If your wife is nagging you, it’s easy to just put the blame on her and assume that she’s being annoying.
Yet, rather than writing it off as her simply being a moody woman, or wasting time getting mad or frustrated about it, what you need to do is understand the real reason for it, make the appropriate changes and you can then get on with enjoying a happy, harmonious marriage once again.
So, let’s have a look at some of the common reasons why a wife will nag her husband…
3 Behaviors That May Be Causing Your Wife to Nag You
The most common reasons why a wife will nag her husband, is when…
1. He gives up trying to be the man, hands over his position of power and just lets her wear the pants
No matter how confident, independent or demanding a woman is, she doesn’t want to get stuck in a situation where her man gives up trying to be the leader of the relationship and just lets her take over.
For example: It’s completely normal for a couple to have the occasional argument, especially when it comes to who is charge of making decisions.
However, when arguments happen often, a husband may make the mistake of giving away too much power to his wife, without realizing that she doesn’t really want to be in that position over him at all.
Rather than get into a big argument about something or end up being criticized by his wife for not doing something perfectly, he will simply step back and just let her do everything her way.
In his mind, he will assume that he is being a good, loving husband who doesn’t want to annoy his wife, “I’ll just let her do it. Then she’ll be happy and she won’t fight with me or nag me.”
Yet, rather than make her happy, she ends up nagging him even more. Why?
Regardless of how capable a woman is of leading the way, she doesn’t want to get stuck having to wear the pants in her romantic relationship with a man. It’s fine to take on that role at work, but not at home.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she has to lead her husband around and take on the role of being “the man,” or worse, have to take on the role of “mothering” him for the rest of her life.
A wife wants her husband to be emotionally masculine (i.e. take the lead, be the protector, be the emotionally strong one, etc), so that she can relax and feel feminine in comparison to his masculinity.
Being masculine doesn’t mean being domineering or treating a woman like she’s a useless young girl who needs a daddy figure in her life. It simply means taking on the lead in the relationship, while still taking her opinions, needs and wants into consideration.
If a husband gives up trying to be the man and expects his wife to take on that role, she won’t feel like a real woman and she will end up losing respect for him, which will then cause her to nag him, argue with him and throw annoying tantrums.
When a woman stops respecting her man, she eventually also stops feeling attraction for him, and if she doesn’t respect him and feel attraction for him, she will then fall out of love with him.
So, if you’re in a position at the moment where your wife effectively calls the shots, you need to get that power back asap. She doesn’t want to be in that position over you and if it goes on for too long, you might get the, “I want to separate” or worse, “I want a divorce” one day.
2. He takes her for granted.
Life can get really busy at times and once a man gets married, he may begin to feel the pressure of his new responsibilities as a husband.
This may lead to him doing more and more to be a good husband and provider for his wife and family (i.e. working longer hours, trying to start a business in his free time, etc).
Although his intentions are good, if he doesn’t make sure that he still puts in some effort to make his wife feel appreciated, she may begin to feel restless while she waits for him to achieve whatever it is he is trying to achieve.
She might say something like, “You’re always working late. Your job is more important to you than I am. When was the last time we went out for a date night? I work too and I still have to come home and cook and clean, but where are you? You’re never here. I’m not your maid you know, I’m your wife!”
Naturally he might think, “Here we go again! Everything I do is for her, but she never appreciates it! I have to work my ass off to provide all the nice things that she wants. Yet, does she ever appreciate that? No! She nags and complains instead!”
It’s normal and admirable for you to want to be a better provider for your wife and family.
Yet, even more import than being a good provider, for your marriage to flourish, it is essential that you also put in some effort to deepen the love, respect and attraction between you and her rather than take it for granted and assume that a big fancy house, or more “things” are more important to her than feeling loved, appreciated and valued by you.
Unlike women from 1900, today’s women aren’t so worried about the idea of getting divorced.
All a modern woman has to do is turn on a TV drama show and she’ll see a storyline of an unhappy wife leaving her husband, finding a new man and looking so much happier in the end.
If she listens to music, she’ll hear female pop, country, hip hop or rock songs about breaking up with a man and moving on.
If she watches a TV talk show, she’ll see female celebrity guests talking about how they are so much happier now that they’ve gone through with the divorce.
If she listens to women at work, she will hear stories of how they left their husband and are so much happier now.
So, it’s a different ball game in today’s world.
Back in 1900 for example, the divorce rate was less than 10% across the developed world. Women were dependent on men and it was seen as shameful and wrong to get a divorce, so it rarely happened, even if the couple wasn’t happy.
To keep a marriage (or relationship for that matter) together in today’s world, a man needs to be able to deepen a woman’s feelings of love, respect and attraction for him over time.
He just can’t take her for granted and expect that she will stick around because she said, “I do” on the wedding day.
It sucks, but that’s the reality of modern life.
You either have the ability to keep your wife feeling attracted to you, respectful of you and in love with you, or you don’t.
3. He stops following through on his goals and ambitions in life.
Another example of when a woman nags is when she feels that her man isn’t living up to his full potential in life.
For example: Her husband might come home from a long day at work and, just to unwind, he will sit down in front of the TV and vegetate all night.
In his opinion, he’s just letting off a bit of steam from a long, hard day and he has no idea why she would constantly nag him about that; especially when she knows how difficult his job can be and how he is only doing it to be able to keep paying the bills.
Yet, if he digs deeper, he might find that she wants him to help her out with some of the housework (e.g. take out the garbage, help make dinner once in a while, etc) especially if she also has a full time job.
She might also just want to have more of a balance in their life where the two of them go out together more often.
Alternatively, she might feel annoyed that he is settling for a dead-end job and doing just enough to get by and have a comfortable life, instead of rising through the levels of life and reaching for his true potential as a man.
She may not be able to express that to him in a clear way, so she resorts to nagging him about watching too much TV in the hopes that he will pick up the real meaning and make changes to his behavior.
Is it All My Fault That My Wife Nags Me?
However, as the man, you need to be the one who “steers the ship” or “leads the dance” in your relationship, so to speak.
You can’t expect her to take on the leading role by fixing her own behavior, fixing whatever is making her nag you and then guide both you and her into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction for you.
It’s not enough for you to just be a good man who wants the best for your wife.
Instead, you’ve got to be able to make her feel the respect, attraction and love for you that will make her want to stay in a relationship.
For example: If a husband was initially confident when he met his wife and was determined to succeed in life, but he ended up becoming an insecure man who had given up on trying to achieve his biggest ambitions and dreams, his wife isn’t going to say, “Wow! What a great man I have ended up with!”
To get her to respect him and feel attracted to him again, he simply needs to begin rebuilding his self-confidence and start making good progress towards achieving his ambitions and goals.
He doesn’t have to become perfect overnight, but he has to at least show his wife that he is making progress and that he isn’t going to give up until he achieves what he is setting out to do.
What is She Trying to Tell You By Nagging So Much?
Most women won’t come out and tell you what is bothering them and will instead use hints, arguments, tantrums or nagging as a way of conveying their unhappiness about something to their husband (or fiancé or boyfriend).
For this reason, many men often ask me, “Why do women have to be so difficult? Why can’t they just come out and say what they really mean? Wouldn’t that be better than being a nag all the time?”
Although that’s how we men behave, women are different.
A woman doesn’t want to have to spell things out for her man because she doesn’t want to teach him how to be a man.
A woman wants her man to be able to figure out for himself what is wrong and then make it right like a real man would. She wants to be able to look up to him and respect him as her man.
She doesn’t want to have to train him to become the man she wants, or have to wait for years in the hope that he’ll finally understand and behave in the ways she needs him to.
So, rather than sitting him down and having a masculine, man-to-man conversation, she will simply nag him until he changes his behavior or thinking, and if this doesn’t work, she will eventually lose respect, attraction and love for him and she will break up with him or divorce him.
If you’re saying, “My wife nags me,” it’s highly likely that you’re currently unable to see things from her feminine perspective.
Yet, if you take some time to decipher her “coded messages,” you might discover that she has a point and that, unintentionally, you’ve slipped into certain behaviors or ways of thinking that are making her lose respect for you as a man.
This is A Great Opportunity to Deepen the Love Between You and Her
When you take the time to understand where your wife is coming from, you’re likely to realize that she’s not trying to be a bad person.
You might be a really good man and have the best of intentions, but if she’s nagging you and getting on your case, there will be a very clear for reason for it.
So, rather than feel frustrated and thinking to yourself, “My wife nags me and she’s driving me crazy!” pay attention and you will undoubtedly find ways to improve your relationship with her and deepen the respect, love and attraction she feels for you.
For example: If a wife is nagging her husband about tiny, insignificant things all the time, it’s often just her way of letting him know that the balance of power is out of sync in their relationship.
Rather than get frustrated or cower and give into her demands, a husband in that situation can simply smile, laugh at her for being so dramatic about such an insignificant thing and then take the lead to fix the problem.
When she sees that he no longer gets frustrated or intimidated by her nagging, she will begin to respect him again and relax back into her feminine position (i.e. in the “one down position” in the relationship where she is the less dominant one).
Remember: You are the man in the relationship and if you lead, she will naturally be able to relax and be the feminine woman that she really wants to be when she’s with you.
When she feels the way she wants to feel, her nagging will begin to slow down and then stop.
She might test you every now and then by throwing a tantrum or nagging, but just remain calm, smile, have a little laugh and then take the lead to fix the problem or deal with the situation.