Update: Female writer, Joy Pullmann, showing her support for this article: Even Women With Headphones May Want A Man To Chase Them
Female support via e-mail:
“I just wanted to show some support for you and your team after the infamous headphones article. I’m a married woman from Texas–maybe Australia and Texas are the only places where people still have common sense and women are attracted to confident men! The feminist culture is doing so much harm to both genders, so I’m thankful for guys like you not backing down when faced with overwhelming criticism. Please know that for every person who criticizes you, there are hundreds who support you but just don’t speak up. The insecure, hateful people only sit at their keyboards and anonymously hate you because they have nothing better to do (like a day job), and it makes them feel better about their pathetic selves to try and destroy someone else–especially someone who stands against their perfect little false reality where there are no genders at all. Anyway, keep the faith. Obviously your audience isn’t made up of creepers and rapists, and anyone with half a brain will know that you aren’t encouraging negative behavior. Much love from Texas! J Foley“
“In the wake of all the buzzfeed and Twitter attention, I wanted to give my support for what you do. I’m a woman and read the headphones article…and you were spot on with your advice. I’ve been married for a while now, and seeing the nastiness people, specifically women, were posting scared me. Are women that vicious now? Are men not allowed to be part of the world and do what the hell they want as well? S Lytle”
Customer support:
“Hey Dan, Ben and Stu,
You guys have my support.
Buzzfeed are one of the many prime examples of what is wrong with today’s media. No wonder so many guys are afraid to approach women. Seeing this story break into the news, most guys would believe that ALL women think that way, but it’s just a very small percentage of women, namely the angry feminists.
I just want to say that if it weren’t for you guys I’d have never lost my virginity (did so a month before I was 26) till I was probably in my late 30s or 40s.
Thanks to the Flow, Dating Power, Better than a Bad Boy and Mastery Methods and Mindsets and little bit of 21 Ways to Get a Girlfriend I’ve also developed my own high standards about the type of woman I want. I have a girlfriend now and we’re very happy together.
Thanks again Dan, Ben and Stu. You guys are champs!
PN, USA”
These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time.
Yet, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them.
Of course, not all women are open to being approached because not all women are single and looking.
However, if a woman wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover), she will usually be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her.
Her taking off her headphones doesn’t always mean that she is super interested and wants you to ask for her number or anything serious like that. Sometimes, it’s simply a cause of her being open to what you’ve got to say and to then see where it goes.
Approaching and Talking to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones
Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you).
Have a confident, easy-going smile and say, “Hey, how’s it going?” to start a conversation with her.
Most women are polite and friendly and will take off their headphones to talk to you at that point, so just start talking and have a conversation with her.
However, if she hasn’t looked at you or hasn’t noticed you yet, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand.
Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can see it and say, “Hey, how’s it going?” She most likely won’t hear you say those words is she’s listening to music, but it’s just a way of showing her that you’re trying to talk to her.
She will most likely take off her headphones to talk to you when you say, “Hey, how’s it going?”, but if she doesn’t, just smile, point to her headphones and confidently ask, “Can you take off your headphones for a minute?” as you pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands what you mean.
Then, go ahead and have a conversation with her.
Of course, if you notice that she doesn’t want to take off her headphones and doesn’t seem interested in talking to you at all, just respect that and leave the interaction without trying to talk to her any further.
While it’s perfectly normal for a man and a woman to talk to each other, it’s not appropriate or fair for a guy to annoy a woman who doesn’t want to talk to him at all.
So, if a guy finds himself in a situation where a woman doesn’t want to talk to him, he should just respect the woman’s right to not want to talk to him. For example: He might say, “Okay, sorry to bother you. Have a nice day” and then walk off and leave her be.
However, I must point out here that the majority of women are polite and friendly and will happily talk to a confident, friendly guy if he walks up and starts a conversation.
A lot of the controversy around this article has been due to people imagining a sleazy, creepy or very assertive guy approaching a woman and harassing her.
That is their issue for imagining that scenario, not mine.
What I’m talking about here is two normal people talking to each other and having a friendly, easy-going conversation. There’s nothing wrong with that.
There’s nothing wrong with a man and a woman meeting, having a conversation, feeling a spark of attraction for each other, exchanging phone numbers, going on a date and getting into a relationship.
For example, in a shopping mall or shopping street:
Man: [Smile and say in a friendly, easy-going manner manner] Hey – I know it’s not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was walking along and saw you and thought – wow, she’s hot, I have to come over and say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your name?
Woman: Jessica.
Man: [Add in some light humor to get her smiling and create a spark between you] Cool…nice to meet you Jessica. I don’t normally talk to girls with headphones on, but your big green headphones were just calling out to me.
Woman: [Possibly smiling or laughing].
Man: [If you’re in a shopping mall or city street, you might let her know that you has something else to do besides talk to her, so she understands that you’re not going to stand there talking to her for 30 minutes] Anyway, I’m just out doing a bit of shopping at the moment. How about you?
If it’s clear that a woman is interested in talking to you, keep the conversation going and if she’s not busy at that moment, have a chat for a while before exchanging phone numbers and parting ways.
For example:
Man: Anyway, so it’s been good chatting to you, but I’d better get going and do my shopping. Would you like to talk again sometime?
Woman: Sure, that would be nice.
Man: Okay, cool. [Take out your phone]. What’s your number? I’ll give a call sometime to say hi.
Of course, if a woman doesn’t want to talk to the guy again, she can say no to giving him her phone number and the man should just respect that and leave the interaction.
For example:
Woman: I’d rather not give out my number.
Man: Okay, cool. Well, nice talking to you anyway. Have a great day.
It’s just two, normal human beings having a conversation that either leads to a phone number exchange or not.
Nothing wrong with that.
If anyone has a problem with that, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I will never back down from the fact that it’s perfectly normal for a man and a woman to talk to each other.
Common Mistakes That Guys Make When Approaching Women Who Are Wearing Headphones
1. Approaching in a nervous manner
If you want the interaction to go smoothly and not feel awkward for either of you, make sure that you approach and talk to her in a relaxed, confident manner.
Most women are attracted to the strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. nervousness, anxiety), so if you are nervous or anxious, she probably won’t be interested in talking to you.
For example: If a guy asks a girl to take off her headphones and the first words out of his mouth are, “Hi, ummm… I was, ummm… wondering, ummm… sorry to interrupt…how, ummm… are you?” you can guess what will happen next.
Headphones back in and she’ll likely turn up the volume to block him out.
2. Giving up too easily
Headphones are a great barrier between a person and the rest of the world.
Some women wear headphones because they don’t want guys or anyone else to speak to them, so if you try to talk to a woman and she clearly shows that she’s not interested in talking to you, just respect that and walk away.
However, sometimes a woman will be interested in talking to a guy, but she won’t immediately pull out her headphones and show interest. Why?
Some women like to test to see how confident a guy is by ignoring his attempts to converse with her and then seeing what he does next.
Does he become nervous and awkward? Does he walk away in shame, or does he remain calm and continue talking to her in a confident, easy-going manner?
If a guy gives up at the first sign of resistance, a woman like her will lose interest because he lacks the type of confidence that she looks for in a guy.
So, if you are going to talk to a woman with headphones, just keep in mind that some women will immediately take off their headphones to chat to you, some will make it obvious that they don’t want to be bothered and others might want to talk to you, but first want to see if you will remain confident if she doesn’t immediately begin talking to you.
3. Not leading the conversation
If a shy guy stands in front a woman and is lost for words, she’s most likely going to just put her headphones back in or say, “Nice to meet you. Bye” as she walks away to get away from him.
You have approached her, so you can’t expect her to be the one making all the conversation. You’ve got to lead the way.
Leading a conversation with a woman is not about bossing her around, being arrogant or being too assertive as you talk to her. Instead, you simply need to remain confident and keep the conversation going in a relaxed, easy going manner.
4. Sticking to polite or reserved conversation
If a guy gets a woman to take off her headphones to talk to him and then only engages her in a polite, reserved conversation, she’s probably not going to be very enthusiastic about talking to him for long.
So, make sure that you have the confidence to talk to her and be real. Just let your natural personality and sense of humor come through as you talk to her in a confident, easy going manner, rather than trying to be too polite or reserved.
5. Not including any flirting
Flirting is the most discreet way for a man and a woman to communicate sexual interest in each other, without actually having to say, “Hey, I’m interested in you in a sexual way.”
If a guy doesn’t include any flirting after getting a woman to take off her headphones to talk to him, she will most likely begin to wonder why he is talking to her if he isn’t interested in her in that way.
She might then say, “Nice talking to you. Bye”, put her headphones back in and zone him out.
So, if your intention is to get the woman’s phone number so you can possibly take her on a date, make sure that you attempt to flirt with her and see if she flirts back. If she flirts back, it usually means that she is interested and is open to getting to know you further.
Approaching Women
As you may have noticed, women usually don’t go around actively approaching men in public places or even in bars or clubs.
Women know that is the man’s role to be confident enough to walk over and talk to a woman he finds attractive, so they have a chance to meet. If he doesn’t do that, a woman will rarely walk over and talk to him first.
So, don’t ever think that you’re doing a bad thing by approaching and talking to a woman in a confident, easy going way.
Most single women are open to being approached by a confident guy, so that they can have a chance to meet a potential new lover or boyfriend.
The key to talking to a woman who is wearing headphones (or who has her face buried into her smartphone and checking Facebook) is to be confident, relaxed and easy going as you talk to her.
Of course, not all women who wear headphones are open to being approached or hoping to be approached. However, you can only find that out by starting a conversation and seeing what happens.
Who knows, she might just be your perfect girl, so go ahead and talk to her.
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