The way that you approach a break up with a woman can either make it easy, or difficult for you to get her back.
If you approach it in the right way, she will change her mind, open up to you and want to give you another chance pretty much right away.
Yet, if you approach it in the wrong way, she will feel determined to stick to her decision, remain closed off you and begin moving on without you.
Now, the first example below isn’t a HUGE mistake, but it is a subtle mistake that can turn some women off and make her want to stick with her decision to remain broken up.
So, here is the first example of what not to do during a break up with a woman…
1. Don’t ask her if there is anything you can do to change her mind
If your girlfriend (or wife) really does love you and still wants to be with you, then asking her, “Is there anything I can do to change your mind” can and does often work.
In cases like that, she will be totally open to telling you how you can change her mind.
She’ll stop the break up, explain where you’ve been going wrong and give you a chance to fix things.
Yet, if you’re looking for advice on what not to do during a break up with a woman, then you’re probably going through a break up with a woman who isn’t in love with you anymore.
In fact, she is over it and no longer feels enough respect, attraction and love to warrant being in a relationship with you again.
As a result, she won’t feel motivated to give you answers on how you can fix things with her.
Additionally, she’ll likely be annoyed that you’re asking her for tips on how to change her mind, when she has probably been hinting at her unhappiness in the relationship for quite some time.
If she has been hinting, or directly telling you what to change and you haven’t followed through on that, she will doubt that you could change if she gave you another chance.
This is why, rather than trying to discuss how you could change her mind, you simply begin making her feel a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for you so she naturally changes her mind and opens back up to you again.
When you focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect for you, then she will naturally open back to feeling attracted to you again.
When that happens, she will naturally and automatically reconnect with her love for you and as a result, you and her will be able to get back together so much more easily.
Yet, if you’re just asking if there’s anything you can do to change her mind, you might end up getting vague answers from her like, “I don’t know. I just don’t feel the same way anymore. I’m sorry, but it’s over” or, “I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change my mind. I was thinking about breaking up with you for a long time, but I never did it. I just can’t do this anymore though. It’s over.”
This is why, it’s best to just understand what makes a woman feel respect, attraction and love for a man and then immediately start doing that when you interact with her.
When you change how she feels, she naturally changes her mind.
Yet, when you ask how you can change her mind, it doesn’t make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Instead, in many cases, a woman will feel annoyed that you just don’t understand how to make her feel the way she wants to feel.
As a result, she can see that as yet another reason to remain broken up with you.
2. Don’t act like a neutral friend and expect her to feel sexual and romantic attraction for you
If your ex is still open to being ‘friends’ with you, then make sure that you use the opportunity to re-attract her (by flirting with her, making her feel girly in comparison to your masculine approach, remaining confident no matter what), rather than putting yourself in the friend zone (by being extra nice, feeling unworthy of flirting with her, losing confidence in your attractiveness to her).
Where a lot of guys go wrong during a break up with a woman, is to suddenly become a nice, helpful friend who just wants to ‘be there’ for her.
As you may know, guys who behave like that when trying to get laid or get a girlfriend usually get rejected or placed in the friend zone.
Women aren’t turned on by wimpy, fearful behavior from men.
Women are turned on by balls, confidence and masculinity.
So, if your girlfriend is open to being ‘friends’ after the break up, then accept that, but don’t act like a nice, innocent friend who just wants to be there for her, support her and ensure that she is okay.
Of course, if you just want to be friends with her, then use that approach.
Yet, if you want her back, then make sure that you interact with her in a way that causes her to feel attracted, turned on and full of desire for you.
When she feels that way, she won’t be able to stop thinking about you and will want to change her mind about the break up and get back together.
Unfortunately, so many guys don’t realize that when going through a break up with a woman and as a result, they end up losing her.
For example: A guy might think something like, “I’m lucky that she still wants to be my friend. I don’t want to jeopardize that by giving her the impression that I want her back – even though I do. Instead, I need to play it cool and be a good friend to her and hopefully over time, she’ll realize that I’ve been a perfect gentleman with her since our break up. Then, she won’t be able to stop herself falling back in love with me. Yet, if flirt with her, she might think that I’m out of line. The, she might get angry with me and cut me out of her life. Then, I’ll never be able to get her back. So, I’d better just be a nice friend to her.”
Yet, being the ‘nice guy’ is the worst thing you can do if you actually want your ex back.
It’s an almost definite way to put yourself in the friend zone with an ex…
If you aren’t making your ex feel sexually attracted and turned on, then she will almost certainly begin to open herself up to meeting, hooking up with, dating and falling in love with other guys.
So, while you’re hanging around and thinking that everything is going great between you and her (e.g. because she sometimes texts to say hi as a friend), she’s busy moving on with someone else.
Then, you have to feel rejected all over again and possibly feel betrayed by her as well.
That’s not a nice feeling and often causes men to lose a lot of confidence in themselves and in their ability to attract and keep a woman in a relationship.
If you want to avoid going down that road, then simply understand that what makes a woman want to get back with a man is not only a renewed sense of respect for him, but also sexual and romantic attraction.
Sexual and romantic attraction is something that you can spark up inside of her immediately when you use an attractive approach (i.e. flirting with her, being very masculine in your behavior, conversation style and vibe so she can feel girly and feminine in comparison to you, remaining confident no matter what she says or does to make you doubt yourself).
Yet, if you ONLY use a ‘just a friend’ approach (i.e. being very nice, helpful, generous, kind, thoughtful), she will almost certainly just be feeling neutral towards you and she will then direct her desire for a man towards other men instead.
I say ONLY because it is great to be a good man and to be thoughtful and kind with a woman, but on it’s own, it’s not what makes her wet.
Being good to her can make her feel some respect for you, but it isn’t going to turn her on.
The reality is that women only feel romantically attracted to niceness when it comes from a man that they feel sexually attracted to.
This is why women reject romantic gestures from men that they’re not attracted to and go ‘weak at the knees’ or ‘swoon’ at romantic gestures from men they are attracted to.
The romantic gesture offered by the guy can be the exact same thing, but it will feel completely different to a woman based on whether or not she feel sexual attraction for him.
Attraction changes everything.
So, don’t be afraid to flirt with her to attract her and build up some sexual tension between you both.
When you build up sexual tension (it can be achieved in minutes, hours or days), she naturally begins to feel like she wants to release the built up tension with hugging, kissing and sex.
As a result, she stops wanting to completely end things with you and opens up to being with you sexually, even if she only wants to open up to that to see how she feels afterwards.
If you are able to continue making her feel attracted leading up to, during and after you hook up again, then she will feel drawn to you and compelled to keep seeing you.
Yet, if you’re just being a nice friend, then she almost certainly won’t be feeling drawn to you in a sexual and romantic way.
Instead, when she naturally starts to feel horny (like a normal person does) and realizes that she doesn’t want to do it with you, she will direct that natural, persistent feeling (of being horny) towards other men.
Then, if she meets a new man who is interested in her and who she feels more attracted to than you, she will naturally begin to close herself off to you and open herself up to him.
3. Don’t cry to her, or tell her that you’ve cried
Anyone is allowed to cry if they want to.
Yet, if you want to get a woman back when going through a break up, or after a break up, then don’t cry to her or tell her that you have been crying.
Although politically correct media and people will say that it’s fine for men to cry and men should be sensitive like women, the reality is that women just don’t find it attractive.
I’ve heard from so many men over the years who have told me how their girlfriend or wife reacted to them crying and I’ve also heard it from female friends who have gone through a break up.
In a nutshell, the most common phrases from men are that the “woman lost respect for him” and said that she “could no longer look at him the same way.”
A woman will lose respect for the fact that her guy fell apart and cried due to the break up, rather than being a man about it by maintaining control of his emotions.
Maintaining controls of your emotions as a man doesn’t mean not feeling anything at all.
Instead, it means feeling the sadness, the rejection, the betrayal or the overall hurt that comes from a break up, but not breaking down and crying about it like a woman does.
Of course, these days there are so many emotionally weak guys who cry on TV shows these days and you might even know a few guys who have cried about little things, rather than being manly about it.
Yet, just because a bunch of weak, lost and confused guys have been crying, it doesn’t suddenly make it attractive to women.
Women are not attracted to emotionally weak and sensitive guys who cry and break down when life throws them challenges (e.g. they lose their job, they go through a break up).
As devastating as it may feel to be going through your break up right now, crying about it to her (or telling her that you’ve been crying) is simply not something you should do.
If you cry to her, or tell her that you have been crying, she might be nice to you about it, but I can absolutely guarantee you that she will lose respect and attraction for you as a result.
For example: She might say, “I’m sorry” and cry with you and even hug you, but secretly she thinking, “Oh my god…what a pussy. I didn’t know he was like this. I’ve got to go through with this break up and not look back. I didn’t know he was such a fragile guy. I’ve got to get away from him and find myself a real man. He has shown me his true colors now. He is fragile. I can’t rely on him to be the man I need in this life.”
So many guys have told me that they had a ‘good cry’ with their ex and she seemed really sad, but now she doesn’t want to get back together.
They don’t understand it.
She seemed sad.
Yes, she was sad and was genuinely crying, but she was also feeling deeply turned off by his lack of masculinity in that situation.
Of course, if she were to be asked, she would almost certainly be politically correct about it (e.g. “It’s okay for men to cry too”), or say something nice to avoid hurting his feelings (e.g. “It showed how much he cared”), but secretly, she will feel turned off by it.
The reality is that what a woman really wants to see is that, no matter what challenges you are faced with in life, you are always able to remain strong and maintain control of your emotions like a real man.
That doesn’t mean you don’t show any love towards her, or let her see that you are sad about the break up.
You can show her emotions, but keep it together.
Put it this way…
Have a think about the men in this world who you look up to and respect the most.
Are they the wimpy men who cry when life throws them a challenge, or are they the men who feel emotions, but are able to maintain control of those emotions like a real man?
The reality is that guys all over the world respect men who are able to maintain control of their emotions (e.g. confident, leader-type males) and women feel respect, sexual attraction and love for them.
The world needs strong men and everyone knows that instinctively, but due to political correctness and the need to make everyone feel included, many people lie and say that men should be sensitive and cry just like women do.
Yet, all you have to do is think about the most respected men in the world and you will realize that they aren’t pussies.
Likewise, look at the men who women lust after and in most cases, you will see that the guy is confident and is able to maintain control of his emotions under pressure better than most guys can.
So, when a guy starts crying to his women during a break up and saying things like, “Why are you doing this to me? Can’t you see that I would be lost without you? Please don’t leave me. I need you! Please” it automatically causes her to lose respect and attraction for him.
She might be nice to him, hug him and cry with him, but she will secretly be feeling turned off at an instinctive level.
This is why, when going through a break up with a woman, you should man up and hold back the tears.
If you cry in private, then fine, but just don’t tell her about it.
Always remember that women are attracted to emotionally strong men, not emotionally weak and sensitive men.
It’s not politically correct to say that, but it’s the truth.
4. Don’t promise to change whatever she wants if she’ll just give you another chance
Although promising to change whatever she wants might seem like the right thing to say during a break up (i.e. because you’re being sincere, you’re showing her how determined you are to make her happy), in almost all cases, it doesn’t have the desired effect on a woman.
When a guy is saying things like “I will do anything for you. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it,” it suggests to her that he doesn’t understand how to attract her and needs her to become his teacher on the subject.
He probably also needs her to guide him through the ex back process, so he can get another chance with her.
A woman can end up seeing that as being all about him and his needs (i.e. help him get her back, so he can feel better about himself).
Yet, when a woman is breaking up with a guy, she almost never wants to take on the responsibility of helping him get her back.
She doesn’t feel motivated to help him because she has already decided to break up with him, so it just doesn’t feel right to her to be helping him get her back.
Additionally, in some cases, a woman doesn’t want to tell her ex what to do and then see him comply with her instructions like a good, little boy.
A woman wants to be with a man who is his own man, not a guy who is being bossed around by her and is on his best behavior like a good, little boy.
If a woman feels more like his teacher or big sister, rather than his woman, then it makes her look down on him.
As a result, it takes the romance (or the ‘spark’) out of the relationship, which then causes her to not want to have sex with him anymore.
If she doesn’t feel any sexual desire or draw to him, it helps convince her that breaking up with him is the right decision for her.
A woman will then begin to realize that there are so many men out there who already know how to ‘be the man’ in a relationship and make a woman feel girly and in love.
Yet, her boyfriend (or husband) is asking her for instructions and is willing to follow her instructions to hopefully please her.
From his perspective, he’s not doing anything wrong.
He’s just being an honest, good man who wants to treat his woman right.
Yet, asking a woman for instructions on how to attract her simply isn’t attractive to her.
It puts her in a position that she doesn’t want to be in (i.e. big sister, teacher, mentor) and makes her feel turned off because she is no longer able to look up to you and respect you as her man.
So, rather than making the mistake of promising your ex that you will do whatever she wants if she will just give you another chance, just focus on figuring out her real, secret reasons for losing her feelings for you.
Of course, don’t ask her what those reasons are.
Instead, you have to figure them out for yourself, or simply learn from me.
For example: Here are some questions that will help begin to understand what some of her real reasons for breaking up with you are.
- Did you start out being confident and self-assured, but end up becoming insecure, needy and clingy later on in the relationship?
- Did she look up to you and respect you all the way, or did she gradually start looking down on you based on how you behaved, treated her or treated yourself?
- Did you make her feel feminine and desirable in your presence, or did she end up feeling more like a friend around you?
- Were you focused on achieving your big goals and ambitions outside of the relationship with her, or did you essentially make your life about her, thereby causing her to feel a bit smothered by your dependence on her and turned off by your lack of ambition?
- Did she feel loved and appreciated, or did she feel taken for granted?
- Did you make her feel loved and appreciated, but then allow her to get away with treating you badly and being unloving towards you, thereby causing her to lose respect for you lack of balls in the relationship?
- Did you become too aggressive, selfish or mean towards her, thereby causing her to feel unloved, afraid and disappointed with who you turned out to be?
- Were you supportive and encouraging of her dreams and goals in life, or did you put her down and discourage her from going after what she really wanted so she wouldn’t spend time away from you?
- Did you continue to flirt with her and keep the spark alive, or did you expect that she’d stick around for life just because things were good at the start?
- Did you and her make a lot of progress as a couple (e.g. rent a nice house together, get promoted at work, go on holidays, put a deposit on your own home, get engaged) and become the envy of some of her friends, or did she end up feeling embarrassed about the lack of progress that you and her were making?
- Did you initially make her feel beautiful and wanted, but eventually start picking on her physical appearance to the point where she no longer feel attractive around you and therefore, wanted to flirt with other men to make herself feel better?
- Did you initially spend a lot of quality time with her, but eventually ignored her by overworking, playing video games all the time, hanging out with friends more than her, or doing anything that allowed you to get away from her?
- Did she initially feel like you and her were a good match, but you eventually made her feel like she was more valuable than you and as a result, she felt like she was trading down by being with a guy like you?
- Were you able to maintain your manliness in the relationship all the way, or did you end up becoming a bit too insecure and weak in your approach to her and the relationship?
- By going through those questions, you will have most likely been imagining different scenarios that you experienced with her.
As a result, you will now have more of an idea of what to change and improve to regain her respect, attraction and love.
When it becomes clear to you, don’t wait too long to change and then interact with her.
Get the job done.
If you wait too long, she will almost certainly begin to move on.
5. Don’t tell her that she means everything to you and you will be lost without her
Sometimes a guy might try to persuade his woman to change her mind about the break up by saying something along the lines of, “You mean the world to me. Everything I’ve ever done is to try and make you happy. Can’t you see that? Please baby, I need you so much. You’re the most important thing in my life and without you, my life just wouldn’t be worth living.”
He hopes that she will realize how important she is to him and then change her mind.
Yet, it almost never works out that way.
Although a woman appreciates it when a guy is devoted to her, loves and respects her as his woman, she doesn’t want to take on the role of being his sole purpose in life, or his main reason for living.
So, when a guy is saying that he needs her and would be lost without her, rather than feel flattered by his neediness, she feels turned off by it.
The reality is that a woman wants to be with a man who is happy, confident and forward moving in his life, with or without her support, approval or guidance.
She doesn’t want to feel as though he would fall apart without her.
So, if a woman gets a sense that she needs to support a guy emotionally by always being reassuring, she can never fully relax and be a feminine woman (i.e. emotionally unpredictable, occasionally illogical, throw a tantrum to test his confidence, change her mind like the weather) around him.
If she has to be like a masculine man (i.e. emotionally stable and strong, reassuring, logical, certain), she will feel unhappy to her core and that’s not how she wants to feel when in a relationship with a man.
So, if a guy says that she means everything to him and he’d be lost without her, she naturally pulls away from him even more.
This is why, if you want her to be your girl again, you need to genuinely feel happy about your life without her today.
When you interact with her and she senses that you are confident and happy without her, it makes her feel like she doesn’t have to keep her guard up around you.
Yet, if you come across in a way that suggests you are lost, lonely and sad without her, she will sense that you need her back to feel better about yourself.
As a result, she will put her guard up around you and remain closed off to you.
6. Don’t promise to wait as long as it takes for her to change her mind
That’s something a character will say in a movie and it’s nice for a movie, because you will see the couple go through all sorts of challenges while apart from each other and then get back together at the end of the movie.
Yet, in real life, promising to wait as long as it take for your ex to change her mind doesn’t make her come running back to you at the end of the movie.
If your woman has broken up with you, then it’s almost certainly because she no longer feels enough respect, attraction and love to be with you anymore.
Time away from her isn’t going to change that either, especially when she can easily meet a new man who will make her feel the kind of respect, attraction and love she is looking for.
Here’s the thing…
When it comes to getting an ex back, action is what works.
You’ve got to take action and guide her through the ex back process, rather than waiting around for an ex (who no longer has enough feelings for you) to come running back.
Additional Mistakes That Can Turn Her Off During and After the Break Up
1. Bombarding her with texts after the break up
Sometimes a guy assumes that if he stays on his ex’s mind with regular texts, she will be less likely to forget about him and move on.
Yet, in most cases, his constant or regular texting annoys her.
If it annoys her enough, she might block his number on her phone and even unfriend him on social media, which then makes it difficult for him to get her back.
So, what should you do?
While it’s fine to send some texts after a break up, the best way to make her enjoy interacting with you is on a phone call or in person.
That might feel like it’s too much to ask of her after a break up, but it’s what works.
2. Sending her soppy, romantic texts about your feelings after the break up
Although that kind of approach might work in some movies, in real life, it just makes a guy look needy, wimpy and desperate.
As a result, it turns a woman off and makes her feel as though he has lost a lot of the confidence and emotional masculinity that she originally fell in love with.
So, if you pour your heart out to your ex in an overly sentimental way, rather than making her think, “Wow! This is sooooo romantic! I always wanted him to be lovey-dovey with me,” she’s simply going to wonder why you’ve become so desperate and needy all of a sudden.
Since women aren’t attracted to neediness and desperation in men, the soppy romantic texts will turn her off and make her feel happy about her decision to break up with you.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Appearing to be sad, lonely or dejected in social media posts
Sometimes a guy will use social media (e.g. Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat) as a way of letting his ex see how sad he’s been since the break up.
Secretly, he’s hopes that when his ex sees how sad he’s been feeling without her, she will feel sorry for him and come running back to him to make him feel better.
That can work if a woman is still in love with her ex, has been missing him and wants to get back with him.
Yet, in almost all cases, a woman has lost her feelings of respect, attraction and love for her ex, so seeing him looking sad, lonely and desperate just turns her off even more.
It also helps convince her that she’s probably better off without him because he’s clearly not an emotionally strong man who can handle himself under pressure.
Instead, he’s a needy guy who seeks pity from friends, family and potentially from her on social media.
That’s not attractive to a woman.
So, if you want your ex back, make sure you don’t turn her off by appearing sad, lonely and helpless without her in anyway on social media or in person.
Instead, if you intend using social media to get her attention, do it in a positive way.
Post up photos of yourself having fun with other people where you look confident, happy and included.
That makes women feel respect and attraction for a guy because women know that it takes a lot of emotional strength to immediately bounce back after a break up and live a happy, confident life.
4. Completely cutting off contact and just waiting and hoping that she changes her mind
That can sometimes work if a woman is still in love with her ex and secretly wants him back.
He doesn’t contact her, she worries about losing him and then contacts him and tries to get the relationship back together.
Yet, in almost all ex back cases where a guy needs help to get his ex woman back, she isn’t still in love with him and secretly hoping to get back with him.
Instead, she has lost so much respect, attraction and love for him that she wants to break up and try to move on without him.
So, waiting for weeks, months and in some cases even years for your ex to change her mind rarely works.
Here’s the reality…
If you’re not actively doing anything to change her feelings for you, then she’s probably not going to suddenly start wishing that you and her could get back together just because you’ve been ignoring her.
Instead, she will begin to forget about you, move on and fall in love with a new man.
Then, by the time you build up the courage to contact her, rather than being happy to hear from you, she might say something along the lines of, “Why are you contacting me now? We’ve been broken up for a long time. I’m in a new relationship, I’m happy again and that’s the way I want to keep it. So, please stay out of my life and don’t call me again. Goodbye.”
I feel sorry for guys who get that type of reaction from their ex woman, after using a no contact approach on her.
It simply doesn’t work on the majority of women.
So, if you want your ex to be your girl again, don’t take the risk of ignoring her for weeks or months.
If you do that, she will probably move on and not want to get back with you again.
If you want her back now or within the next week, call her on the phone and then arrange to meet up with her in person, so you can fully reawaken her feelings for you.
When she is feeling new sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you, she will naturally want to change her mind and open up to you to see where things go.
Yet, if you just cut off communication and wait, she probably won’t take the risk of contacting you (in case you reject her) and will likely try to make herself feel better by hooking up with a new guy.