To show your ex that you care without seeming needy or desperate, you need to let her see that you do want her back, but you don’t actually need her back to feel emotionally secure again.
You have to get to the point where you honestly feel that you will be happy and fulfilled in your life, even if you never get her back.
It’s totally fine to care about her and want her back, but you just have to sincerely know that you don’t need her to feel good about yourself.
You can get on with your life without her, find another woman and you would be fine.
Of course, you want her back and that is fine too.
However, you must get yourself to the point emotionally where you are not dependent on her to feel like you’re good enough as a man.
She doesn’t want to feel as though you need her approval and acceptance to feel like you’re worthy and that you’re a good man.
If she senses that you are falling apart without her, rather than make her think, “How sweet. My ex must really love me if he can’t get on with his life without me. I think we should get back together again because no other guy will ever feel this way about me,” she pulls away from what she perceives as your emotional weakness.
Instinctively, a woman knows that if a guy falls apart after a break up, he is going to struggle to handle the challenges of life as the years go on (e.g. paying off a mortgage, raising children, maintaining a happy family, getting ahead in life).
Knowing that he crumbles under pressure doesn’t make her feel as though she can relax, feel protected and feel safe in a relationship with him.
Instead, she fears that he might always need her to be the emotionally stronger one who has to take care of him because he just can’t cope on his own.
So, if you want to show your ex that you care without seeming needy or desperate, make sure that you focus on genuinely feeling happy, content and emotionally fulfilled without her.
When you do that, you will discover that working on yourself in that way brings out all the positive traits that women respect in a man (e.g. confidence, masculinity, drive and determination, perseverance) and as a result, you automatically become more attractive to her.
Then, when you interact with her again, either on a phone call, or in person and she senses (via your tonality, body language and the way you think, behave and react) that you are confident and happy and getting on with your life without her, she begins to see you differently.
She starts to think, “Hmm…I thought he was going to fall apart when we broke up, but he’s being so emotionally mature all of a sudden. He’s actually behaving in the ways that I always hoped he would. I like the new him. I know that I said I didn’t want to be with him again, but for some reason I feel different now. I could actually seem myself falling in love again with the man he is now. Maybe it is okay to give our relationship another chance. Who cares what my friends think. I have to follow my heart” and she then opens herself up to getting back together again.
3 Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Not Seem Needy or Desperate
Sometimes, a guy will be so worried about seeming needy or desperate when he’s interacting with his ex that he will end up behaving in ways that make her feel as though he doesn’t really want her back.
So, if you want to get your ex back, avoid making these common mistakes that guys make when trying to avoid seeming needy or desperate…
1. Acting like you’re completely over her when you’re not
Sometimes, a guy might try to hide his feelings by acting like he’s completely over her, even though what he really wants is to get her back.
For example: If she says something like, “I don’t think we can ever be together again. I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” he might then respond by saying something like, “Yeah, me too. I hope you don’t think that I’m sitting around pining for you. I’m completely over you now too. It’s great isn’t it? We got through this break up like two mature adults. Well, anyway, I wish you all the best for your future. Bye.”
Secretly, he’s hoping that it will shock her into saying, “Wait! Wait! I really do love you. I want us to get back together!”
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a woman doesn’t feel enough respect and attraction for her man and has also disconnected from her feelings of love for him, she’s not really going to care that they are going their separate ways.
In fact, she might even feel a bit relieved that she won’t have to keep fighting him off and telling him that it’s over.
Instead, she will seek to quickly start hooking up with new guys to make herself feel better and validate the fact that other guys want her, even though her ex doesn’t.
Of course, sometimes if a guy pretends to be over his ex girlfriend (or wife), she might come running back to him out of fear of losing him.
This happens when the woman is very young, is inexperienced with relationships or is unattractive and worries that she won’t be able to find a replacement guy before he hooks up with a new woman.
However, most of the time, even if a woman still has feelings for her ex, rather than try to get back with him, she is more likely to say to herself, “If he doesn’t love you anymore, then forget about him. He obviously isn’t the one. Pick yourself up and find another guy who will love you the way that you deserve.”
She will then try to move on (or have sex with new guys) as quickly as possible to get over the pain.
So, if you want to show your ex that you care, acting like you’re over her is not the way to go about it in most cases.
Some women will fall for it, but most will simply seek to get revenge by hooking up with guys and moving on.
What should you do instead?
Simply need to focus on reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you by behaving in ways that are attractive to her (e.g. making her laugh and smile, being confident and charismatic, being emotionally masculine), every time you interact with her.
When you trigger her feelings in a confident, loving way, not only does she drop her guard and open herself up to the idea of getting back together again, but she also feels intensely attracted to you for being such an emotionally strong man.
2. Lying about having other women interested in you when there are none
Trying not to come across as being needy and desperate by lying about having other women interested when there aren’t any, rarely works if your ex doesn’t have feelings for you.
Instead, she will likely just shrug it off, be glad that the other women are keeping you away from her and simply move on without you.
Even if she initially feels a twinge of jealousy, she will quickly remember all the negative things about you that she didn’t like (e.g. you were too emotionally sensitive, you lacked purpose and direction in your life, you took her for granted) and her jealousy will then be replaced with indifference.
If she doesn’t know that you’re lying and if she still kind of wants you back, it can make her feel like he is losing you and that she needs to give you another chance.
Yet, if she finds out that you’re lying, it makes getting her back all the more challenging.
For example: A guy might be having a conversation with his ex about what he’s been up to since they broke up.
He then says something like, “I’ve been quite busy actually. I’ve gone on a few dates and have been enjoying the single life again.”
To test whether he’s being honest, she might then respond by saying, “Really? That’s too bad. I was kind of hoping that we could work things out between us, but clearly you’re way too busy moving on. Okay, well, I won’t bother you again. I’ve got to go. Bye.”
If he then panics and says, “Hold on a minute! I’m not moving on. These women mean nothing to me. It’s you that I really want. If you want to get back together again, of course I want that,” she will suspect that he was trying to trick her into getting back with him by pretending that other women are interested.
She will then try to get revenge by actually hooking up with a guy, so she can then rub that in his face the next time that they interact or communicate.
So, if you want to show her that you care without seeming needy or desperate, you just need to focus on becoming more emotionally attractive to her (e.g. by being more confident, making her laugh and smile and feel good when she’s interacting with you, making her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine way of thinking, talking, feeling, behaving and acting).
When she can see for herself that you’re no longer at the same level you were at before and are now the type of guy that she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, she will naturally begin to open up to you again.
3. Avoiding contact with her for weeks to show her that you’re not needy
Sometimes, all it takes is a day or two to get a woman to open up and want to get back together with her ex if he sparks her feelings of respect and attraction first.
Yet, rather than focusing on triggering a woman’s feelings during interactions, some guys worry too much about coming across as being needy, so they go inactive instead of active.
Essentially, what this means is that rather than actively interact with his ex, reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for him and then guide her back into a relationship with him, a guy decides to become inactive by avoiding contact with her altogether.
This is often referred to as “going no contact,” which is based on the commonly known No Contact Rule (ignoring a woman for 30-60 days after a break up).
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that the No Contact Rule works bests for women who are trying to get a guy back, not for men who are trying to get a woman back.
Most men are hopeless at approaching, attracting and picking up women, so when his ex girlfriend (or wife) goes no contact after a break up and he isn’t getting any action with new women, what will he usually do?
That’s right, he’ll reach out to her because he will miss her.
During the No Contact period, he will fail at picking up new women and will eventually think, “No other women want me like my ex did. Maybe she is the one for me” and he will then contact her.
Yet, the same doesn’t apply to women.
Most women can instantly get laid by going out to a party, bar, nightclub and saying, “Yes” to the many guys who want to stick it in her.
She can also get on a dating app or online dating site and instantly have 100s of guys willing to meet her.
So, when a guy ignores his ex after a break up, she usually just moves on without him.
Watch this video for more info…
Most guys don’t know this, so they think that the best way to get a woman back is to cut off all communication.
After a break up, a guy might spend weeks and in some cases even months waiting for her to call because he doesn’t want to seem needy or desperate.
When she doesn’t call and he decides to contact her, he hopes that she thinks something like, “My ex is so cool. He’s not needy or desperate like other guys. He didn’t even call me for like a month! That’s so amazing! Now I can respect him for not being a needy guy and we can get back together again.”
In real life, the last thing that will cross a woman’s mind when a guy is ignoring her is that he’s doing it because he’s not needy or desperate.
She might wonder why he isn’t contacting her, but if she was very turned off by him when she dumped him (e.g. because he’d become too emotionally sensitive, he lacked confidence, his attitude turned her off), she will just try to erase him from her thoughts and move on quickly.
The general rule is that unless a woman really still loves her ex and is secretly hoping that they will get back together again, or if she is struggling to find herself a replacement guy, avoiding contact with her isn’t going to matter that much to her at all.
The best way to show your ex that you care without seeming needy or desperate is by giving her 3 to 7 days of space.
Then, you need to interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) to let her see that you really have changed, matured and are no longer the needy guy she broke up with.
All it takes is one spark of respect and attraction and she will begin to change her perspective of you and start thinking of you in a more positive light.
Her walls come down and she is happy to know that you cared enough for her to become a better man – a man that she can now feel proud of, look up to, respect, desire and love.