People don’t always see things the same way all the time, which is why it is perfectly normal for a couple to fight once in a while.
However, if you want your relationship to stay together for life, you must always try to bring everything back to laughter, smiling and love, rather than trying to outwit her, make her look stupid or intimidate her with aggression.
Fighting is fine, but bring it back to love.
How you handle arguments and disagreements is very important because what you say and do during those moments will either bring you and your woman closer together, or cause you to grow apart.
So, if you’re wondering what to say to your girlfriend after a fight, here are some quick do’s and don’ts to keep in mind:
1. Don’t Beg For Her Forgiveness
Apologizing and saying “I’m sorry” after a fight is perfectly okay; especially if you’re responsible for what caused the fight in the first place (e.g. you broke a promise, said something hurtful to her).
However, no matter how badly you messed up, pleading and begging her to forgive you is the worst thing you can do at this time. Why?
Right now, your girlfriend is feeling angry, hurt and maybe even a little turned off by you.
By breaking down and behaving in a way that makes you appear emotionally weak, she will begin to lose respect for you because you are showing her that you lack the emotional strength and maturity of a real man.
In most relationship break ups, the main reason why a woman decides to end the relationship is that she loses respect for her guy and no longer sees him as being man enough for her.
With that in mind, you will then understand that what you say to your girlfriend after a fight is very important because it will either make her respect, attraction and love for you grow, or it will make her feelings for you shrink.
So, when you apologize to your girlfriend, do it in a way that is loving and sincere, but also emotionally strong.
For example: Rather than say, “I’m so sorry!! Please forgive me!! I’ll do anything you want me to do and I promise never to do that again!!!” which will make her see you as emotionally weak and will make her lose respect for you as her man, you can say, “I apologize for what happened. I’ve had a chance to think about it and I can now see that what I did was wrong and why you feel that way about it. I’m going to use a different approach next time so we don’t have to end up feeling like this again.”
Not only does this make her feel understood, it also shows that you’re man enough to accept responsibility for your actions and then take action in improving yourself; and her respect, attraction and love for you will grow.
2. Don’t Give in Just to Please Her
A big mistake that guys make in relationships with women, is letting her have her way just to keep the peace.
When a guy lacks experience with relationships or still doesn’t understand what women really want, he will often believe that keeping a woman happy is about doing whatever she wants.
Essentially, she wears the pants, calls the shots and leads the dynamic.
Yes, relationships work like that in the movies, but in real life, women get sick and tired of that very quickly.
Doing whatever a woman wants only leads to more fights because most women need to know that their man is man enough to stand up for what he really believes in; even if it’s standing up to her.
When a guy can stand up for what he believes in, a woman believes that he will probably be strong enough to handle what life throws at him, so he will be better equipped to guide both of them to a better future together.
On the other hand, if he always gives in to her, what else is he giving in to?
Will he be able to stand up for himself in a difficult situation (e.g. at work, in a social setting), or will he just keep quiet and take it?
Will she have to stick up for him at family get-togethers or around friends?
Will he be able to speak up confidently when they are faced with a challenging or awkward situation as a couple, or will he expect her to be the stronger one?
Again, it all boils down to her being able to respect him as her man.
So, if you’ve had a fight with your girlfriend and you feel strongly about the issue, don’t just say what she wants to hear just to make peace.
You can still make up with her without having to compromise what you believe in.
For example: A guy might be taking extra classes to improve his qualifications so that he can get a better job, which will benefit both him and his girlfriend in the long-run by giving them a better financial future.
Right now, the extra classes might be taking up a lot of his spare time and his girlfriend may be feeling unloved and neglected, which is causing a lot of fights.
Rather than him saying, “Okay, I’ll cut down on my classes so that we can spend more time together if that’s what you want,” if he really believes in what he’s doing he needs to stand up for himself, while still being a loving and caring boyfriend.
He can say something like, “I see why my working so hard is making you feel like this. I can’t stop going to classes, because it’s important to me that I finish this so that I can secure a better future for both of us. However, I really care for you and it’s also important for me that you feel happy, so I will make sure that we spend as much of my free time together. It would mean a lot to me if you supported me with this because I am doing it for both of us.”
By standing up for what you believe in, you are establishing the correct relationship dynamic with your girlfriend, where you, as the man, are in charge.
She can see that even if she throws a tantrum to test your will and determination, you don’t bow down and kiss her ass to please her.
Instead, you stay focused on creating a better future for yourself and for her, while also giving her some more of your free time.
Standing strong in that way makes her respect, attraction and love for you grow, because she knows that she’s with a real man and that if she loses you she probably won’t be able to find someone as strong as you.
What you may not know is that it is very difficult for women to find a man like that.
Women are always saying, “Where are all the real men?” and complaining that guys are too weak when it comes to relationships.
When you can be the real man that pretty much all women want to be with, your girlfriend will know that other women will quickly try to hook up with you if you became single.
That alone is often more than enough motivation for a woman to want to be a good girlfriend and please her boyfriend for life.
Of course, you must ensure that you continue to treat her well also.
Part of being a real man is treating your woman well, while also making sure that she treats you well and respects you.
3. Do Look at the Situation from Her Point of View
For example: A guy and his girlfriend might get into an argument over a seemingly minor thing (e.g. he forgot to call her when he said he would, or he didn’t take out the garbage).
In his opinion, she’s being petty and is fighting with him over something ridiculously trivial.
However, if he puts himself in her shoes and digs a little deeper, he will discover that she’s not mad at him about the garbage or a phone call, but rather because she is feeling as though he has been taking her for granted lately.
So, the urge to fight is just a result of her feeling unloved and unappreciated and not knowing how else to express it.
As a man, it’s important for you to take a moment to understand why you and her had a fight, without actually coming out and saying, “I don’t get it. Why are you so mad at me over such a small thing?” because she won’t want to explain it to you.
A girlfriend doesn’t want to have to hold your hand and mother you through the relationship, explaining how women think and how you can be a more mature, appealing man in her eyes.
She wants to see that are paying enough attention to her to understand why she is reactively negatively to you.
If you don’t know why, she wants you to figure that out by yourself by talking to a masculine man that you know in your life or by reading an article like mine like you’re doing right now.
When you do understand where she is coming from (e.g. about not calling her or taking out the garbage), a good way to make her feel understood is to say something like this, “Hey babe. I can see where you’re coming from and I understand how my behavior might have come across as uncaring and inconsiderate. I want you to know that I love and appreciate what you do for me and I’ll do my best to follow through with things from now on.”
When a woman feels that you’re taking her feelings into consideration and not just brushing her off, she will feel happy to let go of her anger and resentment over whatever it was that she was feeling upset about.
Also, by putting yourself in her shoes and showing her that her feelings matter to you, she will feel loved and appreciated in the relationship, and this will naturally build her feelings of respect, love and attraction for you.
4. Do Reconnect With Her and Move On to a Better Relationship Together
Fights are a natural part of any relationship.
As long as you and your girlfriend treat each other with respect, and don’t say or do anything that is hurtful or damaging (e.g. call each other demeaning names, get violent, break furniture), there is no reason why bad feelings should continue long after the fight is over.
Holding grudges is simply a sign that you and your girlfriend have not fully worked through the issues that caused the fight in the first place.
Clear the air between you and her and allow the love between you to flow freely once again.
Always bring everything back to smiling, laughter and love. When you get into the habit of doing that, both of you will feel so much more in love with each other.
However, don’t expect her to do that though. As the man, you are responsible for leading the dynamic of the relationship.
If you lead the relationship towards negativity and fighting, a woman will almost always follow until the relationship falls apart.
On the other hand, when you lead the way to smiling, laughter and love, a woman will almost always follow and slowly begin to copy your positive behavior and attitude.
So, if you fight about something, understand why the fight is happening and try to steer the dynamic towards a solution or towards mutual understanding.
Then, just start joking around, smiling, laughing and feeling good, so the anger goes away for both of you.
For example: If the fight was due to something that you did (e.g. not listening to her), take responsibility and make it clear to her that you’ve heard her concerns and you are going to pay more attention to her from now on.
On the other hand, if the fault was hers (e.g. she didn’t follow through on something that she promised), forgive her and let her know that you love her no matter what, but that you would appreciate it if she works on fixing that about herself.
If she loves and respects you, she will be happy to work on fixing herself and getting your approval the next time.
A Fight Can Sometimes Be the Best Thing For a Relationship
Most people would say that having a fight with your girlfriend is a bad thing, but rather than see it that way, you can see it as an opportunity to deepen the love, respect and attraction between you both.
To maintain a successful relationship, both you and your girlfriend need to be trying to make each other happy no matter what; not trying to get one up on the other person and make each other feel bad.
So, rather than worry about what to say to your girlfriend after a fight from now on, just show her that you’re the kind of man she can depend on and rely on to be the man all the time.
When she can see that you’re leading the way by being a loving, complete man while still respecting her feelings and opinions, the respect, love and attraction between you and her will grow stronger over time.
Your fights will turn into a moment of love, connection and sexual tension, rather than a time of anger and hurt feelings.
You will be able to laugh, smile and feel good very quickly after having a fight because you know that there’s nothing to worry about.
Both of you are always become better for each other and a fight about something is simply another opportunity to learn, improve and become even better for each other.