If you you’re wondering what to say to get your woman back after taking her for granted, here is what you need to do…
Tell her that you’re sorry, that everyone makes mistakes and you regret that she had to be the one to teach you a lesson.
Let her know that you don’t expect her to get back with you, but that you still love her.
Once you’ve done that, don’t waste any more time dwelling on past mistakes (e.g. by constantly putting yourself down, letting your ex get away with complaining about how you treated her) to hopefully gain pity from her.
Instead, just show her that you now understand where you went wrong, while at the same time explaining to her that it’s okay for a guy to slip up in a relationship, as long as he learns from it and becomes a better man as a result.
Make sure that you tell her, “I’m not expecting you to agree with that or take me back because it’s okay for a guy to make mistakes and then become a better man. I’m just saying that it happens, that it’s common and that I’m sorry that you had to be the one to teach me a harsh lesson by dumping me for taking you for granted.”
Tell Her on a Phone Call or in Person, Not Via Text
Pretty much every man that I’ve helped to get a woman back has made the mistake of trying to apologize, explain and reason with his ex woman via text.
Believe me, it doesn’t work.
Text is the worst way to explain to her that you’re sorry and to let her sense the changes in you.
She has to hear the tone of your voice and how you come across on a phone call or in person to be able to sense the real changes that you have made.
If she currently hates you, despises you or thinks negatively of you and doesn’t believe that you have changed, you will not be able to change her mind via text.
She has to hear it on a phone call or see it by talking to you in person.
So, the next time you interact with your ex on a phone call or in person, start by saying something like, “Hey…I just want you to know that I now understand where I went wrong when we were together. I really did take you for granted and made you feel like you were not very important to me. Of course, you were important to me, but I can now see how my behavior could have made you think that I didn’t care about you. I get that now…and even though I can’t take back the things I did that caused you pain, I can show you from this point forward that I accept responsibility for my actions and I am a better and stronger man now because of everything that happened between us. I also understand that it’s probably difficult for you to believe me right now…and you most likely don’t even want to consider giving me another chance…and that’s okay. I accept that.”
By saying something like that to her, it takes away her need to continually hold your past mistakes against you.
Basically, what you’re telling her is, “Yes, I messed up…and I understand that now. I know what I did wrong and I’ve made the effort to change and become a better man because of it.”
You’re not asking her to take you back though.
This is really important.
Don’t ask her to reconsider the relationship and give you another chance at this point.
Don’t put any pressure on her to change her mind about breaking up with you.
Simply make her feel heard and understood.
From there, every time you interact with her (e.g. via text message, on a phone call or in person) you’ve got to focus on saying and doing the types of things that will rebuild her feelings of respect and attraction for you again, so that she can begin to trust you and open up to you.
Say What She Needs to Hear, Not What You Think She Might Want to Hear
When a woman breaks up with a guy who took her for granted, she will have usually allowed negative emotions such as anger, resentment, disillusionment and disappointment, to push her positive emotions for him (e.g. respect, attraction and love) into the background.
From her perspective, she once loved him and felt so much for him, but now all she feels are negative emotions that make her want to stay away from him.
Depending on how the guy approaches the ex back process, he will either turn her off even more or, if he does it correctly, actively rebuild her trust and respark her feelings of respect, attraction and love.
For example: Some guys feel so desperate to get their ex back that they seem to be willing to say or do almost anything she wants to just get another chance with her.
Yet, while that might get a woman back temporarily, it doesn’t work to keep the relationship together because women are not attracted to desperation in men.
3 Common Mistakes That Guys Make When Trying to Get a Woman Back After Taking Her For Granted
If you want to get your ex back after taking her for granted, try to avoid making the following mistakes.
If you’ve already made these mistakes – don’t worry, you can recover from it by doing the right things from now on.
Here are the 3 mistakes that a lot of guys make…
1. He goes overboard to show her how much he cares and ends up behaving in a desperate way.
Naturally, being broken up with because a guy took his woman for granted is going to leave him feeling upset, rejected and annoyed with himself.
He might even be thinking things like, “You’ve ruined the best relationship of your life with the most amazing woman you’ve ever met! You’re such an idiot! How could you let a good woman like her down? What got into you? How could you have treated her so badly. You have to show her that you truly care about her now. Be the absolute best boyfriend (or husband) that ever walked the face of the Earth. Show her how much you care!”
He might then go completely overboard (e.g. buying her expensive gifts, showering her with attention, offering to run errands for her or pay for things) and he might even resort to begging and pleading with her, or apologizing excessively, in an attempt to show her how sorry he is and how much he cares for her.
For example: He might buy her an expensive gift and then when he gives it to her, say something like, “I know I took you for granted, but I’m willing to do anything you want me to do to show you how much I regret hurting you, and to prove my love for you. I can’t go on without you in my life. I just want you to forgive me and let me show you that I’ve changed. I promise that I’ll never treat you like that again if you give me another chance.”
However, when a guy behaves in a desperate way (e.g. runs around after his ex and begs or pleads for forgiveness or attention from her) it actually makes the woman lose even more respect and attraction for him, because women are turned off by emotional weakness in men.
Women are instinctively more attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, determination, the ability to face his problems head on in a confident, calm and controlled manner) and turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. neediness, handing all his power over to the woman, becoming an emotional wreck when going through challenging times in life).
So, when a guy goes overboard by begging, pleading, apologizing and generally doing whatever his ex wants in order for her to give him a second chance, she will perceive him as being emotionally weak and that will cause her to lose respect and attraction for him even more.
How about you?
Have you been behaving in desperate ways around your ex?
If you have, don’t worry about it.
It’s not the end of the world. You can fix it by simply changing the way that you interact with her from now on.
When you adjust how you’re talking to her in a way that sparks some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you again, everything begins to change.
For example: Rather than buying her lots of expensive gifts that she doesn’t really want or need, or saying that you’ll do anything if she gives you another chance, you simply need to think, talk, behave, take action and react to her in an attractive way from now on.
Be confident, funny and charming, rather than being insecure, serious and annoying to her.
Be a man that she can look up to and respect, rather than being someone who needs her approval or is an emotional wreck without her and needs her support.
When you focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you based on the changes you’ve made, the process of getting her back becomes easier because she is feeling open to you.
She’s no longer thinking, “I can’t forgive him for taking me for granted. I just don’t trust him anymore,” because she is now seeing you in a different (and more positive) light.
The next mistake that guys often make after being dumped for taking a woman for granted is that…
2. He pours his heart out to her.
When a guy loses the woman that he loves because he took her for granted, he might decide that the only way to make her see how sorry he is, and to convince her that he will treat her better if she gives him another chance, is by repeatedly telling her how much she means to him.
For example: He might say things like, “I want you to know that you mean more to me than anyone else in my life. Without you my life would be meaningless. I know that I messed up before, but I would rather die than hurt you like that again. I just lost my way during our relationship, but if you give me another chance I will treat you like a princess for the rest of my life. You can ask for anything and I will do it for you. Just give me one more chance and I’ll show you that I’m a changed man. You mean everything to me and I don’t care about anything unless I have you.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
A woman doesn’t care that a guy is pouring his heart out to her if she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.
Even though he’s trying to make her see that he’s a changed man, she’s usually just going to say something like, “Look, I trusted you and you let me down. I loved you and I was a good girlfriend (fiancé or wife) and you just took me for granted for way too long. I know that you’re sorry about it now, but it’s just too little too late. It’s over between us.”
If you want to get your ex back, don’t waste your time pouring your heart out to her before making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you first.
If she’s not feeling enough respect and attraction for you right now, pouring your heart out (i.e. talking about your feelings) just isn’t going to matter to her.
When you re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, she won’t be able to stop herself from letting her guard down, even just a little bit.
She will start to think, “I know he took me for granted, but it’s true…everyone makes mistakes in relationships. He really seems to be sorry about it now and I can see that he means it. Maybe if I give him another chance things will be different between us this time.”
Important: From all of my experience helping men to get women back, I’ve found that a woman will only begin to feel that way if the guy actively rebuilds her feelings of respect and attraction first, before asking for a relationship.
If you just pour your heart out to her and ask for another chance, she’s probably not going to care about your “feelings” because she doesn’t have enough feelings for you.
3. He sends her long texts, e-mails or letters explaining what he has learned and how things would be different if she’d just give him another chance.
The shock of getting dumped after taking their woman for granted is usually motivation enough for most guys to change their behavior for real.
In cases like this, a guy will know that he’s learned his lesson and that things will be different between him and his woman if she just gives him another chance.
He might then send her a long text message, e-mail or letter explaining that he’s figured out where he went wrong and ask her to give him another chance.
For example: He might write something like, “I know I took you for granted because I didn’t spend enough time with you and I didn’t help out with the chores around the house. I see that now and I’ve really changed. If you give me one more chance, I promise that things will be different.”
Yet here’s the thing though…
If he has turned her off and ruined her feelings of trust for him, she’s probably not going to believe him.
She will likely be thinking, “That’s what you say now, but you told me you would change many times before we broke up and always went back to behaving in the same ways. Why should I believe that this time things would really be different? I just don’t trust you anymore. My heart wants to be with you, but my mind is telling me to leave you.”
Texting her or e-mailing her your explanations is the worst way to try to get her back, so just don’t do it.
If you’ve already been messaging her and e-mailing her to try to convince her to give you another chance, just stop it now and only communicate with her if it’s on a phone call or in person.
When a woman can’t see a guy’s body language, hear the tonality of his voice, or judge his actions and behavior in person or on a phone, she only has her past experiences with him to judge him on.
He might have sent her a perfectly crafted text that took him a long time to come up with, but the text, social media message or e-mail are just empty words on a screen to her.
She can’t know for sure if he is for real this time.
If the guy often said things like, “I’ve changed. I promise I won’t do that again,” and then fell back into the habit of doing the same things again, she will expect that it will keep happening.
Even if he has sincerely learned from his mistakes and has now changed, she won’t believe him if he tells her that in a text, e-mail or letter.
As the old saying goes, “Seeing is believing.”
This is part of the reason why I have videos on this page, so you can watch and listen to me, rather than only have words on a screen from a faceless teacher.
By watching my free, helpful videos, you get to see that I am for real.
You can see that I really am here to help you and that I have a lot of knowledge and experience helping men to get women back.
So, if you want to convince your woman that you’ve really changed, don’t waste a lot of time writing to her, texting her or messaging her and hoping that the way you type your words will make all the difference to her.
You have to get her on a phone call and then meet up with her in person, so that she can hear, see and experience the new you for herself.
Only send her a quick text or e-mail, as a way to get her on a phone call, where you can then actively make her laugh, smile and feel good to be interacting with you again.
From there, get her to meet up with you in person and actively work on rebuilding her feelings and trust via the way you talk, think, behave, react to what she says and does.
When she begins to trust you again, her guard will naturally come down and you can then quickly guide her back into a relationship.
Getting Her Back
Right now, your ex might be saying things like, “I can’t forgive you for the way you treated me,” or “It’s just too late. You messed things up and I’m not going to put myself through that again.”
Yet, that doesn’t mean her feelings for you will never change.
Think about it this way…
When she first met you, her feelings for you were neutral. In her eyes, you were just another random guy that she had no feelings for.
Then, over time, your actions and behavior made her feel attracted to you and she gradually fell in love with you.
That was the first time her feelings about you changed. She went from nothing and neutral to attracted and in love.
Yet, when your behavior and actions changed during the relationship (e.g. you began to take her for granted), she stopped feeling enough respect, attraction and love for you to want to stay in the relationship.
Her feelings then changed.
A woman can literally go from feeling nothing for you to loving you, to falling out of love with you and then back in love with you again when you trigger the right emotions inside of her.
Remember: Mistakes in relationships do happen.
What you did wasn’t good, but it’s not something that you should beat yourself up over for life.
You are a better man now because you’ve learned from your mistakes.
Yes, you took your woman for granted, and yes, she broke up with you because of that.
However, that’s not what defines you as a man.
The main thing to focus on now is that you have learned from your past mistakes and are now a better man because of it.
In summary, what to say to get her back after taking her for granted is this…
- Apologize for what you did (as mentioned in the example at the start of the article).
- Begin to rebuild her feelings of trust, respect, attraction, and love over the next 2-3 interactions (via your actions, behavior and thinking) in person or on a phone call.
Her guard will then come down and you can quickly guide her back into a relationship.