Whether or not you should take your ex back, even though she’s been with another guy, depends on your answers to the following 5 questions.
1. Did She Hook Up With Another Guy Before or After You Broke Up?
If your ex cheated on you while she was still in a relationship with you, it can signal that she is an untrustworthy woman who can never be trusted.
However, if she is a woman of good character who made a terrible mistake and is truly sorry about it, then taking her back after she’s been with another guy can be okay and can work.
If you can genuinely forgive her and fully trust her again, then the relationship can actually become even better than it was before.
On the other hand, if your ex is a woman of bad character who enjoyed cheating on you and is more than likely going to do it again, then the answer should be pretty obvious.
After all, why would you want to take back a woman who has already cheated on you and is likely to do it again?
If she’s like that, she may decide to get back with you, make you commit even further (e.g. have a child, get married) and then eventually cheat on you again.
That’s not going to be fun.
However, if your ex hooked up with another guy after she broke up with you, then the circumstances really are different.
Basically, when a couple breaks up, all bets are off, and each person is free to move on and do what he or she likes, with whomever they like.
There’s no law that states a woman can’t have sex with, date or fall in love with another guy immediately after she has broken up with her ex.
Sure, it doesn’t feel nice to know that your ex has been with another guy, but she’s an independent, free woman and you don’t own her.
Likewise, you are an independent, free man and are allowed to move on with another woman without getting her permission.
That’s just how it works.
Real life is not like a romance novel or romantic movie, where the woman sits around pining over her lost love for months and years, until he finally comes back and sweeps her off her feet.
Instead, when a woman breaks up with her boyfriend (fiancé or husband) she’s free to move on right away if that’s what she wants to do.
That’s just how things are these days because unlike in the past, modern society now encourages women to make decisions based on what will make them the happiest.
So, if she has been with a new guy since the break up and didn’t cheat on you, it’s actually pretty normal.
Most couples who split up end up hooking up with a new person before getting back together.
If you want her back, it’s best to completely forget about the other guy and just make the new relationship that she has with you even better than it was before.
2. Do You Know How to Give Her the Attraction Experience That She Secretly Wants From You?
When a woman hooks up with another guy (either by cheating on her current man, or after she breaks up with him) it’s often because she is eager to experience the type of attraction that she felt was lacking in her relationship with her ex.
For example: If a woman’s ex guy was too dull and boring in the relationship (e.g. he preferred to stay home and watch TV all the time, took her to the same restaurant all the time, wasn’t interested in trying anything new), then her new guy will usually be much more exciting and adventurous (e.g. he likes traveling, tries new things, takes her to interesting places).
Another example is where a guy put everyone else in his life (e.g. friends, family, his boss) before her in terms of importance and she felt unloved and unappreciated.
In a case like that, her new guy will usually be more loving and attentive towards her, which will make her feel special.
The point is, when a woman hooks up with another guy, it’s usually because he is filling the emotional gaps that are (or were) missing in her relationship with her ex.
However, that doesn’t mean he is perfect.
Sooner or later, he may also start having gaps of his own (e.g. he might be more adventurous, but he’s irresponsible and doesn’t want to settle down, or he might be more loving and attentive, but over time he becomes clingy and needy).
No guy is perfect, so the chances are high that you are a much better man than he is or ever will be.
It you want to take your ex back even though she’s been with another guy, don’t waste time worrying about him.
He’s not important.
You and her being together is what really matters.
So, just focus on improving the gaps that caused you and your ex woman to break up in the first place.
- Did you make her feel feminine and girly in your presence, or did she feel more like a neutral friend or big sister?
- Were you the more dominant one in the relationship, or did you allow her to push you around or control you with her tantrums and mood swings?
- Were you confident and emotionally strong in the relationship with her, or did you feel insecure, worry about losing her and become too emotionally sensitive?
- Did you have interests, goals and a clear life purpose outside of your relationship with her, or did you make her the centre of your world and became clingy and needy as a result?
- Did you make her feel loved and appreciated, or did she feel taken for granted?
- Did you and her have fun together as a couple, or were you always disagreeing and arguing?
- Were you assertive and masculine (in a loving way, not an aggressive way), or were you too soft and gentle around her?
- Were you easy-going and supportive of her, or did you become aggressive, angry and critical of her?
When you understand what was really missing from the overall attraction experience, you can then make some adjustments to your behavior and the way you think, talk and interact with her from now on.
When you do that, she then starts to feel respect and attraction for you again and thinks something like, “Why did I let this guy go? I must have been crazy to think that another guy can be better than him. I need to get him back.”
From there, you just need to continue building on her feelings of respect and attraction and guide her back into a committed relationship.
3. Have You Forgiven Her and Can You Now Fully Trust Her?
Being able to completely forgive and trust your ex again (even though she’s been with another guy) is a crucial part of getting a relationship back together for real.
If you’re going to get back with her, only to become suspicious of her every move, then it’s not going to work for either of you.
For example: If you end up doing things like checking her phone messages, social media pages or e-mail and possibly even saying things like, “I just don’t trust you anymore,” or “I don’t really believe you love me. How can I trust you now, when you ran off with some other guy?” then it’s not going to work.
Here’s the thing…
Even though you can never fully trust a woman, if you want your relationship to work, you just have to.
For example: My wife was 20 when I met her and I was 35.
Most people will think, “Aren’t you worried that she will eventually get bored of you being older and dump you or cheat on you?” and my answer is, “No. Not at all.”
I trust in my ability to deepen her feelings of respect, attraction and love over time, which is why our relationship always gets better and better.
Even though it was amazing at the start, it always gets better and we’re always more in love.
So, there’s nothing to worry about.
Of course, I could worry about it if I wanted to, but why would I do that and ruin the relationship?
As a man, you have to be the strong one and trust your woman 100% and never worry.
You have to know that you are her man and she is going to stick with you.
Of course, in your case, you have something else to consider…
She has been with another man.
So, the question is, “Have you forgiven her and can you now fully trust her?”
If you haven’t forgiven you and you want her back, you need to do that as soon as possible.
If you can’t fully trust her and you want her back, you just have to let go of the doubt and give her your 100% trust from now on, otherwise it’s just not going to work.
Just remember: A woman hooking up with another guy after breaking up with you doesn’t mean that you and her aren’t a great match, or that you can’t have an amazing relationship if you get back together again.
It simply means that some mistakes were made (most likely by both of you).
You may have made mistakes that turned her off and made her want to cheat on you or leave you and she may have made a mistake by cheating or hooking up with a guy after you and her broke up.
However, that doesn’t mean that the love between you and her is dead.
You can bring it back to life, if you can forgive her and move forward together with an open mind and trust in the fact that the respect, attraction and love that you and her feel for each other will deepen over time.
How can you do that?
Get her to Stage 5 of a relationship…
Most guys are unable to get a woman to Stage 5 and keep her there.
If your ex gets the sense that you can do that now (based on how you now talk to her, behave and react to her), she will open back up to you and want you back.
At the end of the day, a woman wants to be with a man that she can love and stick with for life.
The best part of a relationship is when you get to Stage 5 and keep going.
Personally speaking, my wife and I got to Stage 5 a long time ago and have kept that going ever since.
I sincerely feel sorry for any couple who doesn’t get there, or who can’t stay there because of a lack of knowledge about how to deepen feelings of love, respect and attraction over time.
Another question to ask yourself as you consider whether or not to take your ex back is…
4. Have You Hooked Up With Any Other Women Since the Break Up?
Sometimes, if a guy puts everything into his relationship with a woman, it can be difficult for him to move on and consider hooking up with other women for three main reasons:
- He believes that his ex is his soul mate and that he can only be with her.
- He’s afraid of opening himself up emotionally to other women, because that would leave him wide open to the potential of being hurt again.
- He worries that hooking up with other women will make his ex never want to get back with him.
So, the question is, “Have you hooked up with any other women since the break up?”
What you need to understand is that love is everywhere.
You can experience amazing love with many different kinds of women, or just one woman.
The key to success with women is to be fearless and not let one bad experience ruin you for life.
There’s nothing wrong with going out and hooking up with other women if you and your ex are broken up.
You can do that and your ex can do that too.
Then, if you both decide that you want to get back together again, you can choose to do that.
Besides, even though a woman might act like she is angry that her ex hooked up with another woman, it actually makes her feel more attracted to him.
Women are attracted to men who are liked, loved and wanted by other women, which is why the more famous a celebrity becomes or the more popular a normal guy becomes, the more attractive he is to women.
On the other hand, women are turned off by guys who are not liked, loved and wanted by other women.
So, if a guy is sitting around feeling sorry for himself, is low on confidence and can’t deal with interacting with other women, it signals to his ex that other women will see him as low value and less attractive compared to a confident guy who isn’t afraid to talk to and hook up with other women.
Of course, you don’t actually have to hook up with other women to get an ex woman back.
However, if your ex woman has already had sex with another guy, it’s usually the best thing to do for your emotional health and for her perception of you.
After all, if you get back with her after she’s had sex with another guy and are secretly worrying that he might have been better than you, then it will come across in your conversation, body language, vibe and attitude and she will feel turned off.
However, if you have hooked up with another woman and enjoyed the sex, you will naturally feel as though you and her are even and can both forget about the other people and move on together as a couple.
Additionally, if you can’t fully forgive your ex for what she did, hooking up with other women and experiencing great sex and love again will help you realize that you are liked, loved and wanted by another woman and don’t desperately need your ex back.
Instead, you want your ex back.
You don’t need her back; you want her back.
There’s a big difference in that because women are turned off by guys who need them to feel good about themselves.
Women are attracted to men who are confident, happy and forward moving in life with or without her.
Another question to ask yourself is…
5. Can You Easily Attract Another Quality Woman Like Her, or Do You Just Want Her Back Because You Can’t Attract Other Quality Women?
If a guy is very confident, can easily pick up beautiful women and has been having sex with and dating other women since the break up, then it won’t really bother him that his ex has been with another guy (especially if she hooked up with the other guy after him and her broke up).
Guys like this have their choice with women.
A guy who has his choice of women isn’t going to worry about his ex woman sleeping with another guy, because he knows how attractive he is to her and to women in general.
He’s likely had a lot of sex with many different women, so he may think, “She hooked up with another guy? Well, that’s her loss, not mine,” and he will then go out and hook up with other women without giving his ex a second thought.
However, when a guy lacks confidence in himself, feels insecure about his attractiveness to women, doesn’t really know how to attract and pick up women and only relies on getting lucky with women every now and again, he might say to himself, “I know my ex has been with another guy, but I want her back because I can’t get other girls. If I don’t take her back, I’ll either have to settle for an unattractive woman, or I’ll end up being single for life. At least having my ex back is better than having to go out there and getting rejected. She is a quality woman and I normally can’t get women like her, so I will just have to take her back.”
Do you relate to the guy above more than the guy who has his choice of women?
If so, you need to improve your ability to attract your ex and other women, otherwise she’s just going to break up with you again.
A woman needs to feel good about the idea of getting back together with you, rather than feeling like she’s doing you a favor because she feels sorry for you.
If she senses that you only want her back because you can’t get other quality girls, she will say, “No” to your attempts to get her back or give you a chance and then break up with you again.
So, if you want her back for real, you should begin improving your ability to attract her right away.
Don’t expect her to go easy on you and be kind because you love her so much.
Women stay with men who make them feel respect, attraction and love, not pity, frustration and annoyance.
4 Mistakes to Avoid if You Decide to Take Her Back
If you decide to take your ex back even though she’s been with another guy, make sure that you’re ready to truly forgive her and start over with a 100% clean slate.
To do so, I recommend that you avoid making the following mistakes…
1. Holding a grudge against her for it.
Holding a grudge against your ex is the quickest way to lose her again.
If you can’t fully forgive her for hooking up with another guy, then taking her back will only lead to another break up.
Your anger towards her will eventually erode any remaining positive feelings between you and her and will be replaced by negative emotions such as anger, resentment and mistrust.
So, make sure that if you take her back, you are willing to leave the past behind and make a fresh start where neither of you bring up past mistakes.
Just focus on now and your future together.
Look at the past as what has been and don’t allow it to mix with now or the future.
Make now and the future the best it can be.
2. Planning to slowly get emotional revenge on her over time for making you feel rejected and betrayed.
Sometimes, a guy might decide to take back an ex even though she’s been with another guy just to get emotional revenge on her.
He might take her back, make her fall deeply in love with him again and then begin to treat her badly (e.g. by taking her for granted, criticizing and belittling her, being aggressive, being selfish) to make her pay for the pain she caused him.
In some cases, the guy may even dump her or cheat on her to get revenge.
If that’s your plan, then you can go ahead and do if you want.
It’s your life and no one can tell you what to do.
Besides, you probably feel justified in getting revenge, so it’s up to you if you want to do that.
However, if you want to take the high road and be a good person, I recommend that just forget all about her and focus all your energy on hooking up with an even more beautiful woman than her, falling in love with her and being extra happy and fulfilled in your life.
That’s the best revenge if revenge is what you really want.
When your ex sees photos of you on social media (set them to public rather than just friends, if you want your ex to be able to see them from the outside if she has unfriended you) looking so happy with your new woman, she will regret what she did to you.
She will then begin to look at you as the one that got away and may contact you to try and get you back.
Of course, that’s the long way to get an ex back.
If you want to get her back quickly, this is what you need to do…
All you need to do is focus on reactivating her feelings for you and then guide her back into a relationship.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Asking her if the other guy was better than you in bed.
Whatever happened between your ex and the other guy doesn’t matter.
A man who believes in himself and in his attractiveness to his woman, doesn’t need to ask a question like, “So, was he better in bed than me? Did you enjoy it more with him?”
Just forget about the other guy and focus on deepening the respect, attraction and love that she feels for you.
Having her in your arms, kissing you and saying, “I love you,” is all that matters.
The other guy is history.
Just think about some of the women you’ve had sex with in the past.
You can barely remember them, right?
That’s how he will be to her when you get her back and focus on deepening her feelings of respect, attraction and love over time.
Finally, the 4th mistake to avoid if you take her back is…
4. Asking her if she misses the other guy.
If she’s with you, then she’s with you for a reason.
Whatever happened between her and the other guy has nothing to do with you and her now.
If you keep bringing up the other guy by asking her if she misses him, she may actually start thinking, “Maybe I do miss him. Maybe I made a mistake getting back together with my ex.”
If she senses your insecurity and feelings of inferiority compared to the other guy, it will turn her off you and make him seem more attractive.
Women are always attracted to the man who is more confident when deciding which one to be with.
It’s not about having arrogant or aggressive confident, but instead about having a relaxed, easy-going confidence in yourself and your attractiveness to her.
If you doubt your attractiveness compared to him, she will start to miss him and want to be with him (or another confident guy) instead.
So, don’t do that to yourself or to her.
You need to live in the present moment.
She is with you now and that’s all that matters.
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