When you were young and in school it likely was much easier to know how to make friends.
After all, you likely were with the same group of classmates throughout the day, every day, so friendships almost naturally occurred with a few people because you shared common experiences.
When you left school and started to work, knowing how to make friends became a little more difficult but chances are you may have developed a few actual friendships rather than just a co-worker relationship.
Today, however, with so many people working for themselves or telecommuting for their job, knowing how to make friends requires a different skill set. Unfortunately, many guys don’t understand what it takes to develop a friendship and make mistakes that push people away from them rather than draw them in.
Even though the guy is a good guy with good intentions, people don’t seem to want to be his friend. Likewise, most women don’t seem to be interested in him either.
So, why is that? Here are some of the things that you need to avoid if finding friends is your goal…
Stay Home and Stay Alone
Picture this. You’re sitting home alone watching a sporting event, TV special or just hanging out and wishing you had a friend to share the evening with. Unfortunately no one is going to just knock on your door and offer to be your friend.
You actually have to get out there and meet people but that takes an effort that too many guys don’t seem to want to make.
So if you’re not meeting new people by going out, taking up a hobby in a group setting, getting involved in an activity or cause you believe in or otherwise making the effort to get off your couch and mix and mingle, there’s no way that friends are going to suddenly appear.
Are Facebook Friends Really Friends?
You’re sitting at your computer and you’re looking at your Facebook page and it says that you have dozens, perhaps hundreds, of “friends.”
Are they really friends? I mean are these people that you can call up and say, “Let’s catch a game,” or “Want to get together for a drink?” Do any of your Facebook friends call you up just for a chat or want to get together?
If the only or primary way that you know these people are through posts on a Facebook or other social media page, then they aren’t truly friends. You potentially can use these acquaintances to develop a more personal relationship but you have to know how to make friends from your internet contacts.
Turning an Acquaintance into a Friend
Some guys will know someone in passing and will try to turn the acquaintance into a friend. However, unless you know how to make friends with someone you don’t know well, you could potentially make one of these two common mistakes.
The first mistake is trying to force the friendship by suggesting that you’d like to get to know the other person better and then start by telling them your life story or sharing any number of personal things about yourself in an endless monologue.
If someone wants to know about you, they’ll ask questions. Conversations are supposed to be give-and-take; not just one person hogging the floor.
The opposite situation is equally off-putting. Some guys will ask a potential friend endless questions about themselves, often without listening to the answers, which makes the other person feel as if they’re on job interview rather than having an interesting conversation.
Either style of communication won’t allow the relationship to develop into a friendship and is more likely to make your acquaintance want to keep an even further distance from you.
What Are You Lookin’ At?
You’re in a bar, restaurant, at the beach or other group setting and you see a bunch of people who seem to be having a great time and you want to join their crowd. You can’t just keep staring at them and hope that they’ll notice you sitting alone and invite you over.
Staring is intimidating and is likely to get you unwanted or hostile attention rather than a welcoming gesture of potential friendship.
Guys like that might as well be wearing a sign around their neck saying, “Please, please, let me be your friend.” It’s pathetic and not the way a strong, alpha male makes friends.
In with the “In” Crowd
If you want to know how to make friends with “the cool kids,” then you can’t be shy or overly polite. People want to be with others whose personality matches or compliments their own.
They want to be around high energy types who are amusing, outgoing, active people. They don’t want to hang around with some wimpy guy who doesn’t have anything interesting or fun to add to the relationship.
Being Their Go-To Guy
In desperation, some guys who are looking to attract friends will try to attach themselves to the cool alpha males by trying to buy their way into the group. They do this either through spending money or by being willing to do whatever the other guys need.
These desperate men are so anxious to be liked and be “one of the guys” that they will offer to pick up the tab for drinks or meals on a regular basis or maybe they’ll be their “gofer.” In other words, they’ll “go for” this or “go for” that.
For instance, if someone needs to run out and pick up more beer or a pizza, the gofer is the guy to do it. If the group is going out drinking, he’ll always be the designated driver. If one of the guys needs a ride to the airport, he’ll be the first to offer to drive him.
It doesn’t matter what they are asked to do, even if it’s inconvenient, this type of weak man is the first one to be asked “to do a favor for a friend” or the one who always volunteers to help.
If you’re that type of person, these guys are not truly your friends. They are just using you.
What Do You Think About That?
Some men are so insecure and eager to please that when they are with some guys and a topical or controversial discussion arises, they’re afraid to share their opinion. They’ll look to one of the alpha males to see what he thinks and then agrees with him.
However, when there is a conflicting opinion by another alpha male, the less-than-confident guy is likely to say something like, “Well, you have a point too.” The problem is that you have to be willing to share your thoughts on a variety of topics to create an interesting dynamic with others. No one wants to be with a “yes man.”