Being able to talk to a woman and get her to feel attracted to you right away, is a skill that is very important to your overall success with women.
You can’t rely on hoping to grow on a woman over time because you usually won’t have much time to talk to her or she will simply get taken by another guy who knows how to make her feel attracted immediately.
To help you have the skill of being able to attract women right away, I’m going to cover 5 conversation mistakes that guys make, which turn women off and can ruin the chances of being with her.
If you can avoid making these mistakes the next time you talk to an attractive woman, you will experience much better results. She will feel more naturally attracted to you and you will feel more relaxed, confident and in control.
Mistake number one is…
1. Always trying to say the right thing
Have you ever found that when you talk to a woman that you’re not attracted to, you feel confident and are able to say whatever you want, be yourself, talk about things that you find interesting, crack some jokes and generally have a good, interesting conversation?
Yet, when you talk to a woman that you feel really attracted to, you suddenly find it difficult to keep the conversation going and keep it interesting. You run out of things to say and may think something like, “What am I going to say to this girl to make her feel impressed by me? What am I going to say to get her to like me?”
Worrying about trying to say the right thing to her is something that will turn her off. Women are attracted to guys who are confident in themselves and who don’t feel like they need to put on an act to hopefully try to impress her. So, one of the most important things that you need to do when you’re talking to a woman that you find attractive is to really be yourself.
If you suppress your natural charisma and hide your true personality, then what happens is that you come across as awkward and the conversation may begin to feel a bit weird or strange to her. It just doesn’t feel right when she’s talking to you. If she also notices that you’re not really being your true self, are hesitating and looking a bit tense around her, it will make her feel uncomfortable.
A woman doesn’t want to be responsible for making you feel that way and in most cases, she will try to quickly end the conversation or will simply lose interest in you.
You don’t need to be worried about trying to be perfect and say everything exactly how she would want to hear it. She has her flaws and is not a perfect human being. She doesn’t know all the right things to say in every moment of her life. If she’s a normal girl, she will simply trust her gut instinct and say what she feels…and that is what you need to do as well.
If you are a confident guy, you will trust your gut instinct and say whatever you feel like saying. You will talk about whatever you feel like, share some opinions and even say a joke if you feel like it, but you’re not going to hold back in fear of saying the wrong thing around her.
2. Being too neutral or too nice
Neutral: Not showing any sexual interest and just talking to her like a friend.
Nice: Trying extra hard to be nice, polite and sweet to hopefully get her to like you.
Some guys learn that women aren’t attracted to very nice guys, so they stop trying to be nice to women and they start being neutral. They don’t really have any emotion or personality at all when they’re talking to a woman they find attractive. As a result, she doesn’t feel much while talking to him, quickly gets bored and wants to leave the interaction.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m an accountant.
Man: Oh, okay, cool. So, how long have you worked as an accountant?
Woman: 7 years.
Man: Oh, okay, cool. So…are you having a good night?
Woman: Uhh, yeah, it’s good thanks.
Man: Oh, that’s good. It’s a nice place here isn’t it?
Woman: Umm, I’m going to go to the bathroom. Bye!
Neutral guys don’t have that “X Factor” and are missing that “something about them” that will make a woman feel attracted. They suppress their natural charisma and personality and try to be as neutral to avoid any possibility of being rejected for saying or doing anything outside the norm. Yet, it backfires because women don’t feel much or anything for them at all.
Neutral guys are forgettable and are often ignored or left out in social situations. Worried about saying or doing anything that might get them rejected, they freeze up and lose their appeal.
In terms of being too nice, the main mistake that guys make is in thinking that they need to get a woman to like them as a person and then they will get a chance with her. Yet, what he really needs to do is make her feel attracted to him.
When you are talking to a woman, you have to focus on making her feel sexually attracted to you as a man and then anything else about you that is likeable (e.g. you’re a good guy, you’re intelligent, etc) becomes even more appealing to her.
Yet, if you’re just a nice guy and are just being nice, friendly and polite to her, there will almost always be no spark between you and her. You’ve got to create that spark by making her feel sexually attracted to you. If you don’t do that, most women will lose interest in talking to you.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman and there’s nothing wrong with being a good guy, but if the only thing you’re doing while talking to her is being nice, it will usually only create friendly, non-sexual feelings within her. What you need to do is make her feel sexually attracted to you and one of the easiest ways to do that is in the way that you talk to her.
While talking to her, you can use humor, flirting, sexual innuendos and you can display confidence and masculinity in the way that you talk to her about general things, life, yourself and her. Attracting her is also about how you handle yourself during the conversation.
Are you able to remain confident or are you constantly second-guessing yourself while talking to her? Are you able to keep the conversation going and keep it interesting or are you struggling to come up with something to say?
Important: There’s nothing wrong with being nice and there’s nothing wrong with being good, but what you also need to do is talk to her in a way that makes her feel sexually attracted to you. That’s the most important thing that you need to do and then anything else that is likeable about you suddenly becomes more appealing to her.
3. Showing serious romantic interest in her before making her feel attracted
Attraction works differently for men and women.
Most men don’t understand (or want to accept) that women feel attracted to men for different reasons than men feel attracted to women. There is a reason why a porn explosion happened when the internet began and why it continues to grow today.
Men look at women in porn and are able to jerk off to it because men mostly feel attracted to a woman’s physical appearance initially, which is usually enough for a man to want to have sex with her or even begin a relationship with her.
So, if a woman is attractive, most guys are interested in her right away simply based on her appearance. I’ll show you some images now and you can assess this for yourself. Look at the photos below.
Would you have sex with some or even all of these women if you had the chance?
You don’t even know anything about them other than their physical appearance. Each of those women could have a bad personality, be untrustworthy, disloyal or annoying, but you would most likely have sex with most or even all of them (at least once), right?
How about the women in the photos below. Would you have sex with either of them if you could?
How about these two?
How about the women in this group? Would you have sex with some or even all of them if you had the chance?
Generally speaking, if a woman is physically attractive, most of the guys that she meets are going to be fully interested in her right away, simply based on her appearance. Even if she is a bit of a bitch, a bit cold or doesn’t have a nice personality, most guys are still going to be willing to have sex with her simply based on her appearance.
So, the conversation mistake that some guys make when they are talking to an attractive woman is that they feel attracted to her and are fully interested in her, even though she may not have everything that he’s looking for in a woman. Based on the feelings of attraction that he is experiencing, he immediately begins showing her lots of romantic interest.
When a guy shows serious romantic interest in a woman before making her feel attracted to him, he will ask her questions such as:
“So, do you have a boyfriend?”
“Can I take you out some time?”
“Can I get your phone number?”
“Are you single?”
“What sort of guys do you like?”
“Are you interested in a relationship right now or are you more focused on your work/studies?”
He may also not be so direct about asking her if she has a boyfriend and instead will show a lot of interest in her and her life. For instance, if she says that she is an accountant, he might say, “Oh, right…that’s really interesting” and pretend to be interested in anything about her in the hope that it makes her like him.
Guys like that don’t realize that women need to feel attracted to a guy first. Women need to feel attracted to who you are as a guy; to your personality traits and behavior. Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t even know that they can attract women with their personality and behavior.
Most guys are going through life thinking that women feel attracted to men for the same reason that men feel attracted to women (i.e. physical appearance). There’s nothing wrong with a guy taking care of his physical appearance and looking good, but looks aren’t everything.
A woman can look at a guy and say, “Oh, he looks nice” or “He is handsome,” but it’s not the final, deciding factor that will determine whether or not she will want to be his girlfriend, wife or lover.
If she starts interacting with a guy who “looks good,” but he then displays the sorts of qualities that turn women off (e.g. nervousness, self-doubt, unable to have an interesting conversation with her, unable to flirt with her and build up the sexual tension during the conversation), then she will naturally feel turned off by him. He might look good, but he doesn’t feel good to her.
The reason why you will see guys who are not typically good looking with a beautiful woman is that most women (not all) are more interested and attracted to things about guys that cannot be seen. It’s not about the guy’s physical appearance; it’s about his personality and behavior and how that makes her feel.
That is why you will see guys from particular races (e.g. Asian) where people think that can’t attract women easily, yet the guy will have a beautiful girlfriend, lover or wife from another race that is supposedly “hard to pick up.”
A guy might be overweight, but he can still have a hot girlfriend who is in shape. A guy might not be the best looking guy in the world, but he can still have a pretty girlfriend.
Some women will only ever accept an extremely good looking guy; a guy who looks like a male model. However, the majority of women have what I call an Open Type, which means that they are open to being with all different types of guys as long as the guy can make her feel attracted in other ways.
When it comes to the other ways to attract women, most guys automatically think that it’s got to be about money, having a huge dick, being tall or having a lot of status and power in society. Yet, that is not the only way to attract women.
There are much simpler, easier, instant ways to attract women (e.g. you can display confidence around her, make her laugh, flirt with her during a conversation and build up the sexual tension between you, etc). There are so many different ways that you can attract women and in my programs at The Modern Man, I teach more than 100 different ways that guys can attract women.
You most-likely don’t know how much power you have when it comes to attracting women. Most guys are going through life thinking that if they aren’t very good looking or super rich, then attractive women simply won’t like them. Yet, they forget that they always see guys who don’t fit that mold with beautiful women.
They see it everywhere, but don’t want to accept that it may actually be possible to attract women in ways other than looks, money, height, status, power and having a big whopper in their pants. Whether a guy wants to accept it or not, it still remains true. Most women have an Open Type and are willing to be with a guy who isn’t good looking, but who can make her feel attracted in other ways.
When talking to women, what you’ve got to be able to do is make her feel attracted to who you are as a guy. How does your conversation style make her feel? Is it turning her on or turning her off? Is it making her feel good or is it making her feel bored?
Generally speaking, you are in control of how much attraction a woman feels for you. If you use the right conversation techniques while talking to her, she will feel attracted to you. However, if you are making some or all of the classic mistakes that guys make when talking to women they find attractive, you’re going to be turning her off.
Even though you might be a great guy and have great intentions with her. Even though you might be an intelligent, trustworthy guy; it doesn’t matter to her unless you can make her feel attracted to you when you talk to her. If your conversation style is turning her off, then that is how she will feel…turned off.
You’ve got to be able to make her feel good around you, drawn to you and attracted to you during the conversation. That is what counts to her and then anything else that is likeable about you will suddenly become more appealing to her.
So, with the mistake of guys immediately showing interest in wanting to be a woman’s boyfriend, what you need to do instead is focus on making her feel attracted to you first. When she’s feeling a lot of attraction for you, she will automatically begin to think about you as a lover or boyfriend. She will also automatically begin to show you more signs of interest as well.
Yet, if you start talking an attractive woman and give her the impression that you really like her and are hoping to get a chance with her, she will almost always put her guard up. She will feel as though she is the more valuable one. You want something from her, you’re feeling attracted to her and you want to get with her, but she’s not really feeling anything.
Additionally, if you’re conversation style is turning her off, she will feel as though if she gives you her phone number or hooks up with you, it’s almost like she’s going to be doing you a favor…and that’s not how she wants to feel. She wants to feel lucky to get a chance with you.
A woman wants to be able to interact with you and for you to turn her on and make her feel good. She wants you to make her feel attracted and when you do that, she will automatically begin to open herself up to the possibility of hooking up with you, giving you her number or going out on a date with you.
Remember: If she’s an attractive woman, most of the guys that she meets will instantly feel attracted to her and be fully interested in her simply based on her appearance. It’s very simple for her to attract guys because most men initially select women mainly based on the woman’s physical appearance.
Women are looking for important qualities in a guy than just a pretty face. She wants to see the qualities that she is looking for in a guy coming through during the conversation. She wants to feel attracted to how you talk to her, how you converse with her, how you connect with her and how you get her laughing.
How does it feel to be talking to you? Is it making her feel turned on or is it turning her off? Is it exciting her or is boring her?
4. Hoping that she will lead the conversation
Most women will test you during a conversation by not saying much at all.
They are testing you to see how you are going to react. Are you going to become nervous or will you remain confident? Will you be able to maintain a positive vibe and interaction between you and her or are you the sort of guy who crumbles under pressure in social situations and in life?
Have a think about why that might be important to a woman…
Think about what she needs from a man. She needs a guy who can actually survive, thrive and prosper in the world. A guy who can protect her, stand up for himself and not get pushed around by others in life or crumble under pressure.
These are the sorts of instinctive tests that women put men through, whether the guy is 15 years old or 50. Girls have exactly the same instinctive patterns of thinking and behavior that adult women do.
When a girl or a woman tests a guy, she is instinctively trying to see if a guy is strong enough and capable enough to protect her and survive in this world. She doesn’t want to align herself with a wimp or with a guy who crumbles under social pressure because it’s not a useful trait in a guy.
A lot of guy mistakenly go through life thinking, “If I can just look good enough, then women will like me and won’t mind that I’m nervous or don’t know what to say.” Yet, it doesn’t work that way. Almost all women don’t select guys purely based on looks. Some do, but they will eventually dump a good looking guy if he doesn’t have the real traits that allow a woman to maintain her attraction for a guy.
If you want to be successful with women, you’ve got to be able to attract women in more important ways that just having a nice shirt, haircut or big biceps. A woman’s instinct drives her to find a guy who is actually capable of doing well in life, protecting her, making her feel good, having good sex with her, getting along with her friends and family, etc.
What I’ve found is that most attractive women will test you by not saying much during a conversation. When you’re talking to unattractive, desperate women, they will usually try very hard to keep the conversation going and make it super easy for you to hook up with them. Yet, those women are probably not the types of women you’re aiming to get, right? You want to hook up with women that you’re truly attracted to.
What you need to understand going into a conversation with a woman that you’re attracted to, is that she’s most-likely going to test you by not saying much. What she wants to see from you is that you don’t crumble under pressure. She wants to see that you can lead the way during a conversation.
She wants to see that you don’t have to rely on her to be gentle with you and guide you through the process of starting a relationship with her. She doesn’t have to be the one who asks for your phone number, suggests that you go out on a date or moves in for the first kiss.
You are a guy who has the social intelligence to read the cues that she is giving you and keep the conversation going and keep it interesting. You know what to say to guide her to a phone number, kiss, date or even to have sex on the same night that you meet her.
Women are looking for deeper qualities in men that are more important than just looks. She wants to be able to see that you can lead her rather than hoping that she makes it easy by leading you. Being able to lead the conversation is a signal to her that you will most-likely be the sort of guy who adds value to her life; you’re not going to be a dead weight. You’re not going to be a burden or someone that she has to carry throughout life.
You are a strong man. You are a confident man. You are a socially intelligent man. You are someone who is going to add value to her life.
That is attractive to women.
5. Perceiving silences as being “awkward” silences
A lot of guys are worried about talking to women because they are concerned that if they run out of things to say and there is a silence, it’s going to feel really awkward. Yet, is the silence actually awkward or is simply a matter of how you are perceiving it?
Do conversations need to have dialogue being exchanged 100% of the time, non-stop or are silences actually a natural and very normal part of a conversation? Are silences a great opportunity for you to make her feel more attracted to you?
Unfortunately, a lot of guys think that if the conversation goes a bit silent, then they’ve ruined their opportunity with the woman and she is rapidly losing interest. Yet, that is not true at all.
Look at guys who are cool and are confident in themselves and you will see that they’re not worried about a bit of a silence in a conversation. They aren’t concerned about the woman losing interest because they know that she will feel attracted to them in so many different ways.
If a guy understands that the sorts of things that I understand about women, he will know that if he remains confident and doesn’t crumble under pressure, it will actually make her feel more attracted to him. She’s going to be impressed that he’s not one of the typical guys who gets nervous, awkward and starts doubting himself because there’s a silence in the conversation.
Would You Like to Learn More?
I hope you’ve enjoyed this post!
If you’d like to learn more of my conversation techniques and get 100s of examples of what to say to women, I have a dedicated program about conversation called The Ultimate Guide to Conversation.
When you listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation (10 hours of professionally recorded audio), you will learn:
- 100s of examples of what to say when talking to a woman.
- How to keep conversations going and keep them interesting.
- How to flirt with a woman and create a sexual vibe between you, without being seen as sleazy or too forward.
- How to use humor in a way that makes a woman feel happy and excited to be talking to you, as well as turned on by you and attracted to you.
- How to use sexual innuendos and discreetly bring up the subject of sex when talking to a woman.
- How to make women feel love for you during a conversation.
- How to connect with women emotionally.
- How to explore conversations and make them interesting and enjoyable for both of you.
There is so much more to the program and if you decided to listen to it, you will have so much power during conversations with women from now on. The techniques from the program make women feel interested in you immediately and the more you talk to her, the more attracted she feels.
By using the examples from the program, you will be able to effortlessly keep conversations going and connect with women in ways that you’ve probably never done before. Sound good? Listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation now.
Okay, that brings me to the end of the post! I hope that you’ve learnt something interesting from me today and if you have any comments or questions, feel free to ask below!
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Hey Dan, I have already described my situation under another article. I attracted a girl in my school a year ago by faking confidence, looking deep in her eyes while accidentally going past her and having a positive vibe. But then when she gave me opportunities to approach her I started doubting myself and got really nervous which turned her off.
Then I read somewhere on the Internet that it means she had lost interest in me and I had blown my chance with her so I was devastated and I don’t know why but I then decided to at least try some tacky, unnatural texts and tactics from some ‘expert’ and approached her but it felt awkward after a while and I felt that I was not being myself. What’s worse, I felt really guilty for not approaching her when she gave me chance so I admitted I was not good with girls and a bit shy which furtherly turned her off and she quickly ended the conversation. What’s worse I followed her then and accidentally she tripped over my foot when I changed my direction. I didn’t say anything. just smiled and walked away. Then I felt really guilty and became a bit desperate and intrusive. I tried to engage her in conversation when she was busy with her homework and then tried to rush my way to get her phone number. I behaved like an idiot basically and she started avoiding me. I haven’t talked to her since then (for over a year). I felt devastated because whenever I saw her somewhere in school after that she walked away after noticing me or purposefully started talking to someone.
This year I decided to act more confident but still she ignores me and the only difference I noticed is that she doesn’t ‘run away’ when she sees me at school but she is still extremely neutral and avoids eye contact with me. I still feel guilty for scaring her off, showing up unattractive to her and putting on an act. I constantly feel the urge to apologize her and perhaps prove that I was not being my real self a year ago. I would like to resume contact with her and show her that I’m attractive and good enough for her but this feeling of being ‘guilty’ sabotages my confidence and I’m often worrying if she will forgive me and forget about my awkward actions towards her. Should I apologize, Dan? How to reattract her?
Thanks for your question.
Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-recover-from-a-bad-first-impression-youve-made-on-a-woman.html
You don’t need to worry about making a bad first impression. Just make sure that you are confident, easy-going and relaxed from now on. Don’t see the “mistakes” you’ve made in the past as a deal breaker. Just make her feel attracted to you and she will forget about that.
How can you make her feel attracted to you? Watch this:
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