Here 5 things you can do to change your ex girlfriend’s evasive behavior and get her to be more open and willing to give you another chance.
1. Stop giving her the impression that you’re chasing a relationship
Chasing a relationship is the #1 thing that will cause an ex girl to be evasive, cagey or unclear when interacting with you.
Evasive (adjective): Tending to avoid commitment. Answering questions in a way that is not direct or clear, especially because the person does not want to give an honest answer.
From her perspective, she has broken up with you and most likely wants to remain broken up.
As a result, if you’re asking whether or not she will give you another chance, or if you’re pushing for a committed relationship, then she might decide to be evasive with her answers rather than telling you the truth.
The reality is that you CAN make her regret her decision to break up with you and then want you back, but you won’t achieve that by seeming to only be interested in getting her to commit to a relationship with you.
If you are pushing for a relationship before you make her want you back, then she will almost certainly continue to be evasive with you.
Unfortunately, when gets dumped by a girlfriend that he is still in love with, he will usually feel a lot of emotional pain and want to get her back right away to make himself feel better.
He might also begin to worry about her opening herself up to new guys (dating, kissing, having sex), which can cause him to panic and try to rush the process of getting her back into a committed relationship with him.
So will text, email, call or attempt to see her in person to discuss the relationship and try to work things out.
From her perspective the relationship is over, so there’s nothing left to discuss.
Yet, from his perspective, he is still in love with her, still wants a relationship, knows that he can change or fix whatever she wants and therefore, there are many things that still need to be discussed.
As a result, he might say to her, “Why won’t you just talk about what happened so we can work things out?” or, “I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to make things right between us again” or, “Just give me a chance to talk to you. I want to work things out. We can make this work.”
Yet, rather than making her think, “Wow! He’s clearly ready to fix things so that we can get back together. Okay, well I will discuss everything with him so we can get back together” she pulls away and tries to avoid him (i.e. she becomes evasive, hard to reach).
So, while her ex is trying hard to get her to commit to giving the relationship another chance, she may be thinking things like, “Why is he trying to pressure me into doing something that I don’t want right now? Doesn’t he get it that I have broken up with him?”
She may even begin to feel annoyed that he hasn’t yet realized that if he wants her back, he has to be able to make her feel a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for him, rather than trying to push for a relationship because he wants it, or because he is sorry and is promising that he’ll do better.
Always remember: When getting a woman back, you need to focus on making her feel new sparks of respect, attraction and love for you.
In other words, it’s about her feelings, not yours.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys never realize that until it’s too late, so they keep pushing for a relationship when the woman just isn’t feeling enough respect, attraction and love for him to want it.
Without those feelings, she remains guarded and behaves in an evasive way towards her ex.
So, the way to deal with your evasive ex girlfriend is to first make sure that you’re not putting any pressure on her to commit to the idea of a relationship.
Next, you need to change your approach so that every time you interact with her on the phone or in person, you are sparking new feelings of sexual and romantic attraction inside of her.
You can do that by flirting with her, remaining confident no matter how difficult she is being to make you lose confidence, making her laugh and smile when she talks to you, being masculine in your vibe, energy, conversation style and behavior so she feels feminine and girly in comparison to you and so on.
On that note…
2. Start using humor to get her enjoying interactions with you, rather than making her dread interactions or avoid them altogether
Every time a guy interacts with his ex girlfriend, he tries to get into a deep discussion about the relationship to hopefully patch things up between them.
This becomes exhausting for the woman and she then begins to dread interacting with him, or she starts trying to avoid him or ignore him.
Alternatively, imagine that a guy always asks his ex girlfriend what she’s been doing and who she’s been hanging out with since they broke up.
He might also regularly ask her if she’s seeing anyone else.
As a result, she may begin to feel like he is jealous, insecure or trying to control her, which will cause her to resent him and feel turned off by him.
She might then think something like, “It’s none of his business how I choose to live my life now. I’m not his girlfriend anymore, so why should I have to explain myself and tell him everything I’ve been doing and who I’ve been doing it with? It’s starting to get annoying.”
If he keeps asking, she might eventually snap at him and tell him to mind his own business, which can then lead to accusations of cheating or an argument, which will then push them further apart.
This is why, you need to make sure that your interactions with your are fun and enjoyable, so she naturally feels motivated to talk to you and see you.
For example: If a guy called his ex girlfriend and she rudely said, “What do you want?” he could laugh and say (in a joking manner), “For you to come over and make me a sandwich. I’m hungry” and then have a laugh with her.
She might initially feel a bit pissed off (she was already pissed off at the start of the call), but since he had the balls to make a joke in a moment like that while still being a good man about it (i.e. he said it in a light-hearted, easy-going, joking manner), she will naturally feel some respect and attraction for him, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
When it comes to interacting with women, you always have to remember that they love balls.
Women can’t go around openly admitting it, because it would result in men being too ballsy to the point of possibly being very arrogant, but just have a look at the men who women lust after the most and you will notice that the guy has balls (i.e. he isn’t afraid of women, he remains confident and masculine regardless of what people say or do around him).
As I explain in the video above, if you fear a woman’s reaction, she won’t feel attraction.
So, don’t ever be afraid to joke with a woman, especially when she is pissed off to begin with.
For example: If a guy called his ex girlfriend and she rudely said, “What do you want?” he could laugh and say (in a joking manner), “For you to come over and make me a sandwich. I’m hungry” and then have a laugh with her.
She might then say, “Umm, we are broken up. I’m not making you a sandwich” and he can then laugh and say, “I know, but you can’t blame a man for trying, especially when you make such great sandwiches. If you can’t make me a sandwich, how about a coffee?”
Obviously, he would say that in a light-hearted, easy-going and playful manner, while also being serious about it at the same time.
He could add, “We should catch up just as friend to say hi. I’m sure we’re mature enough to do that, right? You can handle it. Let’s catch up sometime this week for a coffee. I’m going to be busy on Monday and Wednesday, but I’m got time available on Tuesday and Thursday. Which of those days are best for you? We’ll catch up for a quick coffee to say hi.”
If she reacts in an evasive way and says, “I don’t know” then he can say, “Well look, let’s say 7pm on Tuesday. If you can’t make it, I won’t be mad. It’s fine, but I think it would be good to catch up as friends to say hi.”
If she says, “No” he can always use the line that I’ve had many clients test over the years, which almost always gets a meet up locked in, even with the most stubborn of ex girlfriends.
That is, “Okay, I tell you what. Let’s catch up for a coffee as friends to say hi. If you decide that you never want to speak to me again after that, then I promise and you have my word that I’ll never contact you again. So, if you like, it can be a chance to say goodbye as friends in a mature way and then never speak to each other again. Let’s catch up for a quick coffee on Tuesday, alright?”
Almost all women say yes to that and then, at the meet up, you re-attract her, seduce her and make her want to see you again.
Therefore, you don’t have to ‘never contact her again’ because she actually wants to be in contact with you and see you again.
3. Make sure that you’re not trying to achieve everything via text
In today’s world, the vast majority of interactions between people happen digitally (e.g. via text, email, social media).
So, when it comes to getting an ex girlfriend back after a break up, a guy might assume that he can achieve most of it via text.
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a woman is in love with her boyfriend and is happy in a relationship, she will enjoy hearing from him via text, even if it’s just a quick text to say “Hi,” or a text about something random.
Yet, when a woman dumps her boyfriend, she will usually disconnect from her positive feelings for him (e.g. love, attraction) and focus on the negative ones (e.g. disappointed in him for becoming so insecure near the end of the relationship, annoyed at how he treated her during the relationship, turned off by how he behaved leading up the break up, during it and afterwards, angry that she wasted her time with him).
As a result, she won’t really be very happy to be texting back and forth with him all the time.
Additionally, if he keeps texting, she may begin to close up and become suspicious of his motives (e.g. if he says that he doesn’t want her back, but then texts her every day, of if he tries to ‘be there’ for her after the break up by being a good friend).
If she senses that his actual intentions are to hopefully get her back, she will naturally start to close up and keep her guard up when interacting with him.
She may even get to the point where she starts ignoring him, or in some cases, blocks him for a while so she can move on with a new guy first, before unblocking him.
So, although texting an ex girlfriend is perfectly fine, trying to go from being broken up to back together again without including phone conversations or face-to-face meet ups is not a good idea.
If you only text, it can make an ex girlfriend feel as though you’re not serious enough about getting her back, you’re just texting to make yourself feel better, or that you don’t have the balls to call her, or suggest catching up with you in person, which will make her feel turned off.
Additionally, she can easily misinterpret your texts as being needy, insecure or rude, even if you’re actually being confident, relaxed, or sincere and easy-going when you send them.
Since she can’t look you in the eye, assess your body language, or at least hear the tonality of your voice, then she will almost certainly think the worst (i.e. you’re desperate for her, you’re trying to manipulate her, you’re just acting like a friend and hoping that she eventually says she wants you back, you don’t have the balls to call her).
This is why, if you want your ex girlfriend to stop being so evasive, you should aim to complete the majority of the ex back process on a phone call and then in person.
On a phone call, she can sense your confidence (via your tonality, the way you respond, the pace at which you speak, what you are comfortable talking about) and in person, she can see it and experience it right in front of her.
When you re-attract your ex on a call (audio or video) or in person, she naturally starts to feel drawn to you again and open to interacting with you further.
When that happens, she automatically stops wanting to avoid you and starts to want to interact with you more to see how she feels.
You can then fully reactivate her feelings and get her back.
Yet, if you just text, she will almost certainly get bored or annoyed with it and end up ignoring you or temporarily blocking you so she can have space to move on with new guys.
Remember: Texting is fine if you want to open the lines of communication with your ex (especially if she’s being evasive and won’t take your calls or agree to meet up with you right away), but it’s not the solution to fix everything and get her back.
At some point (sooner than later), you need to take things to the next level and get her on a call and then to a meet up, so you can fully reactivate her feelings for you.
So, if you haven’t already done so, stop texting your ex and…
4. Attract her on a phone call or in person and then don’t contact her again for a week
Since your ex girlfriend has become evasive, the best approach to use is to re-attract her (so she wants you back) and don’t contact her for a week, so she misses you.
If she contacts you during that time, then answer, respond and get to another catch up.
Yet, if she doesn’t contact you, just leave her and let her miss you and really hope that you contact her again.
Then, when you contact her, she will be happy to hear from you and keen to meet up.
Of course, not all women are the same and sometimes, if you don’t contact a woman for a week, she won’t immediately answer your texts or calls.
Don’t give up if that happens.
Just understand that sometimes, a woman doesn’t want to appear to desperate or keen, so she will pretend to be busy.
Alternatively, sometimes a woman will want to see that her ex boyfriend is willing to contact her again if she doesn’t answer, so she can see that he is serious enough about getting her back.
However, don’t be afraid to re-attract her, make her want you back and then not contact her for a week so she is missing you and wanting you back.
When she can’t really sleep at night because she’s thinking about you and missing you, a woman will almost always give in and contact you.
If she doesn’t, you can bet that she will smile and be happy and excited when you do contact her.
Important: Make sure that you interact with her, re-attract her and make her feel desire for you before you stop contacting her for a week.
If you just suddenly stop contacting her when she isn’t attracted and wanting you, then she’s almost certainly not going to care.
Some of the many ways that you can re-attract your ex girlfriend during interactions are by:
- Flirting with her to create some sexual tension between you, rather than acting just a friend.
- Being prepared for when she tests your confidence (e.g. by being cold, bitchy, acting bored with you), so you don’t begin doubting yourself and reacting in an insecure way. When she can see that you are able to remain confident no matter what she says or does, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
- Making sure that you feel worthy of her, rather than beginning to act like a rejected guy who isn’t good enough for her.
- Using playfully challenging humor, so she feels excited, challenged and turned on, rather than just using nice, polite, sweet or cute humor. An example of playfully challenging humor is if she texts you, “Do you miss me?” and you then reply, “Hang on. Who’s this? What’s your name again?” or, “Only as much as you’ve missed me” or, “I miss your cooking, but I don’t miss you” and with that last one, add a smiley face with the tongue sticking out, or a laughing emoji.
- Showing her via your attitude, conversation style, behavior and the way you respond to what she says and does, that you’re now a new and improved man that she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love again, rather than continuing to make the same old attraction mistakes as you did before, which lead to her losing interest and wanting to break up.
Once you’ve reawakened her feelings and she seems relaxed, interested and happy to be talking to you again, you can say something along the lines of, “Anyway, I’ve got to go now, but it was good talking to you/seeing you again. Maybe we can do it again sometime,” and then end the text chat, hang up the phone, or get up to leave if you’re seeing her in person (obviously after you and her have both said goodbye of course).
From there, cut off contact with her for a week to give her time to really miss you and regret not trying to arrange to see you again.
During that time, she might text to see if you respond, or call you and hope that you answer.
Alternatively, she might just wait for you to contact her again.
Many women do wait because they’re worried that their ex boyfriend will reject them and if that happens, she is then the one being dumped and left behind.
So, regardless of what happens (i.e. she contacts you or not), after a week is up, you need to call her again, make her feel sparks of attraction and then arrange to see her in person so that you can get her back for real.
If you ignore her for longer than a week, you run the risk of making her think that you’re not interested in her anymore, or that you don’t know what else to do to get her back.
In most cases, a woman will then try to move on by hooking up with new men to make herself feel better.
So, don’t leave it longer than a week.
When you do contact her again, make sure that you…
5. Let her sense that you’re not trying to get anything from her (i.e. you’re not pushing for a relationship) and are fine without her
This is important to do with an ex girlfriend who has been evasive to you in the past.
It’s not about saying to her, “Hey, I’m fine without you” or, “I don’t need you,” but just letting her sense that based on the fact that you don’t seem insecure, tense, needy or worried when talking to her.
If she can get that sense from you, then she will be more relaxed and open when talking with you, which will result in a more natural, flowing and fun conversation.
She will feel more comfortable show some interest in you because you’re not pushing for a relationship.
Then, in the process of showing some interest in you, she will be investing herself in the process of getting you back, which then makes it easier for you.
On the other hand, if a woman senses that her ex is struggling in life without her (e.g. he feels lost, lonely, sad, depressed), then she will almost certainly pull away from him more.
Here’s the thing…
Even though a woman does appreciate it when a guy wants her, she also wants him to be his own man at the same time (i.e. be emotionally independent).
Being emotionally independent means that he can be and is confident, happy and forward moving with or without her in his life.
This is attractive to all types of women, even those who don’t admit it.
On the other hand, if a woman senses that her ex boyfriend (who she dumped and doesn’t really want to be with anymore) is lost, depressed and insecure without her (i.e. he is emotionally dependent on her), then she will naturally feel turned off by him.
First and foremost, women aren’t attracted to emotional weakness and dependence in men.
Secondly, women know that if they get back with a boyfriend who became lost and depressed without her, he will almost certainly become clingy, needy and maybe even controlling in the long run if she got back with him.
So, rather than having to deal with all that, she will be evasive when her ex tries to talk to her to hopefully get her back.
Essentially, she will try to distance herself from him in the hope that he will eventually give up and leave her alone.
In the meantime, she will try to quickly move on by opening herself to dating new men.
This is why, if you want to get your evasive ex girlfriend back, you must show her that even though you still care about her and want her back, you don’t actually need her back to then be able to live a happy and productive life again.
Of course, as I mentioned, you shouldn’t tell her that you don’t need her.
Instead, show her during interactions (via your attitude and the way you talk and behave) that you’re confident, have been living a happy life without her and have making progress on your goals and ambitions.
Additionally, let her experience your newfound level confidence and emotional independence, so she can feel attracted to the new and improved you.
One of the ways to let her experience that is by talking to her in a light-hearted, easy-going way that shows you’re not trying to get anything from her.
Of course, it doesn’t mean that you don’t want her back.
You do want her back and that is fine.
You will get her back as well.
However, with an evasive girlfriend, what she needs to see is that you don’t need her to feel confident, happy or to live a productive, forward moving life.
When she senses your non-neediness (i.e. your emotional independence), she will naturally relax her guard and open up to you further, which then allows you to fully re-attract her and get her back.
5 Mistakes to Avoid Making With an Evasive Ex Girlfriend
So, now that I’ve taught you what to do, here’s what not to do if you want to get your ex girlfriend back.
1. Asking her why she is being so evasive
Sometimes a guy will feel as though he has a right to know why his ex girlfriend is being evasive.
Here’s the reality though…
A man or a woman does not have to say or do anything in a relationship, or when broken up.
Everything that a man or a woman does is a choice.
For example: A guy can choose to be a good guy, treat his girlfriend well and surprise her sometimes on her birthday.
Yet, he doesn’t have to.
Likewise, a woman can love her boyfriend, be loyal to him and always treat him well.
Yet, she doesn’t have to.
The same applies to break ups.
A woman can tell her boyfriend why she is being evasive, or she can decide not to.
It’s totally up to her.
The ex boyfriend doesn’t have a right to know.
Instead, it would be good if she told him, but she simply doesn’t have to.
So, if an ex boyfriend keeps asking her, “Why are you being like this?” and so on, his girlfriend may end up feeling very annoyed and pissed off with him.
She might think something like, “How dare he ask me why I’m being evasive. Does he think that he owns me or something? It’s so typical of him to act like a victim and try to make me feel as though I’m the one who is being a bad person for not opening up to him. We’ve broken up. Doesn’t he get that? I don’t have to tell him anything. I don’t owe him any explanation other than what I’ve told him. I can now do what I want now. It’s my life. He doesn’t own me.”
As a result, she might then become even more evasive when talking to him, just to prove her point that she can do whatever she wants now.
At the same time, she may be focusing on finding herself a replacement guy as quickly as possible, so she can move on and rub that in her ex’s face.
So, if you don’t want to push your ex girlfriend further away than she already is, don’t make the mistake of asking her why she is being evasive, sneaky, cagey, deceptive, vague or ambiguous.
Essentially, don’t go to her with questions like, “Why are you being like this? Why can’t you just talk straight with me? Let’s clear this up. I want to talk, but you’re avoiding me. Just talk to me.”
Instead, use interactions that you have with her to make her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you, rather than making her feel like you’re trying to pressure her into getting back with you.
The less pressured she feels when interacting with you, the less evasive she will be.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Seeming to be annoyed at her for how long she takes to reply, or at the short replies she gives you via text
Always remember: A man or a woman don’t have to do anything at all in a relationship.
Everything is a choice.
It’s not mandatory for to reply to you at all.
She can reply quickly, slowly, rarely or never at all.
It’s totally up to her.
Yet, if you want her to reply faster and want to see you in person, then make sure that your texts make her feel attracted and drawn to you.
Additionally, when you think she is feeling enough attraction and is open to you, proceed to a phone call (audio or video) and attract her further on the call (i.e. flirt with her, make her laugh and smile, let her experience your new and improved confidence).
Then, arrange to catch up in person, so you can then fully re-attract her and get to a hug, kiss, sex and back into a relationship.
So, don’t get annoyed at her texting style, or the speed at which she texts.
Additionally, don’t feel like she owes you anything.
The way to get an ex woman back is to make her feel like she will regret it if she doesn’t give you another chance.
The way to do that is to re-attract her.
Re-attract her, make her want you and then get her back, or re-attract her, make her want you, give her a week of space, contact her again, attract her, arrange a meet up and get her back.
Don’t make the mistake of trying to get her back via text and only text.
Most women will get bored of texting their ex boyfriend and either start ignoring him, or will eventually block him.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Using an approach that isn’t working and then continuing to do it because you don’t know what else to do
If a guy continues using the same approach with his ex girlfriend (e.g. being extra nice to her in the hope that she will be more open, acting like he just wants to ‘be there for her’ as a friend, sucking up to her, trying to discuss his way back into a relationship), he will keep getting the same results, or his results will get worse (i.e. she will ignore him or block him).
This is why, if your current approach to your ex girlfriend hasn’t been working, you need to try something new.
You need to level up your ability to attract her, so you can give what I call a Next Level Attraction Experience.
Watch the video below (from 6 minutes, 41 seconds into the video) for some examples…
4. Assuming that she has to be available to you because she’s your ex
Sometimes, a guy might think, “After all we’ve been through together, she owes it to me to at least discuss the relationship. I did so much for her and was always there for her and now she’s just turning her back on me. That’s just not right. She owes it to me to talk to me.”
It seems like he is right, but unfortunately, there is no law that says that woman must talk to her ex boyfriend and discuss the relationship.
The same applies to men who break up with women.
No further explanations are needed from the guy, unless he wants to give them.
This is because you don’t ever own your girlfriend and she doesn’t own you.
You are both individuals.
You and her were individuals before getting into the relationship, during it and now after it as well.
There is no mandatory obligation to discuss anything.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys who are hurting from a break up tend to forget about that and end up complaining to their ex girl and sometimes even demanding that she discuss the relationship with him
Yet, she doesn’t feel like she owes him anything and, she doesn’t want to have to explain everything in case he then says, “Okay, I get it. I will change. I will fix all of those things. Please give me another chance. I promise you that I will change.”
If she opens herself up to that, he might be able to get her back without having to change and he might then end up dumping her.
So, to avoid all of that, a woman will try to move on, unless she can clearly see that her ex has already changed.
The way to show her that is to interact with her and let her experience the changes in you (e.g. you are so much more confident than before, you are able to flirt with her and create a sexual vibe between you and her to bring the spark back to life, you are more mature and manly in the way you think, feel, talk and behave now).
When she experiences that, she naturally stops being so evasive and begins to open back up to you again.
You can then get her back.
Yet, if you assume that she should make herself available to you just because you and her had a relationship (or because you treated her so well during it), she will feel like you’re out of line and will want to show you that you no longer have any control over her.
The next mistake to avoid is…
5. Giving up on her when she eventually goes cold, or you get tired of trying to get a decent response from her
If you’re serious about getting your ex girlfriend back, don’t just give up because she’s not making it easy for you at the moment.
Most women don’t initially make it easy to get them back.
Instead, a woman will usually be evasive, stubborn or vague, until her ex can reawaken her feelings for him.
If he can do that, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
Then, she naturally opens back up to him and he can get her back.
So, don’t give up and end up missing out on an opportunity to be with the love of your life again.
It’s actually a lot easier than you might think.