Everyone says that women are turned off by neediness, but what are some examples of being needy when communicating with an ex?
1. Regularly Texting Her About Your Feelings
There’s nothing wrong with having feelings for your ex, but if you regularly want to talk about how you feel, how much she means to you and how you are sure that she is the one, it will come across as needy.
Being needy means that you need her to feel good about yourself.
You need her approval, her acceptance and her love and attention to feel like life is okay and you are a worthy, attractive man.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting that kind of thing from a woman, but when you need it to feel confident, have self esteem or to be happy, that’s when it becomes needy and turns women off.
Women want to be with a guy who is confident, happy and forward moving in life with or without her.
The main reason why is that if a guy is like that, she can feel safe with him because he is his own man and doesn’t need her motherly support to keep his spirits high, remain confident and continue pursuing his goals in life.
She knows that he is emotionally strong enough to stand on his own two feet, without her having to hold him up by repeatedly reminding him that she loves him, supports him and that everything is going to be okay.
So, when a guy is always talking about his feelings all the time, it makes a woman feel as though he really needs her to be able to function and feel good about himself.
He’s not his own man and needs her to be the one to make him feel as though everything is okay.
Women hate that.
Women don’t want to be the main supporting pillar in a man’s life.
Instead, they want him to be the strong one, so she can then lean on him for emotional support.
If he is able to do that for her, she feels a deep respect, attraction and love for him and naturally wants to be with him.
Yet, if he is the emotionally weaker one, she feels like more of the man or like a mother figure to him, which completely turns her off because she’s unable to be a feminine, girly woman in the relationship.
So, in terms of being needy via text, a guy will make the mistake of thinking that if he can just fully explain to her how her feels and how much he still cares for her, she will stop being so stubborn and give him another chance.
He might then send her a series of long-winded text messages saying things like, “I need you to please listen to what I’m saying here. Yes, I stuffed up, but I still care for you so much. Do you know how much I love you? I love you more than anything else in this world. I feel lost without you and every day that goes by where you’re not talking to me, I feel like I’m dying on the inside. My heart is broken. I can’t eat and sleep properly because all I do is think about you and how badly I want us to be together again. What we had was special. Please let me make it up to you. Please give me one more chance… I’ll do anything to get another chance. I love you more than anything and I hope you can sense my sincerity here. I want nothing else, but to be with you. Love, Peter xoxoxox”
Yet, rather than make a woman think, “OMG, this is amazing! He must really love me for him to be texting me like this all the time. It must mean that he is the one!!! I’d be silly to let him be the one that got away. Clearly he is in love with me, so that is all that matters, right? Maybe I should give him that second chance after all,” she is going to be turned off by his need for her.
She will then think something like, “Blah! Blah! Blah! I’ve heard this from you so many times before, but I just don’t care how you feel anymore. You don’t even know for sure why we broke up anyway. You have no idea how to be the kind of man that I want you to be. You’re just promising to change but deep down, the desperation to get me back is all about how bad you feel after being dumped and rejected by me. Well, what about how I feel? Do you even realize that I don’t feel any respect or attraction for you anymore? I want to be with a man I can look up to, respect and who makes me feel like his girly, feminine woman in comparison to how masculine he thinks, talks, behaves, acts and feels. I don’t feel feminine when I’m with you. You made me feel like your mother, or big sister or like the man in the relationship. You don’t even know how to change. So, stop texting me these soppy messages and move on. It’s over between us, unless you can quickly change and show me that you are now the kind of man that I always wanted you to be.”
Here’s the thing…
Even though her ex is being a good guy and is trying to do the right thing, she just isn’t going to be amazed by his needy, emotional text.
When a woman can’t see a guy’s body language, or at least hear the tonality of his voice over the phone, she has to guess at what state of mind he was in when he sent the text.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was insecure and needy in the relationship, she is going to have that perception of him clear in her mind.
So, when she receives a bunch of text messages telling her all about how he’s feeling after the break up, is she going to think, “This is such and emotionally strong man. I love the way that he wears his heart on his sleeve. I can definitely look up to him and respect him now,” or will she think something like, “Why is he still being so emotionally weak and sensitive? Doesn’t he understand that I dumped him for that reason? Does he really think that telling me he is falling apart is going to make me feel like I can depend on him and look up to him as a man now? He just doesn’t understand me or women in general. He hasn’t yet worked out how to be a man.”
Even though he might think that she wants to hear all about his feelings via text, she doesn’t.
Women hate it when guys hide behind text messages and don’t have the balls to say things on a phone call or in person.
Women also hate it when they dump a guy for being emotionally needy and he then continues being that way after the break up.
Women also hate it when they don’t have feelings for a guy after a break up and he is going on and on about his feelings.
If she doesn’t have feelings for you right now, you need to MAKE HER have feelings for you first.
Don’t talk about your feelings and how much you need her back.
Make her feel a renewed sense of respect, sexual attraction and love for you (i.e. make her have feelings) and she will then care about you and how you feel.
Even still, you shouldn’t go on and on about your feelings.
Instead, you’ve just got to be confident and guide her back into a relationship with you.
Leave all the feelings talk until after you’ve had sex again.
Likewise, don’t try to talk about the relationship or your feelings via text.
Instead, only text her as a way of getting her on a phone call, so you can then arrange to see her in person and properly re-attract her.
For example: You can try to call her and if she doesn’t answer, just send her a short text saying something like, “Hey Linda. I need to ask you something quick over the phone.”
In most cases, a woman will respond with something like, “Okay,” or “What do you want to ask me?”
Then, just call her.
Don’t text a reply, don’t wait for hours until you call her and don’t worry about a thing.
Just call her.
On the phone call, focus on making her laugh, smile and feel happy to be communicating with you again.
She will most likely be cold and distant because she doesn’t want to make it easy for you, but you have to remain confident.
The more that you spark her feelings of attraction and respect for you by being confident and making her smile and laugh again, the more open she will be to continue talking to you on the phone.
Yet, that’s not enough to fully get her back.
You must get her to meet up with you in person where you can show her that you’ve changed and let her experience the new and improved you.
When she can see for herself (via the way you talk, behave, interact with her and react to what she says) that you’re now at a completely different level as a man because you’ve fixed some of the things that were turning her off (e.g. you were needy and insecure before, but now you’re confident and emotionally strong), she won’t be able to stop herself from opening up to you again.
She will drop her guard and then getting her back instantly becomes a lot easier because she is feeling receptive and open to it.
On the other hand, if you just tell her about your feelings without sparking her feelings for you first, she’s just going to be saying, “No. It’s over between us. There aren’t going to be any second chances between us. You need to move on. Accept it. We’re finished. I don’t feel the same way as you do. Leave me alone.”
Another example of needy communication with an ex is…
2. Instantly Replying to Everything That She Texts
When a guy is desperate to get back together with his ex, he’ll likely try to be on his best behavior and not do anything to give her the impression that he’s not interested in her anymore.
When his ex sends him a text, he will feel compelled to respond to her right away.
He may think, “This is the only chance I have with her. If I don’t reply immediately, she might think I’m being rude or that I’m not interested in her anymore. I don’t want to blow it by making her think that I don’t care.”
Yet, rather than make her think that he is instantly replying to everything because he cares, it’s more likely that she will be thinking, “What is he doing? Is he just sitting around waiting for me to text him? Doesn’t he have a life without me? When does he focus on work, or go out with friends, or do anything else that will prevent him from immediately replying to me?” and she will feel turned off by what she perceives as his neediness and desperation.
So, no matter how badly you want to instantly or quickly respond to everything she texts you, just don’t do it.
If you’re busy (e.g. driving your car, out with friends, at work), just wait for a more suitable time to get back to her.
Of course, don’t make the opposite mistake of ignoring her for hours or days just so that you don’t come across as being needy.
That would be rude and she will likely get annoyed with you for playing mind games with her.
Instead, just take your time to reply when you are genuinely busy and if you are available, reply quickly or fairly soon after she texts.
Sometimes it’s okay to reply instantly, but only do that about 20% of the time and for the remaining 80%, just mix things up between replying quickly, soon after, hours later or even the next day if you can’t get to her text because you are busy, sleeping or unavailable.
Another example of needy communication with an ex is…
3. Trying to Make Her Feel Pity By Telling Her How Much You Care
If a guy is trying to get his ex to listen to him and give him another chance and she’s saying things like, “No. I’m just not interested. It’s over. Forget about me and move on. I don’t love you anymore” he might then try to make her feel sorry for him.
For example: He might say to her, “I know you’re saying that it’s over, but it’s not over for me. I still care about you. I can’t just forget about all the things that we shared. Don’t you care even a little bit? I thought you were a kind, loving woman, but you are acting like you don’t care about that we meant something to each other. You used to be so loving and now it’s like you couldn’t give a crap about how I feel or how much I love you. Can’t you see that I’m sorry for hurting you? Does seeing me in pain like this and missing you so much make you happy? Why can’t you just remember the good times we shared? We can make it work. Please just give me one more chance…that’s all I’m asking for… one more chance for the sake of the love we once had for each other.”
Even though the guy is being honest about his feelings, trying to seek pity for how bad he feels without her isn’t going to make her feel a rush of respect, sexual attraction and love and make her want to give him another chance.
To her, it just seems very selfish on his part.
It’s all about him and how he feels.
A woman doesn’t like to feel like she’s being forced into doing something she doesn’t want to do, simply because the guy can’t handle the pain of being broken up with.
While he’s thinking that she might give him a chance based on how much he cares about her, she’s thinking something like, “So, let me get this straight… he thinks that being an emotionally weak, needy guy and using emotional blackmail on me is going to make me change my mind? Hmmm… I guess he still hasn’t figured out that women want a man they can count on to be a man, not an emotional wimp who needs to be taken care of by a mother figure. I can’t believe that he’s acting like this. I can see now that giving him another chance would be a waste of time because nothing about him has really changed…and it’s likely that it never will. He just doesn’t understand how to be a man yet and I certainly don’t want to be stuck with him while he figures it out. If he wants me back, he’d better sort himself out soon or else I will find another guy who is already a man and I will fall in love with him instead.”
Remember: A woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s doing her ex a favor by being with him.
If a guy gets his ex back by making her feel pity for him, she will only stay for a little while because there just won’t be enough respect, attraction and love for her to want to stick around.
On the other hand, if you make your ex feel like she’s winning the relationship lottery by getting back together with you (i.e. because you’re making her feel more attracted to you than she has ever felt before), she will want to try again because it feels good to her, not because you’re forcing her to.
It will then be about her getting you back, rather than her having to give you another chance to make you feel good about yourself again.
Getting Rid of Your Neediness
If you want your ex back in your life and keep her, make sure that you deal with your neediness before you interact with her again.
A great way of doing that is by getting to the source of your neediness and then taking real steps to change those things about yourself.
For example: Ask yourself, “Could I have become needy because…”
- I lacked purpose in my life and made her my main reason for living?
- I thought that being emotionally needy and sensitive is what a woman wanted from a man?
- I didn’t know how to be emotionally strong around her anymore because I handed all of my power over to her?
What you need to understand is that a woman wants a man that she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
Sometimes, a woman will pretend that she doesn’t want her man to be like that, but it’s just a test to see if he will hand over his power to her.
If he does, it turns her off at a deep, instinctive level and she stops feeling safe with him.
She worries that other people (e.g. bad boys, mean people at work) will take advantage of him, hurt him or hurt her because he is unable to stand up for himself in an assertive, but loving and easy-going way.
Instead, he just buckles under the pressure and fails basic social tests that place him into a lower ranking male position.
A woman doesn’t want to get stuck with a guy who can’t handle himself in the world and keep himself and her safe for life.
Even though she might not openly talk about that or even be able to explain it if asked, it’s what her instincts are hard-wired to find out about a man.
If a woman discovers that she is with a lower ranking male, she automatically begins to feel unsafe and starts wishing she could find herself a more confident, alpha male.
Being an alpha male isn’t about being a bad boy, thug, jerk or asshole.
The best alpha males are the good guy alpha males.
Men like this are good men, but they don’t get pushed around by women or people.
They maintain their cool, they are good men, but they are also assertive and ensure that they are respected in social situations.
So, if you want to get an ex back after being needy, make sure that you’re not thinking, feeling, behaving and acting like a lower ranking male as well.
You need to step up your game and become a more confident, assertive man.
Again, it’s not about being a jerk or an asshole.
An example of being a good guy alpha male is being able to get her to stop being cold and bitchy when talking to you by making her smile, laugh and enjoy herself when talking to you.
When she can see that you no longer feel nervous or unsure of yourself when she is being cold, distant, bitchy or domineering, she naturally feels a rush or respect, attraction and love for the new you.
She almost certainly won’t make it easy for you to get her back by openly admitting, “Wow, I feel attracted to you now,” but she will feel attracted.
She will actually start feeling good being around you, rather than looking for ways to get away from you as fast as possible.
Getting back with you will feel fun and interesting to her because she will be feeling a newfound respect, attraction and love for you.
You just need to maintain your confidence and keep pushing forward until you get her back.
Just don’t push forward in a needy way!
Don’t make it all about your feelings and needs.
Make it about her getting what she wants.