4 possible reasons why your ex still text’s you even though she doesn’t want you back are:
1. She is open to getting back with you, but just isn’t feeling a spark with you yet
Sometimes a woman might find herself in a relationship limbo where she’s broken up with her guy because he stopped making her feel the way she wanted to feel in the relationship with him (e.g. attracted, respectful, in love), but at the same time, she’s not completely over him either.
In the back of her mind, she may think, “If only he could change a bit (e.g. become more ballsy and assertive, stop waiting for me to tell him what to do, be more emotionally masculine so I can feel girly and feminine in comparison to him), then I’d definitely be willing to give the relationship another try.”
She will then text her ex as a way of keeping the lines of communication open, in the hopes that he will do something to show her that he’s changed and spark her feelings for him again.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t recognize the great opportunity that is staring them in the face (i.e. a chance to re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction) and instead waste time wondering things like, “Why does my ex still text me if she doesn’t want me back? What can it all mean?”
Here’s the thing…
If your ex is staying in touch with you, deep down she may be hoping that you’ll do something to trigger her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
She won’t necessarily admit that to you though.
She will most likely try to avoid looking too keen or showing too much interest, in case you then change your mind about her, stop replying and she then feels rejected.
She wants to remain in the position of power, so she’s going to play it cool and just hope that you have the balls to call her, get her to meet up with you and then re-attract her at the meet up.
So, don’t wasting time waiting for her to make it clear to you by texting something like, “I still miss you. Do you think we can meet up and see where things go from there?” because most women just won’t do that.
Instead, a woman will keep texting her ex for a little while and when she sees that he’s not following through (i.e. calling her, getting her to meet up with him), she’ll just say to herself, “Oh well. It looks like I’m just wasting my time. I guess he’s not interested in me anymore, so I better forget about him and move on.”
Then, when she suddenly stops texting him, the guy might send her a message saying, “Hey, what happened? What is something I said? Why are you being so quiet all of a sudden?” and she then doesn’t reply.
She remains quiet and quickly tries to move on by flirting with or hooking up with new guys, so she’s not so dependent on her ex.
Before he knows it, she has a new boyfriend and has completely moved on.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Note: If it has happened to you though, don’t worry. You can still get her back if she has moved on…
Another reason why your ex might be texting you is because…
2. She is using your interest in her to boost her self-esteem
For example: A woman will send her ex a text saying, “Hey, how have you been? I’ve been missing you a bit lately,” and when he responds with something along the lines of, “I’ve been missing you too! I feel so empty without you. We should be together. You’re the only woman for me,” she can sit back and feel good about herself knowing that he still has feelings for her and hasn’t been able to move on since the break up.
She can continue trying to date new men and not worry about her ex forgetting about her or not caring about her anymore.
She can also feel confident knowing that even if things don’t work out right away with other guys, her ex is still thinking about her, missing her and wanting her back.
So, she can do whatever she wants with new guys and if she needs to use her ex as a further self esteem boost, she can contact him, suggest meeting up and get him to show interest in her in person.
Do you think that your ex might be texting you for that reason?
Here’s the thing…
If your ex is only texting you to give herself a nice self-esteem boost, you don’t have to just put up with it.
You should definitely allow her to continue contacting you, but you should also turn the tables and get her missing you and wanting you back.
Use any interactions that you have with her from now on as an opportunity to make her feel attracted to you again, while also not desperately or obviously trying to get her back.
When she is feeling attracted, but can also see that you’re not pushing to get her to commit to a relationship, she will naturally feel drawn to you and want something to happen.
You can attract her by maintaining your confidence when she tries to make you feel insecure (e.g. she teases you about your new haircut, she talks about other guys who are interested in her).
You can also attract her by being confident enough to use humor, flirt with her and suggest catching up in person.
When she realizes that she is reconnecting with her feelings of respect and attraction for you, her guard will naturally come down.
Then, her texts will become her way of staying in touch with you in the hopes that you might get back together again, rather than just a game to make her feel more confident around other men.
Another reason why your ex might be texting you is because…
3. She wants to get emotional revenge on you for how badly you treated her or made her feel during the relationship
Sometimes, if a woman feels bitter about her break up with a guy (e.g. because he treated her badly, took her for granted, was too jealous and controlling, cheated on her), she might decide to get emotional revenge.
She will stay in touch with him via text as a way of giving him false hope about getting her back and thus, stop him from fully getting over her and moving on.
For example: She might send her ex a text message like, “Hey. I’ve been thinking about you lately. It feels so weird coming home every night and not finding you here. How have you been?”
The guy may then wonder, “Is this her way of letting me know that she still has feelings for me and wants to get back together?”
If he then responds with something along the lines of, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you too. I miss you. How about we get together sometime for a catch up?” she will either just ignore him, or simply text something like, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Sorry for giving you the wrong impression. Ignore my last text. I shouldn’t have said that,” leaving him feeling hurt and confused.
If they continue to text back and forth, she will pull him in, only to then push him away when she shows interest or asks to catch up.
She just wants to mess with his head and cause him as much emotional pain as possible, to get revenge for how he treated her.
So, be careful about getting caught up in text message conversations with your ex that go nowhere and always leave you feeling confused.
If you allow your ex to mess with you like that, she will lose respect for you (e.g. because you’re putting up with her bad behavior, seem desperate) and it will become harder for you to get her back.
What should you do instead?
Take charge of the situation and use it as an opportunity to re-spark her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
When she feels strong, positive emotions for you again (e.g. respect, sexual attraction, love, intrigue, excitement), it wipes the slate clean.
She stops seeing you as the old you who hurt her and she starts feeling attracted to the man that you are now.
She realizes that you really have changed and that there’s no point trying to keep pushing you away.
A final reason why your ex might be texting you is because…
4. She’s a typical modern girl who texts all day and night to avoid feeling bored or lonely
In today’s world, it’s very rare to find a person who doesn’t spend a considerable amount of time each day on his or her smartphone to either text, check social media or browse the web.
In most cases though, women tend to be on their phones a lot more than men and tend to text a lot more than men do.
For example: A study by Pew Research Center in the USA found that 79% of women say that they spend time texting their partner daily, compared with 66% of men.
That’s a 13% difference, but as you may have noticed, with some girls, it’s a lot more of a difference than that.
Some girls are addicted to their smartphone and love to text chat with pretty much anyone they know.
With this in mind, it’s possible that you are simply part of a network of people your ex has access to text, so she does.
In cases like that, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get her back.
You simply have to use the text interactions as an opportunity to spark her attraction, get her on a phone call, get her to meet up with you and then re-attract her at the meet up to get her back.
Mistakes to Avoid if You Still Want Her Back
Most guys who get broken up with aren’t lucky enough to still have an ex who is willing to communicate with them – even if it’s only via text.
So, regardless of her reasons for texting you, your ex has given you a channel to stay in touch with her and also to reactivate her feelings for you.
Don’t waste that chance.
Her texting you is a good thing, whichever way you look at it!
Use the communication as a way of re-attracting her, so she naturally wants you back.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t do that and end up turning off their ex woman by making one or more of the following mistakes…
1. Quickly or instantly replying to all of her texts, no matter how busy he is
Sometimes, a guy assumes that if he doesn’t instantly reply to every text from his ex, she will decide that he’s no longer interested and will stop texting him, causing him to lose his chance with her.
Yet, rather than make a woman think, “Wow, he must really still care for me if he answers me so quickly every time, no matter what time of day or night it is,” she will think something like, “Why does he always reply so quickly? It’s almost like he’s just sitting around doing nothing other than waiting for me to text. Doesn’t he have a life? Doesn’t he focus on his work (or study) while he is doing it? He seems so desperate. I think I need to back off for a while, because I don’t want him thinking I’m interested in getting back together.”
So, just make sure that don’t make the classic mistake of instantly replying (i.e. within seconds or minutes) to every text from your ex.
Of course, don’t go the opposite extreme and ignore her texts for days, because that tactic will also likely backfire on you.
Instead, just keep it natural and reply according (e.g. Reply immediately if you’re having a live, back and forth text conversation. Reply after 5 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour or even the next day if she just texts you about something random).
Another classic mistake that other guys make in your situation is…
2. Thinking that ignoring her texts will impress her and make her want him back
Ignoring texts can sometimes impress a woman if her ex guy was very needy and would always immediately reply to everything she sent.
However, most women know that there’s a big difference between how a guy will often act via text compared to how he will act on a phone call or in person.
So, just ignoring a text from an ex isn’t the magic solution to getting her back.
In fact, in some cases, ignoring texts from an ex woman can cause her to give up and quickly try to move on with a new guy so she doesn’t feel the need to text her ex anymore.
So, forget about playing games with your ex to make her want you back because it usually backfires.
Instead, just get her on a phone call with you and make her laugh, smile and feel happy to be talking to you again.
Then, get her to meet up with you, re-attract her at the meet up and get her back.
Another mistake that guys make in your situation is…
3. Hiding behind texts because he’s too afraid to call her
Although texting is a good way to break the ice with an ex, it’s not what’s will make her feel surges of respect and sexual attraction for you.
Instead, she’ll quickly get to the point where she thinks something like, “Why doesn’t he do something other than send me these pointless texts? I need a man, not a boy. He’s clearly afraid to call me. I’m over it. I’ve got to find myself a man.”
Some guys are simply too afraid to call their ex and potentially get rejected, so they convince themselves that text is the way to slowly open her back up.
A guy will usually hope that if he just texts her for long enough, she will eventually call him or ask to catch up with him.
Yet, what I’ve found by helping men to get women back for many years now is that is a woman will rarely (if ever) lead the ex back process after dumping her man.
I’ve only see that happen if the woman is still desperately in love with him, can’t deal with the pain of not having him in her life or can’t find a replacement guy.
In all other situations, a woman will wait for her ex to take the lead in the ex back process and guide both of them back into a relationship together.
If he does, she will start to believe that he is the confident, emotionally strong and mature man she always wanted him to be.
As a result, she will then be happy to relax her guard and allow herself to respect him, feel sexually attracted to him and fall back in love with him again.
On the other hand, if he just hides behind texts, she will just assume that he’s too weak-minded and wimpy for a girl like her.
As a result, she will force herself to start flirting with or hooking up with new guys to move on without him.
So, if you want your ex to want you back, don’t waste anymore time texting her.
If you haven’t been able to get her back via text so far, you’re most likely never going to be able to get her back that way.
I recommend that you prepare yourself to properly re-attract her on a phone call and in person.
When you are ready to do that, I recommend that you call her and start the rapid ex back process to get her back for real.