5 possible reasons why your ex doesn’t know what she wants are that…
1. She Isn’t Attracted to You Anymore, But Can’t Work Out How to Leave You Without Feeling the Pain of a Break Up
If a woman is inexperienced with relationships and this is her first serious relationship, she may not know how to handle the pain of losing her man.
She will think something like, “I know that he doesn’t make me feel the way I want to feel when I’m with him, but when we are apart it still hurts to be broken up. I hate waking up alone and knowing that I don’t have a guy to go watch a movie with, or a guy who will call me up and tell me how much he cares for me. I feel so empty and alone now. I just don’t know what I want. On the one hand, I know it’s better to stay broken up with my ex because he’s just not giving me what I want in a relationship, but on the other hand I don’t know how to handle this pain. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should string him along until I find a replacement guy.”
Alternatively, she may think something like, “I’ll just stay in touch with my ex and see if things change between us. Maybe he will improve and we can get back together again. In the meantime though, I should look for a replacement guy, so I don’t have to be the one who is alone after we really break up.”
So, if your ex is saying, “I’m confused. I don’t know what I want,” it will be because you haven’t been making her feel the way that she really wants to feel in a relationship (e.g. respectful, attracted, like a feminine woman).
However, you can change how she feels by making some adjustments to the way you think, talk, behave and interact with her from this point onwards.
When you change the way you interact with her in a way that makes her feel respect and attraction for you again, her feelings will automatically change.
She suddenly starts to think, “I feel different all of a sudden. I’m now worried about losing him to another woman. I’d better stop saying that I don’t know what I want and get back with him as quickly as possible, before he gets tired of me and finds another woman.”
Then, getting her back becomes easy and effortless and you and her get into a new, improved relationship that feels way better for her than it ever did before.
However, if you remain unaware of the things that turn her off about you (e.g. she feels more dominant than you, she can’t look up to you and respect you as her man, you aren’t confident enough around other guys or her friends), she will just keep saying things like, “I still don’t know what I want. I guess I’m just not that into you anymore. Maybe we should just stick to being friends from now on. I don’t know. Just give me time to think about this. Maybe we can get back together in future, but not now.”
She then tries to find a replacement guy, so she can then say, “Sorry, but I have a new boyfriend now. I’m happy with him, so please leave me alone.”
Another reason why your ex doesn’t know what she wants is…
2. She Thought That She Wanted to Settle Down, But Now She Just Wants to Be Single
Initially, a woman might get into a relationship with a guy with the intention of settling down.
If the sex is great, the dates are fun and she gets along with her man very well, it’s only natural that she will dream about being with him for life.
Yet, that dream will only last if the guy is able to build on her feelings of respect, attraction and love over time.
Most couples just don’t get to the stage of blissful love because the guy becomes insecure, takes his woman for granted and doesn’t even know how to deepen her feelings over time.
So, if a woman breaks up with a guy and feels better on her own, she might then decide that she prefers being single.
Then, if her ex attempts to get back together with her, she will say something like, “I don’t know what I want. I’m not sure if I want to be in a relationship with you, or anyone else right now.”
For example: Some of the things she may be thinking are…
- “I thought I wanted to settle down, but then our relationship got into a rut. It felt boring and routine. It made me realize that settling down and being a couple isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be.”
- “He hasn’t been giving me the type of sexual experience I had hoped for, so the idea of being single and having sex with other guys feels exciting to me again. I hope that I can meet a man who actually knows how to maintain and build on my attraction and love for him.”
- “He took me for granted and expected me to just stick around and put up with his bad behavior towards me, just because in the beginning we said we would be together forever.”
- “He stopped being the guy that I fell in love with in the beginning. He used to be confident and self-assured and now he is insecure, needy and clingy.”
- “I just realized that I’m too young to settle down. I actually feel quite jealous when I hear what all my single friends have been up to while I was stuck in a relationship.”
Here’s the thing…
If a woman is happy in her relationship with her man, nothing that her single friends get up to would be able to make her feel jealous or dissatisfied.
I know that because I’m happily married and my wife actually feels sorry for her single girlfriends because they’re not experiencing what she is with me.
Most of her single girlfriends enjoy their single life, but they really do want to have a man that they can stick with.
They know that they can’t get to other levels in life (i.e. getting engaged, married, having children, being a grandmother), if they are sleeping around with new guys all the time.
My wife loves being married and is so happy and I feel the same way.
Personally speaking, I really enjoyed my single life before I met her, but being with her is so much better.
Being in a relationship with mutual respect, attraction and love is amazing.
You don’t want to be single again because what you have together is way better than anything you’ve experienced with anyone else before.
It’s real love.
So, if you can give your ex that kind of relationship experience, she won’t want to be single and will simply want to be with you.
Here’s the thing…
Relationships usually start out pretty well, but it’s what happens after the initial excitement of being with someone new that counts (i.e. after 2-3 years).
Just because things felt great at the beginning of your relationship and even though she might have said things like, “I want us to be together forever,” it doesn’t mean that she has to stick with that statement if you are unable to keep the spark alive and not ruin her feelings by becoming insecure, taking her for granted and so on.
So, if she’s feeling more drawn to the single life than to you at the moment, you need to show her that being with you will be so much better.
How can you do that?
By actively sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you again every time you interact with her on a phone call or in person (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, making her feel feminine and girly in your presence, showing her that you’re a new man).
When she feels more attracted to you than she ever has before (i.e. because you are now making her feel attracted in new and exciting ways), she will quickly change her mind about being single and want to be with you again.
Another possible reason why your ex doesn’t know what she wants is…
3. She is Being Influenced By Her Single Girlfriends
Sometimes, when a woman starts dating a guy, she might become a bit neglectful of her single girlfriends and they will then start resenting her guy.
Alternatively, if a woman’s friends notice that she is unhappy in her relationship with the guy, they will usually blame him and take her side.
So, when she breaks up with him, her friends might try to prevent her from getting back together with him by saying things like, “Why do you want to get back with that guy? He’s no good for you. Look how much fun we’ve had together since you broke up with him. Isn’t this better than being in a boring or unhappy relationship with him? Think of everything you missed out on by being with him,” or “He’s not good for you. He made you unhappy and he even tried to stop you from seeing your friends. What kind of guy does that? He’s insecure and controlling. You deserve better than him. Why get back with him when we’re all having so much fun together? Besides, there are so many good guys out there that you can choose from. Find a new guy. It will be fun.”
It’s only natural that she may then think, “Hmmm… my friends have a point. I wasn’t really happy in my relationship. Maybe being single is better. Maybe I can meet another guy who make me feel the way I want to feel. Right now, hanging out with my single friends and having fun sounds good, but at the same time I do still miss my ex sometimes. I don’t know what I want.”
If she spends a lot of time with her single girlfriends, they will try hard to get her to hook up with new guys, so she can move on without you.
So, don’t waste time ignoring her and hoping that she comes back on her own.
If you want to get your ex back, you have to show her (via the way you talk, think, act, behave and interact with her) that being with you is a lot more fun, enjoyable and attractive to her than hanging out with her single friends.
Then, what her friends say about you and the single life won’t really matter to her, because she will be thinking, “It feels so good to be back with him. I feel happy when I’m with him and sad when we’re apart. I know what I want now. I want him!”
Another possible reason why your is saying that she doesn’t know what she wants is…
4. She Likes Another Guy and Isn’t Sure How to Tell You
In some cases, a woman might already have found herself a replacement guy, but is too afraid to tell her ex about it in case her reacts badly (e.g. he gets angry and possibly tries to hurt her, threatens or gets into a fight with the other guy, or becomes emotional and starts begging and pleading with her to change her mind).
So, rather than risk getting into a difficult situation, she will say something along the lines of, “I’m really confused right now. I don’t know what I want. Just give me some space to sort things out in my mind and then we can see what happens.”
Secretly, she may be hoping that he’ll make one of the classic mistakes that guys make and give her 30 to 60 days of space, which will be enough time for her to move on and hook up with the guy she likes.
Then, when her ex contacts her, she can let him down easily by saying something like, “I’m sorry. You just took too long to contact me. I haven’t heard from you in 30 (or 60) days. I thought you’d moved on, so I gave up on us getting back together again. I’m with another guy now and I’m happy. It’s too late for you and me. Please respect my new relationship by staying out of my life. We aren’t getting back together. Goodbye.”
Another possible reason…
5. You Don’t Give Her Any Space to Miss You
Sometimes, a guy wants an ex woman back so badly that he might say to himself, “I need to strike while the iron is hot and she still has some feelings for me. I can’t give her a chance to get over me and find another guy. So, I’m just going to keep texting her, calling her and seeing her in person to make sure that I stay on her mind. Eventually, she will see that I’m not going to give up on our love. She will realize that my feelings for her are true and then she will want to give me another chance.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because a guy is able to remain in constant contact with his ex, it doesn’t mean that her feelings of respect and attraction for him are being re-sparked.
In fact, if all he’s doing is bombarding her with texts, e-mails and phone call, without actually doing anything else to actively trigger her feelings for him, she’s not going to feel very motivated to get back with him.
Rather than make her think, “Oh okay, I see now that my ex must really care about me if he’s being so persistent. I guess we should get back together then,” she will be thinking, “Why is he smothering me like this? Does he honestly believe that if he keeps hounding me in this way I’m going to make up my mind about him? The only thing his constant contact is doing is making me feel annoyed and like I would be better off without him. I need space from him so I can figure out what I want.”
So, if you want your ex to get back with you, you need to give her a chance to miss you.
That way, she can start thinking, “I haven’t heard from my ex for a while. Why isn’t he calling me? Could he have hooked up with another woman? That doesn’t feel good to me. I want him back. I don’t want some other woman taking him from me.”
The best approach is to give her 3 to 7 days of space (anything longer than 7 days is a waste of time and can actually cause her to move on) and then get her on a phone call where you can arrange a meet up.
At the meet up, focus on making her feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you (e.g. by making her smile and laugh, showing her that you’ve changed) so that she drops her guard and opens back up to the idea of getting back together again.
3 Mistakes to Avoid if You Want Her to Make Up Her Mind and Get Back With You
It’s only natural that when a woman is saying, “I don’t know what I want,” a guy might feel frustrated and want to convince her to give him another chance right now.
Yet, sometimes the convincing can actually backfire and may even cause the woman to decide that she doesn’t want to be with him after all.
So, if you want to get your ex back, try to avoid making these classic mistakes that other guys make…
1. Pleading with her
A common reaction that many guys have is to plead and beg with an ex for a second chance.
For example: A guy might say to her, “Please baby, don’t give up on us! I know I messed up, but I can fix this. Just give me one more chance. I promise this time things will be different between us. I know I can make you happy.”
Yet, begging and pleading simply turns a woman off even more and makes her feel like she’s making the right decision to break up with you.
Women are not attracted to the emotional weakness in men (e.g. a lack of self confidence, desperation, inability to handle what life throws at him).
So, when a guy begs and pleads with a woman for her to give him another chance, rather than making her think, “Okay, let’s give it another shot,” she will be thinking something like, “Doesn’t he know that women are not attracted to emotionally weak and wimpy guys? When he behaves in this way, it just turns me off even more. I need a man who can be emotionally strong and confident and can cope with his problems without falling apart like this. He’s clearly not a man yet and has some growing up to do. I am not waiting around for him to grow up. I need a real man now, not in 5 or 10 years time.”
It doesn’t matter if the man is 20, 30, 40 or 50 – the woman is still going to see him as needing to grow up.
He can have a great job, have paid of a house and drive a nice car, but that doesn’t make him what women refer to as a real man.
The most important quality of a real man is emotional strength.
Women want to be with a man who is emotionally stronger than themselves, not a guy that they need to take care of and be gentle with.
So, don’t waste time pleading with your ex to take you back.
Instead, a better way to react when she’s saying, “I don’t know what I want,” is by accepting her indecision in a confident way without making a big fuss about it.
Then, focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you, by displaying some of the traits and behaviors that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, charisma, maturity, determination, emotional masculinity) from now on.
You can do that via text, on the phone and in person, but in person is preferred because she can get a full sense of who you are now by looking at your body language, listening to your tonality and watching how you react to her.
If you quickly transformed into more of a real man, she will want to give the relationship another chance.
Another classic mistake than many guys make is…
2. Asking her to tell him what he needs to change
A guy might say, “Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”
Yet, she doesn’t want to take on that responsibility for his development as a man.
She wants him to get help from other men in his life (e.g. a dad, grandfather, brother, uncle, friend, coworker) or seek professional help (e.g. learn from me), but not tell her that he’s seeking help.
She just wants him to figure out how to be the kind of man that she wants and then start doing that.
She doesn’t want to hear about his struggles and how he’s trying to learn how to be a better man.
She just wants him to be a better, more attractive man now, so she can give him another chance.
Another classic mistake that many guys make is…
3. Telling her how much he cares, rather than making her care by reactivating her feelings
He might then say to her, “I know that you are confused right now, but just think about what we had together. Our love was truly special. You know I still care about you. Yes, I stuffed up, but I won’t make the same mistakes again. I promise you. Just give me one more chance to show you that we were meant to be together. You mean everything to me and I don’t care about anything else besides getting you back.”
Here’s the thing though…
A woman doesn’t care how much a guy still cares for her if she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t waste your time telling her how much you still care for her, unless you make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you first.
If she’s not feeling enough respect and attraction for you right now, knowing that you still have feelings for her just isn’t going to matter to her.
On the other hand, when you re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, she won’t be able to stop herself from letting her guard down and giving you another chance because it will feel good to her to do so.
She will stop saying, “I don’t know what I want,” and will instead say something like, “I’ve made up my mind. Let’s give our relationship another chance. You’re the one that I want and I can’t imagine life without you.”
She will know what she wants (i.e. you) when you actively make her have feelings for you again.
If you wait around and hope that she figures herself out, you will be disappointed.
Most guys lose their woman by waiting and hoping that she comes running back.