carry him, or continually lift his spirits and reassure him that everything is okay.
Women are naturally attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by the weakness, so if a woman senses that her boyfriend is emotionally weak or confused about how to be a real man, she loses respect for him and ends up feeling more like his “mother” than his lover.
Feeling that way is a turn off for a girlfriend and she would rather just say, “I don’t feel the same way about you anymore” or “You’re not the one for me” than have to stick around to teach him how to be the man that she needs and wants him to be.
When You Make Her Feel Differently, Her Thinking and Behavior Will Change Too
What you need to do is begin thinking, talking, behaving and taking action in ways that are going to make her feel respect and attraction for you.
She’s not going to be interested in any conversations about love, commitment and promises that she made in the past, unless you can first get her respect back and then begin to make her feel attracted in new and exciting ways.
Not knowing this, many guys make some of the following mistakes when their girlfriend says, “You’re not the one for me”…
1. Begging and pleading for her to give him another chance.
This is a common reaction that guys have when they’re faced with the possibility of being dumped by a girlfriend.
A guy will often beg and plead because his girlfriend may have forgiven him and given him another chance in the past when he did it.
Yet, begging and pleading rarely works for long and even if it does work once, it doesn’t deepen a woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love!
Begging and pleading comes from emotional weakness and confusion about what it means to be a real man in a relationship with a woman.
Even if begging or pleading seems to “work” the first few times, it’s only because the woman is not ready to dump him yet (i.e. they are paying rent together, they work together or go to the same university, she hasn’t found a replacement guy yet, etc), which is why she “changes her mind” and gives him another chance for a while.
In reality though, she is gradually losing more and more respect and attraction for him and is continuing to close herself off from him emotionally until she is ready to fully break up with him.
Closing herself off from him (e.g. becoming less affectionate, not saying “I love you” as often or at all, not wanting to spend much time together, not answering all his calls or texts, etc) is a tactic that some women use to gradually make their boyfriend more and more secure, so when the break up finally happens, he is an emotional mess and she can move on feeling good about herself.
It sucks that some women would do that to guys, but the reality is that some guys do it to women as well.
The only way to avoid being treated badly by a woman and avoid getting dumped after being put through weeks or months of rejection, is to actually start being the sort of guy that she can look up to and respect, feel attracted to and feel excited to be in love with.
Watch this video to find out what you need to do…
What you need to understand is that you can CREATE new feelings of respect, attraction and love inside your girlfriend.
How she feels about you is pretty much within your control because it’s based on how you think, talk, feel, behave and act around her.
So, if you’re begging and pleading to her, it isn’t going to make her look at you and think, “Oh, how sweet. He’s begging and pleading. He must be the one for me after all.”
All it’s going to do is turn her off more because you are being emotionally weak and don’t even know what to say or do to make her feel attracted to you anymore.
She wants a ready made man, not a guy that isn’t ready for a woman like her.
You’ve got to make a decision today whether you are going to step up and become a better man, or just lose her because you didn’t want to improve or change.
2. Asking her to tell him what she needs him to do to make her change her mind.
When a woman is unhappy in a relationship, she will usually give her boyfriend a few chances to figure out what’s bothering her and then to take action and fix those things.
Yet, if he never figures it out and keeps asking her to tell him what to do to make her love him again, she will begin to pull away and become colder towards him, until she’s ready to completely break up with him.
When a woman gets to a point where she’s saying, “You’re not the one for me” it’s because she’s lost all hope that you will change and has closed herself off from the love that she used to feel for you.
It doesn’t mean that her love is completely dead, but that she’s simply no longer willing to try to connect with the love that she used to feel for you.
She doesn’t see the point of staying connected to the love because you’re not doing enough to make her feel the type of respect and attraction that will justify a decision to stick with you.
Your Actions Speak Louder Than Your Words
Right now you have several choices.
- Give up, let her dump you and then deal with the pain for months or years afterwards.
- Dump her, have sex with new women or get a new girlfriend and then move on before she does.
- Get her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, which will then lead her to reconnect with the love. From there, you will make the relationship even better than it ever was before.
- Get dumped and then go through the process of getting her back again.
So, what do you want to do?
If you want to keep the relationship together and avoid getting dumped, you need to…
1. Understand what is really causing her to lose love, respect and attraction for you.
- Have I been taking her for granted?
- Have I been clingy, needy and insecure?
- Have I been making her feel like a real woman (i.e. feminine, girly, free to be emotional)?
- Have I been going after my true potential in life like a real man?
- Have I been letting her “wear the pants” in the relationship?
Your answers will determine what you will need to fix and improve.
2. Begin thinking, behaving, talking and taking action in a more attractive way.
You don’t have to fix everything and be perfect to convince her to give you another chance, but you do have to show her that you’re working on your issues and improving yourself.
Are you prepared to do what it takes to keep your relationship alive?