Getting an ex to forgive is easy when you know what to say and do.
Here’s what to say and do:
1. Let her know that by sincerely forgiving you, it will actually make her feel better about herself.
Tell her that if she’s carrying a grudge against you, it will make her feel unhappy until she lets go of it.
You can say something along the lines of, “I understand that right now you don’t have much or any positive feelings for me anymore and probably don’t ever want to forgive me. However, you forgiving me isn’t about making me feel better. Instead, when you can sincerely forgive me it will make you feel better about yourself because you’re not carrying around a grudge against me. You are mature enough to know that people sometimes make mistakes and learn from them in life, so you can forgive me for that. It doesn’t mean that you and I then get back together, but it means that you walk away feeling lighter. Then, when you go into a future relationship with some other lucky guy, you won’t be taking all the baggage from our relationship with you. You can start with a clean slate and then, when you look back at what we had together, instead of feeling angry or bitter about it, you will at least be able to see that if nothing else, we parted like two mature adults.”
Of course, saying something like that to her doesn’t mean you’re encouraging her to move on and find another guy.
Don’t worry, it actually has the opposite effect.
When you give a woman the freedom to go to another relationship baggage-free without you trying to hold her back, it feels easy for her to forgive you.
She stops focusing on all the bad things about your relationship and she starts to look at you in a more positive light.
Her guard comes down and she starts wondering, “What’s going on here? This is new. Being mature and emotionally strong like this is not what I’d expect from my ex. I actually agree with him. I can forgive him. We all do make mistakes and learn from them, so it’s not something that I need to hold a grudge against him for now and for the rest of my life. I can be mature and forgive him now. That will save me from having to walk around feeling bitter, resentful and angry towards him and other men for a long time.”
She then forgives you and starts to look at you as you are now, rather than who used to be (i.e. the guy she dumped).
From that point onwards, you’ve just got to make sure that every time you interact with her, whether it’s on a phone call or in person, you’re making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
When you do that, she becomes more open to the idea of reconnecting with her love for you.
She’s not holding onto bad memories and is looking at you based on who you are now and how you make her feel now.
That’s what you want.
That’s how you get an ex to forgive you and then use it to get her back naturally.
2. When she forgives you, she will open herself up to see the new you.
Important: Make sure you change and improve yourself before asking for forgiveness.
If you ask for her forgiveness, but are still the same guy she broke up with who is making the same old mistakes, she’s not going to feel very motivated to forgive you.
Instead, she’s likely going to be saying, “Whatever! We’re finished. Stop asking me to forgive you. I don’t care what you want. How can you expect me to forgive you when you’re still (fill in whatever mistake you made with her e.g. insecure, unmotivated, jealous, controlling, emotionally weak)? Just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
On the other hand, if you get her to forgive you and she and then make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new you, her guard will come down and you can then quickly guide her through the rest of the ex back process.
As long as you focus on showing her via your behavior, way of thinking and the way you interact with her that you’re no longer the guy she remembers who hurt her, she won’t be able to hold onto her negative feelings for you for much longer.
The more she experiences the new you, the more likely it is that she’ll allow herself to fall back in love with you again.
3. Saying sorry to her isn’t enough.
Getting an ex to forgive you usually takes more than just saying, “Look. I know I stuffed up. I’m sorry… okay? Can you please forgive me?”
You need to let her see that you have changed, rather than telling her that you have changed, or that you promise to change in future.
If she can’t experience the changes in you when she interacts with you, she’s just going to be thinking, “Well you’re saying all the right words here, but remember: Actions speak louder than words. How can I believe anything you say when I can see that you haven’t really changed at all? You’re just stuck doing the same old things over and over again, hoping that if I give you another chance, things will be different somehow. Well it doesn’t work like that! I’ve had enough of this. I am not going to put up with it anymore.”
So, if you want to get your ex back, make sure that you can show her (via how you talk, think, feel, behave and act) that you’ve learned from your mistakes and have already begun to change.
For example: If a guy got broken up with because he lacked purpose and direction in life, to show her that he’s changed, he needs to set some goals and actively start achieving them.
He doesn’t have to have completely achieved the goals before she will accept that he’s changed, but he just needs to start making progress.
At least take the first or second step in achieving his goals, so she can see that he is for real now and isn’t all talk.
Another example is where a guy was jealous and controlling in the relationship.
To get her to see that things really are different now, he needs to now show her that he has quickly become an emotionally strong and secure man.
Another example is where a guy got broken up with because the relationship was ruined by constant fighting and arguing to the point where it became too stressful for her to handle.
So, to show her that he’s changed and get her to forgive him, the guy needs to react differently when he interacts with her from now on.
When she says or does something that annoys him, rather than react in his old way (e.g. get angry, shout, sulk, insult her), he instead needs to remain confident, easy-going and light-hearted about things (e.g. make a joke about what she is saying or doing and turn it into something they can both laugh about).
He might tease her and jokingly say, “I bet you’re expecting me to blow up right now aren’t you? Okay, here goes… this is me blowing up. Look! I’m mad!” and playfully pretend to be mad at her and then have a laugh with her about it.
When your ex experiences you in a new way (e.g. you make her smile and laugh, she feels good in your company) she starts to believe your apology and opens up to forgiving you for real.
3 Forgiveness Mistakes to Avoid
You can get your ex to forgive you, but you first have to make her feel respect and attraction for you as a man, otherwise she might say that she forgives you, but she won’t really mean it.
Reawakening her feelings of respect and attraction can be done every time you interact with her (e.g. via text message, on social media, on the phone or in person).
Here are some examples of how to do it…
You can get her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
You can do it.
You can then get her to forgive you for real.
Most guys don’t learn what you are learning now, so they often make one or more of these classic forgiveness mistakes, which causes the woman to remain closed up.
1. Asking for forgiveness before changing.
If you apologize to your ex before you have fully understood what you need to change, she’s going to notice that and it will turn her off even further.
She may think, “Hmm…how typical! He’s just saying all the things that he thinks I want to hear so I will forgive him and he can then feel better about himself because he got me back and is no longer the rejected ex. He’s telling me that he’s changed, but I’m not seeing any of those changes. So, I have no reason to forgive him or give him another chance.”
This is why it’s so important to truly understand her real reasons for dumping you, which are often completely different to what she has told you.
For example: Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy by saying something like, “I just need some time apart,” or “It’s not you, it’s me. I need some space.”
Yet, that’s not the real reason why she is breaking up with him.
She may have dumped him because he wasn’t manly enough (i.e. in how he thinks, feels, behaves and acts around her), but she will say that she’s just not sure whether she wants a relationship at the moment.
Leading up to the break up, a woman will usually give hints in the hope that he understands why she is losing interest.
She might say, “Why are you so sensitive all the time?” or “Why don’t you stand up for yourself, rather than letting your coworkers/friends/family pick on you like that?” or “Why are you so insecure about this/that? You should be more confident. I hate it when you’re not confident.”
Eventually, she will start to nag him, start arguments over seemingly unimportant things and lose interest in having sex to hopefully show him that she’s not happy and wants him to start paying attention and change before it’s too late.
If he fails to pick up on those hints, or simply brushes over them by saying to himself, “Ah, she’s always nagging me about nothing. It doesn’t matter. She still loves me,” or “She’s being a temperamental woman again. I’m sure she’ll get over it. Women!” she will eventually realize that she’s not getting through to him and that a break up needs to happen.
Many guys don’t realize that women really are very different to men.
As a man, if you see a problem in a relationship, you have no problem pointing it out, finding a solution and fixing it.
Yet, a woman in a relationship is different.
She doesn’t want to be Mrs. Fix it and be a guy’s teacher in life about how to be a man.
She wants a man to listen to her hints and take the initiate to fix problems, without needing her leadership.
She doesn’t want to be in the more dominant position. She wants to be your girl.
She doesn’t want to feel like she has to guide you through life.
She wants to relax into your masculine direction and know that you are man enough to notice problems, find a solution and fix it rather than taking her love for granted and not changing, or lacking masculinity by expecting her to “be the man” and fix it.
So, the question is: Do you know exactly what your ex wants you to change about yourself before she will truly forgive you and take you back?
Here are some questions that might help you better understand where you went wrong in the relationship with her and what you need to change:
- Did she ever complain that you were wasting too much time watching TV, playing video games or hanging out with your buddies? This was her way of encouraging you to become more focused and goal driven in your life. She wanted you to get clear on your big plan for your life and start following through on it, rather than thinking like a younger guy who hasn’t yet worked out who he is and become a man.
- Did she ever complain about you not noticing something new about her appearance (e.g. a new dress or hairstyle, she lost weight)? This was her way of saying that she was feeling taken for granted and neglected.
- Did she ever encourage you to take up a hobby or sport, or go out more with your friends? This was her way of telling you that you were being too clingy and needy and should have been living a more balanced lifestyle that wasn’t completely focused on her.
- Did she ever get mad at you for not making decisions in the relationship? This was her way of telling you that she was wearing the pants in the relationship and she didn’t like it.
There are obviously many more reasons why women break up with men (I cover more than 70 of them in my program, Get Your Ex Back Super System), but that should enough now to get you thinking about where you might have gone wrong with her.
Remember: If you ask for her forgiveness and you still don’t know what she really wants (usually different to what she has told you), she’s just going to keep saying “No” to your requests to get back with her.
2. Trying to make her feel sorry for you.
Not knowing how else to get a woman to forgive him, a guy will sometimes try to make her feel sorry for him, by saying something like, “I know I stuffed up badly, but if you don’t for forgive me I’ll never be able to live with myself. Please just say you understand and that we can at least try to be friends. I can’t live without you. I have been a complete mess since you left me. I can’t focus at work, I can’t eat properly and I haven’t had a good night sleep since. Please just give me another chance. I am begging you.”
Yet, rather than making her feel like she should forgive him, it usually causes a woman to become more resentful and turned off.
A woman doesn’t want to be emotionally blackmailed (i.e. made to get back with him because she feels so much pity for him).
What a woman really wants is to forgive her ex because he’s made the effort to improve himself and become a better man, not because she has to out of pity or guilt.
If she feels sorry for him, she won’t be able to respect him or look up to him, which will make it impossible for her to have sexual, romantic feelings for him and as a result, the relationship just won’t work.
So, don’t waste time seeking her pity because of how sad, depressed, lost or lonely you have felt since the break up.
Getting an ex to forgive you comes from sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love, not on trying to make her feel guilty.
If you want her back, just focus instead on saying and doing the types of things that will show her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
When she sees that you’ve changed for real, she will be able to forgive you because it feels like the right thing to do, not because she feels sorry for you.
When she forgives you, she will feel a lot of respect and attraction for you and will then begin to reconnect with her original feelings of love for you.
3. Thinking that forgiveness will make her want you back.
When a guy asks his ex to forgive him, she sometimes refuses because she‘s afraid he might take it the wrong way.
She might say to herself, “I know that my ex wants me to forgive him, but I don’t want him to think that everything will then be perfect and we can go back to being a happy couple again. I’m not ready to do that, and I don’t know if I will ever be ready to take him back. So, I’m going to tell him that I can’t forgive him yet and need time to think about it. During that time, I’m going to try to move on without him.”
So, when asking for your ex’s forgiveness, you have to make it clear to her that by forgiving you, you’re not expecting her to take you back.
For example: You might say something like, “I hope that you can forgive me so that we can both move on from what happened to us in a more positive way. This doesn’t’ mean that I’m expecting you to take me back just because you’re willing to forgive me. I understand that I hurt you and right now getting back together is something you can’t see yourself doing. That’s okay. I respect your decision. Being able to forgive me is a new start for both of us as we go our separate ways, or just remain friends.”
Saying something like that to her is like hitting a reset button where both you and her can start over with a clean slate.
From there, you need to use every interaction you have with her (via text, social media, on a phone call, and in person) to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction.
Her guard will come down and you can then guide her back into an even better relationship with you than you had with her before.
Just make sure that you are prepared to go all the way to get her back.
Don’t start the ex back process and give up because she initially says, “No.” Be confident, re-attract her and turn that “No” into a “Yes!”