If your girlfriend is suggesting that you are selfish, the question now is: Do you agree with her and if so, what are you going to do about it?
If you love your girlfriend and want to make sure that your relationship doesn’t end up in a break up, make sure that you read through this entire article so I can help you fix the problem and get things back on track with her.
Use This as a Wake Up Call
The most successful men in this world always keep an open mind about feedback that they get from others.
Rather than thinking that he does everything perfectly all the time, a successful man will remain open to the idea that he might be able to improve some things about his communication style, attitude, behavior, vibe and actions to become an even better man.
This is the opportunity that your girlfriend is now presenting you with, so use it as a wake up call.
If currently you’re saying something like, “My girlfriend says I am selfish,” then you may not be not feeling great about yourself (or her) right now.
You might even be feeling angry or resentful towards her for saying such a thing and thinking, “How dare she that say I am selfish. I love her and care about her…I’m a good man! What is she talking about?”
What She Really Means When She Says That You Are Selfish
Most women don’t explain the real reasons why they are unhappy with a man, so they will instead say things like, “You’re selfish,” or “You’re so self-absorbed,” in the hopes that you’ll realize that there is a deeper, more pressing issue in the relationship that is making her lose respect and attraction for you.
Now at this point you might be thinking, “Why must women be so confusing? Why don’t they just SAY what is really bothering them and be done with it rather than make guys guess?”
Well, to begin with, for most of human history, women have been oppressed by men. This oppression meant that a woman had to endure a man who behaved badly towards her and she couldn’t say or do anything about it because chances were, if she did, she would get beaten, or even killed for her efforts.
Unfortunately, even today there are many places in the world where this can and still does happen. So, although women today are much more confident and independent than women from prior generations, they are still hardwired to avoid saying something that could potentially cause her man to hurt her.
Another reason why a woman won’t just say what is really bothering her is because she doesn’t want to have to teach her man how to BE a man. She expects him to be able to take what she tells him, (e.g. “You’re selfish”) and then understand the deeper meaning behind those words.
She hopes that he will take on that feedback, fix his issues and improve himself, without her having to hold his hand and guide him through the steps of being a man.
Naturally, if her man doesn’t figure things out by himself, she will slowly begin to lose respect for him. Over time, this will erode the love that she feels for him too and he’ll end up being dumped and wondering to himself what went wrong.
So, rather than feeling bad about her calling you selfish, ask yourself this…
Have You Been Taking Her For Granted?
At the beginning of a relationship, a guy will usually do whatever he can to create attraction between himself and his girlfriend. He’ll do everything he can to keep her happy, excited and attracted (e.g. take her out to dinner, get her laughing, make her feel happy, etc).
Yet, over time, as they get more familiar with each other and the initial “fireworks” wear off between them, some guys then make the mistake of slipping into taking their girlfriend for granted.
In most cases, this isn’t something that a guy does intentionally, but the pressures of everyday life, like a hectic work schedule, exams, paying bills, etc., can lead to him forgetting to pay her the attention that she needs to feel loved, appreciated and valued in the relationship.
When this happens, he might find himself fighting with his girlfriend more often over seemingly “minor” things. He won’t be able to understand why she seems to want to argue about every little thing and why she has stopped being so affection towards him, so he might react by getting angry or losing interest in trying to make her smile, laugh and feel happy.
Some classic examples of a boyfriend taking his girlfriend for granted (Note: Taking her for granted is essentially being selfish), could include the following:
1. Not appreciating the efforts that she makes to look good for you.
If a woman is actively trying to keep the spark in a relationship alive, she will try to make herself look more physically appealing and attractive because this is what men are most attracted to about women.
So, she might buy new shoes, wear sexier or more fashionable clothes, change her hair and wear more makeup.
While this might seem unimportant to her boyfriend (e.g. he might think, “She is beautiful no matter what she wears or how she looks”), she will see it as important.
Women know that their appearance is what men are attracted to the most and if she lets herself go, she fears that her boyfriend’s attraction for her will eventually begin to fade away.
This is why, when you fail to notice her efforts, or worse yet, if she asks you, “How do I look?” you just grunt in reply or say something like, “You look fine,” she will feel hurt and unappreciated.
She will feel as though with you, she just doesn’t seem to be able to create the right spark of attraction and desire that she hopes a guy will continue to feel for her. If she becomes insecure about that, she will often begin to flirt with other men and get them showing sexual interest in her, to hopefully boost her self-esteem.
Yet, when she starts flirting with other men while she’s not feeling much respect, love and attraction for her boyfriend, she will be more likely to become open to cheating or will actually cheat if she meets a guy who makes her feel the way she really wants to feel around a man.
Even though she might be flirting with other guys behind her boyfriend’s back, she will still accuse her boyfriend of being selfish because he just isn’t showing her the type of appreciation that she wants to feel about her attractiveness to him.
2. Not noticing most of the little things that she does for you.
When a woman loves you, respects you as a man and feels attracted to you, she will do all sorts of nice, little things for you.
For example: She will make you a coffee, clean up around the house, do your laundry, let you take up most of the bed when sleeping, etc.
However, if you don’t ever compliment her or thank her for some of the little things that she does and you are also thinking, behaving and acting in a way that is eroding her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you, then she might eventually get to a point where she says that you’re selfish.
In a relationship, it’s easy to fall into patterns. For example: You might have established a routine where your girlfriend cooks dinner for the both of every night. Maybe you have a really busy schedule so she has agreed to run some errands for, like do your grocery shopping, pick up your clothes from the dry cleaners, etc.
Helping each other is a normal and healthy part of being in a relationship with someone.
Yet, when you start assuming that she should always do the cooking, or she must always be the one to fetch your dry cleaning or do your shopping, without ever telling her how much you appreciate her efforts, or do something really nice for her in return, she will naturally begin to see you as being selfish and ungrateful.
3. Not taking her feelings into consideration when you make plans.
Another example of a boyfriend’s “selfishness” is regularly letting his girlfriend down or changing his with her plans at the last minute.
Let’s say that you made plans with your girlfriend to spend a quiet night at home and watch a new “chick flick” she’s been wanting to see for a long time. You then call her up at the very last minute because you and some friends got caught up having fun after work (or college), and you lost track of the time.
You might not consider that to be a big deal because you might think, “I’ll make it up to her some other time,” but to her it is a very big deal.
Why? In her eyes you’re choosing to put other people before her and if you do this type of thing a little too often, she will naturally assume that you’re not only being selfish, but you’re simply not putting the same value on being with her that she is putting on being with you.
It’s fine to treat a girl like that if you’re dating multiple women at once and don’t care if she dumps you, but if it’s your one and only girlfriend, it’s just not cool. You’ve got to show her more respect than that.
Yes, even with a committed girlfriend, plans will have to be changed at the last minute sometimes, but if you’ve made a habit of “breaking your promises” to her, she will naturally feel unhappy about it and will call you selfish in the hopes that you’ll realize your behavior is making her feel taken for granted and unhappy to be around you.
You Can Change How She Feels Today
Rather than feeling annoyed or confused and saying, “My girlfriend says I am selfish,” consider yourself lucky, because you have the opportunity to fix your behavior before it’s too late.
Other guys sometimes get dumped by a woman right away, but your girlfriend clearly cares enough about you to fire off some warning shots first. So, make
If you want to change how your girlfriend feels about you right now, you have to be the one who actively makes her see you in a new light. Don’t expect her to see that you really aren’t selfish, without you changing anything about your thinking, behavior, attitude, vibe or actions around her.
You don’t have to fix everything and become perfect to make her see you differently, but you also can’t say you will change at some point in the future if she just shuts up and stops referring to you as selfish.
Instead, what you need to do is sincerely ask yourself, “Why did my girlfriend say that I am selfish? What is she really telling me and how can I use this to improve our relationship and make her feel more respect, attraction and love me than ever before?”
From here on in, focus on making small changes and improvements every day and this will show her that you have taken her concerns seriously and have taken steps to become and be the man she needs you to be.
She will then naturally drop her guard and open herself up to feeling much more love, attraction and respect for you again. In fact, when she sees how much you’ve changed so quickly, she will feel excited about the fact that she has a man who can take feedback and use it to become an even better man.