Follow these 7 tips if you want to re-establish contact with your ex girlfriend to get her back:
1. Make sure that you’ve given her at least 3 to 7 days of space first
Giving her that amount of space:
- Allows her negative emotions (e.g. disappointment, resentment, anger) to calm down.
- Allows her to begin missing you.
- Proves that you’re not being desperate or needy.
Then, when you reestablish contact with her after few days to a week, she will almost certainly be more open to talking to you again.
Don’t wait too long though.
When guys wait longer than a week (e.g. they use the infamous No Contact Rule, which doesn’t actually work well on women), a woman will often play hard to get if he gets in contact because she’ll worry about showing interest and then being rejected by him.
Alternatively, she will simply open herself up to meeting new guys and start moving on because she’s not interested in her ex anymore.
Then, when he eventually contacts her (e.g. 30 to 60 days later), she will tell him that she’s happy with a new guy, or is enjoying single life (i.e. sleeping with different men) and isn’t interested in getting back together.
So, if you’ve already given your ex up to a week of space since the breakup, then get ready to contact her asap.
2. Try to improve your social media profile(s) before reestablishing contact
Use the time that you’re not contacting your ex to make some improvements to your social media profiles (e.g. Facebook, Instagram).
Post photos of yourself looking confident and included while having fun with other people (e.g. in outdoor settings, at a party or event).
When you contact your ex, the first thing she will do is go and check your social media.
She will want to see if you have a new girlfriend or appear lost, lonely or depressed, so she can figure out how to reply to you.
If she sees that you haven’t been having fun with other people, she may assume one or more of the following:
- You’re lost and lonely without her.
- Your life has been empty and miserable since she left you.
- You’ve been sitting around waiting for her to give you another chance, so you can be happy again.
She might feel a little flattered that she means so much to him, but at the end of the day, a woman’s attraction is triggered based on the strength of a man, not the weakness.
Likewise, a woman might feel some pity, but pity isn’t what makes a man and woman want to be in a sexual, romantic relationship for life.
A woman wants to be able to look at her man and feel respect for him, for being so strong emotionally.
She doesn’t want to feel pity and think of him as a sad, lost, loser type of guy now that she has dumped him.
BTW: Sometimes a guy isn’t into posting things on social media, so it might feel a bit weird for him to do so.
Additionally, he might actually be a cool, confident guy and not a loser in any way at all.
Yet, none of that really matters.
What matters is how she feels when she looks at his profile.
If she sees him looking confident, happy and included around other people, then she can relax and not worry about him being desperate, or needy if she contacts him.
Additionally, she can feel respect and attraction for him, for being able to get on with and enjoy his life without her.
So, try to updating your profiles by posting new, interesting photos of you having fun with other people.
Important: Don’t post photos of a sunset, your pet(s), memes, funny quotes or photos of you alone.
Photos like those don’t work because an assumption can be made that you’re sitting around at home alone, feeling lonely and trying to pass time.
Let her see you looking confident, happy and including while having fun around other people.
3. Start off with a text, or give her a call if you think she will answer
If you think that your ex has been missing you and regretting the breakup, you can text something simple like, “Miss you.”
She will then likely respond with, “Miss you too” or even just “Hey,” if she doesn’t want to come across as too eager.
You can then call her and make her feel more attracted (e.g. by using some humor, being confident, being assertive in a loving way, making her feel girly in comparison to your masculine approach to the conversation), so she feels keen to meet up with you in person.
Alternatively, just give her a call rather than texting first.
In many cases, a guy will get his ex woman back simply based on having the courage, or balls to call.
Sometimes a guy can do it just via text, but it’s so much faster and easier to get on a call and let her feel attracted to your confidence, charm and humor.
BTW: If you don’t think your ex has been missing you, then absolutely make sure you post up photos to social media a few days prior to attempting to contact her.
You’ve got to give her something to feel attracted to, or at least to let her see that you’re not desperate, needy and lost without her.
4. Inject humor to keep things light
When you re-establish contact with your ex girlfriend, make sure that you’re not being too serious, polite, reserved or formal about things.
Talk to her in the way you did when things were good between you and her (i.e. when you were both in love, or in lust as a boyfriend-girlfriend couple).
Don’t talk to her as though you’re a rejected, unwanted, unattractive ex.
That will not work because women aren’t attracted to insecurity.
So, have the confidence to inject humor into your conversation with her, so she can relax, smile, laugh and feel as good as she did back when things were good between you and her.
When you do that, she then finds it difficult to hang on to negative feelings about you and naturally starts to realize that there is still ‘something’ between you and her.
As a result, she opens up to meeting up with you in person to see how things go.
5. Don’t try to discuss the relationship right away
Although you might have good intentions and want to genuinely fix things with her, it’s just not the best way to start off the process of getting a woman back.
You need to start with re-attraction (i.e. attracting her based on the improvements you’ve made, such as improved confidence, improved ability to flirt with her and create sexual tension, improved ability to ‘be the man’ during conversations with her) and then everything else (i.e. a meet up, hug, kiss, sex, relationship) follows on after that.
Additionally, have a think about how she might feel when you initially contact her for the first time since the breakup.
She might be feeling nervous, anxious, or even closed off because you haven’t done anything to re-attract her yet.
She will be wondering why you’re contacting her and if you’re going to ask her to get back together.
So, if you begin to discuss the relationship after some initial chit chat and prior to re-attracting her, it will result in her feeling the need to close up.
She won’t want to show interest because she’s not attracted and doesn’t want you thinking that you can get her back, based on what you might be able to change.
She wants to be able to sense that you have already changed (i.e. you’re no longer insecure, you understand how to love now and are making her feel that, you’ve become more of a man and now understand how to make her feel like a real woman around you), so she can then feel hopeful about the possibility of working things out with you.
When should you discuss the relationship?
It’s best to keep those discussions for when you catch up in person and have re-attracted her.
However, if she brings it up, listen to her and participate in the conversation, but try to add in humor and flirting where possible, so you are at least attracting her during the process.
For example: If she says, “You never treated me right” and goes on and on about bad things you did, you can laugh a little and say, “You’re right. I was an asshole…but, at least I was a handsome asshole” or, “You’re right. I was a bit of an asshole, wasn’t I? I could probably win the award of World’s Worst Boyfriend. Is there a trophy for that, or at least a medal? I won at that” and have a laugh with her.
Alternatively, if she says, “I just don’t feel the same way anymore. I don’t think it would work” you can laugh and jokingly say, “Of course it wouldn’t work. You’re too much of a pain in the ass.”
That example is great for men who were too soft, nice or wimpy in a relationship with a woman.
Another example of what to say if a guy was too soft, nice or wimpy and his ex girlfriend says, “Look, I do love you as a person, but I’m not in love with you anymore” is, “I’m not asking you to love me. I’m just asking you to come over and cook me something to eat because I’m hungry. I miss the lasagne you used to make. Make a lasagne” and have a laugh.
Of course, he is only saying that in a joking manner, while being confident and easygoing.
You can improvise and come up with what you want to say, depending on your situation, but just make sure that you make her feel attracted, while also respecting what she is saying and showing her that you’re listening.
Then, try to steer the conversation away from relationship discussions and back to having a laugh and being more easygoing and relaxed as you talk to each other.
For example: You might laugh and say, “Okay, well look…if you’ve finished complaining about all the bad things about me, let me ask you – have watched [some TV show that you think she might have watched] yet?” and then talk to her about that.
Just steer the conversation towards something else, where you and her are talking to each other as though things are cool between you.
Be brave enough to do that, rather than assuming you need to follow her lead into an exhausting, stressful conversation about all of the relationship problems you and her experienced.
Talk about that stuff later.
For now, focus on re-attracting her and getting her to meet up with you in person.
On that note…
6. Get her on a call, make her laugh and feel attracted and then get her to agree to a meet up
Don’t make the mistake of only texting her.
Some guys stick to texting only and end up missing out on getting their ex girlfriend back because she becomes bored of all the texting, or decides to play hard to get to hopefully encourage him to call and get things moving along (i.e. to a meet up, hug, kiss, sex).
So, if you have reestablished contact with your ex girlfriend via text, don’t stop at that point.
Get her on a call (audio or video), or at the very least, go from typed texts to voice texts, so she can hear the confidence, flirtatiousness, manliness (and so on) in your tone of voice and feel attracted to you.
When you sense that she’s relaxed, feeling attracted and opening up, you can say something like, “Hey, so it’s been good to talk to you” and then pause and let her say something (e.g. she might say, “Yeah, you too”).
Then, in a confident, easygoing, but also assertive tone of voice, say, “We should catch up some time to say hi” and let her say something (e.g. she agrees with you).
Then say something like, “I’m going to be busy on Tuesday and Friday, but I’ve got Monday, Wednesday or Thursday open at the moment. Which of those days would be best for you?” and arrange a catch up.
BTW: If she initially plays hard to get about meeting up, or says that she’s unsure, just say, “Hey, it’s only a catch up as a friends. We’re mature enough to do that. It doesn’t mean we’re getting back together. It’s just a coffee. So, let’s catch up and say hi.”
Chances are high that she will then agree and you can then make arrangements to meet at a suitable place and time.
7. Be the one who ends the conversation first
Once you’ve re-attracted her and gotten her to agree to meet up, don’t continue talking for too long, regardless of how great the conversation might be going.
Instead, it’s best to leave her wanting more, rather than feeling like the one who wants to end the conversation and thinking, “Hhh…when will he stop talking? We’ve already agreed to meet up. Why does he want to keep talking now. I’m going to end the conversation, so I don’t look too keen.”
Don’t put her in that position.
Leave her wanting more.
So, after agreeing to meet up, chat for 30 seconds to a minute more and then say something like, “Hey, it’s been good to chat, but I’ve got to get going now. We can finish this conversation on Wednesday (or whatever day you arranged). See you then…bye” and then hang up the call after she says goodbye.
Then, when you meet up, make her feel attracted and guide her back into a relationship.
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