What you say to an ex when she says, “It’s over” can either push her away further, or draw her to you.
Here are 4 examples of what to say that will make her feel drawn to you in different ways
“Cool, I accept your decision. We’re never getting back together and I have no problem with that. All I ask is that we be mature about this and remain friends.”
By saying something like that to her, you ease the tension and anxiety that she may be feeling at the moment.
For example: Right now, she might be expecting you to resist her and possibly even cause a scene (e.g. get angry, beg and plead with her to change her mind, promise her you’ll do anything to make it up to her if she’ll just give your relationship one more chance).
So, when you say you accept the break up and then suggest being friends, she will be relieved that things went so smoothly between you and her.
As a result, she is more than likely to agree to being friends.
Important: When you get her to accept being ‘friends’ with her, don’t act like a friend.
Instead, use the so called ‘friendship’ as a way to keep the lines of communication open, so you can then re-attract her.
If you’re not sure what to focus on to re-attract her, watch the video above for some examples.
Whatever you do, don’t just act like a neutral friend with her.
Behave in a way that causes her to feel attracted and see you in a sexual and romantic way.
Where guys go wrong, is that they try to be a nice friend to their ex girl in the hope that she takes pity on him and gives him another chance.
Some guys even go as far as helping their ex girl financially (e.g. paying some or all of her rent or bills) in the hope that she feels like she needs him in her life and has to get back with him because of it.
Yet, in many cases, the girl just accepts the help and moves on with other guys behind his back.
Here’s the thing…
If you want to get your ex back, you can’t just sit around being Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Helpful towards her.
You have to actively make her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again by at least flirting with her to build up some sexual tension.
After all, sexual attraction is the main difference between a sexual relationship and a friendship between a man and a woman.
So, by all means be her ‘friend’ to keep the lines of communication open between you and her, but don’t be a platonic, non sexual friend who pretends that he’s not interested in getting her back.
Actively make her experience new feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you again, by using every interaction you have with her over the phone and in person, to flirt with her and make her smile, laugh and feel excited to be interacting with you.
That’s what really works to get a woman back, even if she started out saying that it was over.
“Finally. I get to be single again. I was trapped in our relationship and now I’m free.”
Say that to her in a joking way, of course.
Joking with her like that is a great way to show her that you’re not emotionally dependent on her (i.e. you don’t need to get her back to feel confident again, or to feel good about yourself).
When she senses you’re emotional independence, she naturally feels respect and attraction for you, even if she doesn’t want to admit it.
Attraction is an automatic reaction that happens in response to attractive traits being displayed.
It’s not something that can be switched off.
Many women pretend to not be feeling attracted, to gain power over a guy, but they are actually feeling attracted.
If a guy knows that, then he will remain confident and she will feel even more attracted to him.
If a guy doesn’t know what you just learned above, he will usually doubt himself when a woman isn’t making it obvious that she is feeling attracted.
When she notices that he is doubting himself, she loses attraction for him because he is so emotionally dependent on her behaving in a certain way.
Women are always attracted to emotional independence, so be sure to have the balls to let your ex see that and she will feel some attraction for you.
When she feels some attraction, she naturally feels drawn to you.
Unfortunately, the majority of guys out there just don’t know that.
As a result, when a woman tells her boyfriend that it’s over, a guy might then say something like, “No! Please don’t say that! Don’t you know that you are my life? You are everything to me. I won’t be able to cope without you. I need you in my life. I love you more than anything. I’ve never loved a woman the way I love you. Please, don’t do this. Give me a chance.”
Essentially, he’s hoping that she will say something along the lines of, “Ohh! I never realized how much you loved me and needed me. Well, that changes everything then. Of course I won’t break up with you. Let’s get back together.”
Yet, obviously that’s not how it works.
Women aren’t attracted to neediness, desperation and high levels of emotional dependence from men.
For a woman to truly feel respect and attraction for a man in a relationship, she wants to see that he is capable of being happy, confident and forward moving in his life, with or without her support, approval or attention.
She doesn’t want to feel as though he will fall apart without her.
So, by saying that you’re happy to be single again (even if it’s only in a joking way), you are showing your ex that you’re not going to be sitting around feeling sad, lonely and lost without her.
Instead, you feel confident, you feel good about yourself and it seems like you are capable of enjoying your life without her.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you don’t want her back.
Instead, it means that you’re not going to fall apart without her.
She will feel attracted to that, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
Then, if you and her don’t end up getting back together right away, her attraction for you will cause her to think about you, miss you and wonder if she’s made the right decision to leave you.
She may then begin to think things like, “Why am I suddenly feeling sad about the break up? Why am I missing him? I don’t know if I made the right decision. Could I still be in love with him? Maybe I should hook up with him again to see how I feel afterwards. I’m confused, but I know I miss him. Maybe I should give him a chance.”
She then becomes open to interacting with you more over the phone and in person and you can then fully reactivate her feelings for you, hook up with her and get her back.
Another example of what to say when your ex says it’s over is…
“So, when you say it’s over, do you mean we’re now friends with benefits?”
Then, have a laugh with her about that.
For those who aren’t entirely sure, friends with benefits means that you will remain friends, won’t get back together completely, but will continue to sleep with each other for a while.
Many couples do that when breaking up and it often leads to them getting back together; especially when they can’t find anyone better to replace their ex.
This is why it’s always a good idea to jokingly bring up the idea of being friends with benefits.
“So, when you say it’s over, do you mean we’re now friends with benefits?”
Saying something like that allows her see that you’re being a confident, emotionally strong man about the break up.
You’re not reacting in all the classic, unattractive ways like other guys (e.g. begging and pleading with her to change her mind, promising her to change if she gives you another chance, asking her what you can do to make her happy, crying to her).
Instead, you have remained confident in yourself and your attractiveness to her and have the balls to suggest being friends with benefits, in a playful, but confident manner.
That is attractive to her.
She might not agree to it right away of course, but because you are making her feel attracted to you based on your behavior as you talk to her, she will go away thinking about it and imagining it in a positive way.
As a result, she will feel sparks of attraction for you and feel drawn to you in new ways.
So, don’t be afraid to say something like that to her.
Women always feel attracted to confidence, even though they don’t openly admit it.
Guys who don’t understand that may think, “What if I make a joke and she gets annoyed with me? What if she then decides she doesn’t want to talk to me ever again. Then I won’t be able to try and convince her to give me another chance. I have to play it safe and be nice.”
Yet, by playing it safe and being nice, she doesn’t feel attracted to him because women aren’t attracted to the fear of men.
Women can smell fear in a man a mile away.
It’s all over a guy’s body language, behavior and the way he speaks to her and reacts to her.
If a guy has the confidence to playfully joke with his woman and make her feel attracted to him because of it, then she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to him.
Yet, if a guy fears his ex woman’s reaction, then she will sense it and feel turned off by him.
It all comes down to why humans feel attracted in the first place.
Women feel attracted to men who can give them a sense of safety, which isn’t all about muscles obviously.
Instead, it’s about your emotional strength as a man.
Women feel attracted to that because when a man is emotionally strong, it means that he has confidence and high-self esteem.
This can result in him being more self-assured, assertive and determined to go after what he wants in life.
There’s no guarantee of him doing that, but emotional strength gives women the sense that he could be one of those guys, which is attractive because it gives her a feeling of safety and security.
It makes her feel like he’s not one of those soft, wimpy guys who would be walked all over out there in the world.
Instead, he will stand up for himself, go after what he wants and be able to protect her and provide for her.
Again, a guy doesn’t have to have big muscles to give a woman that feeling.
Instead, it’s about your emotional muscles.
How strong you are emotionally.
How able you are to handle yourself in the world.
If a woman gets the sense that a guy has emotional strength, she will automatically feel attracted to him, regardless of whether she admits it or not.
On the other hand, if a woman gets the sense that a man is emotionally weak, then she will feel turned off by him, even if she denies it to be nice, or to be politically correct.
When a man is emotionally weak, a woman fears that he will be insecure, self-doubting, have low self-esteem and therefore, lack the strength to follow through and achieve his biggest goals, dreams or ambitions.
She worries that he is the sort of guy who would give up when faced with challenges in his life and therefore, he won’t be able to give her that feeling of safety and protection.
So, if you come across insecure and unsure of yourself around your ex, then getting back with you won’t feel right to her at all.
Her instincts will be pushing her to continue moving on without you because she will feel like you just can’t give her that feeling of safety and protection that all women seek from a relationship with a man.
This is why, joking with her in a way that only a confident guy would (i.e. saying you can be friends with benefits) is a great way to show her that you’re not afraid of her and how she might react.
After all, you know that if you say it in a confident way and if continue to behave in a confident way afterwards, she will naturally and automatically be feeling attracted to you, even if she doesn’t admit it.
Knowing that causes you to naturally display the type of confident body language and behavior that will make her feel even more attracted to you.
So, it’s a positive snowball effect when you get it right.
“No, it’s only over when I say it’s over. Okay, it’s over – you’re dumped. Sorry for dumping you.”
Once again, you say that in a joking way.
Essentially, you’re showing her that regardless of how bad things turned out between you and her, you can both still have a laugh together.
This instantly takes a big bite off of any negative feelings that she may be holding towards you.
It makes her see that you and her don’t have to be hostile towards each other and can relax and allow the break up to happen in a more positive way.
Of course, that’s not the only effect it has on her.
By saying something like that to her, you are taking control of the situation and not allowing her to have power over you, which is attractive to her.
You’re not doing it in a mean, controlling, aggressive way or anything like that.
Instead, you’re being confident, playful and taking control of the situation, rather than walking away with your tail between your legs and feeling rejected after she said, “It’s over.”
When she sees that you have the balls and the social intelligence to say something like that and still be a good man about it all, she will feel shocked and surprised in a good way.
Additionally, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine approach to the conversation.
As a result, she may begin to wonder something like, “Hmmm…why do I feel attracted to him all of a sudden? This is interesting. He is showing me a side to him I really like. Maybe I’m making a mistake here by breaking up with him. Maybe it’s not too late to give us another chance.”
She will then most likely begin to relax her guard and open up to the possibility of hanging out with you as “just friends,” or she might even suggest that there is still a chance for you and her yet.
That then gives you the opportunity to interact with her more often on the phone, or to suggest an in person catch up.
You can then fully reawaken sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.
If You Want Her to Change Her Mind, Avoid the Following Mistakes
You actually have a lot of control over what happens between you and your ex from now on.
Essentially, getting her back comes down to you saying and doing the types of things that will make her have strong, sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
When she feels drawn to you in that way, she naturally begins to want you back for her own reasons (e.g. she begins to feel curious about her new feelings for you and wants to explore them, she wants to have sex with you to see how she feels afterwards, she worries that other quality women will find the new and improved you attractive and want to be with you).
As a result, it is a lot easier to get her back because she is open to seeing where things go.
On the other hand, if you say and do things that to turn her off and push her away, she is going to want things to remain over.
So, make sure that you maintain your power during the break up, by avoiding making the following mistakes and turning you ex off as a result:
1. Pretending that you just want to be friends and then acting like just a friend
Being friends with your ex is a good thing because it gives you an excuse to call her, text her and see her.
However, don’t make the mistake of being her nice, sweet, platonic friend who avoids flirting with her, building up sexual tension and making her want to release the built up sexual tension with kissing and sex.
The difference between a friendship and a romantic, sexual relationship is sexual attraction and sex.
Without making her feel sexually attracted and then getting to the point where you and her have sex again, you run the risk of being placed in the friend zone.
So, don’t place yourself in the friend zone when you are staying in touch as a friend.
If you do place yourself in the friend zone, she will simply start moving on behind your back and will eventually tell you.
Many guys are shocked to eventually get that dreaded text or phone call, where she essentially says, “I’ve met someone new. I really like him and we’re dating now. Please don’t be mad at me. I still want us to be friends.”
The ex who placed himself in the friend zone, is then left imagining her having sex with the new guy, falling in love with him and moving on.
If you want your ex back, don’t let that scenario happen to you.
Make her feel sparks respect and sexual attraction for you during interactions, rather than pretending that you just want to be her innocent, non-sexual, non-romantic friend.
Of course, it’s totally fine to be friendly towards her, but just make sure that you’re not pretending to be an innocent friend who isn’t interested in her in a sexual or romantic way.
Important: This doesn’t mean, “Be her friend, but tell her you want a relationship.”
It means, “Be her friend, but flirt with her and make her feel sexually attracted to you, so she wants to be more than just friends with you.”
That’s how it works.
If you’re just being friendly, she almost certainly won’t be feeling enough (or any) attraction and as a result, she will seek that feeling elsewhere.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Asking her if there’s anything you can do to change her mind
It seems logical that if you want to fix things with your ex, a good approach would be to ask her what you can do to change her mind, right?
That way, you’re less likely to make any mistakes and she will be getting exactly what she wants, right?
Asking a woman what you need to do to make her feel attracted to you again turns her off.
Most women don’t want to have to teach a guy what he needs to do be the man that she wants.
If she has to tell him how to think, act and behave like a real man, she will feel turned off by his cluelessness about how to attract a woman.
As a result, rather than getting the effect he’s looking for (i.e. her opening up to him again), she pushes him away even more.
She might say something like, “I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t explain how I feel. I just don’t feel the way I used to. It’s over.”
He might then feel angry and think to himself, “Why can’t she just tell me what to do? Wouldn’t it make things easier for both of us? She would get what she really wants from a man and I won’t be turning her off or annoying her. Why can’t she just spell it out for me? She has the answers. Why won’t she help me?”
In addition to not wanting to be a man’s teacher, a woman also doesn’t want to have to keep trying to ‘make things work’ with a guy who doesn’t yet understand how to be an attractive man in a relationship with a woman.
Asking her to do that puts pressure on her to be the leader of the relationship, when all she really wants is to just relax and be his woman.
She knows that other men would be able to take on the role of being the man in the relationship, without her having to teach them.
So, she doesn’t feel like it’s fair that she has to be stuck trying to help her guy ‘man up’ to create a more enjoyable relationship dynamic.
This is why, if you want to convince your ex to give you another chance, you need to figure out what she wants on your own, without seeking her input or support.
When you figure it out and then make the right adjustments to your approach to her, she will automatically feel a surge of respect and attraction for you.
As a result, she will open up to you and feel drawn to the idea of exploring her new feelings for you.
However, if you ask her what you can do to change her mind, you will almost certainly push her further away and then it will take a lot longer to get her back.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Being afraid to use humor in case it ‘annoys’ her
Never forget that women are attracted to BALLS.
It might not be politically correct to say that and it might sounds a bit rude or crude to some people, but it’s a fact.
Women love balls.
So, don’t avoid using playfully challenging, or even ballsy humor with your ex out of a fear that she might seem annoyed.
There is a BIG difference between how women react when talking to men and how they actually feel.
For example: A woman will sometimes act annoyed around a man, when secretly, she is feeling turned on, attracted to him and wants him to keep doing what he is doing.
Why do women do that?
Because they love balls.
The only way to find out if you really have balls (i.e. emotional courage, true confidence, masculinity) is to act like they are annoyed and see how you react.
If you react with fear and begin to worry that you’ve ‘stuffed up’ for joking around with her, then she sees that you lack balls, which is a turn off.
If you remain confident and don’t take her fake annoyance seriously, she may continue to pretend to be annoyed, but secretly, she will respect you and feel attracted to you on a primal level.
That is women for you and it’s why so many men are confused by them.
Don’t be one of those guys who never gets to truly attract a woman at a primal level.
When you make a woman feel primal attraction, she doesn’t want any other guy because she knows how difficult it is to find a man with balls.
In addition to make her feel attracted, light humor is also a great way to create a relaxed, easy-going interaction between you and her, so you feel closer and more open when talking to each other.
If you’re afraid to use any humor, then interactions will feel forced, awkward and more importantly, will lack an attractive spark that draws a woman to you.
So, have the confidence to make her laugh and smile when she’s interacting with you.
When you do, good things will follow on from there (i.e. her defenses come down, she feels attracted to you, she becomes more open to interacting with you further to see where things go).
Of course, as I mentioned above, she may pretend that she’s annoyed with you by saying something like, “How can you make jokes at a time like this? Why aren’t you taking this break up seriously?”
So many guys don’t know how to handle that type of reaction from a woman because they’re unaware why women behave in that way.
As you would probably know by now after reading this article, a woman essentially wants to see how strong of a man you really are.
If you’re strong, she feels attracted, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
If you’re weak, she feels turned off and may let you know by saying something like, “Look, this isn’t going to work. It’s over and you need to accept it and move on.”
So, be prepared for your ex to test your level of confidence and balls to see how you are handling yourself under the pressure of a break up.
If a woman pretends to be annoyed with her ex for making a joke, she will be looking to find the answers to the following type of questions:
- Is he going to crumble under her fake pressure and start apologizing to her for trying to make her laugh?
- Is he going to start doubting his chances with her now, just because she isn’t being nice to him?
- Will he change his approach and start being extra nice and sweet to her in the hope that she will be nice to him again?
If he reacts in any of those ways, it will prove to her that he’s not really the man she wants to be in a relationship with.
On the other hand, if he just laughs at her in a dominant, but loving way and, in an easy-going, light-hearted manner, he says something like, “Hey, there’s no need to be so uptight about things. We’ve broken up, but we’re not enemies. We can still have a laugh together,” then she will naturally feel respect and attraction for him, even if she tries to hide it.
He can then build on her feelings and get her back, by continuing to remain confident and using flirting and other attractive behaviors to make her want to be with him.
Some guys are too afraid to do that though, so they decide to ‘play it safe’ and just be nice, friendly and polite with their ex at all times.
Yet, as you may know, nice guys struggle to get laid or get a girlfriend when dating women because women just don’t find that type of behavior a turn on.
So, when a woman has dumped a guy and he then puts on a Mr. Nice Guy act, she isn’t going to feel motivated to get back with him.
Of course, it’s not about being Mr. Bad Guy and being rude, mean or insulting towards her.
None of that.
Instead, it’s about being a good guy with balls.
That’s what women really want and what they find most attractive and appealing.
So, don’t avoid using humor because you fear it might annoy her.
What will actually annoy her the most is your fear of her.
The reality is that when you fear a woman’s reaction, she won’t feel attraction.
On the other hand, if you are confident in yourself no matter what, then a woman will feel attracted to you, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
4. Seeming sad, dejected and lost now that she has said something so final like, “It’s over”
When a woman tells her boyfriend that it’s over, he might assume that her mind is made up and there’s nothing he could ever do to change that.
Naturally, when he thinks like that, he may to begin to feel sad, dejected and discouraged.
Yet, that’s the worst thing he can do.
Not only does it keep him stuck in feelings of hopelessness and desperation, it also makes him appear unattractive to his ex (i.e. because women are instinctively turned off by signs of emotional weakness in men. Always remember: Women love balls).
So, don’t kill your confidence by thinking that there is nothing you could ever do to change her mind.
You can change her mind, by changing how she feels (i.e. making her feel attracted to you in new ways, making her feel like she would be the one losing out if she doesn’t get you back).
When you make her feel that way, she naturally begins to wonder if she has made a mistake by cutting things off with you.
She begins to feel like she will regret it if she doesn’t give you and her another chance, because she clearly has feelings for you again.
She will worry that other women will find you so much more attractive now and you may end up meeting a new woman, who you love even more.
If that happens, she will feel like the rejected one and the one being left behind.
As a result, she feels motivated to get back with you, or at least hook up with you again to see how she feels afterwards.
So, don’t let her see you appearing to be sad, dejected and lost now that she has said, “It’s over.”
It’s not over.
You are going to get her back.