Here’s what you need to do to get your ex back before Valentine’s Day:
1. Prepare to attract her in the ways that are important to her
For a woman to be able to love, respect and feel attracted to a guy over the long-term, he has to be able to attract her in the ways that are important to her.
For example: She wants a guy who is confident in any situation in life, or a guy who is able to use humor to make her laugh and snap out of a tantrum she is in the middle of throwing.
She might also want a guy who always makes her feel like a real woman in the relationship, rather than making her feel like his buddy or worse, like his big sister or a mother figure in his life.
She might also want a guy who is driven to succeed and never gives up, or a guy who is so confident that other guys respect him in social situations.
If he can attract her in the ways that are important to her, then anything else he occasionally does (e.g. buys her a nice gift or flowers, says something sweet to her) is so much more enjoyable and meaningful to her.
However, if a guy can’t attract her in the ways that are important to her (e.g. because he’s insecure, is too emotionally sensitive, can’t handle it when she tests his confidence, is controlling or jealous), then flowers, gifts or sweet words just aren’t going to be enjoyable or mean much to her at all.
This is why you’ve got to get clear on what your ex really feels attracted to about a man and what she really wants to experience in a relationship.
Quite often, what a guy thinks is important to his woman (e.g. spending every spare moment with her, listening to her all the time, supporting her emotionally) isn’t that important to her at all.
Of course, pretty much every woman loves a guy who cares, listens and supports her emotionally, but without sexual attraction, a guy like that is just a friend to her.
To keep a relationship together with a woman, you have to create and maintain feelings of sexual attraction.
…and I mean create.
Sexual attraction is something that you actually create inside of a woman.
When you display personality traits that are sexually attractive to women (e.g. emotional masculinity, confidence, charisma), your ex will feel attracted to you on some level.
She might try to fight it on the inside, but she won’t be able to stop it.
Attraction is an automatic reaction that men and women have to each other.
If attractive traits are displayed, attraction is triggered.
That said, if you display traits that are unattractive (e.g. you’re too emotionally sensitive, you’re insecure, you lack charisma because you are suppressing your authentic personality around her), your ex will feel turned off by you.
Attraction is literally under your control.
You are either saying or doing things that attract your ex, or you’re not.
It’s as simple as that.
Now, back to the example of a guy being in a relationship with a woman and not understanding how to make her feel attracted…
If a guy is unable to attract a woman in the ways that are important to her, she will start wondering if he’s being extra nice and romantic to hopefully distract her from the fact that he has no idea how to make her happy.
He’s just being romantic, sweet and nice and hoping that she sees that as being enough.
She won’t though.
Without sexual attraction, a relationship between a man and a woman is going to fall apart.
It’s not like how it used to be in the 1800s or early 1900s where a woman had to stay with a man for life, even if she was unhappy.
Back then, it was shameful to get divorced (remember, most people were virgins when they got married. There wasn’t a dating scene like there is today), so a woman had to stick with a man until death, even if he wasn’t making her feel respect, attraction and love.
Obviously, that’s not how the world works today.
Women are free to leave a relationship if they aren’t feeling respect, attraction and love for their man.
So, if a guy is trying to keep his woman for life by being really nice, sweet and romantic to her, but is unable to make her feel attracted and in love, then it’s just not going to work.
She might accept the nice treatment, gifts and romantic gestures for a while, but she will eventually realize that she just can’t stop herself from finding other men more attractive than her current guy.
She might stick with him for a while because she doesn’t want to break his heart, but her instincts will keep pushing her to leave and hook up with a guy who actually makes her feel attracted in the ways that are important to her (e.g. she wants a guy who is more ballsy, more emotionally masculine).
So, if you want to get your ex back before Valentine’s Day, don’t make the classic mistake of sending her flowers in the hopes that she will pick up the phone and say, “Wow! Thank you so much! The flowers you sent me are so lovely. I know it’s Valentine’s Day, so you might already have a date, but if you’re not doing anything, I’d love to see you.”
That can happen if your ex has been missing you like crazy and is still in love with you, but that probably doesn’t apply to your situation, right?
If it did, you probably wouldn’t be looking for help on how to get your ex back.
You’d just text her or call her and get her back.
The guys who need my help to get a woman back are in a situation where their ex woman doesn’t want to be with them anymore.
That applies to your situation too, right?
She doesn’t have strong feelings for you anymore, has broken up with you and is going to be moving on without you and not really ever looking back.
If that’s the case, she probably isn’t going to be swept off her feet by flowers, a sweet Valentine’s card or letter or a text on Valentine’s Day.
She doesn’t have strong feelings for you at this point.
If she doesn’t have strong feelings for you, the first step is to create feelings of sexual attraction inside of her.
So, if you’re going to call her or text her on Valentine’s Day, just make sure that you focus on reactivating her feelings for you first.
Don’t go straight for the kill and ask her to be your Valentine, ask for another chance with her or try to discuss the relationship.
Additionally, don’t contact her and act like a neutral friend.
You need to create feelings of sexual attraction inside of her.
If you do that, she will naturally feel attracted to you and if she doesn’t have a Valentine, she will almost certainly catch up with you on the day.
So, how can you make her feel attracted?
Make sure that you understand what is really important to her in terms of attraction, rather than trying to offer her what you assume might be important to her.
For example: A woman might find one or more of the following things to be very important in terms of her attraction to a man:
- He maintains his confidence, no matter what situation he finds himself in (e.g. she tries to make him feel insecure by throwing a tantrum, or she is being cold and aloof towards him, or when another guy tries to flirt with her in front of him).
- He is loving, caring and devoted to her, but he doesn’t let her walk all over him or dominate him.
- He makes her feel sexy and desirable in his presence, rather than being too nice and neutral around her.
- He believes in his value to her and the world, rather than feeling like he’s not good enough or that everyone else is better than him.
- He doesn’t get angry or sulk when she throws a tantrum. Instead, he uses his emotional masculinity to remain confident in the moment and have the balls to joke around, get her laughing and bring the interaction back to love and laughter.
- He is focused on achieving his biggest goals, dreams and ambitions in life, but also allocates time to spend with her and make her feel loved, appreciated and included in his life.
- He gets along well with and is respected by most or all of her family and friends.
- He supports her emotionally, but doesn’t act like one of her girlfriends and waste time talking about emotions and problems all day long. He listens and supports her for a while, then snaps her out of the mood by using humor to get her laughing and smiling again. He brings the interaction back to love and laughter.
- He is ballsy and dominant around her, but doesn’t go overboard and start being aggressive or controlling. He is still a good, loving man. He just has more emotional masculinity than the average guy.
- He loves her deeply, but isn’t clingy, needy or jealous.
Those are some of the things that can be important to a woman in terms of her attraction to a man.
If you want your ex back for real, you’ve got to get clear on where you really went wrong, so you can make the right changes, adjustments or improvements to yourself.
Then, when you interact with your ex (on a phone call and especially in person), you will be able to re-attract her in the ways that really matter to her.
She will sense the changes in you by listening to how you talk and by observing your body language.
When she senses the changes, she will naturally start to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Her wall will come down and she will open up to exploring her new, improved, more meaningful feelings for you.
So, once you have prepared yourself to attract her in the ways that she really wants, you need to…
2. Get in touch as a friend by calling her, not texting her
You don’t want to do that, right?
If you’re like 40% of the guys that I’ve helped to get an ex woman back, you would prefer to just text her.
Yet, I don’t recommend it.
I’m saying that from YEARS of experience helping men to get women back.
Texts suck when trying to get an ex back who doesn’t have feelings for you.
Texts work beautifully if your ex still has feelings for you, is missing you and wanting you back.
Yet, that probably doesn’t apply to your situation, right?
I know that it might seem easier and safer just to text her, but it’s really a bad idea.
If she doesn’t have feelings for you or worse, she remembers you based on how you behaved during and after the break up, she’s not going to look at your text in a positive light.
So, you need to give her some real, first hand evidence that you are confident and more importantly, she feels good when talking to you.
On a phone call, she can hear the tonality of your voice and get a sense of your confidence and emotional strength.
Via text, she can’t hear any of that, so she has to assume what you might be feeling as you send the text.
If she is holding onto a negative perception of you, she will think negatively of you and almost certainly ignore your text.
This is why, if you want to get your ex back before Valentine’s Day, I recommend that you grow a pair of balls and just call her.
On a phone call, you can make her laugh and smile and feel good to be talking to you again, which instantly makes her drop her guard and open up to you.
She’s having a good time and enjoying talking to you, so she doesn’t need to play hard to get via text and ignore your text for days or weeks and then forget all about it, or meet some other guy and hook up with him instead.
You’re on the phone with her and she’s feeling good talking to you.
If you’re making her smile and laugh, she is almost certainly going to say, “Yes” to meeting up with you in person.
On the other hand, if just she gets a text message, or a letter via e-mail or in the post from, it’s just a bunch of words to her.
There’s no proof that you’d make her feel differently in person.
So, rather than give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’ve changed and are now able to re-attract her in the ways that she really wants, she will almost certainly remain closed off.
She may think something like, “Nice try buddy! I don’t believe anything about you has changed. Since you don’t even have the balls to pick up the phone and talk to me in person, I’m more inclined to believe that you’re hiding behind a text because you know that you still have no idea how to make me want you again. You’re just sending out a feeler text and hoping for the best. Well, the best you’re going to get is nothing.”
Alternatively, she may just roll her eyes, think, “Whatever” and get on with what she was doing.
It all depends on how much the guy turned her off, how bad the break up was and how dead her feelings are for him.
This is why I don’t recommend that guys hide behind the safety of texts.
If you want the highest chance of getting your girl back before Valentine’s, then grow a pair and call her.
By the way…
If you try to call her and she doesn’t answer, don’t worry.
Hang up and send her a text like, “Hey Tina, there’s something quick I need to ask you over the phone” and then call her a couple of minutes later.
If she doesn’t answer, try calling her again the next day.
If she doesn’t answer, send her this text, “Hey Tina. Looks like you’re busy at the moment. Just trying to get through to you to ask you something quick. I might try calling you another time.”
She will most likely text you or even call you (depending on how she feels about you at the moment).
Whatever happens, just get her on a phone call.
When talking to her on the phone, make sure to keep the conversation fun, light and easy-going and avoid getting into any heavy discussions about the relationship.
Here’s an example of how to make her smile and open her up to the idea of meeting you for a catch up…
Imagine that you’re on the phone with your ex and she says something along the lines of, “Look, I’m really busy. What do you want to talk to me about?”
You can say something like, “This won’t take long, but I really need your help.”
Most women are nice, so she will instinctively drop her guard a little bit because you are asking for her help and might say something like, “Why? What’s wrong?”
You can then reply in a joking way, “Well, after we broke up I vowed never to have another cup of coffee until you and I can share a cup together as friends. However, my resolve is slipping fast and I’m going into all sorts of withdrawal symptoms. So, for the sake of my health, you have to agree to meet up with me for that coffee right away… it’s a matter of life and death!”
She will then probably realize that you’re joking with her and she will likely laugh about getting caught out with your joke and maybe say something like, “I thought there was something really wrong with you!”
You can then continue joking with her by saying, “This is serious! I need a definite day and time or else it’s all over for me. I am going to give in and have a coffee any day now. So, let’s catch up… how does tomorrow at 3pm sound?”
At that point, she will likely be smiling, laughing and feeling relaxed and at ease talking to you (because you’re not being all serious and nervous with her).
She may then begin to feel curious about your ability to confidently joke around with her, rather than being like a typical guy who is too afraid to risk saying other than, “Oh, hi…so, how have you been?”
If you can joke around with her in some way when you start the call, she will naturally feel some respect and attraction for you for having the courage to do it.
When that happens, she will open herself up to the idea of meeting up with you again, because she will start to have some feelings for you too.
It won’t just be about you having feelings for her and wanting her back.
She will want it too.
3. Get her to meet up with you as a friend
If she hasn’t already agreed to meet up with you for coffee, make sure that you get her to do so.
If she resists a bit by saying something like, “I don’t know,” or “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea,” you can add, “Oh, it’s fine…it’s just a quick cup of coffee as friends. It doesn’t mean that we’re getting back together. We’re simply being two mature adults who are willing to say hello as friends. We can do that, right?”
As long as you remain relaxed and confident when saying it, she will sense your non-neediness and almost certainly say something like, “Okay, I guess we can do that.”
Then, just go ahead and organize to meet up with her as soon as it’s convenient for the both of you.
When you see her in person you need to…
4. Reactivate her feelings at the meet up
For example: Some of the ways to reactivate her feelings are by:
- Maintaining your confidence around her regardless of what she says and does to make you feel insecure or nervous.
- Taking the lead during the conversation and not allowing her to call the shots or dominate you.
- Making her laugh and smile to put her at ease in your presence.
- Showing her that you’re emotionally independent and living a happy, successful life with or without her.
- Making her feel like a sexy, desirable woman in your presence, by being an emotionally masculine man.
The more attracted she feels, the less she focus on the negative things about you she used to feel turned off by.
Instead, she will be thinking things like, “He’s so different now,” or “He has really changed,” or “I can’t believe it feels so good to hang out together again.”
She may try to hide her change in feelings if she wants to play hard to get.
However, in most situations, a guy will be able to notice an obvious, distinct change in her behavior, body language, vibe and conversation style that shows her rising interest and excitement.
Remember: How you make your ex feel when you interact with her is the most important part of getting her back.
You have to make her feel positive emotions such as love, respect, sexual attraction and excitement, rather than negative emotions like anger, annoyance, stress, irritation or disappointment.
When she can see that you really have changed and she really does feel differently around you now, her guard will come down and she will open up to being with you again.
Then, at the back of her mind, she might start thinking, “Maybe we can get together before Valentine’s Day. What a great time to start a new, exciting relationship with him again. I should do it!”
5. Get the relationship back together
If you’ve successfully reactivated her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, getting back together will be something that both of you want to do.
However, even though she will be feeling attracted and excited, don’t expect your ex to make it easy for you by saying, “I want us to get back together again,” because chances are, she won’t do that.
Most women don’t want to seem to keen, make it easy for an insecure guy or get rejected for showing interest in a guy who was just reeling her back in to dump her, so he could feel good about himself again.
So, even though she is feeling attracted and excited, it’s possible that she might continue acting like she’s not interested in getting back into a relationship with you at all.
This is why you must be the emotionally strong one and lead both of you back into a relationship together, regardless of the mixed signals she is giving you.
Don’t doubt yourself.
Just move forward to a hug, kiss and then sex.
Get her back into a relationship by remaining confident and emotionally strong all the way.
If you wait around for her to take the lead and give you the go ahead, she may begin to think, “I guess I was wrong about him being a different guy now. He’s still insecure and doubting himself like always. Well, if he’s not going to make a move, I need to get out of her and start moving on without him.”
She then closes up, says something like, “Look, I have to go. This was a mistake meeting up. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Please don’t contact me anymore” and then leaves.
Don’t let that happen to you.
To get your ex back before Valentine’s Day, you need to be a man about it.
You’ve got to lead the way and make it happen.
If you reactivate her feelings for you and get her back before Valentine’s Day, she is going to be just as happy as you are to be in love on that special day.
You and her will get to spend Valentine’s Day feeling totally in love, happy and in a relationship that is better than it ever was before.
That is a good thing for you and her, so don’t think that you’re doing anything wrong by getting her back.
What you’re about to do is a good thing for you and her.
So, get her back and enjoy the love and great times ahead with her!