No, but it can help bring down her guard if you approach it correctly.

Here are 5 tips to help you write an effective gratitude letter to your ex:

1. Keep it very brief. Less than 200 words

Sometimes, a guy will have a lot of things to be grateful to his ex about.

As a result, he might feel tempted to want to list them all in his letter to her, so that he can fully express his gratitude to her.

Yet, sending a long letter to a woman who has just broken up with you is usually not a good idea.


Firstly, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.

So, when she then gets a letter from him and she sees that it’s pages and pages long, rather than think something like, “Oh, how sweet. I can’t wait to read it!” she more likely going to think, “Oh no! Why is he doing this to me? Does he really think I want to read this essay? I’m sure he means well, but I just don’t have the time or the interest to read all this.”

She will then likely just throw the letter away unread, or put it somewhere and forget about it, which will defeat the purpose of sending it to her in the first place (i.e. to thank her and in the process spark some of her feelings so she wants to see him in person again so that he can get her back).

Secondly, because she’s disconnected from her feelings for him, if he writes a long letter expressing his gratitude to her, she’s likely going to take it the wrong way (i.e. that he’s being needy and emotionally wimpy at a time when she actually needs to see proof that he’s an emotionally strong man instead) and she’s going to feel even more turned off.

Keep it very brief. Less than 200 words

Finally, even if she does have some feelings for him and decides to read the entire letter, the longer he goes on about how great she is, the more likely it becomes that she will start to resent him and think things like, “If I’m so great and he loves and appreciates me so much, why did he behave the way he did when we were together? Why does he only appreciate all my wonderful qualities and all the things I did for him now that we’re no longer together? I know he’s probably hoping that I’m going to be impressed by his letter of gratitude and give him another chance because of it, but it actually only makes me feel like he took me for granted in the relationship and he’s now trying to make up for that by sucking up to me. Anyway, I’m glad he sent me this letter. It’s put all my doubts to rest and I now realize that I need to move on and find myself a new man who will appreciate me when he’s got me, rather than after I’m gone.”

So, don’t make the mistake of thinking that the longer your gratitude letter to your ex, the more open she will become to wanting you back.

Instead, keep it short and sweet and interesting enough (about 200 words is usually long enough to say what you need without going overboard) and make her drop her guard a bit.

When that happens, she feels like the polite thing for her to do is to text or call you to say “Thank You,” which is what you want.

You can then use the opening to begin reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you for again, so you can make her want you back.

Another tip to help you write an effective gratitude letter to your ex and make her want you back is…

2. Don’t go on and on about your feelings

Don't go on and on about your feelings

As difficult as it may be for you to accept this, the truth is, a woman only cares about a man’s romantic feelings for her, if she has sexual and romantic feelings for him too.

So, if your ex is currently thinking about you in a negative way (e.g. she’s angry, annoyed, disappointed, resentful), then reading about how much you miss her, need her and how devastated you feel without her, is unlikely going to make her think things like, “I never realized how much he cares for me. It really feels so good knowing that I’m so loved and wanted. Maybe I should give him another chance after all.”

Instead, she’s probably going to think something along the lines of, “Well, he should have thought about how wonderful I am when he had me and been a better man to me then. Now it’s too late and I don’t care how he feels! In fact, I hope he’s really suffering! He deserves it after the way he treated me.”

Remember: The only time your ex is going to care about your feelings, is when you make her have feelings for you again.

So, make sure that you focus on doing that (i.e. sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you) when you write your gratitude letter to her, rather than discussing your feelings for her.

It’s all about her feelings for you.

Your feelings do matter to you, but at this moment, not to her.

In some cases, a woman will even feel annoyed with her ex for talking about his feelings for her and assume that he’s just being a selfish, self-absorbed jerk.

Of course, that’s not how you want her to be feeling and thinking when she reads your letter.

So, make sure you understand that it can’t all be about how much you miss her, still care for her, or how much you need her back in your life, because she simply won’t care about that.

What she cares about now is her feelings, not about how you feel and what you want.

So, your approach to getting her back needs to be about how you make her feel when she reads your gratitude letter (e.g. respectful, excited, attracted, happy to be hearing from you) and then when you talk to her on the phone or in person.

Another tip to help you write an effective gratitude letter to your ex and make her want you back is…

3. Tell her that you accept the break up

Tell her that you accept the break up

One of the biggest mistakes that guys can make when writing a gratitude letter to an ex, is saying things like, “I know you’ve made up your mind and I’m truly grateful to you for having been such an awesome girlfriend to me, but the truth is, I really can’t accept that we’re broken up. It feels like such a big mistake for us to not be together anymore. I honestly believe that you and I are meant to be together. Please let’s try and work things out.”

However, although his intentions may be good, resisting what has already happened (i.e. the break up), only makes a woman feel defensive and like he’s trying to force her into something she no longer wants (i.e. a relationship with him).

She then closes herself off even more and that makes it so much more difficult for him to get her back, because she’ll now be refusing to talk to him over the phone or see him in person.

So, what should you do instead?

A good way to make her drop her guard and begin seeing you in a more positive light, is to actually accept the break up and show her that you’re not going to be one of those guys who can’t be happy and forward moving without his ex in his life.

For example: You can do that by saying something along the lines of, “Hey Cassandra. Things didn’t go the way we had hoped and I’m sorry about that. I just want you to know that I completely accept the break up. Of course, I’m not saying I wouldn’t want to work things out with you, but I’m also not going to hold on to the past, or act like a desperate, crazy ex boyfriend and stalk you to try and get you back. Lol! We can now both move on and be happy, without any hard feelings. Love, Peter”

By saying that to her, you’re letting her know that even though you do care for her, miss her and want her back, you don’t need her back to feel good about yourself and to have a good life.

This automatically makes her feel respect and attraction for you again, for being and emotionally strong, emotionally independent man.

As a result, her defenses come down and she becomes open to talking to you over the phone and seeing you in person to see how she feels.

Of course, when you do get her to meet up with you in person and then reignite her feelings for you, chances are high that she’s going to end up wanting to hug, kiss, have sex and get back together with you again.

Another tip to help you write an effective gratitude letter to your ex and make her want you back is…

4. Add in some humor

Add in some humor to the letter

Almost nothing else breaks the ice and eases the tension inside of a person like a good laugh.

So, rather than focusing on being too serious or sentimental in your gratitude letter to your ex, consider using some humor to break down her defenses instead and make her more open to you.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should write jokes or say silly things, or anything else like that.

Instead, while you’re thanking her for being a great person, you can then throw in a joke about something she used to do for you to make her feel good about herself.

For example: If you say something like, “I know I never told you this before, but I really appreciate how you made my life so much easier,” you can then use some humor by adding something along the lines of, “I miss that about you. Like when I couldn’t find my keys and you’d always know where they were, or when didn’t know how to use the washing machine properly and you showed me the on/off button” and then add a smiley face or an “Lol!” to let her know that you’re just teasing her.

By using humor in that way and making your ex smile and laugh, it becomes a lot more difficult for her to continue thinking of you in a negative way.

Instead, she starts feeling respect and attraction for you again for having the confidence to joke around with her in that way, even though you’re broken up.

As a result, her guard begins to slip down and she becomes more open to the idea of talking and interacting with you to see where things go from there.

The final tip to help you write an effective gratitude letter to your ex and make her want you back is…

5. Sign off with love

Sign off with love

Once you’ve said what you wanted to say to your ex, sign off by writing your name after “Love you.”

For example: If the guy’s name is Tom, he should sign off as “Love you, Tom.”

This is a Neurolinguistic Programming technique of getting her to say that she loves you in her mind (i.e. she reads out, “Love You” followed by your name).

Her saying that in her mind, can begin to plant seeds of doubt about her negative feelings for you and makes her feel more open to interacting with you.

Then, when you follow up your letter with a phone call, there will likely be a little voice at the back of her mind telling her things like, “This is good. You want to talk to him, because you do love him.”

So, don’t leave out this important step.

Quite often, a guy will be too afraid to sign off his gratitude letter with “love,” because he doesn’t want to scare his ex off by showing her that he still has feelings for her.

In his mind he may be thinking things like, “If I sign off ‘with love’, she will realize that I still have strong feelings for her and she’ll close herself off even more. Then, if she won’t talk to me or see me in person, I won’t be able to get her back.”

Alternatively, a guy might fear signing off his gratitude letter with love, because he doesn’t want to give his ex power over him by letting her know that he still has feelings for her.

Basically, he’s likely hoping that by sending her the letter and being grateful, it will be enough to prompt her to make the first move, without him having to reveal too much of his feelings to her to make it happen.

Yet, neither belief is true.

Firstly, if a guy pretends not to have feelings for his ex anymore, she’s usually just going to move on, rather than chase after him.

At the same time, most women won’t take the lead in the ex back process, regardless of whether a guy signs off with love or not.

Instead, she will usually wait to see if he has the balls to follow through with a phone call or a meet up.

So, don’t be afraid to sign off with love, because women actually respect that kind of confident, non-needy honesty from a man.

She then automatically starts to feel surges of respect for you again, making it that much easier for you to fully reactivate her feelings and get her back.

Get the Result You Really Want From Your Gratitude Letter By Avoiding The Following 3 Mistakes

Now that you know what to put in your gratitude letter to your ex, here are 3 things you should avoid, if you want to successfully re-attract her and make her want you back:

1. Writing a monster sized letter or e-mail

As romantic as it may seem, writing a long letter to your ex that goes on and on about how great she is and how much she has meant to you, is usually just a waste of time.


If she’s not attracted, she’s not going to feel motivated to read it.

Additionally, she also feels annoyed that he’s trying to suck up to her by saying sweet things that he hopes will trick her into thinking she wants him back.

Yet, she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, so it doesn’t work.

Instead, she sees his letter as being a soppy, out of place, ineffective and a as a desperate attempt to try to get her back.

As a result, she loses even more respect for him.

The next mistake to avoid is…

2. Talking in depth about how the break up has affected you emotionally

Being broken up with sucks and it’s not unusual for a guy to feel sad and dejected because of it.

However, writing that in a letter to an ex woman and saying things like, “I feel so lost without you. I’m really struggling to cope with our break up. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep since we split up,” is the worst thing a guy can do.


When a guy talks about how he can’t cope, rather than make an ex woman feel pity for him, she instead usually feels turned off by his emotional weakness.

When she sees that he can’t handle the challenges in his life (e.g. their break up) without her support, it makes her want to move on from him even more.

So, don’t bother telling your ex how the break up has affected you emotionally in the hope that she will feel sorry for you and want to give you another chance and focus instead on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.

That’s 100% more effective.

The next mistake to avoid is…

3. Expecting something unusual to happen by expressing gratitude for selfish reasons

It sounds like the opposite is true. When you express gratitude, it’s for the other person, right?

Not necessarily.

If a guy is thanking a woman for everything she taught him and for waking him up, it’s something that he has gained and benefited from, not her.

So, don’t try to trick your ex into wanting you back by pretending that your letter of gratitude is all about her and that you don’t have an ulterior motive for sending it.

Most women aren’t stupid and can easily see through a guy’s intentions.

If she senses that you’re trying to act all innocent to trick her, she will perceive you as being selfish and immature and then focus on moving on without you.

Remember: The best way to make your ex want you back is by making her have strong sexual and romantic feelings for you again by talking to her on a phone call or in person.

So, focus on getting to that point and you will be amazed at how quickly you get her back for real.

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