If your girlfriend said that she is worried about what people will say if she gets back with you, you need to:
1. Let her see that you really have changed, she can be confident to tell people that things are different now
One of the best ways to make your girlfriend feel happy to get back together with you, is by giving her some evidence that you really have changed.
If you can’t show her that you have already changed for real, she’s going to be thinking, “How am I going to tell my friends and family that I’m back together with him after all the negative things I told them about him? They’ll think I’m crazy or stupid to put myself back into a situation like that…and I won’t blame them. I need to know for sure that things really will be different.”
Watch this video to understand how you can prove to her that you’ve changed…
For example: If a guy was too jealous and that was one of the main reasons why she broke up with him, he needs to now start showing her that he really is more confident and emotionally mature now.
He is happy, confident and getting on with life regardless of whether or not she is in his life.
If she then decides to get back with him, she can comfortably say to her friends and family, “I know that he used to be very jealous and controlling before, but he’s not like that now at all. He’s actually put in the effort to change and I respect him for that. We can be happy now.”
Yet, if he hasn’t really changed and the opinion of her parents and friends matters to her, she’s just not going to feel good about the decision to give him another chance.
Another example is if a guy lacked purpose in life and focused all of his attention on her.
Rather than being a real man and going after his big, goals, dreams and ambitions, while also loving her, he made the classic mistake of making his whole life about her and became clingy, needy and insecure as a result.
To show her that he’s learned from his mistakes and he’s started to change, he needs to let her see that he now has some big goals and ambitions in life and has started making some progress towards achieving those things.
Of course, he doesn’t have to have achieved his goals and ambitions already and he doesn’t have to become Superman, but he needs to have started to make progress towards his goals.
She then has proof that he’s not stuck and he’s not the same guy that she broke up with.
He really has improved, which is going to make it a lot easier for her to say to her friends and family, “It’s okay, you don’t have to be worried about me now. He really isn’t the same guy as before. We can have a real future together now. We can make it work.”
Another example is where a woman broke up with a guy because he took her for granted in the relationship.
He always seem to break his promises to her, criticize her in private as well as in front of her friends and family and expected her to do whatever he wanted to do.
To let her see that he’s really changed and that he’s not going to treat her in those ways again, he needs to first understand that his behavior was unattractive to her and then make some adjustments to the way he thinks, acts, behaves and interacts with her from now on.
He needs to show her that he is now a loving, supportive guy who will continue being the man, but will be a better, more caring man this time.
If her friends and family can then see that he is now treating her better, is loving, caring and isn’t taking her for granted, they will be more open to giving him one last chance and she will then feel better about getting back together with him.
So, if your girlfriend is currently saying that she’s worried about what people will say if she gets back with you, the best way to alleviate her worries is by letting her know that you’ve learned from your mistakes and have already started to change.
You can tell her that you’ve changed; you’ve got to prove it based on your behavior, actions and the progress you have made and will make.
2. Educate her about the fact that most couples get back together and give it one more chance if real changes are made
Men and women usually get into relationships without knowing how to actually make a relationship last for life.
For example: Some people believe that for a relationship to last, a couple should always be happy, agree on everything and never argue with each other or make mistakes.
They will believe that if a serious mistake is made, the other person can get very angry and treat them badly or walk away from the relationship completely.
Yet, approach a relationship that way isn’t how to make it last for life.
Successful couples who stay together for life, understand that no-one is perfect and that arguments, disagreements and mistakes will happen, but that isn’t a reason to get very angry or break up and walk away.
As long as a man and a woman love and forgive each other patiently, and as long as the person who makes the mistakes puts in the effort to learn from their mistakes and is becoming a better person as a result, the relationship will last for life.
By sticking with each other when times get tough, the love, respect and attraction between them will also grow and deepen over time.
Of course, patience and forgiveness has its limits and if a woman realizes that her guy keeps making the same mistakes over and over again without even trying to change and improve himself, she will usually get sick of it and then break up with him.
So, if you’re saying, “My girlfriend is worried about what people will say if she gets back with me,” then it’s likely that you kept making the same mistakes over and over and over again, to the point where people might have started saying to her, “Why are you letting him treat you like that? Are you a sucker for punishment? You’ve given him plenty of chances to change but a leopard doesn’t change its spots. He’s not going to change. You need to walk away.”
That might have been true about you before, but not now.
You are a better man now.
You don’t have to keep making the same old mistakes over and over again, because you are capable of learning from your mistakes and doing things right from now on.
Yet, don’t make the mistake of thinking that if you say to your girlfriend, “Look, I know I stuffed up, but everyone makes mistakes. I can learn from my mistakes. You can tell people that I’m going to change when we get back together again, so there’s no reason why you shouldn’t get back with me again. Everything will be okay,” she’ll come running back to you.
Saying that you’ve made a mistake and that you’re going to change usually isn’t enough for most women to want to give the relationship another chance.
To convince her, you’ve got to show her that you’ve already started to learn from your mistakes and that you really can make her feel differently now.
When she interacts with you and sees that your thinking and behavior is at a completely different level from the one you were at when she broke up with you, she will start to feel respect for you again.
When that happens, she also feels attracted to you and is then a lot more willing to re-connect with the love she felt for you before.
3. Tell her that what her heart wants isn’t for anyone else to decide but her
You need to explain to your girlfriend that her feelings are for her alone to decide on, without anyone else (including you) telling her how she must feel.
Her heart knows what it wants and no one else has the right to tell her to listen to them instead of her heart.
For example: You might say to her, “We’ve definitely been through a lot together. We were in love and are now broken up, which means that we’ve experienced a lot of different emotions. Some of the feelings we experienced were amazing and others were painful. Yet, even though I made some mistakes in the past and turned you off, that isn’t the guy that I am now. If I kept being the same guy (e.g. being insecure and needy, or jealous and controlling, taking you for granted), of course you would have a hard time explaining to yourself and to other people why you would want to get back with me. Yet, I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t expect you to believe me just because I’m saying it, I expect you to believe your own eyes and heart. Your heart knows what you want, even if you are entirely sure if you should give me another chance.”
Of course, saying something like that to her isn’t going to automatically make her jump in your arms and say, “That’s awesome! I wasn’t sure before but now that you put it like that, let’s get back together again!”
However, it does makes her stop and question herself and she then begins to wonder, “Am I resisting getting back together again because of what happened between us in the past, or because I don’t want people to think I am being naïve? Worrying what others think isn’t a good enough reason to stop myself from being happy with my ex if he’s really changed. I should do what I want, not what they want me to do.”
She then feels free to forgive you and give you another chance for her own reasons.
She stops looking at you in a negative way and starts to focus more on who you are right now.
She then stops worrying about what people might say if she got back with you and starts to reconnect with the love in her heart.
Getting Her Friends and Family to Forgive You
Sometimes, a guy will say whatever he can to convince his girlfriend to give him another chance.
For example: He might say, “I love you. What difference does it make what other people say about us. It’s you and me that counts.”
Although from his point of view he is right, the fact is that when a woman has a strong support system that has stepped in, taken care of her and helped her deal with the pain of the breakup, she won’t want to feel as though she’s letting them all down.
So, although a woman does wants to be with a guy because she loves him and because it feels good to be in a relationship with him, she also wants to be able to respect him, look up to him and be able to say to her family and friends, “This is my man. I’m proud to call myself his girlfriend,” rather than feel like she has to sneak around and hide her relationship from them.
If a guy hasn’t changed much, she’s naturally going to feel reluctant to get back with him again because her friends and family will be against her decision.
If he doesn’t apologize in person to the people who he has wronged (e.g. her parents, her close friends) and tell them that he made some immature mistakes, but that we all live and learn in life, they are still going to think of him being the guy that they once lost faith in.
So, don’t expect your girlfriend to disregard the other people she cares about just to be with you.
You can tell her to listen to her heart, but don’t tell her not to care about what people who she cares about think.
Instead be emotionally mature enough to face them yourself, apologize and take responsibility for your past actions.
Not only will her friends and family be able to see that you really have changed, but it will also make your girlfriend feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you as a man as well.
When you trigger her feelings of respect and attraction again, even if she tries to fight it, she won’t be able to stop herself from re-connecting with the love in her heart.
From there, it’s up to you to keep building on her feelings for you, until she says, “Who cares what people will say! I love you and that’s all that matters,” and wants to be back with you again.