4 common reactions when a woman finds out that her ex used the No Contact Rule are:
1. She Loses Respect For You For Trying to Trick Her
If you use the No Contact Rule and your ex finds out, not only will she lose respect for you and possibly even feel angry at the thought of you trying to trick her into getting back with you, but she may also start wondering, “If he is being sneaky and manipulative with me now that we’ve broken up, what other sneaky things did he do to me that I never found out about?”
Suddenly, she now has even more reasons why she doesn’t want to be with you in a relationship anymore.
For example: A woman might break up with a guy because he was insecure in the relationship, which may have caused him to needy, jealous or controlling.
If she then finds out that he used the No Contact Rule as a way to hopefully trick her back, rather than think, “Awww… it’s so sweet that my ex cares for me so much that he’ll even try to trick me into calling him, just to get me back,” she will be annoyed.
She will think something like, “This is just another example of how insecure he really is. He has been ignoring me as a way of trying to trick me into getting back together again. This is just like how he used to try and convince me to not go out with my friends by making me feel guilty for leaving him home alone. Nothing has changed and his current behavior now is enough to show me that he doesn’t even know how to change. He just wants to lie, cheat and steal his way through life. That’s not what a real man does. I clearly made the right decision in breaking up with him,” and she loses even more respect for him as a man.
This is why I do not recommend ignoring your ex as a way to get her back.
If your ex finds out that you were just ignoring her to act like you were okay without her, but have really been missing her like crazy and haven’t even fixed your issues and improved yourself, it kills her respect for you.
Without respect, it’s difficult for her to feel real sexual attraction for you because women don’t want to have sex with guys that they don’t respect.
So, rather than wasting time with the No Contact Rule and potentially facing the negative fallout if your ex finds out about it, just focus on actively making her feel respect and attraction for you again.
That is the real secret to getting an ex back.
You’ve got to actively make her have some feelings for you again.
You can do that by interacting with her on the phone, or in person, making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be talking to you again and showing her by the way you talk, think and behave that you’re a different man now.
Let her see that you really have changed and have quickly transformed into the kind of guy that she actually wants now.
When she experiences the new, improved version of you for herself, it makes it difficult for her to keep holding on to her negative thoughts about you because she naturally feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
From there, you can easily build on that spark of respect and attraction and show her that things are different now.
She then wants to get back with you, or at least give you another chance to see how it goes.
Another thing that your ex might think if she finds out that you’ve been using the immature No Contact Rule is…
2. She Loses Respect For You For Not Having the Confidence and Maturity to Actively Guide Her Back into a Relationship
It is a woman’s natural instinct to be attracted to the kind of man who has the confidence, determination and strength of character to face his problems head-on and go after what he wants in life, regardless of how difficult it might seem.
That is so attractive to women.
The amount of attraction women feel for that is like how attracted we feel to sexy women in bikinis, strippers or pornstars.
It’s very attractive and appealing and women just want a guy like that, but they are so hard to find because most guys are secretly emotionally weak and insecure…and women hate that.
So, if you want to get your ex back for real, let her see that you’re not like other guys who feel like they need to use tricks (like not contacting her) to hopefully make her feel sad and come running back.
Let her see that you have the balls to naturally guide her back into a relationship.
You’ve got to make sure that you follow the ex back process all the way through.
Don’t just apologize to her and then go silent and hope that she comes running back.
That rarely works.
What should you do instead?
Start actively re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you again and guide her back into a relationship with the new you.
For example: A guy interacts with his ex on a phone call, makes her laugh and smile and then meets up with her in person and continues to say and do the types of things that make her feel attraction for him again (e.g. he is confident and charismatic, makes her feel feminine and girly in contrast to his masculine vibe).
She then drops her guard and opens back up to him.
Even if she initially says things like, “I don’t know if we should try again,” or “I’m just not interested in getting back together again,” or “Sorry, I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” she will secretly be feeling some respect for him.
Why? He is being a man and going after what he wants (i.e. her) in a confident, mature way even though she’s saying no to him.
Important: When I say, “going after what he wants,” I do not mean, “Being frantic, needy and desperate and pleading with her for another chance.”
That’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about being a confident, cool, mature, masculine man who goes after what he wants without being needy or crazy about it.
When you can be that kind of man, almost no woman can resist your attractiveness and charm.
Women know how difficult it is to find a man who remains confident and in control of his emotions at all times, so when you are showing that new side of yourself to your ex, she can’t help but feel drawn to you.
It becomes beneficial to her to give you another chance because she knows that you have quickly become the type of man that almost all women want.
Note: You don’t have to perfect. You just need to be a lot better than you were before, which is very easy to do.
When she experiences the changes in you for herself, her instincts kick in and she feels compelled to give you another chance or at least hook up with you sexually to see how she feels.
At that point, you’ve pretty much got her back as long as you handle the post-reconciliation process properly.
By the way…
Compare all of what I’ve just shared with you to being the kind of guy who wastes weeks and sometimes even months ignoring his ex, in the hopes that she will miss him and come running back.
He’s not even growing as a man.
He’s just trying to use some cheap trick to get back his priceless, irreplaceable woman.
Life doesn’t work that way.
Cheap tricks don’t work for long, if ever.
If it does work and she then finds out that he was using the No Contact Rule to mess with her head, she will perceive him as being a coward for not being man enough to just get her back.
As a result, she will lose even more respect for him and will stop feeling attracted to him.
She might then say to herself, “Well…waybe we could have worked things out before, but now I can see that he’s not the kind of man I want to be with anyway. He’s a trickster. He’s so emotionally weak that he didn’t even have the balls to get me back the normal way. Instead, he tried to mess with my head by ignoring me in the hopes that I would do all the work and call him. Well, what he didn’t realize is that women feel turned off by guys who are insecure and emotionally immature in that way. I just can’t look him in the eye anymore and respect him. He’s not a man. He’s a boy in a man’s body…and I don’t a boy, I want a real man.”
She then tries to block him out of her life and move on.
This is why the No Contact Rule (an immature idea made up by immature people online who were trying to scheme up ways to get their ex back) is not a good idea in most ex back cases.
If you want to get your ex back for real, you have to be confident enough to contact her and actively make her feel respect and attraction for you again.
When she can see for herself that you’re now an emotionally mature and confident man, her feelings for you will automatically change.
Another possible reaction from your ex if she finds out that you’ve been ignoring her by using the NC rule is that…
3. She Can No Longer Trust You
Trust is one of the most important components of a relationship.
Without trust, a relationship will erode away (in fights, accusations, lies, revenge, anger) until there’s nothing left but a feeling of, “Why are we even together? This relationship sucks!”
So, if a woman finds out that her ex used the No Contact Rule to try and get her back, she will naturally feel as though she can no longer trust him because he’s obviously trying to manipulate her.
Then, no matter how much he tries to get her back, she will likely try to get revenge by continuing to say no to his attempts to convince her to give him another chance.
For example: She might say things like, “You stuffed up so badly! You tried to get me back by ignoring me. How lame. Are you a boy or a man? What makes you think that I could ever trust you again after you did that? You’re a liar and a cheat and I’ll never believe anything you say or do again. Goodbye and good riddance…I’m so glad I broke up with you when I did. You’re not a man and you’ve obviously got a lot to learn about how to be one.”
Pretty nasty, right?
Well, as you may have noticed, that’s how women can be when they feel they’ve been manipulated or lied to by a guy.
Women hate wasting their time on a guy who is pretending to be a well-balanced man.
This has a lot to do with a woman’s natural instincts of wanting to find one man and stick with him, because of the risk of getting pregnant.
Even if a woman doesn’t want children or hates children, she still has natural instincts that control a lot of her behavior.
One of those instincts is to find a real man, get him to fall in love with her and then keep him for life, so that he will protect her and provide for her if they should ever have any offspring.
This is why most women will give men many warnings before they break up with him.
Most women don’t want to have to break up with a guy because their natural instinct is to try to make the relationship work.
However, if a woman finds out that she’s been with a guy who is pretending to be a real man, she gets really nasty because he has been wasting her time.
So, make sure that you want to get your ex back for real, you actually do put in the effort to fix your issues and become the man you know you should be, rather than trying to trick her by ignoring her.
By the way…
If you’ve already been using the NC rule and she finds out, don’t worry – you can recover from it.
Just say something like, “Yes, you’re right. I did stuff up. However, I was only doing what I thought was the right thing to do to get you back. I thought that not contacting you would give you time to think about us and want me back. I can now see that it was a silly thing to do and I should have just had the balls to call you, catch up with you and get the relationship back together. Yet, I was too insecure at the time and I was afraid of being rejected by you, so I used the silly No Contact Rule and yes, it backfired” and then have a laugh with her about that.
You can also add in, “Look, I know that it wasn’t the best idea I ever had, but what’s done is done. I’m not that guy anymore though. The guy that I am now is prepared to face up to the consequences of his actions, rather than looking for the easy way to do things. You don’t have to believe me, but I’m not going to let you throw my mistake in my face over and over again either. Yes, I was silly to use the No Contact Rule. I messed up and I’m sorry about that, but now I’m moving on from that mistake and I hope you will too. I know that it will take time to trust me again, but if you just keep an open mind, you will see that we can at least be friends for now.”
Note: Do not text that to her.
Pretty much every guy that I help to get an ex woman back wants to text everything to her because it feels easier for him.
You have to say that to her on a phone call or in person.
One of the reasons why is that women hate to get long, emotional texts from guys because that’s how women text.
You have to be a man about this from now on.
If you have something in depth to say to her, you must say it on a phone call or in person.
If you text it, she will feel annoyed and think that you’re acting like a woman by texting all your feelings and explanations of your actions.
So, say it to her on a call or in person.
Another possible reaction is that…
4. She Feels the Need to Punish You By Playing Mind Games of Her Own
Sometimes a woman might feel so angry with her ex for trying to trick her by using the No Contact Rule on her, that she then decides to take out some revenge on him.
For example: A woman might try to punish her ex by pretending to be interested in getting back with him and then changing her mind.
She might say to him, “All this time without hearing from you has made me realize how much you really mean to me. Do you think we can work things out between us?”
He might then jump at the chance and say something like, “Yes! We can definitely work things out. That’s what I’ve been hoping for all along.”
She may then string him along for a while by saying things like, “Let’s take things slow and see what happens,” or “I need time to get used to the idea of getting back together again. So, let’s meet up for coffee and see how we feel. Not now though, but soon, okay?”
The more hope that she gives him, the deeper the guy falls for her again and then, when she reaches the point where she feels he’s really going to feel pain if they don’t get back together again, she suddenly stops taking his calls, answering his texts and cuts off all communication with him.
Alternatively, she texts him and says, “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I’ve met someone else. Please don’t be angry. I do care about you, but I’ve realized that we can no longer be together. I am happy now with my new boyfriend, so I hope you can respect that and leave us alone.”
He is then left thing, “WTF? I thought she wanted to get back with me?” and is emotionally destroyed.
Meanwhile, she is laughing and thinking, “That’ll teach you for using an immature, manipulative trick on me like the No Contact Rule. I hope it ruins you.”
Well, as I said, women hate it when they find out that a guy has been pretending to be a real man.
It flicks a switch in their mind that makes them turn into a completely different person.
It’s like night and day, hot and cold.
A completely different woman.
You don’t want to flick that switch in her mind.
Get on her good side by being a real man about the ex back process from now on (i.e. actively re-attract her and confidently guide her back into a relationship).
Another way that a woman might punish a guy for using the No Contact Rule on her is by getting back with him and then waiting for a time when he’s feeling particularly vulnerable (e.g. he’s going through a tough time in life, is having problems at work, is studying for exams, is upset about something) and then she breaks up with him to get revenge.
He is then emotionally destroyed and she walks off with a grin, feeling like she has dished out the revenge that he deserved.
Do you really want that to happen to you?
Why waste time ignoring your ex and then worrying, “What will my ex think if she finds out that I used the No Contact Rule?”
The fact is, there’s an easier and more effective way to get your ex back.
A way that not only doesn’t have any negative consequences if she finds out, but will also make her love, respect and feel attracted to you even more than she did before.
What is this way?
It is to…
Actively Spark Her Feelings For You Again
The fastest way to get her back is to be active, rather than inactive.
Active simply means that you’re actively making her have feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again, rather than sitting back, ignoring her and hoping that somehow she will miraculously change her mind about being broken up and come running back to you.
Where many guys go wrong is by ignoring their ex for 30, 60 or even more days and then when it doesn’t work ask, “Why isn’t she coming back?” or even “Do you think she’s not coming back because she found out that I used the No Contact Rule? Is that why? Did she search ‘how to get your ex back’ online and find out about the rule?”
Here’s the thing…
Based on all my years of experience helping men get their ex women back, I’ve found that ignoring a woman doesn’t work in approximately 80% of cases (which is why I’ve never recommended it).
Why doesn’t it work?
Well, when a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy, not hearing from him again usually just makes her feel relieved.
Rather than sitting around pining for him, a woman is usually thinking, “Phew! That was easier than I thought. I was afraid that my ex would make it difficult for me to move on, but he has made it so easy for me to move on by not contacting me. Thanks!”
In the 20% of cases where it does work and the woman does come back, if she discovers that the guy hasn’t actually changed the things that she really broke up with him for (e.g. he’s still needy and insecure, he still doesn’t know how to give her the attraction experience that she really wants, he still has no strong purpose or direction in his life), she’ll just dump him again.
Then, she will feel compelled to quickly find a new guy to make herself feel better and move on.
On the other hand, if you stay in contact with her (whether it’s via text, social media, e-mail or calling her on the phone, or meeting her in person) it becomes a lot more difficult for her to forget about you and move on.
Note: When I say, “stay in contact with her” I do not mean in a desperate, emotionally needy way.
I mean, “Stay in contact with her and interact with her in ways that make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.”
For example: You are confident, you make her smile and laugh, you’re charismatic and interesting to talk to.
She then starts to think, “My ex is being so adorable. I’m actually having so much fun talking to him again. I wonder what’s happened to him, he’s so different now” and she can’t stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
Why? You have successfully re-sparked her feelings for you.
That’s the easiest and fastest way to get an ex back.
So, if you’ve been using the No Contact Rule and you’re afraid what your ex will think if she finds out, stop using it right away.
Contact her and start the real ex back process that actually gets her back.