Here’s what to say and do when you contact your ex on a phone call.
Note: If you don’t want to call her and would prefer to text, I recommend that you read my other article, How to Attract Your Ex Back Via Text (opens in a new window when you click it).
However, if you are confident enough to call her, this is what you should you should say and do to get her back:
1. Start with a brief, but sincere apology
Even if you’ve already apologized to your ex for what happened between you and her, it’s good to just briefly, but sincerely say sorry one more time.
Saying sorry again doesn’t mean you should grovel, suck to her or try to make her feel pity for you.
Just keep it as brief as possible and then get on with making her smile, laugh and feel good talking to you.
If you and her are on good terms and she will be happy to hear from you, say something like:
You: Hey, how are you?
Her: Good thanks, you?
You: I’m doing great. Hey, before we continue, I just wanted to say sorry to you again for what happened between you and I. I’m sorry for putting you through that.
Her: [Either says that it’s fine, don’t worry about it or wants to talk about it a bit more]
Then, get on with making her smile, laugh and feel good talking to you.
If you and her had a messy break up and she’s not going to be happy to hear from you, start the call off and then say something like:
“Hey, by the way…I’m sorry for what happened between us. I now understand what I did wrong and why it caused your feelings for me to change. If our roles had been reversed and you were behaving like that, I would have probably felt the same way. It wasn’t fair on you and I see that now. Regardless of what you may think of me right now though, I want you to know that I’m sorry that things worked out the way they did between us. The truth is, everyone makes mistakes in a relationship. I never claimed to be perfect, but to the best of my knowledge, neither is anyone else. I just want you to know that I’m not the same guy that you broke up with. I don’t expect you to believe me right now and that’s okay. I’m not asking you to take me back or anything like that. Of course, I would be lying to you if I said that I don’t care about you anymore. I definitely do care about you, but I accept that we are broken up. I just want to say sorry for how everything turned out. You are a great woman and definitely deserved better. So, sorry about that.”
By being confident and mature enough to apologize to her in that way, you’re showing her that you’ve learned from the experience and have already taken positive steps to become a better man than you were before.
This is attractive to her because you aren’t stuck at the same level as you where when she broke up with you.
You’re one of the rare men who learn from an experience and become a better man as a result, rather than making the same old mistake over and over again throughout life.
When she gets the sense that you are one of the rare men who become better and better over time, it makes her feel sparks of respect and sexual attraction for you.
As a result, she feels much more willing to genuinely forgive you and open up to talking to you further and even meeting up with you in person.
You then need to make sure that you…
2. Focus on making her smile, laugh and feel happy when talking to you
It’s only natural that the idea of contacting an ex for the first time after a break up might make a guy feel nervous or stressed.
He may even think things like, “Will she even want to talk to me? Will there be a lot of long awkward silences between us? What should I say to her? What will make her see that I’m genuinely sorry for what happened and that I want to make it up to her?”
He might then decide to call her and try to discuss the relationship with her in detail and work through any problems that they had or still have.
Yet, doing that simply makes her remember the scale of the problems they were having or still have.
It makes her think something like, “Yeahhh…I’d forgotten about some of those things he did, but now that he’s mentioned it, I feel even more turned off by him.”
She then closes up and it becomes even more difficult to get her to meet up with him to get her back.
So, what should you do instead?
Make her smile and laugh and feel good, especially when she’s trying hard to make you feel uncomfortable or nervous by being cold towards you, or is creating drama by being cold and saying things like, “Why are you calling me?”
For example: Imagine that you’re on a phone call with your ex and the first thing she says to you is, “Oh, it’s you again. What do you want now?”
A nervous, insecure guy might begin to stumble over his words and say things like, “I’m sorry… I just wanted to talk to you and see how you are,” which puts her in the more dominant position and causes her to feel even more turned off by what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
Alternatively, he might seem nervous and hesitant as he tries to talk to her, which will make her feel turned off because he doesn’t even have the balls to remain confident when talking to a woman.
Women hate it when a guy feels intimidated by her, but still wants to be with her sexually and romantically.
Being intimidated makes a woman feel unsafe with him.
She feels like she would need to protect him from the big, bad world out there, so she stops feeling like a woman around him.
This is why it’s essential that you always remain confident and don’t ever give a woman the impression that you are intimidated by her in any way.
It’s not about being rude, aggressive or controlling.
None of that.
You just have to have the balls to laugh at her attempts to you feel intimidated and then guide the conversation or interaction back to mutual laughter and feelings of love.
So, if you call her and the first thing she says to you is, “Oh, it’s you again. What do you want now?” what should you say and do?
A great way to get her smiling right away is by laughing at her bitchiness (This part is important. You have to literally laugh) and with a smile in your voice ask something like, “Wow! Is that how you say hello these days? Gee, a lot has changed about you since we last spoke” and then have a laugh with her about that, or, “Haha! That’s how you answer the phone with me now? I love it. Funny stuff.”
Alternatively, if she’s more open to talking to you again and says, “Hi, how are you?” when you call, you can say something like, “I’m good. How about you ex girlfriend? How you doing?”
She will most likely laugh at you referring to her as ‘ex girlfriend’ and she will feel respect for it too, because you have the confidence to risk saying something like that, rather than feeling intimidated by her and the situation and being on your best behavior as a result.
Another example is if she is trying to make you jealous by talking about her life without you.
You should literally laugh and with a smile in your voice say something like, “Wowww, I’m soooo jealous…” and then laugh and say, “Just kidding…that’s sound great. I’m glad that your life has been much more fun without me.”
By saying something like that to her, she will be impressed that you’re confident enough to joke around with her and risk saying things, even though you and her are now broken up.
When she feels respect and attraction for you again, it becomes difficult for her to keep thinking things like, “He’s my ex and he stuffed up. I don’t want to talk to him anymore. It’s over! I don’t have any feelings for him!”
Instead, she thinks, “It’s actually kind of nice to be talking to him again. I miss his funny side…I like his confidence too. Maybe there is a chance for us. Maybe we could meet up and see where things go.”
She then allows her defenses to come down and becomes more willing to see you in person to experience the new and improved you face-to-face.
Once she’s feeling good and enjoying talking to you again, you need to…
3. Get her to meet up with you in person to say hi as friends
After a bit more laughter and easy-going conversation, just say, “Anyway, it’s been good to chat to you again like this. Let’s meet up sometime this week for a quick cup of coffee. Of course, it’s just as friends, so don’t expect a cake with your coffee or anything sweet like that, okay? It’s just coffee” and have a laugh.
She will most likely be laughing, smiling and having fun, because she can sense that you’re being easy-going and are not pressuring her into doing anything that she feels uncomfortable with.
She will also notice that there’s a little bit of teasing and flirting going on, which will be exciting to her.
She may then think something like, “He really sounds so different now. He’s just so confident and self-assured all of a sudden. It might actually be a lot of fun to see him in person again. I’m curious to see what happens if we meet face to face.”
Of course if she doesn’t say, “Yes” to meeting up right away, don’t let that throw you. Just smile and say, “Come on! It’s just a coffee. We can do that. Let’s catch up and say hi.”
Chances are high that she will then agree to the meet up and you can then arrange a day and time.
Then, you need to…
4. Reactivate her feelings in person
At the meet up, it’s very important that you continue behaving in some of the ways that will naturally reactivate your ex’s feelings for you.
For example: Being confident even if she’s closed off towards you or tries to dominate the interaction, making her feel like a feminine, attractive woman in your presence, using humor to lighten the mood and put her at ease and showing her that you’re not insecure or emotionally sensitive like before (if that applies to you).
If you’re making her feel attracted, she is going to have a very difficult time saying no to hugging you, kissing you and hooking up with you again sexually because she will want it to happen too.
This is why it’s so important that you focus on triggering feelings of sexual and romantic attraction inside of her.
Don’t go to the meet up and act like a nice friend.
That’s not going to work.
You’ve got to trigger her sexual and romantic feelings.
That is what works to get an ex woman back.
Of course, she might act like she is not even interested in getting back with you at all, but if she goes to a meet up with you, then she is open to getting back with you on some level.
So, be prepared for the possibility that she might come to the meet up with her guard up.
She might even be thinking things like, “Be careful. Just because he sounded different over the phone, it doesn’t mean that he’s really changed. You can’t let him hurt you again. Don’t show him that you’re interested right away. See how the meet up goes and then decide later.”
That is why it’s very important that, right from the onset, you show her via your actions and the way you talk and interact with her, that you really are a new man now.
- If she’s being cold and distant, show her the strength of your confidence by never feeling nervous or unsure of yourself.
- If she acts like she’s over you, don’t feel rejected or unwanted. Instead, be confident and use humor to spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
- If she talks about other guys to make you feel insecure, just laugh about it and tell her that you’re happy for her.
- If she tries to dominate the interaction, put her back in her place in a loving, but assertive way.
When she can see that you remain confident no matter what she throws at you to make you feel intimidated or insecure, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you again.
Those feelings then begin to make the negatives in your relationship seem less important to her.
She begins to realize that you are now a completely new and improved man that she can look up to, trust and feel proud of.
Then, the idea of hugging, kissing and possibly even having sex with you again to see where things go, begins to feel like something she might like to do.
However, if you meet up with her and remain on your best behavior (e.g. being a nice friend), act nervous and insecure or let her push you around, then she’s just going to think something like, “I was right to trust my instincts. A leopard can’t change its spots and my ex is still the same guy that I broke up with. Nothing has changed. At least now I know for sure that he’s not the guy for me and I can move on with my life without any doubts. I’m never going to meet up with him again. It’s over.”
So, make sure that you are fully prepared to re-attract her at the meet up.
Don’t blow your chance with her.
5 Classic Mistakes to Avoid Making When Contacting an Ex Woman to Get Her Back
Contacting your ex is easy if you are feeling confident, emotionally strong and worthy of your ex.
However, if you’re feeling insecure, emotionally sensitive and doubting your attractiveness to your ex, it’s possible that you might make one or more of the following mistakes…
1. Trying to get her back via text messages
A guy might sometimes say to himself, “I don’t know what to say to my ex if I contact her by calling her. What if she doesn’t even want to talk to me on the phone? Maybe it’s better to just text her. That way, she can take her time to reply to me. If she wants to get on a call, she will tell me and I will then call her.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that when a woman has broken up with a guy, it’s usually because she’s lost respect and attraction for him.
So, when she gets a text from him, rather than look at it objectively and assume he has good intentions, she’s more likely to think, “Nice try buddy, but I’m not going to fall for your attempts to get another chance by texting me. Grow a pair of balls and call me. If you can’t do that, don’t expect me to help you feel confident enough via text. Grow a pair or leave me alone.”
Here’s the thing…
Texts on a little screen don’t have the same impact as words spoken over the phone, or in person where a woman can see a guy’s body language and assess his state of mind.
For example: Is he being confident and emotionally strong, or is he nervous and self-doubting?
Is he making her laugh and smile, or is he making her feel tense and stressed out?
Is he feeling worthy of her, or is he feeling intimidated by her and hoping that she takes pity on him and gives him another chance?
This is why texts are simply one of the worst approaches to use when getting an ex woman back.
It’s fine for a woman to text her ex guy back, because we men don’t require a woman to be confident and emotionally strong.
Yet, women require that from a man.
The rules for a man getting a woman back are different to the rules for a woman getting a man back.
You have to do what a man needs to do to get a woman back.
One of those things is to have the balls to call her and re-attract her on the call and then get her to meet up with you in person.
In person, she will get a crystal clear picture of who you are now and see that you really have changed.
Another mistake that you might make if you’re not feeling confident and worthy of your ex when you contact her is…
2. Coming across as emotionally weak or emotionally sensitive when you talk to her
Sometimes when a guy contacts his ex for the first time after a break up, he is thinking things like, “I can’t do anything to upset her. No matter what she says, I just have to be nice to her. Hopefully that will show her that I’m really sorry for what happened and she will then be more open to giving me another chance. I’ve got to show her that I’m suffering and that I’m not as confident as I used to be. Maybe that will make her take pity on me and give me another chance.”
He might then allow her to treat him disrespectfully as a way of showing her that he’s so upset, lost and sad without her that he’s willing to do anything or put up with anything to get her back.
However, rather than make a woman think, “Amazing! He’s so sweet and agreeable, even though I’m being such a bitch to him. I should definitely give him another chance. After all, what women doesn’t want a wimpy ass guy?” she will simply feel turned off and close up even more.
So, make sure that you don’t let your ex dominate you during interactions because you’re hoping that she will then take pity on you.
Women feel attracted to emotional strength in men, not weakness.
3. Not using humor because you’re afraid she might not like it
When talking to her ex, a woman will usually avoid laughing at his humor as much as possible.
This is her way of testing to see if he will remain confident, or become anxious and insecure when he notices that she isn’t really laughing much or at all.
Don’t let that put you off the idea of making her smile and laugh though.
So many guys make that mistake and end up decreasing the chances of getting their ex woman back.
For example: If a guy’s ex woman is the kind of woman who will test his confidence by playing hard to get and not laughing at his jokes, he might decide to just try and talk to her in a nice, friendly way.
He hopes that he can just talk to her as a friend and have an innocent chat and she may then open up to him and be happy to meet up with him.
That can happen if the woman still has strong feelings for her ex, but if she doesn’t have feelings, he literally needs to create those feelings.
Using humor is one of the quickest ways to make a woman have feelings for you again.
As long as you are being confident, she will relax, open up and allow herself to feel some attraction for you.
Yet, if you just use a friendly, nice approach (and she doesn’t have any feelings for you), she won’t feel a spark and quickly lose interest in talking to you.
She will then say something like, “Look, I have to go. We don’t have anything to discuss. It’s over, okay? Please don’t contact me again.”
You don’t want something like that happening to you, right?
If not, make sure that you confidently use humor when talking to her to get her to relax, open up and enjoy herself when she’s talking to you.
The fact is, when a woman is laughing and smiling, it’s becomes very difficult for her to continue feeling angry, annoyed or irritated at the same time.
So, get her smiling and laughing.
Another mistake that you might make if you’re feeling insecure and unworthy when talking to your ex is…
4. Feeling unwelcome to flirt with her and build up sexual tension between you and her
Sexual tension occurs when a man and a woman are interacting and feeling attracted to each other, but not kissing and having sex.
Sexual tension is released when you kiss and have sex.
So, if you want your ex to feel the desire to kiss you and have sex with you again, you must build up feelings of sexual tension so she feels the need to release it with you.
Don’t play it safe and act like just a friend.
If you want her back for real, you have to focus on triggering and building on her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
When you do that, she will feel turned on and be willing to give the relationship another chance, or at least hook up with you to see how she feels afterwards.
So, don’t waste another moment worrying what to say if you contact her.
Get her on a call, re-attract her and get her back.
Do it before she meets a new guy who makes her feel a lot of attraction.
Do it while you still have the chance.
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