Some guys who grow up without strong male role models in their life, end up getting their “dating” advice from their mother who may tell them things like, “If you want to get a decent girl to like you, you are going to have to be a nice guy.”
He will told that he needs to be a gentleman, be patient and essentially treat the woman like a Disney princess, even though she’s just a normal, everyday girl.
On top of all that, a guy will often overhear women say things like, “I wish I could just find a nice guy to date” or “Why are guys such jerks? All they’re interested in is sex. I just want a nice guy who cares about me.”
With all that combined, is it any wonder that millions guys across the globe grow up believing that being “nice” is the key to getting a woman and then keeping her interested when in a relationship?
Watch this video to understand some of the common lies that women tell men…and what they REALLY want men to do instead…
There’s nothing wrong with being a good man, but if you’re too nice to a woman (especially when doesn’t treat you well), she just won’t be able to respect you.
Women don’t actually want to be in the position of power in a relationship.
A woman wants you to respect her and treat her well, but she wants you to get her to respect you too.
If you can’t do that, she fears that she is with the kind of guy who will get walked all over in life (e.g. taken advantage of by bad people or manipulative friends, ignored for promotions at work, picked on).
Women don’t want to have that feeling when they are with their man.
So, if you’re saying, “My girlfriend said I’m too nice” you need to understand that women have a primal need to feel like a guy can protect them and keep them safe for life.
It’s not about being macho or being a tough guy.
Instead, you just need to have a bit more balls around her and stop letting her walk all over you.
There’s nothing wrong with being a good guy, but you just have to ensure that she is being respectful and nice to you too.
Don’t let it become a one-sided relationship where you are doing everything for her.
To be clear: You do not have to become a bad boy or treat her badly to keep her happy.
You can continue to be the good guy that you are, but you have to understand that she also needs to feel sexually attracted to you.
Being nice does not trigger feelings of sexual attraction inside of a woman, but being confident and making her feel girly in response to your masculinity does.
If you are too nice to her, too generous, too sweet and too gentle, then you will lack the all important ingredient of masculinity in your behavior and she will feel turned off.
Women only truly appreciate and feel turned on by sweet gestures from a man that they look up to and respect (i.e. he is the clear leader of the relationship, he is masculine in his thinking, behavior and actions, she feels like his woman rather than his mother or friend).
If you are trying to keep your woman happy by being sweet and nice, then it’s just not going to work.
Women need to feel sexually attracted to you and a big part of that comes from the very clear difference between you and her in terms of your energy.
If you are too sweet and nice, you will seem more feminine than masculine and since she is feminine too, she won’t feel like there is much of a difference between you and her.
It will feel like she is in a relationship with half a man, or a man who lacks the balls and masculinity she needs to feel attracted and turned on.
Nice Guy Confusion
Most of the guys in this world who label themselves as being “nice” really don’t know the difference between being a “nice” guy and a “good” guy.
A “nice” guy believes that to get a woman to like him and remain interested in him, he has to do whatever it takes to please her by being really nice, polite, gentlemanly and caring.
1. He must always be available to her.
Always putting her needs before his own is a common mistake that nice guys when trying in a relationship with a woman or even when trying to get a girl to become interested in dating him.
For example: Regularly canceling his own important plans to do something for her.
He might not go to see a sick friend or family member, put off an important meeting or cancel plans with friends just to run a small, unimportant errand for her, because he believes that he has to always put her needs first to keep her happy in the relationship.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that type of behavior usually makes a woman lose respect for a guy.
When in a relationship, a woman will test her boyfriend to see how much she can boss him around and control him.
If she realizes that he’s essentially her little puppy dog and will sit when she says sit, she then loses respect and attraction for him on an instinctive level.
Why? If he lets her push him around like that, will he be also be the type of guy who isn’t respected in the workplace and therefore misses out on promotions? Will he be the type of guy that his male friends pick on and look down on?
2. He must put up with her bad behavior.
Regardless of how much she loves, respects and feels attracted to her boyfriend, a woman will always continue to test him.
Testing him by behaving badly is her way of seeing how far she can push him and how much she can get away with.
For example: She might cancel her plans with him, not reply to his texts, hang up on him, throw tantrums, demand that he buy her expensive things, or flirt with other guys in front of him.
She will test to see how much he is willing to put up with just to be with her.
From the nice guy’s perspective, he assumes that he’s doing the right thing by showing her that he’s willing to put up with anything because he loves her so much.
Yet, from her perspective, he’s probably only putting up with her bad behavior because he knows how difficult it will be to get another girl to give him a chance.
3. He must spoil her and accept all her demands.
Nice guys believe that keeping a woman interested is about spoiling her, paying for everything and lavishing her with gifts.
Of course there’s nothing wrong with a guy occasionally getting his girlfriend a gift, but it has to be when he feels like doing it because she deserves it.
If he’s buying her gifts or taking her out for expensive dinners, etc., because he thinks that it will please her and she’ll then remain interested in him, it’s likely that she’ll end up using him for what she can get out of him and then dump him when he can’t keep up with her demands.
4. He must constantly stay in touch with her.
Some nice guys believe that texting and phoning their girlfriend all the time is the best way to let her know how important she is to him.
However, this behavior simply never allows her to miss him and instead makes him come across as being needy and insecure.
There’s nothing wrong with being available to talk or text with your girlfriend, but if you’re the type of guy who “insta replies” (replies instantly to everything she sends you), she’s never going to have the emotional time and space to miss you and really want your reply.
5. He must let her make all the decisions and let her dictate the pace of the relationship.
This is a common mistake that nice guys make in relationships. He believes that to keep a woman happy in a relationship, he has to hand over all the power to her.
When a woman ends up being forced to lead a relationship, she gradually stops feeling respect and attraction for her man. She might like having all the power for a while, but when she realizes that she’s essentially taking on the role of “mother” or “big sister” or of “the man” in the relationship, it turns her off at a deep and instinctive level.
If you’re behaving in any of the nice guy ways outlined above, then you’ve made the fundamental mistake that guys make of believing that your niceness is what attracted you to her.
What you’ve failed to understand before reading this article is that it’s easy for a woman to find a “nice” guy out there because most guys in the world are nice guys or at least good guys.
However, what a woman really wants is a good guy who can also make her feel sexually attracted, respectful towards him and fall more deeply in love with him every day that they spend together.
My Girlfriend Said That I’m Too Nice. What Did She Mean?
If your girlfriend said that you’re too nice to her, she’s trying to give you a hint that you don’t need to kiss her ass as much as you have been. You need to have a bit more balls and stop letting her push you around.
It’s not about becoming disrespectful, rude or treating her mean, but simply about being more masculine and ballsy.
Whether she is a young girl or a mature woman, your girlfriend wants to feel feminine and girly in contrast to your strength and masculinity.
She can’t feel that way if you’re suppressing your masculinity because you’re being a super nice guy around her instead.
You don’t have to become a bad boy or a jerk, but just stop being so agreeable, nice, polite and overly considerate about everything.
Try to be more real around her, rather than thinking that you need to be Mr. Perfect or Prince Charming.
If your doesn’t start feeling more sexually attracted to you soon, she’ll simply end up seeing you more as her friend rather than as her man. If she doesn’t feel sexually attracted to you, then she’ll definitely lose interest in having sex with you.
So, if you’re saying, “My girlfriend said I’m too nice” you have to understand that this is her way of saying she’s not feeling the way she wants to feel when she’s with you.
Even though your girlfriend may love you, if she’s not feeling sexually turned on by you, she will eventually give you the, “I think we should just be friends” speech.
She will then go out and find herself another guy who can make her feel the way she wants to feel in a relationship.
In the past, women had to choose one man stick with him for life because pre-marital sex ways forbidden.
Yet, in today’s world, a woman is free to get in and out of relationships until she feels ready to settle down or feels like she’s met the one for her.
By the way…
Even if your girlfriend initially referred to you as “the one,” it doesn’t mean that she will continue to see you that way if you no longer make her feel the way that she really wants to feel when in a relationship.
To keep a relationship together in today’s world, you’ve got to be able to deepen a woman’s feelings of respect, love and attraction for you over time, rather than taking her for granted and expecting her to stick around because she loved you so much in the beginning.
Saying that you’re “too nice” is your girlfriend’s way of telling you that she needs you to change…very soon.
She wants you to be a confident and emotionally strong man who can make her feel intense sexual attraction, rather than just being a really nice man who makes her feel like a nice friend.
If you ignore what she is saying now, you might become one of the guys who write to me saying, “My girlfriend dumped me and I don’t know why. Please help!”
- Does interacting with you make your girlfriend feel excited, attracted and in love, or has she been feeling like your big sister or best friend?
- Has your relationship been filled with intimacy, sex and lustful emotions or has it all been too friendly, gentle and nice?
- Does your girlfriend feel turned on by you and your actions, or is she feeling bored with the approach that you’ve been using lately?
- Do you have a masculine/feminine relationship dynamic where you are clearly the man and she is clearly the girl, or are you drifting along together like nice, equal friends?
One of the keys to getting your girlfriend to feel attraction for you is by creating a relationship dynamic where she feels like your woman (or your girl).
A woman wants to feel as though she can rely on you to be her confident, masculine man all the time rather than feeling as though you aren’t prepared to be that strong and masculine and just want to be neutral around her like a friend.
As you may know, life is often very challenging and a woman needs to know that when things get difficult, you’ll be mentally and emotionally strong enough to stand up and take care of yourself and her.
She doesn’t want to feel as though you’re going to be “too nice” and worried about taking the lead or asking for what you want because you’re afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings or of coming across as being a badass.
Be a Strong, Good Guy Rather Than a Weak, Nice Guy
When your girlfriend says that you’re being too nice, she’s simply telling you she needs you to be more of a man in the relationship.
Rather than being a pushover for her and other people (which makes her feel like she has to protect YOU), she wants to know that you are her man, she is your woman and you are capable of taking care of her and yourself.
So, instead of sitting around saying, “My girlfriend said I’m too nice,” you need to focus on making her attracted to you and respectful of your masculinity.
Don’t make the “nice guy” mistake of handing over your power to her and hoping she plays nice in return.
Women secretly hate it when they have to lead a man and take on the role of “the man” in a relationship.
What women are really looking for in a man is a good guy who they can love, respect and feel attracted to for life, not a nice guy who they disrespect and feel hardly any love or attraction for.