Will it work?
Will she be impressed by the romantic gesture and want you back?
It all depends on the following:
1. How she views romantic gestures
Sometimes, a guy will have noticed that women on TV shows or in movies have responded positively to romantic gestures (e.g. when receiving a big bouquet of flowers, a special gift, a teddy bear, a bunch of balloons with a card attached).
Based on his sweet, romantic gesture, the woman will forgive the guy for his mistakes and they will get back together again.
So, when a guy sees that enough times on TV or in movies, he might then think to himself, “If it’s in the movies all the time, it must mean that women respond well to romantic gestures in real life too. Everything I’ve tried to do to convince my ex girlfriend to give me another chance hasn’t worked, but maybe if I do something romantic, she will have a change of heart and I can then win her back.”
Yet, what a guy like that usually doesn’t understand is that not all women respond the same way.
Additionally, many modern women hate romantic gestures and see them as being lame, corny and outdated.
So, a woman like that who has been feeling turned off by her ex guy, will feel even more turned off if he gives her flowers or a gift.
She may then begin thinking something along the lines of, “I can’t believe that he assumes what happened between us can be resolved with soppy, romantic gestures. What he doesn’t know is that see it as a sign that he’s not in touch with how relationships work now. Women don’t need flowers or romantic gestures like they did in the past. Women need to feel attraction and love based on the guy and his behavior, not on what he can buy or do for her. If I had any doubts about breaking up with him before, I know made the right decision now. It’s over. I’ve got to find myself a man who understands how relationships work in today’s world, or else I’ll be stuck with my ex who is lagging behind the times.”
She will then close herself off from her ex, leaving him feeling confused and wondering things like, “I don’t get it. Why is she being so cold and mean towards me? Why didn’t my romantic gesture make her drop her guard and open back up to getting back together again?”
On the other hand, some women are flattered by romantic gestures and see them as important, special and meaningful.
A woman like that might then open back up to her ex and agree to give him another chance.
However, if she then gets back with him and realizes that all he has going for him is romance, but deep down he still hasn’t leveled up as a man and is making the same attraction mistakes as before, she will naturally beak up with him again.
Then, if the guy tries the same stunt again to win her back (i.e. surprising her with a romantic gesture), she will likely think something like, “Once bitten twice shy. I’m not falling for that again. All he knows how to do is sweet talk me and surprise me with pretty things. Yet, when we’re together he reverts back to thinking, acting and behaving like a jerk. He just doesn’t understand that even though I appreciate and enjoy the romance, I need more than that to make me want to stay with him. What use are romantic gestures to me if he continues to display the kind of characteristics and personality traits that turn me off (e.g. he’s insecure and needy, takes me for granted, is emotionally immature and childish and expects me to take care of him, doesn’t know how to make me feel like a desirable, attractive woman when I’m with him)?”
Here’s the thing…
If you want to win your ex girlfriend back, you’re going to have to do it by focusing on making her feel respect and sexual attraction for you again, rather than by trying to impress her with a romantic gesture.
You can do that by behaving and talking in ways that display confidence, masculinity, charisma and wit and by showing her that you’ve changed and improved some of the things that matter to her (e.g. you’re more confident and emotionally independent now, you have purpose and direction in your life, you’re more ballsy and can stand up to her when she’s out of line).
That’s what really works to win a woman back.
Another thing to consider before surprising your ex with a romantic gesture to win her back is…
2. How confident you are when you interact with her
In some cases, a woman will initially be impressed with her ex’s romantic gesture.
However, if she then interacts with him (over the phone or in person) and notices that he’s doubting himself and worrying if what he’s surprising her with is good enough, she will feel turned off by what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
She may then say something like, “Thank you for your romantic gesture. It was really sweet of you to do something nice for me even though we’re broken up, but I hope you don’t think it’s going to change things between us. I’m just not interested in getting back together again. Of course I’m happy to be friends if you want, but that’s it.”
So, if you don’t want that to happen to you, you need to make sure that you have the confidence to back up your romantic gesture, or else it will be a waste of time.
Here’s the thing…
Women don’t like to reward emotional weakness with love, respect, sex and affection.
Women are instinctively looking to be with a confident man who can remain confident and emotionally strong under any circumstances.
So, if your ex girlfriend notices that you’re nervous and unsure of yourself around her, it simply serves as another reason why she wants to remain broken up.
This is why it’s important for you to feel confident and believe in yourself and in your value to her, before you surprise her with a romantic gesture to win her back.
By the way…
One of the ways you can prepare yourself, is by focusing on only having confident thoughts about yourself and about how your ex girlfriend will respond when you surprise her.
For example: You might say to yourself…
- Not only is she going to love my surprise, she’s also going to feel attracted to me for being so confident and self-assured.
Regardless of what she says or does to test me (e.g. is cold and indifferent towards me, pretends that she doesn’t like my surprise), I’m not going to doubt myself and my value to her.
She will like the new me.
- When she sees that I’ve changed and improved in the ways she always wanted me to, she will automatically feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for me again.
- I feel confident now and I will continue to feel confident when I interact with her because I know that I am good enough for her.
The more you think confident thoughts about yourself, the more confident you will act and feel.
Then, when you interact with your ex girlfriend, it will come through in the tonality of your voice, your body language and in the way you behave and respond to her.
When she sees for herself that you are now a much more emotionally attractive man (e.g. confident, self-assured, calm and relaxed under pressure), she will naturally start to feel respect and attraction for you again.
She will also be impressed by your romantic gesture.
As a result, her guard will come down and she will then open back up to the idea of getting back together again.
Another thing to consider before surprising your ex with a romantic gesture to win her back is…
3. How serious her reasons were for breaking up with you
There are some women who will break up with a guy at the drop of a hat (e.g. he said or did something to upset her, she’s under a lot of stress at work or university and doesn’t know how to cope with her relationship ups and downs).
However, she regrets her actions immediately because she knows that deep down she still cares for her guy and doesn’t really want to be broken up with him.
In a case like that, a romantic gesture will often be the trigger she needs to get back together with him.
However, those cases are rare and in most instances, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s because she’s lost too much respect, attraction and love for him to want to stay in the relationship any longer.
In a serious situation like that, she isn’t going to be won over by surprising, romantic gestures such as buying her flowers, a gift, getting a message written in the sky by plane, or sending a singagram to her home or workplace.
Instead, she may even feel annoyed by his gesture and think something along the lines of, “This is just more proof that he doesn’t get me. He thinks he can wipe away what happened and earn my respect and love by surprising me with romantic gestures. He doesn’t even understand what he did wrong, or how to change those things about himself. He’s just hoping I’ll be so impressed that I’ll forget about all the things that were turning me off and run back into his arms. Well, not only is that not going to happen, I’m also certain that he’s not the right man for me.”
She might then become even more distant and unapproachable (e.g. she blocks his number on her phone, unfriend’s him on social media, avoids all interactions with him).
This is why, it’s more important that you first understand your ex girlfriend’s real reasons for breaking up with you, before you do anything else.
You can then quickly make some attractive changes to yourself, so that when you interact with her on the phone or in person, she will be able to pick it up via your attitude, behavior and conversations style.
This will naturally spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
Then, if you surprise her with a romantic gesture, it then feels natural and normal for her to drop her guard and open up to her feelings for you again, because she feels drawn to you at a deeper, emotional level, rather than a superficial one.
By the way…
If you have no idea how to figure out her real reasons for breaking up with you, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Were you confident and emotionally strong around her, or did you become clingy, needy and insecure?
- Were you able to make her feel like a desirable woman in your presence, or did she feel more like one of your buddies?
- Were you ballsy enough to stand up to her when she became demanding or threw a tantrum, or did you just give in to her to keep the peace?
Did you maintain your emotional independence (e.g. continued to follow through on your goals and dreams, kept in touch with your own friends, pursued hobbies or interests independent of her), or did you make her your main reason for living?
- Did she feel loved and appreciated, or did she feel taken for granted?
By understanding where you went wrong with your ex girlfriend, you can then change the things she really wants you to change and easily win her back.
3 Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Win Your Ex Back
When you interact with your ex in a way that sparks her feelings of respect and attraction for you, her defenses naturally come down and she becomes open to giving you another chance with her.
On the other hand, if she senses that you’re still stuck at the same level you were at when she broke up with you, she will likely just keep pushing you away and saying things like, “Why won’t you accept that it’s over between us? I really don’t have feelings for you anymore and nothing is going to change that. So, if you really do care about me like you say you do, then you’ll accept my decision and move on.”
So, of you don’t want that type of response, make sure you avoid making the following mistakes:
1. Hoping that the surprise romantic gesture will make her forget about the real reasons she broke up with you
Sometimes a romantic gesture can work if the woman responds well to displays of romance, no matter who is sending it her way.
However, in most cases, she will see it for what it is…
An attempt to “buy” back her affections.
Then, rather than feel flattered by the gesture and want her ex back, she may actually get annoyed and even think something along the lines of, “I can’t believe he thinks he can manipulate my feelings for him by being romantic and sweet. Doesn’t he realize that my reasons for breaking up with him are deep and for me to give him another chance, I need to see that he gets it and can give me what I want on an emotional level rather than on a superficial one (i.e. by giving me the attraction experience I’ve always wanted from him and never got, rather than surprising me with romantic gestures)?”
Remember: Romance is only enjoyable to an ex woman if she feels heard and understood and as a result, begins to open back up to you emotionally.
However, if she gets a sense that her ex is just trying to distract her from focusing on the real issues that caused the break up between them, she will lose even more respect for him as a man.
So, rather than trying to use an approach (romantic gestures) that works when a woman is in love, you’ve got to use an approach that will work on your ex.
In other words, you need to show her that you’ve understood her real, secret reasons for breaking up with you (e.g. you were too timid and a pushover with her, you didn’t mature as quickly as she did, you didn’t know how to make her feel like a sexy woman with you and treated her more like a neutral friend instead) and have already take action to change and improve some of those things about yourself.
When she experiences the new you for herself, she will automatically begin to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for who you are now.
When that happens, her defenses come down and you can get her back.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Not improving your ability to attract her during interactions
Sometimes a guy might actually surprise his ex girlfriend with a romantic gesture and get a positive response from her (e.g. she texts or calls him to say thank you, she agrees to meet up with him for a quick cup of coffee).
However, she then quickly loses interest when she notices that she’s not feeling a spark for him.
Yes, she appreciates the gesture, but she’s just not feeling him, so she disconnects from him once again.
Only this time, she most-likely becomes immune to his gestures, because in her mind she may be thinking things like, “That’s all he really knows how to do, but that’s just not enough for me. I simply don’t feel a spark when I’m with him anymore, so it’s basically a waste of time to keep opening up to him now that I’m almost 100% sure he’s not the right guy for me. It’s probably kinder if I just cut him off completely so that he can get the message and accept that it’s over between us. Then, we can both move on and find someone else.”
This is why it’s vitally important that when you interact with your ex girlfriend from this point onwards, you make her feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, maintaining your confidence regardless of how cold or aloof she’s being towards you, flirting with her to create some sexual tension).
When you do that, she then has a reason to get back with you, or at least want to interact with you more, to explore her newfound feelings for you.
So, don’t go around thinking that the romantic gesture is the key to winning her back and not improving your ability to attract her as well, because you will end up disappointed when she says something like, “Thanks for the gesture. It is very sweet of you, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I’m not the girl for you. I hope you find someone else soon. I wish you all the best. Goodbye.”
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Hoping that she openly talks about wanting a relationship now
Although it would be nice if a woman just came out and said something along the lines of, “I think I’m ready to get back into a relationship with you again,” the truth is, most women don’t make it that obvious or easy.
A woman wants to see that a man has the confidence to make the reconciliation happen.
She wants to know that he’s man enough to take responsibility for the ex back process and lead them both back into a relationship.
If he can’t do that without her help, she will perceive him as being too insecure and emotionally weak and this will turn her off.
However, if he takes charge and does what he needs to do to get her back, she will automatically feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
When she respects him and feels attracted to him, reconnecting with her feelings of love becomes that much easier for her.
So, if you want to win your ex girlfriend back, don’t wait for her to make it easy for you by giving you hints about what she wants.
Instead, be courageous enough and just take the lead in the ex back process.
Call her or meet up with her, reactivate her feelings for you (e.g. by showing her that you’re a new and improved man) and get her back.
That’s how it’s done.