The life of an alpha male is usually easier and less stressful than the life of a lower ranking male (e.g. beta male, omega male).
Women want him, guys respect him and he goes after what he wants with confidence, determination and an expectation that he will succeed. Generally speaking, most people accept that he will get the hottest women, get promoted at work and achieve whatever he puts his mind to.
Women open themselves up to him, guys follow his lead and the world generally gets out of his way as he heads towards the goals that he wants to achieve. If anything gets in his way, he just climbs over it or works a way around it and then continues onto victory.
You don’t have to be an alpha male if you’d prefer to be a lower ranking male, but if you’re not alpha, you will definitely experience some negative consequences throughout your life…
9 Negative Consequences of Not Being an Alpha Male
Some of the many negative consequences of living your life as a lower-ranking male are:
1. Not being attractive enough for most women
Women are more attracted to alpha males than any other type of male (e.g. beta male, omega male). It’s just how nature works.
A woman may accept a guy who lacks the alpha male mindset, but she will never feel as much attraction for him as she would for an alpha male. Most of the guys who come to me looking for help on how to get an ex back are guys who have either never been an alpha male or who lost touch with their masculinity and became a bit of a wuss, needy guy, clingy guy, etc in the relationship.
2. Feeling nervous or anxious in social situations
A real alpha male doesn’t feel nervous or anxious in social situations because he full believes in himself and expects to be liked.
He knows that he is more than good enough for women to like him and for men to respect him. Why? He decided that he is. His perception of himself is much more important than what others “might” think. He bases his confidence on how he thinks, not on how others might think.
A lower ranking male will decide that he isn’t good enough, so he will feel worried about being rejected, laughed at, humiliated, overlooked or embarrassed in front of others. This type of thinking naturally makes him feel nervous and anxious.
3. Lacking the confidence to approach attractive women
An alpha male knows that he deserves attractive women, so he simply approaches and expects to be liked.
A lower ranking male doubts himself and feels like he isn’t good enough for the types of women he finds attractive. His lower ranking male thinking causes him to feel fear, nervousness or anxiety when he wants to approach a woman that he finds attractive.
4. Being picked on
Bad boys, jerks and assholes almost always look for “easy targets” to pick on, so they can feel better about themselves. They avoid picking on an alpha male because they know that he is much more confident than they are.
5. Being overlooked by women
When faced with a choice, a woman will almost always choose an alpha male over a beta male or other lower-ranking male. Why? The alpha male’s confidence and masculinity are sexually attractive to her.
These days, most women don’t desperately need a man to provide them with food, shelter and protection because they can earn their own money and be protected by the police, government and media. So, women now choose guys based on sexual attraction.
Displaying alpha male characteristics is one of the quickest ways to make a woman feel sexually attracted to you. Instead of putting lots of effort into trying to “get to know her” during a conversation or taking her out to expensive dinners, you can make her want to have sex with you right away by triggering her natural attraction to alpha male traits.
6. Being with a woman who wishes she could be with an alpha male
A lower ranking male may be able to get himself a girlfriend or even a wife, but she will always secretly wish that she could be with an alpha male instead.
At the very least, she will fantasize about being with an alpha male when she masturbates. Most guys don’t realize that when a woman masturbates she will think about a confident, masculine man having sex with her.
If she is in love with her alpha male boyfriend or husband, she will often imagine him. However, if she is with a lower ranking male who doesn’t make her feel the type of attraction she really wants to feel, she will imagine other men instead.
Women in this position are much more likely to cheat or have an affair when the spark dies out of the relationship. In the past, women had to stay with a man for life even if they were unhappy because it was shameful to get a divorce, so they usually just had affairs while they husband was working.
These days, it’s not as shameful to divorce anymore, so unhappy women usually just get a divorce, take half of the guy’s money and try to attract themselves a guy with more alpha male characteristics than their ex.
I see this happening often because I help guys to get an ex girlfriend, fiance or wife back. It’s sad to see because in most cases, the guy is a really good guy, but no-one ever told him that being an alpha male is not a bad thing.
Most guys grow up thinking that the key to success with women and life is to be very nice all the time. Yet, it’s not. The key to success with women is to be a good guy who knows how to attract women when he meets them and then how to deepen the love, respect and attraction of a woman in a relationship.
7. Being overlooked for promotions
Managerial or leadership promotions (these are usually the best paying jobs) almost always go to the alpha male or the most charismatic guy. Lower-ranking males aren’t usually given positions of leadership and power unless they have a lot of skill in a specific area.
However, if an alpha male comes along who has just as much skill as the lower-ranking male, the alpha male will eventually be made boss and the lower-ranking male will be his assistant and get paid less. It’s just how nature works.
8. Having less friends than the average person
Think about the types of guys that you’ve met in life and wished you could be friends with. They are more alpha than you, right?
Humans are instinctively wired to get close to alpha males because for most of human history, an alpha male offered the best protection and best chance for survival. Even in today’s world with our supermarkets, police and internet, being around an alpha male is still safer than being around a lower ranking male.
Guys feel “cool” when they have alpha male friends and women feel proud and excited to have an alpha male boyfriend. No woman is excited and proud to be with a lower ranking male, except other lower ranking males who think that being an alpha male is wrong, selfish or mean.
9. Being disrespected by people
For most of human history, the alpha male could punish or kill someone for disobedience and get away with it. Even though we have police, media and courts, people still have an instinctive fear of being punished by an alpha male for stepping out of line.
On the other hand, most people don’t feel the need to respect lower ranking males or grant them the full privileges that an alpha male enjoys. Some people are nice and generous to even the most wimpy of guys, but most people instinctively only give their full respect to alpha males or alpha females.
How to Be an Alpha Male
Being an alpha male simply means that you expect to be respected, you expect that women will like you and want to be with you and you expect that you will win or succeed at whatever you do. Having that type of default expectation allows you to feel confident and go after what you want without fear.
The confidence of an alpha male is irresistibly attractive to women because life is challenging and throughout human history and still to this day, it has almost always been better for a woman to align herself with a stronger minded man than a weaker minded one.
Being an Alpha Male is Not About Being an Asshole
Guys who aren’t alpha usually assume that to be an alpha male, they will have to stop being nice to people. They will have to be like those jerks, assholes or bad boys they’ve come across so far in life.
Understandably, this is a huge turn off for good guys. If you’re a good guy, you most-likely don’t want to have to become a bad guy to make women feel attracted to you and make men respect you.
The good news is that you don’t have to become a bad guy. Yes, there are some “bad boy alpha males” out there, but those guys are the minority. The majority of alpha males are “good guy alpha males” and that is what we provide advice on here at The Modern Man.
You Don’t Have to Be the One and Only Alpha Male in a Group
In tribal times, there would be one alpha male amongst a small group of men and women. He would have to be the most dominant and would often have to fight to maintain his dominance.
In today’s world, there can be several alpha males in a group situation because we are no longer confined to one tribe. If you are in a group situation and other alpha males are present, it’s not about competing with them and trying to show that you’re the “top dog.” Just be one of the alpha males.
You don’t have to fight for dominance in every group that you’re a part of or in every environment you spend time in (e.g. at work, among friends, eating a restaurant).
To gain the modern benefits of being an alpha male (i.e. women want you, men respect you, your boss promotes you or your staff respect you if you are a business owner), you simply have to display alpha male traits (e.g. confidence, assertiveness, leadership, drive, fearlessness, etc).
You don’t have to be the one and only alpha male in a group situation or in any environment you find yourself. You can be one of the alpha males. There is room for more than one alpha male in group situations these days, because you are not tied to one group for life like men were in tribal times.
Why Do Women Hook Up With Bad Boy Alpha Males?
I often get contacted by guys here at The Modern Man who complain to me about how they often see beautiful, intelligent women hooking up with jerks and bad boy alpha males.
What these guys fail to realize is that women are attracted to their alpha male traits (e.g. confidence and masculinity), but would sincerely prefer a good guy who was just as confident as the bad boy.
The absolute truth of the matter is that most women do NOT want to be in a relationship with a bad person, but they are so attracted to alpha male traits that they will sometimes put up with a jerk or a bad boy just so they can experience the attraction that they feel to alpha male qualities.
Here’s another way of explaining it….
You probably want a intelligent, beautiful, down-to-Earth, loyal, respectable woman for a girlfriend or wife, right? Yet, probably also get really excited when you look at slutty women in porn, right?
Do you also find strippers sexy when they dance naked on on stage and bend over to show you their pussy? Of course you do.
You are attracted to things about women that you cannot control. Even though the stripper or pornstar may not be a nice, intelligent woman that you could introduce to your parents, you can help yourself from feeling attracted to her.
The same applies to women.
When they meet a guy who displays alpha male characteristics, they can’t stop themselves from feel an intense, natural attraction for him even if he isn’t the nicest guy in the world.
So, when you see a woman with a “bad boy” or a “jerk” just understand that she is simply giving in to her feelings of attraction.
She knows that it would be BETTER to be with a good guy alpha male who is just as confident as the bad boy, but those men are very hard to find. Good guy alpha males are almost always taken or dating several women at once, so many women hook up with bad boys and assholes just so they can experience the attraction they feel to any type of strong alpha male trait.
If you are a good guy who also displays alpha male traits, you are like a 10/10 to women. Women refer to you as sexy, charming, a “catch,” a “man’s man” and other labels that essentially mean that you are the guy that women dream of being with.
When a woman comes across a guy like that, she will hold on tight and never want to let go. She will always know how lucky she is to have found him, attracted him and gotten him into a relationship. She knows that her girlfriends will be jealous and her parents will be proud.
If a good guy alpha male already has a girlfriend or wife, some women will try to break up the relationship or marriage so she can be with him. Personally speaking, I still get contacted by some ex girlfriends even though I recently married my sexy, 22 year old girlfriend when I turned 37.
Do You Have to Be Born as An Alpha Male to Be One?
Guys become alpha either via their upbringing, life experiences or active learning later in life.
The most important alpha male traits are not physical. What’s most important is how you think, behave and take action in life. You either think, behave and take action like an alpha male…or you don’t.
Personally speaking, I transformed myself from a self-doubting, socially anxious guy who felt as though he didn’t deserve attractive women and didn’t deserve the respect of others, into who I am today.
When I made the decision to become alpha, everything else began to change in my life too. Women wanted to have sex with me, people wanted to be my friend, my parents showed me more respect and I got promoted at work into higher positions of leadership.
Life is so much easier, less stressful and more productive as an alpha male. I make things happen and they happen easily because I have the confidence of an alpha male.
How about you?
Would you like to have your choice of women from now on? Would you like to have sex with hot, sexy women? Would you prefer that life ran more smoothly for you from now on? Would you like to see the shock on the faces of friends, family or coworkers when they see you with an extremely hot woman?
Would you like to get what has been denied to you all these years because you haven’t been alpha enough to attract it or take it? Would you like to feel good about yourself from now on, instead of secretly feeling like a failure?
Would you like to have women feel so much attraction for you that they confess their feelings to you and try to pick you up?
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I don’t want to make an essay out of this. I hope that you with your skillset can make the most possible out of the situation I’m in.
(Long time ago I went through the flow and mastery methods. If there is any other product that could still be of help to me then let me know. I’m at an advanced level already!)
Since late august I’ve been living at college, studying acting. College is pretty special, especially when you like me live at one completely isolated from rest of the society, in the way that you hang around the same people a lot.
I’m not a relationship-type guy. At least I’ve never been before
At college I’ve met this girl. We started flirting pretty early on, the whole thing going on a bit on- and off. Eventually one night it led to lots of kissing and foreplay. With her on her period, that’s where it ended also. Since then we’ve shared bed some times, kissed and had some foreplay, not sex thou. Partly because our college life is extremely stressful and does take a lot of your lust for sex away.
A couple of nights ago we had somewhat of a deep-talk regarding where this was going (she being a bit uncomfortable with some of the public massage’ing I had given her while in class watching a presentation – not seeming to mind it at the time thou). I had now realised I might want more than sex with this girl.
She said she was attracted to me, and thought of me as charming. That she wanted to have sex with me, but that she was not in love with me. I.e, not wanting more than sex.
My problem with this rather fascinating girl is I do not know if she is not interested in more than sex or if she is playing hard to get big time.
Normally I would’ve let this go, but taking into consideration there aren’t a lot of alternatives at this 100 people campus, and this girl being absolutely stunning, with a nice personality and a good heart I’m not going to let it go quite yet.
What could lead to some major hard to get playing is; I have told her about my tendencies to lose interest for a girl after sleeping with her, which might be why she goes into foreplay mode, but not further. She knows about my, want-what-you-cannot-have drive. She knows I’m not the relationship guy, originally she said she though I was. She has about every decently confident male at the campus hitting on her (which does suck, takes happy thoughts not to let it show), and she by nature being a flirtatious gal, does enjoy a little bit of flirting back. I do, almost subconsciously, respond to this by flirting with other girls while around her (which she doesn’t seem to like). All this behaviour doesn’t look very promising relationship-wise either.
During the talk (I don’t enjoy these kind of talks as I make myself so vulnerable by telling her how I feel) I told her I didn’t know if a relationship was the way to go for me, but that I had feelings for her that I do not otherwise get (which is true) so.. that.. yes, maybe. She told me then it might be best to stop so that I do not have these feelings for her and then end up getting hurt.
This girl does suffer from the worst decision-agony I’ve ever seen before, by the way, in all areas of life.
Dan, your take on the situation?
Any suggestions? This girl is a really nice one.
Thanks for your question.
Well, it does seem like you are at quite an advanced level already. You certainly aren’t making all the basic mistakes that other guys make.
As for this girl, it really is 50/50 whether she is saying that she isn’t interested in anything more than “just sex” to:
a) Protect her heart, because you’ve already told her you lose interest in a girl after sex, or;
b) Let you know that she doesn’t want to get into a serious, committed relationship, but does want to have sex.
Regardless of which approach she is taking, the thing you need to do the most is have sex with her. Having too many deep and meaningful conversations BEFORE getting to sex pretty much always ruins it, because it makes the guy look too emotionally involved and then the girl starts pulling back and toying with him.
At this point, you need to be careful of not starting to fall madly in love with her based on the fact that you can’t have her. The more she plays with you and the more deep and meaningful conversations you have together, the more you will begin to feel convinced that you absolutely love her and want to have a serious, committed and possibly even get married to her or have a lifetime relationship with her.
If you want to get another one of my programs that will ensure you DO NOT get messed around by this girl and end up heartbroken, I recommend you watch Better Than a Bad Boy. When you follow the advice in that program, she will begin chasing you and will fall madly in LOVE with you. Additionally, while you might TOTALLY love her too, the advice I provide in the program will ensure that you do not become needy or end up broken-hearted, no matter what happens. Personally speaking, I have not had ONE girl want to break up with me since discovering what I teach in that program (it’s been 7 years since I’ve known what I teach in the program, but I wanted to make sure it worked consistently for me and for the clients I’ve coached over the years, before I released it on the site).
Man, everything makes total sense now. dan I love your advice, you are the enlightener, really. I am totally out of touch with modern culture, and it’s values. I love your advice but disagree with your values- I am extreme Old World, no wonder I am misunderstood, so out of touch with modern mind, and that’s my cure. No woman of my few relationships have ever broken up with me, amazing sex, women are drawn to me slowly, but deeply, if they don’t prejudge me first or a rival gets in the way. I realite I can’t start with logic when I am really interested in a woman- as marriage material. I am or must be a modern Petruchio, from Taming of the Shrew, and to be in touch with what is going on and the mindsets of both genders. We have a different morality. I shall not be judgmental. If I am to be Old World, having intentions, I must keep myself a Mystery and never reveal the intentions. My problem is meeting women- not because I’m shy, but being caught between worlds. Really truly deeply torn. I will hold the center. To do that I have to be in touch, be a mystery regarding my intentions, kill neediness, find my life purpose (I just have), and go physical sooner- though I would prefer not to for spiritual reasons. Both my relationships started by going physical soon though. I’d be laying down the strongest weapon in the arsenal if I didn’t. I will decide in the moment. Carpe Diem, keep fighting
Thanks for your comment and positive feedback.
Indeed you are one of the old world. Your writing a poet’s musings or writer’s ramblings, albeit with a few grammar and spelling errors to boot.
My advice to you: Stop taking things so seriously regarding the courtship of a woman. You come across as way too analytical and serious. That is great for philosophy, economics and business, but not for talking to and relating with women. To connect with women, you need to relax and be your unrestricted self in the moment. Nothing matters, just be. The Modern Man is not new world or old world. We hold the centre as you refer to, in that we encourage guys to follow the path that is true to their heart. Some guys want to have sex with many women and then have a relationship, while others want to take things slow and marry one woman. We support both paths because both paths are valid and applicable to the modern world. If you’re confused about how to tackle the modern dating world, I recommend that you watch The Modern Relationship: http://store.themodernman.com/in/18c787c
This is a great article, but am I wrong to think that an Alpha Male is actually more insecure than some-one who is comfortable in his own skin, and does not constantly feel the need to dominate every social situation?
Behind that social “confidence” of some-one who has to be the dominant ape is a lot of insecurity and self doubt that is being over-compensated for.
Thanks for your question.
Yes, guys who feel the need to go around impressing people by trying dominate social situations are NOT alpha males. They are beta males. In Alpha Male Power, I explain that you do NOT need to “be the most alpha” in every situation to be considered an alpha male and receive all the benefits that come with such recognition. Most guys do not understand what is required to be an alpha male and end up making assumptions based on the bad boy alpha males they see.
You are also correct that when a person behaves like that, it actually means they are insecure. If you want to learn how to behave like a truly confident alpha male, watch Alpha Male Power.
I read this and I realize that I have made the omega men’s mistakes, it is very helpful to me knowing it and I want to give them my gratitude for it.
You’re welcome mate. I’m glad to be able to help you.
Would you say that an alpha male’s greatest trait to women is their confidence? I recently met an alpha male and even I was impressed and felt valued by the guy. We hanged out in London for a night and he was just being a natural around women. Seeing with my own eyes that the guy was not a bad boy confused me. He later told me that it was all in his confidence, the real key to a woman’s heart (and her underwear ha). I asked him how he’s so confident and why is it so hard for me and other guys to feel the same? He replied saying he just grew up with it. I’ve had some random spurts of confidence that have given me guts to at least approach a girl or 2 but that confidence never lasts. I believe I can get it and that without it no guy should even bother. Dan, what was your experience of this? How do you build confidence in this? Thank you.
Thanks for your question.
Mate, you asked it so well that I almost want to sit here and teach you in my reply! However, that sort of advice is reserved for my customers only. The Confidence Building System that we teach in Dating Power took was tested for YEARS on ourselves and with the 100s of clients that we taught for the 3 years prior to recording Dating Power.
BTW: The confidence that you experienced to approach those women is a superficial type of confidence that would be better described as courage. However, if you want consistent confidence that grows in power every day, you need to go through a confidence building process. The process eliminates your insecurities, fears and anxieties one by one and replaces them with mindsets of confidence, power and masculinity. The Confidence Building System is one of the 100s of things we teach in Dating Power. I recommend that you watch the program and follow the advice. As with all of our programs, the advice has been thoroughly tested, proven and guaranteed to work, so you can EXPECT success with women because that is what you will be experiencing very soon.
…and no – you don’t have to be a bad boy to be a confident, alpha male. We teach guys how to be good guy alpha males. Being a bad boy alpha male involves being insecure, insincere, mean, violent, selfish, etc. None of that is necessary for success with women and will only cause you problems in life. Our advice is based on being a strong man, but a GOOD man.
I want to thank you for all your articles, for they’re really of great help.
You guys are doin a really great job for helping out. Thanks to you!
Dan, it’s about the “alpha male” stuff of which I find a little bit confusing somewhat. I was wondering if you can simply list what an “alpha male” is all about. I can see that confidence seems to come 1st in every aspect.
I’ld really be more appreciative if you do that.
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
I spend 5 hours explaining it and providing examples, techniques, mindsets and methods in Alpha Male Power. So, it’s not something that I will spend another 5-10 hours writing up in a comment! 🙂 However, here is another one of my articles you will find helpful: How to Become an Alpha Male.
Dan, you are spot on about the consequences of not being an alpha male. Being an high-ranking male has large implications beyond getting laid. You get more respect from your male peers. People take you more seriously. People always take your advice and are more likely to give your advice a go. People naturally gravitate towards you. You have a greater social circle with less effort. You have a greater ability to pull women from the peripheries of your social circle with less resistance. People seem to tolerate your faux pas much more than a beta male. You can say the same joke that a beta male would and have everyone laugh at it simply because you are an alpha male.
If you are not an alpha male, consider yourself pretty much settled upon. In my opinion, a girl will always wonder what its like to be with the guy who the guys want to be and the girls want to be with.
As someone who has lived both the life of an alpha AND a beta, the difference is night and day, and being an alpha male is a much better life to live.
Thanks for the insight, Dan.
You’re welcome mate.
Thanks for your positive feedback and contribution to the discussion.
EVERYONE: Read Alan’s comment. The guy knows what he is talking about.
I’ve probably read this very interesting article about 8 times now or so, and based on what I’ve learned from you, there is an MASSIVE diffrence between a lower ranking male and an alpha male. If you’re an alpha male, pretty much everyone wants to be your friend, they invite you to parties, people take a genuine intrest in you, you have your pick of hot women, you get promoted at work etc. (And that’s just some of the benifits of being an alpha male)
Whereas, if your an lower ranking male(especially an omega male), you have to work REALLY hard to get a girl to just like you, you’d be a butt of the others joke, you feel painful emotions of weakness and self-doubt at your core, having a hard time making friends etc.
The point I want to make here is to get you guys a clear picture of how great life really can be if you’re an alpha male. In the modern world there’s a lot of academic intellegent men out there, but their life’s keeps procrastinating and wasting away just beacause their lack of success with women, their fears, lack of motivation etc. Well, to be honest, I am one of those guys…
Thanks for your contribution to the discussion.
If you don’t want to be a lower-ranking male, then change. You will become an alpha male when you get rid of your unnecessary social fears and anxieties by changing your thinking. If you keep thinking like a lower-ranking male, you will keep experiencing the consequences.
I always wondered why some average-looking guys got hot girls and the answer was staring me in the face: they were alpha males!
I’m very fond of watching documentaries and you can see there time and again that the alpha male always mates with the female. It’s expected and natural.
Time to become an alpha male!
Thanks for your comment.
Yes, it’s only natural. Females go for alpha males for many, perfectly good reasons. All that (and how to actually be an alpha male) is explained in Alpha Male Power: http://store.themodernman.com/in/d2e92f
How do you get over wasted time? Ive known you can improve your success with women for almost 4 years now but have been held back by fear I’ve known about your website for about two years bought the flow around this time but done nothing bascially trying to do anything to get a gf, lay, date without approaching. I look back at my youth with pain missed out on everything I am 26 so not so still a young man but I cant help feeling regrets especially its not as painful the years I didnt know any better because well i didnt know any better but last couple of years looking back i feel like shit and i am annoyed at myself for not even trying. Do you look back at your early years with regret or now that have you become more successful in life you no longer look back in anger? I would be interested to hear how you view your past. I have a feeling I know what your going to say to me but would be interested in hearing about your journey.
Thanks for your question.
Yes, I do look back in regret (I bet that’s not the answer you expected, right?). Most people say, “Nah, I don’t regret the past because if it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t be where I am today” when they finally become successful. However, for me, I wish I could go back and be the current version of me 20 years ago (I’m 35 now). I would be able to do achieve so much more in life, so much faster. For instance, when I became an alpha male and was still working in the corporate environment (before leaving to run The Modern Man), I was promoted 3 times within 6 months. The owner of the international company said he wanted me to become his right hand man and help him expand the business (an American business operating in Australia) into China. However, I left to run The Modern Man and have been having a great time since. I can only imagine how good my corporate career would have been if I was alpha from the start. Additionally, for most of my teens and 20s, I had awkward relationships with family, friends and people in general. These days, my relationships are full of love, happiness, laughter, comfort, close companionship, enlightened understanding, etc.
About how you can get over your wasted time: You’ve got to take action Bobby. Nothing happens until you take a step forward. Read this Tweet I made on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Dan_Modern_Man/status/275926339486367744
Here are some relevant articles for you:
Also, listen to this customer and how he transformed himself. If HE can do it, any guy can (he had coke bottle glasses, a lisp when he spoke, overweight and NONE of that mattered because he focussed on being attractive in the ways that are most important to women):
This is probably getting a little bit deep but how does someone like Stu whos always been successful in this area always come to the right conlusions and have the right mindsets that benefited him in situations that could be seen as potentially awkward, bad, etc Like I don’t understand how some people can just have the right mindstets from the get go or fairly early on and then other people can be in a similiar situation and automatically think in ways that put the blame on themselves, cause themselves to feel nervous, make them feel worse. I guess I’m talking early childhood like when someone first encounters a potentially negative social situation I was always someone who put the blame on myself and as a result became more and more shy, doubted myself more and that pattern continued through high school and I am that same person now. How does someone like Stu just assume or think in the right ways that allowed him to live an enjoyable life when he had no positive experiences to make him belief that he should or could think in those benefical ways?
Thanks for your question.
The reason why is that he’s more of a natural at working out this area of life. For instance, some guys are more of a natural at maths, engineering or sports. For the rest of us (Ben, me and pretty every other guy who visits this site), we have to LEARN how to think, behave and be like the naturals.
Here is the basic process you will go through on your way to becoming a natural in this area of life:
1. Unconscious incompetence: You don’t even know that you’re doing it wrong.
2. Conscious incompetence: You know what you’re doing wrong. (When you learn from us)
3. Conscious competence: You can do it correctly, but you have to think about it while doing it. (When you use our advice)
4. Unconscious competence: You can do it correctly without thinking about it. (When you have been using our advice for a while)
Thank you first for this great post!
So here’s my story. I’m quite a handsome guy but I am usually very insecure that’s why I never get girls.
I was peacefully single and without any hassle, my vision was to find a sincere girl with a good character, although my friends tell me that with my handsomness I can get easily a girl, I was always looking for a girl with such characterisitcs.
One day i received an anonymous message saying; “I’m a girl and I confess I like you a lot, I can’t confront you i’m shy”, then i found the girl courageous and asked her to add me on facebook and not to be afraid because I’m not arrogant, and she did. She noticed me in my graduation ceremony because she was invited by her cousin that studied with me. Talking to her is amazing, she’s very sincere and good, she told me about her past and the boyfriend she was with for 4 years before they break-up last november, she confessed in beginning April. All out dates were amazing, we get so along with each other.
After lot of stuff going on, she told me that her ex knew about us from Facebook (he hacks sometimes her accounts) and he’s jealous and is treatening her with some secrets about her family if she doesn’t break up with me. I called him and he said : “dude, the girl cheated on me twice and this is the 3rd time!!! with you! I’m still with her”. After lot of hassles and each one of them trying to convince me that he’s telling the truth (her that she broke up with him, and him that she’s still with him) I agreed with her to date and she told me she’ll hillucinate him that we broke up and keep talking to him as they are dating, because obviously he still love her.
I broke up with her twice during this short period: first time because he overtreatened her and had to let her go so she won’t be in trouble, but she couldn’t break up and we got back together, and second time because I was doubtful about her a lot. She still talk to him because she’s pretending to date him, but her friends know that I’m dating her since we go out all of us, the other guy is studying in another country.
These days, I feel like a boy toy and i’m very emotional, it’s very overwhelming, she told me that i’m a god in bed, I make her have pleasure lot of times. Even though her friends know about us and not her ex, I feel she’s just using me because her “ex” is abroad and they only Skype. One time she even called him on Skype in front of me to say good night, afterwards she hugged me saying sorry baby it’s just that he become so doubftul sometimes so i needed to call him to say goodnight so he’d think i’m sleeping now.
And now, it’s like she’s loosing interest, she never texts me back, I asked her to come see her she said i’ll reply if u can come and she didn’t reply, and finally she talks sort of mean to me.
Please tell me people, what do you think about this situation? I’m starting to fall for her a lot and it’s the first time it happens to me.
Thanks for your question.
This part of your comment said it all to me, “I asked her to come see her.” You don’t ask women if you can come and see them – it’s not her who is in charge of the relationship. YOU are the man, not her. I never had to go see any women – they always came to me (I’m in a committed relationship now) because I was in charge.
If you want to stop being so insecure, learn from me. I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Is it necessary to be very good looking to be an Alpha Male? What if you are just average looking? Also I have a lisp would that ruin my chances of becoming an Alpha Male? I have noticed that some people don’t take me as seriously due to my lisp.
The answer to your question is right here: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html Listen as we interview a customer who fits that description perfectly.
Another consequence of being the low – lowest ranking male is that (I found anyway) people would expect your future girlfriend or one night stand to be very unattractive/overweight or would say comments along the lines of “You’d never get her” when talking about an attractive women, even though you could be better looking than the guys saying that!
Having previously lived a life like that, I’m glad it’s in the past. It sure did suck.
Just thought I’d add my input there 🙂
Very true. There are a lot of negative consequences of not being alpha. The list literally goes on and on. Good to hear that you’re leaving the problematic life of a lower-ranking male behind.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
I purchased a few of your products before and I learned a lot from them. Now the question for me is whether I should go with Better than a Bad Boy or Alpha Male power . Well after reading descriptions , I like the first more but body language part and being an alpha in 2nd book is intriguing. So what do you think I should do? And aren’t you supposed to be an alpha to be a bad boy anyway?
Thanks for your question.
Better Than a Bad Boy is about being the type of man that women desperately want to be with. That man is what they refer to as a real man. In the program, I teach you how to be that guy when approaching women, talking to women, kissing women, having sex with women and being in a relationship with a woman.
Alpha Male Power is about how to be an alpha male. It’s about the inner workings of the mind of an alpha male, the body language and behavior. Although the two programs might seem similar from the outside, when you watch them you will see that they both cover completely different topics.
All of our advice here at The Modern Man links back to the fundamentals of what we teach. However, we have specific programs that go into specific details in specific areas because many guys want to learn more about those areas. For instance, the topic of conversation is covered in detail in The Ultimate Guide to Conversation, but every one of our programs includes some conversation examples (different examples).
Very interesting article.
Although I firmly believe that even the most alpha guy can still get rejected and not every woman will be attracted to him, I do see your point.
I’m 19 (too young? lol) and never had a relationship and still a virgin. Still live with my parents, still haven’t driven yet and I haven’t had a job in a while. Is that such a turn off even if I know how to talk to women? I just don’t want to improve myself because I feel it’s pointless because it’s too late. And I usually define myself by things I’ve achieved and I don’t think I’ve achieved enough.
I’m also sick of seeing the other guys getting the luck but reading this now made me realise why that’s the case. Still, I do want to change but my past just goes on me and makes me feel it’s pointless to change. Is this a normal feeling that can be eliminated? Cheers
Thanks for your question.
LOL @ it being too late because you’re now “19 years old.” Funny stuff. I get success stories almost everyday from 40+ year old men who’ve turned their life around with women after being rejected for most of their life, or after coming out of a horrible divorce and being left with practically nothing (the legal system really screws men after a divorce in most cases).
No, the fact that you don’t drive is NOT a turn off. No, living with your parents is NOT a problem. What is a problem? Thinking that you have a problem and are not good enough for women. Women are attracted to a man’s confidence and turned off by his insecurity and lack of self-belief.
About still being a virgin, read: http://www.themodernman.com/sex-advice/im-still-a-virgin.html
Good point Dan.
Also, I have a fairly average appearance but I’m sure that doesn’t matter as long as I have confidence. I’m seen fat guys get lots of girls simply because of that. LOL Cheers
Yes, you’re right in saying that. Confidence trumps looks almost every time. The more confident you are, the more attractive you are to women. Got to love how nature works!
What does it mean if a girl says she’s not ‘comfortable with it’?; on some occasions I’ve asked for numbers, dates but I’ve had this ‘I’m not comfortable with it (yet)’ thing. Is it a case of not building enough attraction beforehand/not being alpha enough or just simply down to her own insecurities?
Thanks for your question.
Yes, it means that she just isn’t feeling it with you. You either haven’t built enough rapport or attraction, or you seem like the sort of guy she doesn’t want to get involved with. Watch this video: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-a-girls-number-in-a-bar.html
This blog is helpful. However, being alpha male is for extroverts only. What about introverts? Do introverts stay being either a beta male or worse, omega male? Can you provide me more tips regarding this issue?
Thanks for your question.
Being an alpha male does not mean being an extrovert. Think of some of the alpha males you’ve met in life; many women will be confident, relaxed guys who know they are alpha and don’t have to go around trying to prove it with loud behavior.
Watch this and let me know what you think: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/dating-advice-for-introverted-guys.html
I know I’m invading a man’s space here… but I competely agree with your article!
Here is my problem – I am actually dating a Beta and it is drivin me insane. I do love him, but I wish I didn’t have to wear the pants all the time and reassure him of everything all the time.
Is there anyway I can make him more Alpha? If I tell him anything to that effect he becomes upset about the fact that I am challenging his masculinity.
Help me out here please!!
Thanks for your question.
He won’t get upset if you simply explain to him that women feel more attracted to guys who are alpha. Tell him the truth: That you love him and want to feel even more attracted to him than you do already. Let him know that you do still love him and feel attracted to him, but ask him if he is open to becoming an even stronger man than he is already.
If he wants to check out a free article on it, I recommend this: http://www.themodernman.com/how_to_become_an_alpha_male.html
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