What makes a woman want to commit to a relationship with her ex again?
How can he make her see him as being relationship material again, rather than looking at him as a guy she wants to avoid?
Here are 10 tips that will guide you back into a relationship with her:
1. Get clear on what kind of relationship dynamic she really wants
For example: Sometimes a woman will give a guy the impression that she wants a 50/50 relationship.
In other words, she seems to want them to be totally equal in terms of dominance.
Yet, she secretly wants him to be more dominant, so she can feel like his girlfriend, rather than like his ‘partner’ or ‘buddy.’
She doesn’t want to tell him that though because she fears he might take it the wrong way (e.g. become overly dominant or domineering to impress her, start talking down to her, say that she’s crazy for wanting that and so on).
So, she hopes that he will figure it out himself and realize that she wants a more dominant man, rather than a good buddy, or nice friend who she sometimes has sex with.
If her guy never figures it out and only offers her a 50/50 relationship, she will never be truly happy and won’t feel the kind of respect, attraction and love that she wants to feel when in a relationship.
How about your ex?
Do you know what kind of relationship dynamic she really wanted, but almost certainly didn’t tell you about?
Here are some questions you can ask yourself, to begin figuring it out:
- Did allowing her to make most of the decisions in the relationship result in her feeling happy and satisfied, or did she often seem upset, annoyed or frustrated with being the leader or boss?
Hint: If her reaction was more negative, she wanted a relationship dynamic where you took charge, by fearlessly leading the way.
- Did she feel free to be her true self around you, or did she have to tone down her personality, or be more gentle than she wanted to be due to your insecurities?
Hint: If she felt like you were restricting her personality or behavior too much, she would have wanted a relationship dynamic where she could be her true self around you.
To allow a woman to be her true self, a man needs to be emotionally independent in the relationship (i.e. he is confident regardless of how she behaves, or what she says to him), rather than emotionally dependent (i.e. he can only feel confident if she is behaving in a reassuring way, or is nice, friendly and gentle with him).
If a woman feels too restricted, she will naturally want to get out of the relationship and find a man who can handle a woman like her.
So, when you figure out what kind of relationship dynamic your ex really wants, you can then make changes or adjustments to your approach to her.
When you interact with her and she notices the changes, she will naturally feel more attracted and begin to see you as relationship material again.
2. Improve your ability to make her feel attracted during interactions
Women are mostly attracted to how you make them feel during in person interactions.
If you are confident, self-assured, emotionally masculine, manly in your behavior, charismatic, funny or flirtatious, women will feel attracted to you.
On the other hand, if you are insecure, self-doubting, emotionally feminine, boyish in your behavior, neutral and nice, women won’t feel attracted to you.
Additionally, the thing that makes a woman want to be in a relationship with a guy is her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for him.
So, if you want your ex to see you as relationship material, you need to focus on making her feel attracted during interactions.
Don’t just be nice, friendly and talk to her as though you and her are buddies.
Talk to her as though she’s a woman you’re flirting with and picking up for the first time.
Creates sparks of attraction inside of her and allow sexual tension to build up between you and her.
It doesn’t take long.
Most guys are able to re-attract their ex woman right away, but in some cases it takes 2-3 interactions to get the job done.
Either way, you get her back, because she now feels attracted and wants to explore her new, exciting feelings for you.
3. Interact with her and let her experience the changes in you
You can interact with her a little bit via social media, text and some more over the phone (both audio and video) and spark some of her feelings that way.
However, the thing that will have the biggest impact and will convince her that you’ve truly changed, is when she sees you in person.
She will want to know: Are the changes real, or are you just pretending to have changed to get her back? Are her new feelings growing, or fading?
She will get the answers to those questions when she interacts with you in person and you attract her in ways she isn’t expecting (e.g. you’re being confident when she thought you might become insecure, you are flirting with her rather than being neutral like a friend, you are sometimes being a playful challenge during conversations, rather than only being nice or agreeable).
When she realizes that you really have changed and her feelings for you are becoming stronger, she will naturally want to get back with you.
4. Don’t let her sense that your number one goal is a relationship
When a woman senses that your main goal is a relationship, it causes her to put her guard up.
She realizes that she is in the position of power and gets to say whether or not you and her will get back together.
As a result, her perception of you changes and she can easily begin to look at you as being desperate, or needing her back to feel good about yourself again.
That can result in her playing mind games with you (e.g. she pretends not to be interested, acts hot and then cold) to see how much she can push you and how far you will go to get another chance with her.
Unfortunately, some guys don’t mess things up even further by sucking up to a woman at that point, being extra nice, asking her to tell him what she wants and he’ll do it, or getting annoyed with her for making the reconciliation difficult.
She then feels turned off by his desperation and need for her and in many cases, will then say something like, “I think I need space again. I need time to think” in reaction to her loss of attraction for him.
So, don’t let your ex sense that your number one goal is to get her to commit to you again.
Just focus on making her feel attracted in new ways, so she naturally wants to be back with you.
Then, when she is showing a lot of interest in being in a relationship again, you give her a chance with you.
5. Attract her in ways she wasn’t expecting, so the new version of you is so much more appealing to her
- Not being afraid to stand up to her in a loving, but firm way when she’s creating drama or being disrespectful.
- Calming down tense moments between you and her, by using humor and being easygoing.
- Being confident and self-assured no matter what she says or does to kill your confidence.
- Being a good guy and treating her well, but not sucking up to her with a nice guy act.
- Being a bit of a challenge to her (e.g. not agreeing with everything she says, not always being available), so she has to put in the effort to maintain your interest, rather than taking it for granted that you want her.
- Laugh at her (in a loving way) and setting her straight, when she is being unreasonable, rather than getting into a pointless argument with her.
- Not being jealous or insecure if she mentions other guys who like her.
- Being more manly in your behavior, conversation style and actions.
6. Focus on your big goals and ambitions in life and start making some progress
Doing that has a double benefit to you.
Firstly, it brings you closer to achieving the important things in your life and allows you to be happy and fulfilled as a man, regardless of whether you’re in a relationship with her or not.
Secondly, it makes you more attractive to her, because women feel naturally attracted when a man is emotionally independent, mature, knows what he wants in life and goes after it.
Important: You don’t have to achieve your goals to have that affect on you, or her.
You just need to start making actual progress towards your goals.
When you do, she will begin to see you as relationship material because women have a natural instinct to align themselves with a man who will potentially succeed in life.
Don’t try to sell yourself to her though.
Just let her pick up on the fact that you’re making progress, rather than you essentially saying, “Hey, I’m doing this/that now. Are you impressed or?”
She will be impressed.
You don’t need to ask her.
7. Let her see that you’ve been living a more balanced lifestyle since the break up
For example: A guy might have gotten into the habit of going to the gym, 5 nights a week and not having much spare time for her.
Now, he only goes 3 nights a week and has more time for a girlfriend.
Alternatively, in the past he used to work all the time, even on weekends.
Now, he makes sure to get home at a reasonable hour and doesn’t work on weekends unless it’s absolutely necessary.
8. Let her see that you’ve become more responsible or reliable
Some of the things that make a man seem unreliable, or irresponsible to a woman include…
- He makes promises that he doesn’t keep.
- He lets her down when she needs him (e.g. he forgets to pick her up when he said he would, regularly forgets to run errands, doesn’t have her back in social situations around friends or family).
- He drifts from job to job without making much progress towards a better future.
- He’s easily influenced by his irresponsible friends and ends up doing silly things (e.g. getting drunk too often, taking a lot of drugs, driving too fast and getting fines).
- He isn’t emotionally consistent (e.g. one day he is confident, the next he is insecure. One day he is emotionally independent, then a week later, he’s needy, clingy and overly protective of her for no good reason other than his insecurities getting the better of him).
- He isn’t able to handle her natural mood swings as a woman (i.e. due to her period) and ends up getting into arguments with her when her behavior begins to change leading up to, during and shortly after her period.
- She can’t rely on him to respect her secrets (e.g. he uses things she has told him about her past, as ammunition when arguing with her, or as a way of bringing her down and ruining her confidence or self-esteem. He tells friends or family about what she has told him).
Becoming more responsible and reliable as a man is attractive to women and makes them see you as relationship material.
However, don’t forget to maintain a playful side to yourself as well.
It’s not about being a robot man who always says and does the ‘right’ things around a woman, to be 100% reliable and responsible in every moment.
You still need to feel free to be silly at times as well, or have a laugh and not be so serious 24/7.
9. Let her sense that a new, more enjoyable relationship dynamic would happen if she got back with you
If a guy was too nice and agreeable in the relationship, which turned her off due to the excess power and dominance she felt over him, he needs to let her sense that he’s more of a challenge now.
For example: If she’s in a bad mood or is being closed off and distant, rather than responding the way he used to (e.g. getting out of her way, seeming worried about saying or doing the wrong thing that might set her off and make her angry), he remains confident and uses humor and flirting to get her smiling, laughing and out of her bad mood.
When your ex realizes that a relationship would be so much more enjoyable for her this time, she becomes open to giving you another chance.
10. Don’t ask her if she sees you as being relationship material now
Asking a woman turns her off, because you are looking for her approval, much like a boy seeks the approval of his mother.
That’s not how a woman wants to feel regarding a boyfriend-girlfriend, or husband-wife relationship.
She wants to feel like your woman and be able to look up to you, respect you and love you because you are so emotionally strong and manly in your behavior, actions and approach to life.
If you make her feel that way, then you will be seen as ultimate relationship material because women know how difficult it is to find men like that.
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