Here are 4 things you can do to turn things around and start cruising back uphill to get your ex back:
1. Understand that there are ways you can get her back
When a guy gets broken up, his friends and family will often want to make him feel better by trying to get him to forget about her and move on.
As a result, the main advice he will get will be something along the lines of, “Just give it time. It’s natural to feel down after a break up, but it’s not the end of the world. Take up a new hobby to distract yourself and once things have cooled off, she might start missing you and come back again” or, “Get yourself a new girl and she will come running back.”
Although that kind of advice can work for some guys, it doesn’t work for all.
In fact, ignoring her or trying to find a new girlfriend can cause a guy to feel even worse when he notices that, not only is his ex not coming back to him, but she is happily moving on with another guy.
This is why you need to use an updated, more approach to getting your ex back that actually works on today’s women.
Fortunately, today there are many more options available to you than just making your ex feel jealous, or waiting around for her to start missing you.
You can take control of the ex back process and make her actively want to be your girl again.
By doing the types of things that will quickly reactivate your ex’s sexual and romantic feelings for you.
- By maintaining your confidence with her no matter how she behaves or what she says to you.
- By making her laugh and smile and feel good when she’s interacting with you.
- By showing her, via your actions and attitude, that you have improved in some of the ways that are important to her.
That way, she naturally feels as though letting you go for real will be a big mistake.
Focus on that.
The next thing you need to do is…
2. Prepare yourself before beginning the ex back process
Essentially, what this means is that before you make contact with your ex and try to get her back, you need to first understand her real, sometimes even secret reasons for breaking up with you.
If you don’t, you will likely end up offering her things that she doesn’t want and as a result, she will continue saying things like, “No. I told you that I’m not interested. Please stop bothering me. Getting back together is just not going to happen.”
For example: A guy might…
Offer to spend more time with his ex rather than pursuing his own interests or hobbies or hang out with his friends, but what she actually wants is for him to be more emotionally masculine and not be so emotionally dependent on her.
Promise to be more helpful around the house (e.g. take out the garbage, help with the washing and cleaning up), but what she really wants is for him to treat her more like a desirable, sexy woman rather than his neutral friend.
Be extra nice and sweet when he’s with her, but what she wants is for him to be more assertive and take the lead in the ex back process and then when he gets her back, in the relationship.
So, as you can see, understanding what your ex really wants from you is a very important step to getting her back.
If you don’t, you may end up convincing her even more that she made the right decision to break up with you.
By the way…
If you’re currently wondering, “How do I find out what her real reasons for breaking up with me are? Should I just ask her to tell me?” the answer is, absolutely not!
If you want your ex to spell things out for you, you will end up turning her off even more. Why?
Women don’t want to be responsible for shaping you into the man that you need to become.
Essentially, a woman doesn’t want to be your teacher in life and tell you how to think, act and behave to make her respect you, feel sexually attracted to you and love you.
So, how else can you figure out what she really wants if you can’t ask her?
You can ask yourself some questions that will naturally and easily help you better understand what your ex wants from you in a relationship with you, so that you can begin giving her those things as you interact with her from now on.
For example: Ask yourself…
- What aspects of my attitude, thinking and behavior initially attracted her to me (e.g. was it my confidence, my great sense of humor, my emotional masculinity, my drive and determination)?
- Did I continue to act, think and behave in those attractive ways throughout our relationship, or did I slowly slip into behaving in unattractive ways (e.g. feeling insecure and becoming needy and clingy as a result, treating her more like a roommate than the woman I can’t keep my hands off, taking her for granted and expecting her to do everything for me without doing things back in return)?
- Did I try to get her to accept things about me that just weren’t attractive to her (e.g. displaying annoying habits that she clearly didn’t like, becoming too jealous and angry, being too emotionally sensitive, sulking or giving her the silent treatment when things didn’t go my way)?
By answering those questions, you will begin to get a clearer understanding of what you need to adjust in order to properly re-attract your ex.
Then, once you know what you need to do…
3. Start the ex back process
When you better understand some of the issues that caused your ex to break up with you and have adjusted your approach accordingly (e.g. you’re now more confident and self-assured, more emotionally masculine, less unsure of your value to her), your next step is to interact with her on a phone call or in person and show her that you’re a different man now.
For example: One of the ways you can do that is by calling her on the phone and using some humor to make her smile, laugh and bring down her defenses.
Don’t try to talk about the relationship, or attempt to get her to agree to giving you another chance.
Instead, focus on saying and doing the types of things that will spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you (e.g. being ballsy and confident, flirting with her to create sexual tension) and make her want you back for her own reasons (i.e. because she feels good)
Then, once she has dropped her guard a little bit and is feeling more relaxed and happy to be talking to you, say something along the lines of, “Well this has been fun. It’s really nice to see that we can actually talk as friends, rather than being tense or hostile towards each other. So, based on that, let’s meet up sometime this week and say hello in person… as friends only, of course.”
In most ex back cases, the woman will be a little bit resistant at first (e.g. because she doesn’t want to come across as being desperate, she doesn’t want to make it easy for him to get her back).
She may even say things like, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” or “I’m sorry, but I think it’s best to not see each other in person again.”
However, regardless of how she responds, just maintain your confidence with her and say something like, “Hey, it’s just a quick catch up to say hello in person, as friends. It’s no big deal and it definitely doesn’t mean that if you agree to meet up with me, I’m going to assume you want to get back together again. I accept that we’re broken up and I have no intention of making you do anything you don’t want to do. Instead, it’s just two friends having a quick cup of coffee together. So, now that we’ve cleared all that up, which day are you free? I have some time available on Monday or Wednesday.”
She will then likely agree to see you in person, even if it’s just to prove to you that she can be as mature about the break up as you’re being.
You can then go ahead and arrange a time that is suitable for you both.
Then, once you see her in person, you can…
4. Get her back and enjoy life with her from then on
At the meet up you must continue to use your new and improved approach with her.
For example: Your approach might include some of the following things…
Being confident and self assured regardless of what she says or does to make you feel nervous, tense or unsure of your chances of ever getting her back.
Flirting with her to create some sexual tension between you.
Making her smile and laugh and turning her negativity into something that you can both laugh about together.
Being a good guy to her without being a pushover or letting her dominate you with her confident personality.
Holding your ground with her in an assertive, yet loving way when she tries to control the interaction (e.g. by telling you what to do).
When you make her feel surges of respect and attraction for you again, she will naturally begin to open up to the idea of giving you another chance.
Then, when the time is right, hug her or kiss her, hook up with her sexually, get the relationship back together and enjoy the good times ahead.
Get Your Life Back On Track Faster By Avoiding These Common Ex Back Mistakes
Right now, you feel like your life has gone downhill since your woman left you, but if you want to, you can start going uphill again.
In fact, you can even get her back if you want to.
It all depends on your approach.
When you think, act and behave in emotionally strong, confident and attractive ways, you automatically become more appealing to your ex.
On the other hand, if you think, act and behave, in unattractive ways, you end up pushing her away even more and that keeps you stuck on the downhill path.
So, if you don’t want to stay on that path any longer, make sure you avoid making the following mistakes with your ex from now on:
1. Focusing on the pain you feel without her in your life
There’s no denying that it sucks to be broken up with.
It’s also understandable that you might think things like, “Losing her is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. My life has gone downhill since she left me. Everything about the future looks empty and pointless. I don’t see why I should continue pursuing my goals now that she’s no longer here to share in my successes. I wish there was something I could do to make her change her mind, but she seems determined not to be my girl anymore. It’s over and I need to accept it.”
Yet, by thinking that way, not only are you staying stuck in an emotional state where you feel unhappy all the time, you’re also preventing yourself from moving forward and becoming the kind of man who can easily attract her back (e.g. confident, determined, capable of turning difficult situations in life into something positive).
As a result, when you then interact with you ex over the phone, in person, or even if she just sees your sad, lonely posts and pictures on social media, she will automatically feel turned off by what she perceives as your emotional weakness and inability to cope with your problems in life like a real man.
She then feels even more sure of her decision to leave you.
You don’t want that to happen.
This is why, if you want your ex back for real, you can’t allow your feelings of loss to paralyze you and stop you from living a happy, successful life with or without her.
If you do, not only will you continue feeling like your life is going downhill, you will also potentially ruin your chances of getting her back.
So, stop focusing on the pain of the situation and only focus on what is required to get your girl back.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Focusing on the problems you’ve experienced since the break up and feeling hopeless to turn things around
If you spend most of your time thinking things like, “My life is just falling apart without her. Nothing seems to be going my way anymore. It’s like she was my lucky charm and now that she’s gone, everything is crumbling around me. I feel so stuck and hopeless and like nothing is ever going to get better for me,” then you’re only focusing on the problems, rather than looking for a solution.
As a result, you stay stuck in a negative cycle where you continue to dwell on how terrible your life is without her and how you don’t believe things will ever get better.
That isn’t going to help you recover and get her back.
So, what can you do instead?
Focus on thinking, acting and behaving in ways that will reactivate your ex’s sexual and romantic feelings for you so that you can get her back.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that is by…
- Being confident and believing in your attractiveness and value to her regardless of what she said when she broke up with you or since the break up, to put you down.
- Making progress on your goals and dreams in life rather than staying stuck in a rut and doing nothing just because she’s gone.
- Using interactions with her to make her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you again, rather than being serious or even sad and depressed and turning her off as a result.
- Flirting with her every time you interact with her to create sexual tension rather than being on your best behavior and giving her the impression that you’re no longer interested in her.
The more you stop focusing on your problems and instead take action to make yourself feel better, the more likely it is that you’ll begin to notice things getting better around you.
Suddenly your ex begins to look at you with more positive eyes and then getting her back becomes easy for you to do, because she’s open to you.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Not knowing that it is possible to turn things around with her
It’s understandable that when a woman leaves a guy and possibly says something along the lines of, “Please accept that what we had is over. I really don’t love you anymore and nothing that you can say or do can change that,” he might start believing that getting her back is impossible.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because your ex woman is saying that she doesn’t have feelings for you right now, it doesn’t mean she will feel the same way a week from now after you’ve reactivated her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
So, don’t give up based on what she’s saying now.
You really can change how she feels and get her back, if you want to.
So, focus on using interactions with her to reactivate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you and you’ll be surprised at how quickly she can go from saying things like, “It’s over,” to saying, “Maybe I made a mistake.”
Another mistake to avoid making is…
4. Remaining stuck in grief, sadness and loneliness for years
Sometimes a guy will feel so emotionally damaged after a break up that he ends up staying stuck in his misery and despondency much longer than he needs to.
In some cases, it might be years before he feels ready to even go out and have fun with his friends and meet new people.
In the meantime, he’s not only lost out on some of the best years of his life, he’s also more than likely lost the chance to get his ex woman back.
If he then tries to make himself available to meet new women, he usually feels so rusty and unsure of himself that he ends up turning women off with his approach.
Alternatively, if he attempts to contact his ex to see if she’s available, he almost certainly discovers that she has already moved on and is in another relationship (possibly even engaged or married), or is simply happy being single and sleeping with different guys whenever she wants to.
He’s then left feeling sad, lonely and hopeless all over again.
Don’t let that guy be you, where you stay stuck in a negative cycle for months or years and lose out on getting your ex back, or finding yourself another, even better woman than her.
What you need to understand right now is that healing from a break up doesn’t have to take you very long at all.
In most cases, a guy can get himself ready to confidently re-attract his ex woman in one week or less.
So, rather than remaining stuck in grief, sadness and loneliness for months and years, focus instead on improving your approach to attraction.
Then interact with your ex over the phone and especially in person, reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
Another mistake to avoid is…
5. Becoming unattractive to other women because of the emotional pain you unconsciously communicate when interacting with them
Have you ever noticed a guy who every time he interacts with a woman, he ends up talking about his ex with her.
For example: A guy like that might say things like, “I haven’t been able to cope very well since my ex broke up with me,” or “My life has gone downhill since she left me,” or “She really broke my heart and it’s been difficult to move on.”
Alternatively, he might just appear unsure of himself around women.
Basically, he just goes around projecting an image of himself that is unattractive, insecure, despondent and hopeless.
As a result, he ends up getting rejected by the women he approaches, which then makes him feel even more unworthy.
You can’t let that happen to you.
You have to stop believing that your life has gone downhill since she left you and start believing in yourself and your ability to re-attract her, or any other woman you want.
When you change your mind about yourself (i.e. stop thinking about yourself as unable to cope without your ex), things in your life will begin to change too.
So, don’t waste any more time allowing the emotional pain you’re feeling to ruin your chances with other women or from getting your ex back.
Your life going back uphill is your choice now.
You can continue going downhill, or turn things around and head right to the destination you really want.