No contact doesn’t work in most situations and simply results in the woman moving on.
The best approach for men who want a woman back, is to engage in some post breakup contact to re-attract her and get her back.
Here are 7 ways to make post breakup contact work:
1. First give her 3 to 7 days of space
The benefits of giving a woman a few days of space post breakup are:
- It allows for things to settle down after the breakup (i.e. emotions get back under control because they aren’t interacting all the time and pushing each other’s buttons).
- It allows a woman to stop focusing on all the reasons why she broke up with her guy (e.g. the stress of fighting all the time, not feeling attracted to him any more, being turned off by some of his actions and behaviors) and begin to miss some of the things about him that she does like (e.g. his sense of humor, the way he always treated her well, the feeling of being taken care of).
- In a case where a woman broke up with a guy because he had become too needy and clingy in the relationship, a few days of space is the perfect amount of time to show her that he has changed and isn’t being a desperate ex boyfriend who can’t let go.
- It gives a guy time to quickly level up his understanding of what makes a woman feel attracted so she wants to stay in a relationship. He can then re-attract her when he talks to her again after a few days and get the relationship back together again.
So, don’t be afraid to give her a bit of space initially.
Important: Don’t make the mistake of thinking that if 3 to 7 is good, then longer will be even better.
After a week of not hearing from her ex, most women usually assume that he’s not interested anymore and put in the effort to move on, usually by hooking up with and dating other men.
2. Use the space to prepare yourself to contact her and attract her in new ways
A common mistake that guys make is spending the 3 to 7 days apart from their ex just thinking about her and missing her.
The guy doesn’t prepare himself to re-attract her in new and interesting ways (i.e. learn how to be more playfully challenging to make her laugh, feel excited and attracted).
Instead, he breaks the ice and does something like this:
- Send his ex flowers or a cute gift (e.g. teddy bear, box of chocolates).
- Send an emotional text to apologize for what happened and tell her how much he’s missed her.
- Show up at her place of work or home so they can discuss the relationship and what they can do to work things out.
- Ask her to go out on a date with him, where he intends to try and convince her to give him another chance.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that approaches like those only work if a woman is sexually attracted to and romantically in love with, or falling in love with, a man.
If she has disconnected from her feelings for him those approaches will feel forced, stale, desperate, unwelcome, weird or awkward to her.
As a result, she doesn’t feel motivated to interact with him further and may even ask him for some space so she can move on without him.
So, what should you do instead?
Make real changes so you become more emotionally attractive to her and then let her experience it.
- If the old version you tended to be nice, polite and gentle around her, let her experience a more assertive side to you now. Continue being a good guy, but don’t let her get away with behaviors that she used to get away with before (e.g. being moody, uncommunicative, grumpy, closed off). Be courageous enough to take the lead, be assertive (in a loving way) and be a bit rougher (in a loving way, not in a hateful or mean way) when touching her. In other words, touch her like a bad boy would, rather than touching her like a soft, wimpy, nice guy would.
- If the old you allowed her to get away with bad behavior (e.g. if she was in a bad mood she’d withhold her affection and you’d just accept that to avoid an argument or to not upset her), the new you stands up to her (in a loving way) when she’s out of line. You’re still loving and affectionate, but you don’t allow her to push you around or dominate you with her confident personality.
- If the old you thought that being a couple was mostly about being good friends, the new you understands that friendship isn’t enough to create a sexual spark. For a woman to want to stay in a relationship with a man she has to feel sexy and desirable when she’s with him, not like his buddy or best friend.
These are just a few examples of how to attract your ex in new ways and make her want to be a couple again.
3. Let her see you enjoying life via your social media posts
You can do that by…
- Updating your profile photo to one where you are smiling and laughing and surrounded by friends.
- Posting photos of yourself having fun with other people, or hanging out with friends at a party, the beach, a park, or an event (e.g. a festival, sports game).
- Removing any posts, photos or memes that indicate you are alone or feeling sad, lonely or lost since the breakup.
Doing this prior to contacting your ex is a good idea because she will likely check your social media (i.e. to see if you seem sad, desperate and lonely) before responding to you.
- If she sees that you’re getting on with your life without her, then you contacting her won’t feel like a desperate attempt to get her back.
- If one of the reasons why she broke up with you was because you had become too emotionally dependent on her (e.g. you wanted to spend all your free time together, stopped hanging out with your friends, neglected your goals and dreams in life and put her first above everything else), seeing you enjoying life without her will prove that you changed and become more independent now.
- If she’s been missing you and wondering if she made a mistake, seeing you looking happy and forward moving in life without her can cause her to feel jealous or like she’s losing you.
- If she sees that you’re not being a lonely, sad, rejected guy who can’t handle life without her, it can make her feel drawn to you and want to interact again to find out what made you change.
As a result, it makes it easier for you to interact with her so you can reactivate her feelings and get the relationship back together again.
BTW: Some guys worry that their ex girlfriend will assume he’s over her and is no longer interested in getting back together, if he seems to be confident, happy and enjoying life without her.
Yet, in reality, the majority of women are more attracted to men who can be confident, happy and forward moving in life with or without a girlfriend at their side.
So, don’t be afraid to let your ex see you looking confident, happy and enjoying life without her.
4. Try calling her and if she doesn’t answer, send her a voice text
In the voice text you might say: “Hey, just thought I’d call to say hi. I hope you’ve been well. Text me back to say hi.”
Say this in a confident, manly, easygoing, but also slightly assertive tone of voice.
This is important because if you sound even a little bit insecure, hesitant, nervous and unsure of yourself, it will turn her off.
She then won’t feel motivated to respond to you.
In some cases like that, a guy will be tempted to send another and even another message to try and get her to reply to him and in the process, push her even further away.
Remember: Women are instinctively attracted to confidence and emotional strength in men and turned off by insecurity, nervousness and emotional weakness.
Additionally, if a woman broke up with a guy due to his lack of confidence and insecurity, the voice text will be her first indication whether he’s changed or not.
That will motivate her to either reply to him, or continue ignoring him.
5. If she texts back, text as though everything is cool between you and her
Like you did when you and her were a happy couple.
- Don’t be afraid to tease her in a playful way (e.g. if she asks, “What do you want?” you reply with, “I’ve been at work since the crack of dawn and I’m really sleepy. I want you to take me out for a cup of coffee so I can wake up,” or “I’m hungry. So, how about you make me some of those noodles you always made” and laugh with her about it).
- Don’t pretend you just want to be friends from now on. Instead, use flirting to make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman in your presence again and show her that you still find her attractive.
- Use playful humor to ease the tension between you and make her feel happy to be interacting with you again.
- Continue being a good guy to her, but also don’t be afraid to stand up to her, in an assertive, but loving way if she doesn’t treat you well in return (e.g. she’s disrespectful, moody or rude).
Let her see that the two of you still have a connection and that things can be good between you again.
6. Call her (audio or video) and make her feel attracted to the new and improved you
When you change and then interact with your ex so she can experience the new you for herself, it makes it a lot more difficult for her to hold on to her negative perception of you.
She can see you’re not talking about changing (i.e. promising to change if she gives you another chance).
Instead, you actually made changes and are now a more emotionally attractive man than before (e.g. more confident, more assertive, less needy).
As a result, she feels motivated to continue interacting with you to see where things go.
So, make sure that you do let your ex experience the new you on a call.
- If you want her to sense that you’re more confident now, you can do that by remaining calm, relaxed and in control when she tries to test you by being cold, distant or pretending not to be interested anymore.
- If you want her to pick up that you’re more of a challenge now, you can do that by not being too nice and agreeable all the time. Yes, you treat her well on the call, but you also have the balls to stand up to her when she doesn’t treat you with the respect you deserve.
- If you wanted her to see that you’re emotionally stronger now, you can do that by teasing her in a playful way when she creates drama.
The more she can see that you’re now the kind of man she always wanted you to be, the more motivated she becomes to see you in person.
7. Get her to meet up with you in person
If you spark enough of her feelings on the call, she will likely agree to see you again in person.
When you see her in person, make sure that you continue to say and do the types of things that spark her feelings of sexual attraction and romantic love for you (e.g. being confident, making her laugh and smile, flirting to create sexual tension between you).
Re-attract her and get the relationship back together.
Alternatively, just kiss or hook up with her at the end of the meetup and then continue building her feelings of attraction until she wants to reconcile again.
BTW: Don’t worry if she doesn’t want to meet up right away.
Most women act a bit hard to get initially because they don’t want to come across as being too easy.
So, just maintain your confidence and let it go for now.
Then, go back to posting on social media (e.g. more recent photos of you having fun with other people, especially other attractive women) and contact her again a week later.
On the call, tell her that you’re just catching up as friends and it doesn’t mean you’re going to get back together again.
She will then likely agree to see you.
At the meetup, continue building her feelings of attraction for you and get her back.
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