I’ve been helping guys to succeed with women since way back in 2005.
One of the things that I’ve found is that every guy who is not succeeding with women has a secret excuse or a secret reason as to why it’s not happening for him.
Some guys will say, “It’s because of my height. I’m not tall enough” or “It’s because of my weight. I’m overweight” (or too skinny), or “It’s because of my looks. I’m ugly. People have said that I’m ugly. I don’t look like the guys in the magazines or advertisements. I’m not a male model type and women don’t like me because of that.”
Some guys will say that their lack of success with women is because of race, “It’s because I’m black” or “it’s because I’m Asian” or “it’s because I’m a white guy and I look nerdy.”
Some guys will blame their lack of success with women on the lack of available women who are compatible with them and may say, “The only women that I like are the ones who are already taken.”
Most Good Guys Don’t Realize How Close They Are to Being Successful With Women
Unfortunately, for a lot of good guys out there in the world, they just don’t understand how close they are to be able to attract beautiful women, pick them up, have sex and start a relationship with them.
Most guys are focussing on the reasons why women might not like them, rather than focussing on making women feel attracted to them. Women can be attracted in so many different ways, but a lot of guys turn women off during conversation with the style of conversation that they’re using, their body language and by failing the many tests that a woman puts a man through while talking to him.
Many good guys (who women would LOVE to be with) simply don’t know about how to make women feel attracted to them by using a certain conversation style and body language. They also don’t know about the many tests that women put a guy through while talking to him. Instead of making the woman feel attracted by passing her tests, he makes her feel turned off by failing them.
Without that knowledge, when things go wrong, the majority of guys simply turn to their secret excuse as the reason why. “Well…it must be my looks. I’m not good looking enough for her” or whatever secret excuse or reason he uses to explain his lack of success with women.
The Weird Secret Excuse That I Used For My Lack of Success With Women
Before I became successful with women, I actually had one of these secret excuses as well. In fact, I had two of them, but one of them was pretty weird.
The first one (the weird one) was about my nose. My nose is a little bit bent from a childhood accident and because of that, I look a bit different on either side of my face. When interacting with women, I used to feel really insecure about it and thought that it was having a huge impact on my attractiveness to women.
Whenever I would talk to some women, I’d want to be on what I thought was my “good side” so they could see the best looking side of my face. My insecurity and belief was that I looked better on my left side and therefore, women were going to like me more because I looked better.
Yet, even though women were seeing the “good side” of my face, I was still single and I couldn’t get attractive women to want to be with me. So, I simply assumed that my lack of success with women was had to do with my second excuse.
My second secret excuse was about my looks. I thought that I just wasn’t good looking enough for attractive women. When I’d see other guys who were interacting with beautiful women, I made the assumption that, “Oh, that guy must be better looking than me because the attractive women like him. I don’t look like him and that’s why they don’t like me.”
Yet, I was wrong.
What I didn’t realize, which is what pretty much every guy who has one of the secret excuses doesn’t realize, is that every guy who is not succeeding with women, every other guy who is failing with women, is going through life with his secret excuse or his collection of secret excuses.
He also doesn’t realize (or simply refuses to accept) that, for every secret excuse he has, there are guys who have the same “issue” that he thinks is a problem and they are succeeding women. They are attracting women, having sex with women and they have a girlfriend or wife.
Yet, for a guy who is attached to his excuses, he simply blocks that evidence out. He wants to feel like he is correct, rather than admit that he might not be right and may need to change the way he thinks about what it takes to attract a woman.
The Big Problem With Getting Attached to Your Excuses
After a while, if a guy really attaches himself to his secret excuse (or his collection of secret excuses), they start to weave themselves deep into his mind and deep into his life. He may even begin avoiding trying to meet women altogether because he believes that he’s going to be rejected because of his looks, his race, his job, where he lives, his height or any other excuse that he is carrying around with him.
Eventually, he loses a lot of confidence in himself around women and begins to develop deeper insecurities about his attractiveness to women. Confidence, if you look it up in the dictionary, is essentially about having belief in yourself and your abilities. By attaching himself to his excuses, he has less and less belief in himself and his ability to attract women, so he loses more and more confidence.
Getting Rid of Your Secret Excuses to Become More Confident With Women
How can a guy get rid of his secret excuse and start being more confident around women?
How did I do it? How did I stop worrying about my bent nose?
The first thing that a guy needs to do is:
1. Look for examples of guys who have the same “issue” as him, but who are actually successful with women
If a guy is fat and he says, “Women don’t like fat guys. Women don’t like me because I’m fat” he needs to pay attention to the fact that he does see fat, overweight guys with women. They do get a girlfriend, they do get laid and they do get married.
Some guys may see the fat guy with a hot woman and say that it’s because he has money or power in society. Yet, in most cases, the fat guy is just an ordinary guy who simply knows how to attract women in ways that most guys are unaware of.
Another example is where a guy’s secret excuse is that he’s not good looking enough. He says, “Women don’t like me because I’m not good looking enough. I interact with them and they just don’t seem to be interested, so it has to be about my looks. It has to be that they are rejecting me because I don’t look good enough.”
What he needs to do is focus on the fact that he sees guys who are not considered to be “typically good looking” with beautiful women. He sees guys who he would consider to be ugly with a beautiful woman. He sees a guy with an ugly looking nose, but he has a beautiful girlfriend.
He notices an Indian guy with what he considers to be a “weird haircut,” but he has a beautiful girlfriend. Why? Every man can be attractive to women regardless of race, haircut or whatever other guys think. He might think he is better than the Indian guy because he has white skin or is tall with black skin and big muscles, but the woman thinks the Indian guy she is with is attractive…even though some other guys may think they are better than him.
The Indian guys in the photos above can be a LOT more attractive to a woman than a good looking white man. No, it’s not because the Indian guy a lot of money or has a huge dick. It’s also not because he has a lot of power or status in society. It’s much more simple and natural.
An Indian man (and basically any other man) can be working a normal job, have a normal sized penis and still be MORE attractive to a white woman than a good looking white man. Why? How can that be possible? Keep reading along and it will begin to make sense to you.
BTW: The Indian guys in the photos above could BOTH pick up the blonde white girl from the previous photo above. You have probably seen women like her with an Indian guy, an Asian guy or a black guy. Why? It’s not about race, it’s about attraction.
Some people think that guys from a certain race can’t be as attractive as guys from another race, but it just isn’t true. Masculine attractiveness is different to feminine attractiveness. The things that attract a woman to a man are different to what attracts a man to a woman.
Human women can be attracted to human men for so many different reasons, regardless of race or what other people around them are thinking or saying.
Indian, black, white, Asian and whatever other race: We are all human and every man can attract women regardless of race. Most women (not all) have what I call and Open Type, meaning they are open to being with all types of guys…even if other people around them are racist and think they should stick to their own race.
If a guy is able to make her feel very attracted to his personality and who he is as a guy, most women don’t care what race (and sometimes even religion) that the guy is from.
Some guys looking on may think, “Huh? Why is she with him?” but it’s not a mystery. She is with him because he makes her feel attracted. He makes her feel what she wants to feel with a guy, even though some closed-minded people around her (who don’t yet realize that we are all human and equal) think she should be with someone else from her own “race.”
If a woman feels what she wants to feel with a guy, that is what matters. The guy gets the girl because he can attract women, regardless of race. He doesn’t have to have big muscles, a big dick and a lot of money to do that. It’s much more simple and natural than most guys realize.
Most women have an Open Type and will hook up with and marry a guy that other men might think is ugly or from a race that they don’t think is attractive. To her, the man will be attractive because a woman’s attraction to a man is much more complex than just his looks or his race.
An Indian guy or an Hispanic guy is no less attractive than a black guy, white guy or Asian guy. It’s not about race. It’s about making the woman feel attracted to you in many different ways as a man.
Once you can understand that concept, it all begins to make sense.
You won’t look at other guys and wonder why they have a girl and you don’t because you will know exactly why it is happening. The guy has made the woman feel attracted to him and she is feeling what she wants to feel with a guy…even if some people looking on think that she shouldn’t be with a guy from that race.
Some white guys will think they are better than Asian guys and some Asian guys think they are less attractive than black guys, etc. Yet, each guy has the capacity to naturally attract women to him. Some guys find that hard to believe, but the photos I’m showing here and what you’ve seen in real life should allow you to at least open your mind to it.
Once a guy can stop thinking about race and start focusing on making women feel attracted to him, everything changes. You start to see that human women feel attracted to human men, even if some people think that it’s wrong to hook up with a person from a certain race.
Attraction (noun): A quality or feature of someone that evokes interest, liking or desire.
Another example is where a guy notices another guy that he considers to be a “douchebag,” but the guy has a beautiful girlfriend. To him, the guy is a douchebag because of how he looks. To him, the guy who he perceives to be a douchebag doesn’t deserve that girl, but to the girl, he is attractive.
He constantly sees guys who he considers to be ugly, weird looking or like a douche, but they have a beautiful girlfriend. Why? Continue reading to find out the answer, if you don’t know it already.
Some guys use race as the reason why they are unsuccessful with women. A guy might say, “I’m Asian” or “I’m black” or whatever race that he thinks is going to be a problem for attracting women, because HE hasn’t been able to attract women.
If he’s an Asian guy for example, he needs to focus on the fact that Asian guys do get a girlfriend and they can attract women, even though they are Asian. They can still attract women, they can still get a girlfriend and they can still get married.
So, that’s the first thing that a guy needs to do to begin overcoming his secret excuse. The second thing that a guy needs to do is:
2. Get educated on how to make women feel attraction for his personality and who he is as a guy
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that attracting women is actually a skill that a guy can develop and have. If you look at the dictionary definition of skill:
Skill (noun): The ability to do something well; expertise.
Attraction (noun): A quality or feature of someone that evokes interest, liking or desire.
You can actually have the skill of being able to talk to a woman in a way that causes her to feel attraction for you.
You can have the skill of using your body language in a way that causes a woman to feel attraction for you.
You can have the skill of being able to respond to a woman’s tests during an interaction in a way that causes her to feel attraction for you.
There are so many different ways that you can make a woman feel attracted to you.
The more skilled you become at attracting women in different ways, the higher quality of woman that you can have access to. Most guys interact with beautiful women and simply don’t know how to make those women feel attracted to them. Instead, they usually make women feel turned off by them in many different, subtle ways.
When you are the guy who knows how to attract women in many different ways at once, it becomes very simple as easy for you. You interact with women, they feel very attracted to you and they want to be with you because of that.
Then, with your skill of attracting women, you make the woman feel even more attraction for you to the point where she feels intense attraction and she feels like she has to be with you. In a relationship, she wants to stay with you and she doesn’t want to leave you because she’s feeling what she wants to feel with a guy.
The reason why most guys don’t see the connection and understand that you can actually have the skill of attracting women, is that most guys don’t even know how to attract women. If I show a photo like the one below, most guys will say, “Okay, those three women like the white guy because the black guy in the background isn’t as good looking.”
Then, if I show this photo of the black guy with the white guy in the background, most guys will say, “Okay, women like the black guy because he is good looking.”
Then, if I show this photo with the guy on the right who appears to be more “typically good looking,” most guys will feel confused and wonder how on Earth the woman would like the guy on the left. They may say, “That must be happening because it’s not a real photo…it’s just a stock photo, not like the real ones you’ve been showing so far.”
Sticking With Your Secret Excuse No Matter What
Back in the time when I wasn’t successful with women, I would focus on my excuses and any other negative reasoning I could come up with as to why I wasn’t successful with women. I would focus on my belief that I wasn’t good looking enough, that I had a bent nose and that I just didn’t look good enough for attractive women.
In my mind, that was the reason why attractive women weren’t interested in me.
I wouldn’t allow myself to focus on the fact that I saw guys who were NOT good looking with beautiful women. I stuck to my excuse because that is what made sense to me.
I thought that attractive didn’t want to be with me because of my looks.
…and that was the end of the story as far as I was concerned.
Heck, I’d even HEARD women say that they only like good looking guys and see many women gushing when looking at a guy and saying, “Ooh, he’s handsome.” So, in my mind, I was being rejected because of my looks and that was that. Attractive women didn’t gush over me, so I would have to accept unattractive women or nothing at all.
I though that women wanted a really good looking guy and since I’m not a good looking guy, I couldn’t attract women. End of story.
As a result of thinking in that stubborn, confused and insecure way, I was pretty lonely. I missed out on enjoying love, sex and relationships while everyone else was hooking up and having a great time.
Yet, deep down, I knew that something wasn’t quite right about my excuses.
Deep down, I knew that there had to be another reason why I wasn’t succeeding with women. There had to be another reason because other guys were succeeding with women when they looked WORSE than me.
So, I eventually began to think, “Maybe there ARE other ways that women can be attracted to men. Maybe I can do something about this. Maybe I can be one of those guys that I’ve seen who are with a beautiful women, but the guy doesn’t even look like anything special.”
When I started to focus on attracting women in different ways, that’s when everything started to change for me.
I still looked like the same guy, but what I was doing was attracting women in different ways. I began to use a certain conversation style, a certain type of humor and a certain type of body language. I began to respond to the tests that women put men through during an interaction, in a way that caused the women to feel attracted to me.
Throughout the years, as I hooked up with more than 250 women, I still had the same bent nose and still looked like pretty much the same guy. I didn’t develop a gym body, I wore the same types of clothes and the only thing that really changed is that I lost more and more hair on my head.
Interestingly enough, when I decided, “Okay, I’ve had sex with enough women…I’m going to settle down now” and chose my current girlfriend (we’ve been together for more than two years at the time of writing this post), I was still the same guy with the same bent nose…and she didn’t even notice that my nose was bent.
About 3 months into our relationship, we were having a discussion about insecurities and I told her that I used to be insecure about my nose and how it is bent. When I told her, she looked at me and said, “Oh yeah, your nose is bent”
It was the first time she thought about it.
She was (and still is) attracted to me in so many different ways.
Success with women is not about your nose. It’s not about your height. Women can feel attracted to a man for so many different reasons, which most guys are simply unaware of.
The Real Reason
The real reason why a lot of good men fail with women is that they don’t know how to attract women.
When they keep getting rejected by women, they refer to their “secret excuse” as the reason why it continues to happen. Yet, if the guy just knew how to attract women, he would stop getting rejected because women would be attracted and interested in him.
A Few Important Questions For You
A few, important questions I want to ask you at this point are:
1. Do you think it’s possible to attract women in ways other than looks, height, money and social status?
2. Do you think it’s possible to attract women by displaying certain personality traits and behaviors?
3. Do you think it’s possible to attract women by talking to them in a certain way that causes them to feel attracted to you, feel lust for you, feel connected with you and feel like they want to impress you?
The answers to those questions is a big, fat YES.
You can attract women by displaying certain personality traits and behaviors.
You can attract women by using a certain conversation style.
There are so many different ways that you can make a woman feel attracted to you.
I’ve identified more than 100 ways that a guy can make a woman feel attracted to him and I teach all of those ways in my programs here at The Modern Man.
Some of the ways to attract women are very simple.
Some are complex.
…but, the result is always the same.
The more attraction techniques you use in combination, the more attraction that women feel for you. When you can make women feel a lot of attraction for you, you instantly get access to high quality women that most guys just can’t attract.
The next important question that I want to ask you is this…
Have you been using any of the following types of excuses to come up with a secret reason or excuse why you haven’t been succeeding with women?
- I’m not tall enough.
- I’m not good looking enough.
- I don’t have a good enough job.
- I don’t make enough money.
- I don’t live in a high end house or apartment.
- I don’t drive a good enough car.
- I don’t wear good enough clothes.
- All the good women are taken.
- Women only go for really good looking guys.
Are you using any of those excuses even though other guys who have the same “issue” are getting laid, have a girlfriend or have gotten married? How much longer are you going to stick to your secret excuse before you realize that you can attract women in more than 100 other ways?
What is Your Secret Excuse or Reason?
*Select the number reason why you think attractive women have rejected you or why you’ve been failing with women.
What is your secret excuse or reason as to why you’ve been failing with women? What is the secret reason that you use to explain why women aren’t attracted to you or why you can’t pick women up?
What excuse have you been going through life saying to yourself, or what collection of excuses are you carrying around in your mind into interactions with women and throughout your daily life that are making you feel less confident and feel insecure around women?
Feel free to post up your secret excuse in a comment below. One of the reasons why I would encourage you to post up your secret excuse (or collection of secret excuses) is that it helps you to get clear on what is actually troubling you. What is making you lose confidence around women? What is making you feel insecure?
What you might find (as comments build up over time) is that most guys are thinking the same sorts of things and have similar excuses, even though OTHER GUYS with the same type of “issue” as them have a got beautiful girlfriend or wife or are getting laid like crazy.
So, what are your excuses? Please post up a comment below. I’m interested to hear what you’ve got to say.