It’s normal for a couple to have an argument once in a while because it’s often a way to bring attention to problems in the relationship and then come up with a solution.
However, no matter what the argument is about or how mad your girlfriend is feeling at you, there are some things that you should avoid saying to her…
1. “Why are you so mad at me? What did I do?”
When a woman is mad at her boyfriend, the last thing that she wants to do is calm down, relax and explain why she is feeling that way.
She doesn’t want to have to be the more emotionally mature and masculine one and be responsible for guiding interactions back to calmness, love, respect and rationality.
She’s mad and she just wants you start being the kind of man that she will naturally respect and look up to.
For example: A guy might be in the habit of always putting his girlfriend second and not giving her enough time and attention.
He might often cancel plans with her at the last minute, or hang out doing nothing with his friends rather than spending a bit of time with her.
So, if she is getting tired of being neglected and he once again calls her up to cancel their plans together because he has to work late, she’s probably going to get mad.
In his eyes, he doesn’t see anything wrong with cancelling plans due to work commitments, but she does because he’s always taking her commitment to him for granted and making everything else more important than her.
When he tells her that he has to cancel, she gets angry and hangs up on him, or refuses to talk to him when he gets home or calls her the next day.
When a woman reacts in this way, it’s only natural for a guy to be asking her why. “Why are you so mad at me? What did I do? I had to work late. What do you expect me to do? Leave work so I can be with you?”
From his perspective, a guy might feel that she’s just being unreasonable and making a big deal out of nothing.
After all, he has to work and he can’t just tell his boss that he is leaving to go see his girlfriend.
His boss will likely tell him that he can see her anytime, but he is needed at work now.
Yet, from her perspective, she’s beginning to feel neglected and unloved because he keeps putting her second all the time.
However, most women won’t come out and say, “You’re always putting your job above me and I’m feeling like you’re taking me for granted in the relationship,” because she needs him to be able to figure this out for himself, and then make some adjustments to his behavior to make her feel loved and appreciated.
She doesn’t want to have to spell it out for him and teach him how to be the man in the relationship that she needs him to be.
So, when your girlfriend is mad at you, don’t make the mistake of asking her to explain why.
Most women don’t want to take on the role of being a guy’s mother or teacher in life or in a relationship.
A woman doesn’t want to take on that role because it doesn’t make her feel the way she wants to feel in the relationship (i.e. like your girl).
Your girlfriend wants to feel like you’re the kind of man that she can look up to and respect, lean on and rely on; rather than have to be the one guiding you and showing you how to be the man that she needs you to be.
2. “I’m so sorry! Please forgive me. It’s all my fault… just tell me what you want me to do to make things right and I will do it. I will do anything!”
When a guy is faced with an angry girlfriend that he truly loves, it’s only natural that he will want to apologize to her and make things right.
Yet, a mistake that a lot of guys make is assuming that a groveling apology will fix the real reasons why she is mad.
A guy like that assumes that if he takes the blame for what happened between them, gives her a sincere enough apology, and lets her have her way from now, she will stop being mad at him and everything will go back to the way it was at the beginning of their relationship.
Yet, that’s not what happens.
By taking the blame and being willing to say and do anything to please her, he is simply handing all his power as a man over to her, and putting himself into a weakened position in her eyes.
What most guys don’t realize is that rather than make a woman happy, hanging over all of his power makes her lose respect and attraction for him as a man because:
- He’s taking the blame without even knowing what he did wrong in the first place (i.e. the real reason why she is mad that she won’t tell him).
- He’s letting her take the lead in the relationship and become the dominant one.
So, rather than just blindly apologizing and hoping that she falls for that trick, you need to be a man about it and figure out what is really going on.
Yet, she’s not going to tell you.
Women don’t want to be your teacher on how to understand women or them.
A woman wants a ready-made man who understands what women are attracted to about men.
She also wants you to know how to keep her happy in a relationship, without trying too hard.
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Your girlfriend will lose respect, attraction and love for you if you just blindly apologize whenever she gets mad or throws a tantrum.
Why? In most cases, her getting mad or throwing a tantrum is simply a way to test if you are going to crumble under the pressure.
If you panic, get angry, fear losing her, suck up to her, blindly apologize or throw a tantrum yourself, she will know that you still haven’t figured out how to be a man for a woman when in a relationship.
A woman doesn’t want to see that she can control you with tantrums or by getting mad.
She wants to see that you can lead her out of a tantrum or bad mood by getting her laughing and smiling, making light of the situation or being assertive in a loving way.
She doesn’t want you to cower and crumble under the weak pressure of a woman’s tantrum.
She wants you to laugh at it (in a loving way, not in a disrespectful way) and then guide her back into feelings of love, happiness and connection with you.
Always remember: She is the woman, and you are the man.
You are the leader in the relationship and in order to maintain your girlfriend’s respect and attraction you need to be the dominant one.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t listen to your girlfriend, take her concerns into consideration, or accept responsibility for your actions, but it does mean that you maintain your power as the man in the relationship; even when she is mad at you or throwing a tantrum.
3. “Why are you not answering any of my calls and text messages?”
Regardless of the reason why your girlfriend is mad at you, it’s only natural that she might want to spend some time by herself to sort out her emotions or calm down.
Where many guys go wrong is that, instead of giving their girlfriend some space after a fight, they begin to overwhelm her with endless text messages, phone calls, or instant messages on social network sites like Facebook, Instagram, etc., trying to convince her to stop being so angry with them.
Yet, that’s not what she wants.
When your girlfriend is mad at you, how do you think she’s going to perceive any messages or calls from you?
Is she going to be thinking, “Oh, my boyfriend is so sweet. He’s apologizing and begging me to forgive him. What a great guy!” or might she think something like, “Does he really think saying he’s sorry in a text message is going to make everything okay between us again? What an asshole. He doesn’t understand me.”
If you smother your girlfriend with too much attention, she will feel repelled by what she perceives to be your weak state of mind.
Even though you might not be desperate or needy, she will see your constant texts and messages as being just that.
So, if she needs a few days of space, feel free to give her that and then contact her to say hi, get her smiling and laughing on the phone and then arrange to meet up with her.
She will appreciate your approach because it will show her that you respect her as an individual and that you also have the ability to guide her back into having feelings for you again.
4. “Let’s forget about what happened and go to that expensive French restaurant you’ve always wanted to go to. I’ll even buy you the dress that you’ve had your eye on.”
Another common mistake that guys make is try to brush over what happened, and try trick their girlfriend into forgetting why she’s mad at him, by distracting her with gifts, promises and other surprises.
What guys don’t realize is that most women can see this for what it is: A ploy to distract her, so that she won’t notice that he’s avoiding addressing the deeper issues between them.
If you want your girlfriend to stop being mad at you, don’t make the mistake of trying to buy her love. She will see right through it and she will likely become even angrier at you for trying to brush over her feelings with distractions.
Use Her Tantrums to Deepen Her Feelings For You
Although it might seem like a really bad thing when your girlfriend is mad at you, rather than feel frustrated or stressed about it, you can use it as an opportunity to deepen her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you.
How? Show her that you can remain in control no matter what kind of tantrum she throws at you.
For example: Rather than getting angry when she is mad, you can laugh at her, laugh at the situation or laugh at yourself for what you did to make her angry.
You can also stand up for yourself and say to her in a loving, but assertive manner, “Oh, stop being such a drama queen” (say it with a smile and a bit of laugh to your voice) and then tell her what you think.
Of course, she’s almost certainly going to keep throwing a tantrum after that because she wants to see if she can make you crumble under her pressure.
What most guys don’t realize is that a woman is always testing her man to see how he will respond and how much power she really has over him.
For example: Will he stand up for what he believes is right, or will he back down because he’s afraid of losing her?
Will he remain strong and confident, or will he crumble and hand his power over to her?
Will he bring the interaction back to love, laughter and connection, or will he get angry and try to intimidate her physically?
The weaker his responses to her tantrums and bad behavior are (e.g. if he breaks down and begs her to forgive him or give him another chance, he gets angry), the more her respect and attraction for him will fade.
Over time, she will lose interest in having sex with him altogether and eventually she will fall out of love with him.
On the other hand, if he remains strong and always seems to guide the interaction back to love, laughter and connection, her feelings for him will deepen over time.
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