Here are 11 of the best tips to help you get back with the mother of your child:
1. Don’t initially make it about the child in any way
If you use the child as the main reason to get back together (e.g. you say “Think of how this will affect our child in future”), she will see it as manipulation.
Women don’t want to feel like they are being manipulated into staying in a relationship with a man.
So, what you need to remember is that the romantic relationship between a man and a woman is different from the relationship they have as parents of the child(ren).
A romantic relationship between a man and a woman is based on mutual sexual attraction, respect and romantic love.
In terms of the woman, it’s about how the man makes her feel when she is with him (e.g. excited, attracted, feminine, girly, in love, respectful of him).
That is separate from the relationship they have as parents of a child (i.e. being caring, looking out for the child, sharing responsibilities, providing for the child).
In most cases, a woman can still care, nurture and provide for her child without needing to have a man living with her, or in a committed relationship with her.
It won’t be ideal, but she can do it.
So, make sure to avoid trying to convince her to get back with you for the child’s sake.
She will want to get back with you, if you are able to awaken her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction.
So, don’t act like just a friend now (i.e. neutral, nice, no flirting), or behave like an unattractive man (e.g. insecure, giving her too much power, being overly soft with her).
Behave as though you are attracting her and picking her up for the first time (i.e. flirt with her, be manly, be assertive in a loving way, use playfully challenging humor, be charismatic).
Don’t try to push for a relationship, or to get the family back together at the moment.
Just re-attract her and she will naturally want to get back with you.
2. Understand the subtle things about your interaction style with her that need to change
Over the years, you have likely developed a habit of talking and interacting with her in a certain way.
Some parts of your interaction style will be appealing to her, whereas other parts won’t.
So, to re-attract her, you will need to make some adjustments to come across in a more attractive and appealing way overall.
For example: Here are some unattractive interaction styles that cause women to feel turned off by an ex…
- Being way too nice or generous and seeming to want pity, or a pat on the back for it.
- Being too emotionally sensitive (e.g. how he reacts to what she says, how focused he is on his feelings) or wimpy, to the point where she can’t respect him anymore. When a woman can’t respect a guy, she will then stop feeling attracted to him.
- Being too stressful to be around, due to being controlling, too worried about little things, easily irritated and so on. As a result, she can’t seem to relax and be happy around him.
- Acting like a sad, hurting, rejected ex, rather than behaving like a confident, emotionally secure, attractive man.
- Being too emotionally distant because he hopes she will then see that he’s not needy. Yet, she assumes that he’s upset, hurting or possibly doesn’t want her back anymore. It’s always better to be emotionally masculine (i.e. brave, secure, centered) and not be afraid to show some interest via flirting and re-attraction.
If you adjust, change or improve in ways that matter to her, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
She will then feel drawn to getting back with you and will feel good about doing it.
3. Prepare yourself to offer her a refreshing experience with you
Some of the things that make a relationship feel refreshing are:
- Being able to get her out of a bad mood with humor. It’s not about being silly or goofy. Instead, it’s about being strong enough, brave enough and manly enough to use humor in a moment where you are worried about doing it. She then feels your strength and respects you for being able to handle her with confidence, rather than being afraid of her potential reaction.
- Making her feel like a sexy, desirable woman by flirting with her, rather than being too polite or neutral and making her feel like just the mother of your child and nothing more. If you don’t include flirting, the spark will almost certainly be missing between you and her. As a result, she will assume that you and her just don’t have that anymore and possibly can’t. She will then look for a new man to experience a sexual and romantic spark.
- Occasionally teasing her in a playful way, not talking about the relationship all the time and being easygoing.
- Creating a dynamic that motivates her to impress you and want you back, rather than sucking up to her in the hope that she takes pity on you, or allowing her to talk down to you in the hope that she will want you back because she has so much control over you now.
4. Make her reconnect with her romantic love and attraction for you
Some of the ways to do that include:
- Being more confident than you used to be.
- Flirting with her, rather than only having neutral, friendly, or worse, stressful interactions. For example: She says, “You need to pick up the child today at 4pm” and you laugh and say, “Okay, anything for a pretty woman like you” or, “Okay, but only because you’re pretty. If you weren’t pretty, I’d get there at 5.” You’re not sucking up to her by saying something like that. You’re saying it as a joke. You are playfully teasing her, but also giving her a compliment at the same time. When you make a woman feel attracted to you and also treat her nicely, she sees it as charming. Additionally, when a woman has had a child (or multiple children), she usually loses confidence in her physical appearance, so it feels really good to get a compliment like that.
- Making her feel girly in comparison to your manly approach to conversations and interactions, rather than being neutral or worse, making her feel more dominant than you.
5. Bring out a better side of her
The approach that a guy takes to a relationship can bring out a selfish side of a woman, where she withholds love (and sex) and treats him badly, whereas if she was with another guy, she would be loving, attentive, affectionate, sexually open and giving.
For example: If a guy is too nice to a woman and sucks up to her, she will usually see him as being desperate and feel turned off by it, rather than seeing him as an attractive man and feeling lucky to be with him because he’s so nice.
On the other hand, if that very same guy treated her well, but was also a challenge (i.e. a guy who made her feel the need to impress him and maintain his interest. He doesn’t say that. He makes her feel it), she would enjoy the relationship so much more, truly love him and want it to work.
So, focus on being a good guy to your ex, but also be a challenge so she feels motivated to be good to you in return.
For example: If she says that the child needs something and you should buy it, rather than just saying, “Okay” and then expecting nothing in return, you can be a challenge.
You can playfully (important) say, “Sure, I’ll do that…it wouldn’t hurt to say please though” and have a laugh.
You’re still going to do it, but you are playfully letting her know, in a dominant, but loving way that she needs to show you respect and appreciation.
You’re not sulking when you say it, or saying it with irritation in your voice.
Instead, you’re just having a laugh and being a bit playful, while subtly reminding her to be respectful and appreciative towards you.
When a woman feels respectful towards you, she feels attracted even if she doesn’t want to admit it, or show it in any way.
In fact, she might even act like she is annoyed, but as long as you are being confident, playful and loving while saying it, she will feel attracted to you for being able to stand up to her in that manner, rather than just being an obedient guy who follows her every order without expecting any respect or appreciation.
6. Let her sense that you could be a happy family together
Some couples have a child and then simply aren’t ready to handle all of the responsibilities that come with it.
As a result, they end up fighting, blaming, arguing and ruining their romantic feelings for each other.
On the other hand, some couples are able to remain in love romantically and be close, happy and content, regardless of how many children they have.
Couples like that don’t allow the stress of raising a family to get in the way of their sexual and romantic love for each other.
It is a challenge to do and something to get used to, but it is achievable.
If you interact with the mother of your child and she gets the sense that you and her could be a happy family together, then she will naturally begin to feel drawn to you.
For most women, it’s much better to do that, than to constantly date new men who only want sex and eventually have to settle for a guy she isn’t attracted to.
When you interact with her, re-attract her and let her sense that the dynamic between you and her could work now, she won’t be able to stop herself from thinking about you.
7. Let her see that you are confident, happy and enjoying life without her
Enjoying life without her is not about doing things on your own, working on a business or trying to get a promotion.
Instead, it’s about you having fun with other people and being happy around them without her.
Women don’t like to admit it, but when they see that, it makes them feel attracted.
In fact, some women will even act annoyed, disappointed or disgusted that a guy has been able to move on and enjoy his life, while she’s stuck taking care of a child.
Yet, secretly, she will feel attracted to him for being emotionally strong enough to get on with life after being dumped by her.
She will also feel like she is missing out on being with a more confident, emotionally mature, emotionally strong version of him, which will not only attract her, but also compel her to give him another chance before he finds another woman.
So, don’t be afraid to let her see that you’re having a fun time with other people (e.g. doing outdoor activities, attending a sports game, going to a party), even though you and her aren’t together.
8. Don’t be the one pushing for, suggesting or hinting at a relationship
If you push for a relationship, she will almost certainly put up her guard and resist you.
Most women don’t like to be pressured into a relationship they’re not sure about, especially if they don’t feel attracted.
So, the best approach is to make your ex want the relationship for her own reasons.
- She feels attracted to you in new and refreshing ways and wants to experience more of that, so she opens back up to you.
- She can see that you’ve leveled up in some of the ways that are important to her, so she worries that it will be difficult to find a new man who understands her like you do.
- She feels that if she gets back with you, you will be able to build a future together as a family, which seems safer to her than introducing new men into the picture.
- She wants your child to grow up with his/her father.
- She feels attracted to you again and worries that if you meet a new woman and fall in love, you will lose interest in being with her. So, she gets back with you while she still has a chance.
As a result, she then hints at, or suggests getting back together, without you having to push for it.
You then give her that chance.
9. Let her sense that getting back with you wouldn’t be additional work for her
Sometimes a guy will text his ex woman way too much, need a lot of her attention, or want to do time-consuming things with her that don’t necessarily involve the children.
If she isn’t attracted to him, then it will feel like work to her, or a burden or annoying obligation as a co-parent.
If she’s already busy taking care of the child and doing whatever else she does on a daily basis, she’s not going to want additional work.
This is why, the best approach is to focus on re-attracting her, while also making interactions feel fun and easygoing.
Make her smile, laugh and feel good, rather than making her feel neutral, or like interacting with you is always about something (e.g. discussing bills, making arrangements for the child, sorting out details).
10. Don’t allow the blame game to ruin things between you and her again
In some cases, both the man and woman will secretly blame each other for the breakup.
Then, if they begin to argue while having a discussion about the relationship, those secretly feelings might come out (e.g. one or both of them starts blaming the other for this/that, suggests they are responsible for the breakdown of the relationship, or for the change in their own behavior).
Blaming won’t get her back.
What will, is when you focus on making her feel attracted to and impressed by the new and improved version of you.
She will then want to forgive any past mistakes you’ve made and will also feel compelled to treat you better and be more attractive to you, to prevent you from losing interest.
11. Prepare for her trying to test you
A woman will usually test her ex’s new approach to her, by throwing a tantrum, insulting him or being unreasonable to see how he reacts.
She will want to know if his new approach is real, or just an act to get her back for now.
She will display the behavior and test to see:
- Will he remain confident and emotionally strong?
- Will he get dragged into the fake drama she is creating, or will he remain in control of his emotions?
- Will he revert back to his old patterns of behavior (e.g. get annoyed, angry, shout at her, throw a tantrum, sulk, walk away)?
- Will he give up and decide that the relationship, or being a family unit again is not worth the effort?
- Will he try to make her feel guilty, by suggesting that she is what is tearing the family apart, or keeping them apart?
- Will he try to get emotional revenge by saying something nasty to her in return, or will he be the bigger person and come from a place of love?
- Will he be able to turn her tantrum, insult or unreasonable behavior into something for both him and her to laugh about (i.e. by using humor, being playfully challenging, flirting with her)?
Depending on your reaction, the mother of your child will either stick to her decision to remain broken up, or feel drawn to you and the idea of being a family together once again.
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