Most guys can’t work up the courage to approach attractive women, which is actually a huge opportunity for you.
Since it’s not a woman’s role to go around approaching and trying to pick up a man, many women complain that they don’t really approached much at all.
If they do get approached, it’s usually by guys who are going “straight for the kill” by saying things like, “Hey, can I take you out?” or “What’s your phone number?” or “Do you have a boyfriend?” or “Can I buy you a drink?” Most guys go “straight for the kill” when approaching a woman because they don’t know how to approach and hit on a woman properly.
As she walks through life, most guys simply look at an attractive, call out to her on the street or try to catch eye contact with her. When she’s out in a social environment, most guys will just stand around or sit around looking at her and they won’t have the courage to walk up and talk to her in a normal, confident way.
So, there is a huge opportunity for you.
If you can be the type of guy that has the confidence to walk up to attractive women and hit on them properly, then you are the guy who is going to have his choice with women. What you will find, which is what surprises a lot of guys (and it surprised me too when I started approaching women) is that there’s hardly any competition from other guys.
Most guys are just standing around looking at the women and when you’re the guy who has the confidence to walk up and talk to women and hit on them properly, then you have your choice with women. It’s actually very easy to do once you have confidence and the skill set that is required for successfully approaching and picking up women.
So, how do you build the confidence to approach women?
What is Confidence?
If you don’t have a clear understanding of what confidence is, it’s very easy to get confused about why you’re feeling nervous or anxious before approaching a woman. So, the dictionary definition is:
Confidence (noun): Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
Another definition to help you really understand confidence, is the word that is the opposite of confidence; insecurity. If you look at the dictionary definition of insecurity, it is:
Insecurity (noun): Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.
So, if you’re not confident you are insecure. That is literally how it works. You’re either insecure of you’re confident. So, if you are insecure about approaching women, how do you change that?
Your Powerful Mind
Your mind is a very powerful thing and you can either use the power of your mind against you (to create feelings of insecurity) or for you (to create feelings of confidence).
If you’re using the power of your mind against you, you are going to be thinking in a way that causes feelings of insecurity. If you use the power of your mind for you and to your advantage, then you’re going to be thinking in a way that makes you feel confident. So, to build confidence and harness the power of your mind to work for you, it requires a change in your thinking about the idea of approaching women.
3 Tips For Building Up the Confidence to Approach Women
To build confidence, you must use the power of your mind to your advantage, rather than to your disadvantage. Here are 3 ways to do it right now…
1. Get into the habit of imagining things going well
If you see a woman that you find attractive and you want to approach her, get into the habit of imagining it going well.
You don’t actually have to approach her. This is just about building up your confidence to approach when you are ready. You may feel confident enough to approach her just by imagining it going well, but if you lack a lot of confidence with women, you probably won’t feel confident enough to approach her.
Take control of the power of your mind by getting yourself into the habit of imagining things going well. Instead of allowing insecure thoughts to crowd your mind, such as, “What if I get rejected? I’ll probably run out of things to say. What if she’s got a boyfriend? What if other people see and they don’t like that I’m approach her?” allow yourself to feel confident by imagining things going well.
Imagine yourself walking over to her (e.g. in a cafe, in the supermarket or at the gym) and she smiles as you talk to her. The conversation starts off great and you’re able to attract her in many different ways with your conversation style and the way that you’re using humor. Things go really well and she gives you her phone number and both of you walk off smiling. You then call her up and go on a date with her.
If you meet a woman in a bar or at a party, imagine walking up and talking to her and then the conversation quickly leading to kissing and sex that night. If you can imagine things going well like that, it helps you begin to feel good about the idea of approaching women. You’ve got to get into the habit of doing that if you want to get out of the habit of feeling insecure and fearful about the idea of approaching women.
Of course, imagining things going well doesn’t fix all of your confidence problems with women, but what it does is that it gives you a start.
If you think about what confidence is, it is belief in yourself and your abilities. You need to develop the belief that you can do it and that it can go well, rather than thinking that you can’t do it and that it can’t go well. Having the belief that you can do it rather than having the belief that you can’t do it; it’s the starting point of having confidence with women.
By imagining things going well, what you’re doing is getting into the habit of feeling confident and feeling good about the idea of approaching women, rather than feeling bad about it, feeling insecure, self-doubting and worried about it.
Feeling confident about the idea of things going well is what you need to do. If you think about what confidence is, it’s belief in yourself and your abilities and you need develop that belief by harnessing the power of your mind.
2. Accept that every approach probably won’t result in a relationship…and that is okay
Imagine yourself approaching a woman, talking to her and then it doesn’t lead to a phone number or a relationship. Imagine yourself approaching a woman, talking to her and it doesn’t lead to kissing and sex that night.
…and be okay with it.
What’s interesting, is that when you have that type of mindset and attitude about approaching women (i.e. you are okay about every approach not leading to a result like a phone number, kiss, sexual encounter or relationship), the woman actually feels more attracted to you. She gets the sense that you’re a cool, confident, easy-going guy, rather than an awkward, self-doubting, needy guy.
Guys who don’t have the right attitude for approaching women and are instead worried about being rejected and thinking, “I’ve got to get this girl! I’ve got to get this girl” come across as having a needy energy. Women pick up on that and they don’t like it. Women aren’t attracted to insecurity and neediness.
On the other hand, a guy who can come over and just be easy-going and not be worried about whether or not the interaction is going to lead a phone number, kiss or sex that night, has the sort of attitude that makes a woman feel comfortable around him and attracted to him.
Women are not attracted to neediness or nervousness in guys, but they are attracted to a guy who feels confident and independent. A guy who is happy with or without her is very attractive to women. Simply being okay with an approach not leading to an end result will allow you to convey that type of attitude and vibe, which will help you attract women more naturally and easily.
Another important thing to realize about approaching women and about every approach not turning into a phone number, kiss or sexual relationship, is to understand that it’s a fact of nature. No woman is romantically compatible with every man on the planet. Likewise, no man is romantically compatible with every woman on the planet.
…and that is okay.
Imagine a world where every woman was romantically compatible with every man on the planet and vice versa. Keeping a relationship or a marriage together would be very difficult! You’d be in a relationship with a woman you love, but you’d also be in love with other women and wanting to be with them. Your girlfriend or wife would be in love with many other guys and wanting to be with them.
The way that nature works is that we are not romantically compatible with everyone…and that is okay. It’s a good thing. It’s normal and natural.
When you can approach women with that knowledge, it allows you to not worry about being rejected. You’re simply going over and checking, “Is this a girl who is compatible with the current version of me?” There’s nothing to be worried about. You don’t have to get a match every time you approach a woman.
3. Stop identifying yourself as being an insecure man around women
Instead of going through your life and saying to yourself, “Yeah, I lack confidence around women…I’m scared of approaching women” start to see yourself as a guy who is confident in himself and is moving forward and going after what he wants in life.
Approaching and talking to women isn’t dangerous. It’s just two humans talking to each other; it’s really no big deal at all. However, if you identify yourself as being a guy who is scared, insecure and nervous when it comes to approaching women, then that is the sort of mindset that you will have running through your head.
Thinking in that insecure way, you will be harnessing the power of your mind to work against you. If you want to harness the power of your mind to work for you, you’ve got to develop the ability to be confident. Part of developing the ability to be confident starts with you identifying yourself as a confident man who is going after what he wants. You’re not afraid and you’re going to go for it.
Get into the habit of feeling that way, so you can identify yourself as a guy who is confident, rather than a guy who is insecure around women.
The truth is, you are stronger and more amazing that you give yourself credit for. Your true spirit within is strong and you know it.
If you cling to the negative patterns of thinking that you’ve tied yourself down with and you stop yourself from approaching and talking to women, you will never know what could have happened between you and women. You will never live the amazing life of the strong man that you truly are within.
If you let your negative, insecure thoughts become a habit of being and your habit of thinking, what will happen is that when you interact with women, it will all come across. Women will pick up on your insecurity by looking at your body language, listening to how you’re talking to them, analyzing how you’re responding to them and feeling your overall vibe.
The Importance of Being Confident as a Man
Being confident with women is important all the way from approaching and picking up women to being in a relationship.
When approaching and interacting with women, confidence allows you to attract women because women are attracted to a man’s confidence. When in a relationship, it allows you to maintain the attraction of your woman because you are the strong one; you’re not insecure. No matter what happens, you remain confident in yourself and she respects you for that and she feels attracted to you because of it.
If you lack confidence with women and you get into a relationship by luck or by chance, what often happens is that your lack of confidence starts to eat away at the woman’s attraction for you. You may start to become jealous, insecure and overly-protective of her because you know that you got her by luck or chance. You may also be unable to handle the challenging behavior that a woman puts a man through when in a relationship.
Lacking confidence with women can also negatively affect you at work. If you’re the sort of guy who isn’t confident around women, you are more likely to get overlooked for promotions. Guys can see that women don’t really respect you that much and women can see that the guys don’t really look at you as the sort of man who is attractive to women.
However, the guys who are confident around women and able to make women feel attracted to them via their confidence and communication style, are the sort of guys who typically get a lot more respect in the workplace and get promoted more easily.
As a man, being confident with women is so important to your life. Confidence allows you to approach and attract women in the first place, it allows you to maintain a woman’s attraction in a relationship and it also helps you in your work life to be the sort of man that other men respect and look up to, rather than looking down on.
In your life, you are either going to decide to be confident with women or you are going to decide to continue on feeling insecure with women. The choice really is yours. You can use the power of your mind to work for you or against you; it really is your choice in life.
Building Up the Confidence to Approach Women
To recap, the 3 beginner tips for building up the confidence to approach women are:
- Get into the habit of imagining things going well.
- Accept that every approach probably won’t result in a relationship…and that is okay.
- Stop identifying yourself as being an insecure man around women.
Confidence is something that you have to take control of in your life. It’s something that you’re either going to have or not have throughout your life. When you understand how to be confident with women and you get used to feeling confident, you will get to the point where it becomes a natural way of being; you won’t have to think about it anymore. Confidence becomes natural and automatic for you and you’re set for life.
However, if you go through your life and remain in the habit of thinking in an insecure way and continue to lack confidence around women, it doesn’t change. Often, it just gets worse.
Personally speaking, I used to be at a point in my life where I couldn’t approach women.
As a result of that fear, I spent a lot of time alone at home just feeling sorry for myself. I would think, “Why do the guys at work have girlfriends, but I don’t?” and “Why is it so difficult for me to walk over and talk to women? What is going on?”
I knew that it was silly to be afraid of approaching women because I knew that it wasn’t dangerous. I knew that the fear I was feeling was unreasonable, unnecessary and over the top. Yet, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling that way when I wanted to approach an attractive woman.
Then, when I started to work out the secrets to success with women by going out and approaching women, I rapidly began to discover how to be confident around women. I worked out how to confidently and fearlessly approach women and quickly attract them. When that happened, I was able to go out in a social environment and confidently approach women, attract them and easily pick them up for sex or a relationship.
I enjoyed the life for about a year and a half before I decided to write it all down and put it into my book, The Flow. I had intention of sharing the knowledge and hadn’t even thought about The Modern Man at that point. The initial reason I wrote everything down was so that I never forgot it! I had discovered the secrets to success with women and I wanted to make sure I remembered everything I was saying and doing to have such easy and consistent success with women.
If you read my book The Flow, you will learn things about confidence and attracting women that will blow your mind. Guys who’ve read the book often report back that just by reading it, they are 10 times more confident than they were before reading it. Then, when they start to use the techniques in real life, they become so confident and can approach women at will and effortlessly attract women.
Interactions flow from one step to the next, which is why I call it The Flow.
When you go through The Flow with a woman, the interaction naturally flows from one step to the next. You confidently approach her, she feels attracted to you in so many different ways, you connect with her and then you escalate to a phone number, a kiss or a date, or from a conversation to kiss and then sex that night and then start a relationship.
It’s really cool how it works.
So, if you lack the confidence to approach women and you want something that is really, truly going to help you right now, then I welcome you to have a read of my book The Flow. If you want to use a system that will allow you to confidently approach women, attract them and get what you want; whether that is a girlfriend or to have sex with many beautiful women, then get your copy of The Flow now.
I welcome you to have a read through it, use the techniques in your life and you will see how quickly and easily you become truly confident with women. I’ve done it, guys who’ve read my book have done it and you can do it too.
Want to Know the SECRET to Success With Women?
Watch this hidden video where Dan exposes his BIGGEST secret to success with women, which allows you to easily get laid or get a girlfriend.
This video is only available here and you can watch it for free right now.
I was always a total wreck approaching women, if I even did try I always seemed to get the piss taken out me as I was shy and submissive. I always found as well that a lot of women seem to have very sharp social skills and comeback lines that they can just floor you with in one go – I guess this must be from building up responses to the hundreds of guys approaching them all the time.
Thanks for your comment.
The main reason why women behave in a difficult way when approach is to test a guy’s confidence level. Women like that are looking for a confident guy, so if you crumble under the pressure, you are not confident enough for them.
Women don’t actually want you to crumble under the pressure. Remember that. They are hoping to meet a guy who can maintain his confidence around them. Allow yourself to be confident like that. Give yourself permission to be confident. Don’t cheat yourself out of the right to feel confident. Being confident is a good thing for you and the woman.
Thanks Dan good advice. I’m in the process of absorbing the flow now, I want to read it a few more times so it’s branded on my brain so to speak. However before I do anything I realised that I need to work solely on my confidence and what you said is interesting i.e. you either are confident or you aren’t so I’m deciding that I want to be confident. I’ve also began questioning my thoughts and why they are so self-destructing to my confidence. So like if I am maybe going to do something where I need to have confidence and I feel all those doubts swirling round I just say in my head ‘Is this thought benefiting me or hindering me’. So far I actually do feel a small but ongoing step change in my thought train by doing this.
Great to hear that you’re making progress! Now that you’ve been taking the first steps (the hardest steps to take), it only gets easier from there.
The next evolution of the thinking that you have been experimenting is to not ask yourself a question. Instead, recognize the unhelpful thought process and then use a more beneficial thought process.
For example: If you see a woman that you want to approach and begin to doubt yourself. Simply say, “I don’t doubt myself like I used to. Every time I take any action, I become more confident. I am on my way to confidence and this approach is the next step.”
BTW: If you need more help with confidence and mindsets, be sure to check out our other programs as well. Ben, Stu and I have developed a lot of methods and mindsets from coaching guys in person for many years.
Programs I would recommend if you need the extra help:
Log in to your customer account and you will be able to get a 50% discount when you purchase more than one program at a time: https://store.themodernman.com/login.html
Comments are closed.