You shouldn’t ask your ex, “Do you want to start from the beginning and date again?” because a woman will almost always say, “No” to that.
If she still doesn’t know whether or not she wants to give you a chance, she’s not going to commit to the idea of fully going back into the courting stage of a relationship (e.g. going on dates, being romantic and opening her heart to you).
So, rather than asking her if she wants to date you again, you simply need to activate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
Begin giving her the attraction experience that she always wanted from you, but likely never told you about.
Then, then guide her back into a relationship with you.
Of course, a lot of guys reading this might ask, “What does it mean to give her the attraction experience she wants? Do I have to get a physical makeover (e.g. buy new clothes and shoes, change my hairstyle, go to the gym and get a model body) before she will want to get back together again?”
Giving a woman the attraction experience that she wants is not about being more physically attractive to her.
Instead, it’s about being more emotionally attractive to her.
Of course, if a guy improves on his physical appearance, most women will appreciate it, but it’s definitely not what will make her decide whether or not to get back with him.
Instead, a woman usually bases her decision on whether he can now make her feel attracted in the ways she really wants, or if he’s still stuck at the same level he was at when she broke up with him.
For example: If a guy got dumped for being too much of a pushover and essentially letting his woman “wear the pants” in the relationship, he will need to get ready to be “the boss” of the relationship from now on.
She may have seemed to like being able to boss him around during the relationship because she always got her way, but that’s not what a woman really wants from a man.
A woman wants to be respected, listened to, cared about and loved, but she doesn’t want to be a guy’s boss and have him look up to her as the leader of the relationship.
She wants a man that she can look up to and respect and who makes her feel like she wants to be a good girl for him.
So, if he wants her back, he needs to show her that he is now man enough to stand up to her when she tries to dominate him, while at the same time being loving and respectful towards her.
It’s not about becoming aggressive, overly assertive or overly dominant.
Instead, it’s just about relaxing, being the man and being the more emotionally strong one.
If he can do that for her (she will pick up on the change based on how he talks to her, behaves and reacts to her now), she will automatically feel respect and attraction for the new version of him.
She may not want to refer to it as “dating” him again or “starting from the beginning,” but she will want to see him again and give the relationship another try because he now knows how to attract her in the way that is important to her (i.e. he’s more of a man now).
Another example is where a woman may have seemed to enjoy discussing her feelings with her guy, so he copied her and became emotionally sensitive and needy by always discussing his feelings.
What she really wanted was for him to be open emotionally, but to not being like her (i.e. a woman) and always be talking about how he feels.
So, for him to prove to her that he’s not an emotionally sensitive, needy guy anymore, he needs to show her by way of his thinking, conversation style and behavior that he is more emotionally strong now (e.g. by being confident around her, not getting upset or flustered when she is being cold and distant towards him, focusing on being a man rather than talking about how it feels).
However, if he doesn’t give her that and instead asks something like, “Do you want to start from the beginning and date each other again?” she will most likely say, “No” because he doesn’t even know how to give her the attraction experience she wants, so she knows it will be more of the same.
So, make sure that you focus on preparing yourself to re-attract her and reactivate her feelings when you interact with her.
That’s what really matters when getting a woman back.
When she can see for herself that you’re nothing like the guy she remembers breaking up with, she won’t be able to stop herself from dropping her guard and opening back up to you.
She will begin to see you with different eyes and from there, you can make a fresh start together without even having to ask her for it.
First Things First
Attraction needs to come first and everything else flows on naturally after that.
There’s no point in trying to be romantic and taking your ex on “dates,” when she doesn’t even want to think about getting into a relationship with you again because you haven’t re-attracted her.
If you want her back, you have to interact with her (e.g. via text, social media, but preferably over the phone and in person) and make her experience new, positive feelings and emotions about you (e.g. respect, attraction, love) so that the negative things she remembers about you (e.g. her being more dominant than you and being able to push you around, you being needy and insecure) no longer seem important to her.
Sometimes, a guy makes the mistake of thinking that he needs to first get his ex to agree to dating again, so that he can then start building up her feelings for him.
Yet, he’s got it all wrong. The ex back process is the opposite of that.
He must first re-spark her feelings and then she will be more open to the idea of dating him again.
Without her having feelings for him, she’s just not going to be interested or motivated enough to want to date him because she assumes that it will just be the same as before.
Yet, when he reignites her sexual and romantic attraction for him, starting again seems like the right thing to do for her.
So, make sure that you start with attraction, rather than going straight for the kill and asking for a relationship.
Dating Sounds Too Serious to Her
Labeling it as a “date” rather than as “catching up” or “meeting up to say hello” or “hanging out for a bit” only makes a woman feel pressured to get back together again if she doesn’t feel ready yet.
So, avoid serious words like, “dating” and “starting from the beginning” and instead just be more relaxed about it.
If you’re too serious and formal, she will almost certainly close up, even if you have begun to re-attract her.
Besides, you can’t really start from the beginning again anyway.
You need to start from where you are right now, which is a broken relationship that needs to be rekindled through the reactivation of feelings of mutual respect, sexual attraction and love.
It’s absolutely critical that you switch your focus to making her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again, rather than trying to get her to commit to a relationship before you do that.
So, start by getting her on a friendly phone call with you and making her laugh, smile and feeling good to be talking to you.
When you make a woman smile and laugh, it makes it a lot more difficult for her to keep up her defenses, because she’s not feeling threatened by you.
It also makes her feel attracted to you, especially if she is being cold, closed off or even a bit bitchy towards you.
She respects you for maintaining your cool and confidence and being able to crack some jokes and get her smiling and laughing on the phone.
It makes her realize that you are the man and she is the woman…and she likes that.
She likes it when you are leading the way and not nervously checking to see how you should behave based on what she is saying or doing.
You are a confident man who is leading the way to smiles, laughter and good feelings, which is very attractive to women.
Then, when she’s feeling relaxed and at ease, suggest meeting up for a cup of coffee.
So, how can you do that?
2 Examples Of How to Ask a Woman to Meet Up With You, Without Making Her Feel Like She’s Committing to Dating Again
Asking your ex to meet up with you for a cup of coffee is no big deal, unless you make it out to be one.
So, depending on your approach, she’s either going to be thinking, “Coffee is okay. It doesn’t mean we’re getting back together again. Sure… why not?” and feel relaxed and eager to see you again, or she’s going to feel pressured and think “No way! I can see where this is going. He just wants to meet up for coffee so that he can try and talk me into getting back together again. Well I’m not falling for that! No way am I going!”
Remember: The more light-hearted and relaxed the interaction between you and her is, the more her guard will come down.
So, here are 2 examples of how you can ask her to meet up with you in a way that puts her at ease and makes her feel curious and even a little excited to be seeing you again.
1. The serious approach.
This first example doesn’t use any humor and is serious, but light-hearted and easy-going.
So, imagine that you and your ex are talking on the phone.
You might start off by saying something like, “Hey, how have you been?” and she will probably just say, “Fine,” or “Fine, How about you?”
From there, chat with her for a couple of minutes while making sure to keep things light and friendly.
Once you’ve gotten past the initial chit chat, simply ask, “So, anyway…how about we get together for a cup of coffee sometime in the next few days?”
She might initially say something like, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” or “I don’t think I’m ready to see you in person. Maybe some other time” or, “No, we’re broken up now. Let’s just leave it at that.”
Regardless of what she says, don’t get upset or start saying things like, “Please! I just want to see you. Why are you being so stubborn? Come on, just meet up with me. Please!”
Obviously getting upset or angry with her isn’t going to motivate her to want to see you again.
Instead, she’s probably going to be thinking, “This is what I was afraid of all along. I can’t believe that he’s flipping out like this and still expects me to want to see him again. He obviously doesn’t understand how me or other women feel attraction for men. He doesn’t get it that we hate desperation and love confidence. Anyway, at least he’s made my decision easy for me. I’m going to hang up now, cut him out of my life completely and move on. It’s just not going to work out between us.”
So, a better way to convince her to meet up with you if she’s saying no, is to simply relax and say (in an easy-going, but gently assertive manner), “Hey, I’m only asking out for a quick cup of coffee and a catch up. I’m sure that you can spare 10 minutes, right? A coffee doesn’t mean that we get back together. It’s just a coffee. No strings attached. Besides, these days, it’s no big deal for ex’s to meet up and just hang out together for a bit. We’re mature adults. We can do that. I promise you that if we meet up and afterwards you decide that you never want to see me again, I’ll leave you alone and not contact you again. So, how about it? Let’s get together for some coffee and say hello as friends. Then, if you want to say goodbye forever, I’ll delete your number off my phone. Okay? So, how does Sunday afternoon at 1pm sound to you?”
In most cases, a woman will say something like, “Oh, okay. Maybe just this once,” or, “As long as you stick to your word and promise not to call me again if I don’t want you to.”
Then, just go ahead and make plans to meet her at a place and time that suits you both.
When you meet up with her for coffee, make sure that you don’t get too serious with her and say things like, “I was wondering. Do you want to start from the beginning and date again?” which will just scare her away.
Instead, focus on saying and doing the types of things that will keep turning her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you back on.
The more respect and attraction she feels for you, the more her defenses come down and then getting back together again happens naturally all by itself.
Yet, if you push her to commit to dating again, she will usually resist you and she may then cut you out of her life simply because she can’t handle the pressure.
2. The funny approach.
Imagine that you’re talking to your ex on the phone.
Just like in the previous example, you will likely start off by asking her how she is and she will usually ask you about what you’ve been up to.
Once you’ve gotten past the usual chit chat, you can say to her, “Oh, by the way… I have some really great news that I want to share with you.”
She will likely respond by asking, “What?” or “What is it? Tell me?”
You can then say in a joking way, “I just heard that I won a competition where the winner gets to have coffee with this really cute redhead tomorrow.”
She will probably get a bit annoyed with you for telling her something like that and she may say something like, “Oh! Well good for you,” or “So why are you telling me?” and you can then reply by saying, “Well, I’m telling you because you need some time to get ready before I pick you up. Oh, did I forget to mention that you’re the cute redhead?” and have a laugh with her about that.
Of course, she might get the joke right away without you having to explain it to her, so you can just cut right to, “So, cute redhead. Are you up for a coffee tonight or tomorrow?”
She will almost certainly laugh at your joke, while at the same time feel flattered that you’re still referring to her as a cute redhead, even though she’s your ex.
If she wants to play hard to get, she might then say, “Nice try, but you’re not going to get me to meet you for coffee like that,” and you can laugh and say, “Hey! It’s in the competition rules. The judges’ decision is final. You and I have to have a coffee and a laugh, so let’s just do it” and have a laugh with her about that.
She will feel curious about the new you (e.g. you’re being confident and are willing to joke around, rather than being hesitant and doubting yourself) and she will naturally feel a spark of respect and attraction for you for having the balls to tease her in that way.
When that happens, she automatically opens herself up to the idea of actually seeing you again in person.
You can then say, “Hey, I was only joking with you of course, but it would be nice to catch up over a cup of coffee though, right? I’m available on Sunday or Wednesday afternoon, so how about it? Which day suits you best?”
At this point she will most-likely be feeling relaxed and happy and she will probably say, “Yes.”
If she doesn’t, just be a bit more persistent, but remain being easy-going and light-hearted, rather than getting tense and annoyed.
Say to her, “Come on…it’s just a coffee. We can do that” and she will most likely go ahead with it.
When you meet up with her, simply continue building on her feelings for you and guide her back into a relationship with you.
Let Her Experience the New You
When your ex actually gets to experience the new you in person and confirms with her own eyes that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with, it becomes difficult for her to hold on to her negative feelings about you.
- If you were insecure and self-doubting before, you are confident and emotionally strong now.
- If you were immature and childish before, you are more mature and serious about your life now.
- If you were too emotionally subservient with her before, you are now emotionally dominant.
- If you were emotionally sensitive before, you are now emotionally strong like a real man.
By the way…
You don’t have to tell her that you’ve changed.
She will pick up on it based on how you now talk to her, your behavior, body language, attitude, vibe and how you react to her.
If she senses the changes, she will be impressed and she will be interested.
For example: If she meets up with you and expects you to be nervous around her, but instead notices that you are confident, she can’t keep saying to herself, “I don’t want to be with him because I don’t want to be with an emotionally weak guy,” because you’re not that guy anymore.
She has to change how she feels about you because you’re now displaying the types of traits and behaviors that naturally attract women to men.
Whatever, the case with you and your ex, showing her (not telling her) that you’ve changed is the quickest way to get her love back.
Her walls will come down and the idea of starting over again feels good to her.
With one difference…
This time around, the love between you and her will be more mature and meaningful because you are now the man that she always wanted you to be.