I love you.
It’s a powerful statement, isn’t it? It means a lot to us humans. We value it, we savor it and we want it. We want to be loved and want to love.
Saying “I love you” is so powerful that it can instantly bring you and a woman closer together after days, weeks, months or even years of knowing each other.
However, just because saying I love you is powerful, it doesn’t mean you should rush to say it to a woman. If you begin saying “I love you” too early on, it can ruin the relationship before it has a chance to develop.
When Not to Tell Her That You Love Her
There isn’t a perfect time (e.g. after 5 hours and 32 minutes and 21 seconds) to declare your love for a woman, but there are a few times when saying “I love you” will ruin the sexual courtship before it has a chance to grow into true love.
Some of those include:
1. When she isn’t fully attracted to you: Attraction is the first step you need to go through with any woman you want to have sex with.
If a woman isn’t sexually attracted to you, then she isn’t going to be interested in exploring sexual, romantic love with you. She might “like” you as a person, but the love that a man and a woman feel for each other in a sexual, romantic relationship is completely different.
2. When she is the type of woman who wants to say it first: Most women want to say it first. They dream of meeting a guy whom they feel so much attraction and love for that they just HAVE TO blurt out those three words before he does. More about that in the next section.
3. When she still isn’t sure whether or not she wants to get serious with you: When a guy hasn’t fully attracted a woman or has behaved in a way that has caused her to lose respect for him as a guy, she will be hesitant about allowing her feelings to develop.
Before getting to the “I love you” statement, you must ensure that the woman is really attracted to you, respects you and wants to be with you. Without that, she will usually just say, “Thanks” in response to your “I love you.”
4. When she’s not in love with you: Some guys make the mistake of thinking that if they tell a woman how much they love her and care for her, it will make her fall in love right back.
Yet, that isn’t how it works.
First comes attraction, then comes respect and then comes love. If she looks down on you as a guy (i.e. doesn’t respect you) and sees you like more of a nice guy friend (i.e. she isn’t attracted to you), then she won’t be romantically in love with you.
5. When she feels more valuable than you: Some guys make the mistake of giving a woman the impression that he would be SO LUCKY to be with her. Yet, what a woman really wants to feel is to lucky to be getting a chance with YOU.
Watch this video to understand why…
She wants to see you as the sort of guy who could easily have other women, but are choosing her because you like her. She doesn’t want to get the impression that you are “in love with her” because she’s the only one who has been showing you any interest.
From all of my experience with women, I’ve found that the best approach is to get her so attracted to you that she says it first. Just let the tension build up by kissing her, having sex with her and having a great time together. Eventually, she will just come out and say it and it will be an awesome moment for both of you.
Give Her the Gift of Being Able to Say it First
Being able to say “I love you” to a man before he says it to her, is how women really want it to be.
A woman wants to have her feelings build up so much that she feels like she just has to tell you that she loves. It is a rare and exciting experience for a woman and it will make her love you even more.
In TV dramas, movies and music videos, you will sometimes see women complaining about men don’t say I love you first. Why? It’s a good storyline that makes both men and women watch the movie, listen to the song and keeping watch the TV show.
If TV and movies where exactly like real life all the time, people would find them too predictable and wouldn’t want to watch. When people are watching a movie and can see that the two characters are obviously in love, but are not saying “I love you” to each other, it makes them keep watching to witness the “magical moment” when they finally do.
The Story of How I First Told My Girlfriend That I Loved Her
When I first met my girlfriend (update: We recently got engaged and then married shortly after), we both felt an intense attraction for each other and instantly got along with each other on various levels that are important to both of us.
I was so attracted to her that when I saw her walking into the nightclub with her girlfriends, I turned to my friend and said, “Now THAT is what I’m talking about. I’d let her be my girlfriend for at least a few months.”
I said it that way because I was used to having many girlfriends at once and it was normal for women to compete to be my girlfriend. Back then, I wasn’t thinking that I’d settle down with one woman anytime soon.
Nowadays though, my friend and I look back on that night and laugh because those “few months” that I said she could have with me have continued on until this day and we’re now married.
What was strange for me (a guy who was used to having his choice with women for many years) and for her (a beautiful young woman who had men offering her the world to get a chance to be her boyfriend) was that both of us couldn’t eat or sleep properly for the following two days after meeting each other.
We were both “lovestruck” and we knew that we’d found someone really special.
Yet, despite our strong feelings for each other, neither of us said “I love you” right away. In fact, one night about a week into the relationship she thought she heard me say, “I love you” to her, but I had said something else (can’t remember what I said, but it was completely unrelated).
She then told me how most of the guys she’d met would say, “I love you” or “I think I’m in love with you” within 20 minutes to an hour of meeting her. She then said that some of her hot girlfriends had also experienced the same thing and they hated it.
This wasn’t big news to me though.
I had known about that for a long time because I’d already been sleeping with beautiful women for many years at that point. Most beautiful women experience the same thing because most guys confuse their feelings of lust with love, or they make the mistake of causing the beautiful woman to feel as though she is way more valuable than he is.
Hearing my girlfriend say that she hated how easily guys fell in love was just another reminder of how important it is to say “I love you” at the right time when you’re beginning a relationship with a beautiful woman.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, my girlfriend (who is now my wife) eventually said, “I love you…I really do love you” as were laying in bed one evening after having sex. I said it back and said, “I love you…I didn’t expect this to happen, but I really love you.”
In total, it took her about 7-10 days to say it and she then admitted that she had wanted to say it to me earlier, but wanted to wait until it felt right. She also said that she was happy that I hadn’t rushed to say it to her.
It may sound like a fairly trivial thing to discuss who should say “I love you” first, but creating and maintaining the right dynamic when in a relationship with a woman is very important.
We all want to be with someone who is truly compatible with us and if I had been like the other hopeless romantic guys that she had met, it would have been a minor reason for her to question whether or not we were a perfect match.
By the way: This is what happened recently between her and I if you are interested to know how everything played out…
The Difference Between Lust and Love
Lust (noun): Intense sexual desire. Passionate craving.
Love (noun): A profound affection for another person.
When you’re in lust with another woman, your sexual desire for each other is like an addict’s need for their drug of choice.
Many guys will begin saying “I love you” at this point because of how much desire they are feeling for the woman. However, it’s not something that you should say to express your lust for her.
Expressing your lust for her can be done by saying, “Oh babe…you’re so sexy” when you’re having sex or by smiling at her and saying, “You’re sexy” when you are 1-2 minutes into your first ever conversation with her.
If you approach a sexual courtship with a woman correctly, you will effortlessly go from stage to the next until you reach the point where you and her are truly in love and committed to each other. However, if you go against the flow of a natural sexual courtship, most of the women you meet will reject you or lose interest in you in the early stages of dating.
Falling in Lust
A major reason why many relationships become lose their spark and become stale is that they were mostly based on the initial and temporary sensation of lust, rather than on true love.
Depending on the couple, intense feelings of lust can last for days, weeks or months. However, unless you build the relationship beyond that stage and establish a true, intimate bond in and out of the bedroom, the lust won’t automatically turn into true love.
Instead, you will begin to feel bored around each other and the relationship will start to fall apart.
I often get contacted by guys who’ve just been dumped by the woman they love. Unfortunately for these guys, they just didn’t know how to guide the woman into deeper feelings of respect, attraction and love. Everything was so good in the beginning, then it got stale and then she broke it off. It’s a common problem these days.
Back in the early 1900s, it was still shameful for a woman to break up with or divorce a man. Premarital sex was forbidden and if a couple got married, they had to stick together for life otherwise almost everyone would look down on them.
In 1900 for example, the divorce rate was less than 10% for most of the developed world, whereas it is approximately 50% and sometimes more for most of the developed world today.
In today’s world, if you want your relationship to last a lifetime, you have to do it right. You can’t just take a woman for granted and think she will stick around because she will feel ashamed to break up with yet another guy.
Today’s women are encouraged to break up with a guy if he isn’t the right one for her. It’s a completely different playing field these days and only the guys who understand how to guide a woman into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction are able to keep their relationship together for life.
True Love Changes Your Perspective on Relationships
When a man truly loves a woman (and vice versa), his perspective of her and the relationship they share becomes bigger and more far-reaching than a woman that he is just dating or having sex with for a while.
Instead of looking at her as yet another girlfriend who he will hang out with for a couple of years, it feels right to want to commit to each other for life. Truly in love with each other, they dedicate themselves to each other’s happiness, well-being and fulfillment in life, instead of just thinking as an individual or about themselves and their wants and needs in life.
Personally speaking, I went from having 4-5 women in my life at once to being completely happy to dedicate myself to one woman. I loved the other women that I was with, but it was a different kind of love. It was more of a love for them as a person, rather than the dedicated love and commitment that I now give to my wife.
You will know when you’ve found true love because it completely changes your perspective on relationships and your desire to commit to one woman. True love is completely different to the temporary love that you will feel for a lot of the women you meet in your life.
If you have found true love with the woman you’re with now, make sure that you take care of it. If you want it to last a lifetime, you have to focus on deepening her love, respect and attraction for you over time.
What is True Love Between a Man and a Woman?
True love is when you both care as much, if not more, for each other’s happiness and needs than you care about your own. You are there for each other and you know that you don’t want or need to be with anyone else.
You have each other’s back and are both willing to do whatever it takes to make each other feel happy, loved and fulfilled in life. You communicate openly with each other on all levels without fear because you know that the love is real. You are not only each other’s greatest lover, but each other’s closest companion…