In almost all ex back cases where a man wants a woman back, he won’t get her back if he waits 90 days to contact her.

Here are 13 reasons why:

1. Cutting off contact for 90 days won’t guarantee that you’ll stop thinking about her or missing her

Most guys who use no contact spend most of the time missing their ex girlfriend, worrying about her moving on and counting down the days until they can contact her.

Yet, in most cases, the guy will contact his ex girlfriend and she either won’t respond, or will tell him that she has moved on and is happy without him now.

So, when the 90 days are up and you’re still missing your ex girlfriend, but she has been moving on without you (e.g. dating new men, or enjoying single life), what will you have achieved?


You will have simply wasted a lot of time waiting around for her, while she’s had months to get over you.

If you don’t want to lose her and are serious about getting her back, then I highly recommend that you avoid wasting time with the no contact rule.

Instead, use an approach that works on women (i.e. contact with her, re-attract her and seduce her back into a relationship now), rather than wasting months of your life and ending up losing her anyway.

2. If a woman doesn’t hear from her ex within a couple of weeks, she usually assumes that he is moving on, so she does too


In most cases, a woman doesn’t have much motivation to get back with her ex after a breakup, or to contact him if he’s not contacting her because:

  • She no longer feels attracted to him, so focuses on meeting new men who make her feel attracted.
  • She still remembers the reasons she broke up with him (e.g. he lacked confidence and assertiveness, she didn’t feel desirable around him anymore and felt more like a friend, he was too insecure, he was selfish when it came to love, or was too giving to the point of seeming desperate to her), so she feels like she’d be better of finding a new guy instead. He could change her mind about that if he interacted with her and re-attracted her (i.e. based on the changes he’s made to himself), but he’s gone no contact and is hoping that it will make her forget the problems they had and come running back to him.
  • She worries that if she contacts him when he has moved on, he might then reject her by saying something like, “I’ve met someone else and I’m happy with her. I hope you are doing well. All the best.” So, she avoids contacting him to prevent herself from being rejected, or feeling like the one who got dumped and left behind.

3. Most women can easily line up dates via dating apps

Most women can easily line up dates via dating apps

In the past, it was difficult for a woman to move on and find a new man after a break up (e.g. she had to depend on friends or family to introduce her to eligible guys, go on blind dates, wait for someone to ask her out, hope that a good guy would approach her at a bar or club).

That’s not the case anymore.

With so many dating apps to choose from, a woman can be dating a new man within days after a breakup.

All it takes is 5-10 minutes of her time to set up a profile on a dating app such as Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Match, Hinge and so on.

On most apps, an attractive woman can get up to 30 matches with different guys in hours.

She can then start texting them and if the guy is brave enough, or skilled enough when it comes to getting women out on dates, he can make a move right away and invite her out for a coffee the next day, or a couple of days later.

Additionally, according to several studies, anywhere from 23% to 55% of men and women have sex on the first date these days, with even more doing it on the second date.

So, if a woman isn’t attracted to her ex anymore and wants to move on, it will usually be very quick and easy for her to do so.

As a result, the 90 day no contact rule won’t work and will simply give her plenty of time to date, sleep with and fall in love with a new guy, or guys.

Then, when her ex finally counts down the 90 days and sends her a text, or tries to call, he will usually be disappointed to find out that she’s no longer interested, is in a relationship, or doesn’t even reply at all.

4. No Contact often causes a guy to lose confidence in his value to women

For example: She doesn’t ever contact him, or seem to care.

He then begins to wonder why she doesn’t care, which can then lead him to focus on his faults and flaws, which then reduces his confidence.

He starts to worry that he’s not good enough for her and possibly won’t be good enough for other women of her quality.

That then results in him seeming nervous, insecure or unsure of himself around women that he finds attractive.

Additionally, if he interacts with his ex, she will be able to pick up on his lack of confidence based on the way he talks and interacts with her, which will then turn her off.

All of that happened due to him using the highly ineffective strategy of waiting 90 days to contact his ex girlfriend.

Don’t let that happen to you.

If you want her back, take control of the situation by re-attracting her now.

5. Most women get over a guy before dumping him

Unless it’s a snap decision or a breakup due to an argument that gets out of control, a woman will usually work her way up to ending a relationship with a guy.

It will be on her mind for a while and one day, she will just do it.

Prior to that, she will go through the following stages…

  • Encourage him to change and improve (e.g. if he’s too clingy she pushes him to join a meet up group so he can make new friends independent of her, if he’s not ambitious she pushes him to focus more on setting and achieving goals).
  • Lose respect for him if she notices that he won’t, can’t or doesn’t know how to change.
  • Stop feeling attracted to him.
  • Start to close herself off sexually and emotionally.
  • In some cases, she might even give him an ultimatum (e.g. she’ll say something like, “If you don’t change this/that, I’m leaving you” or, “I won’t put up with this for much much longer. Either change or I am going to leave you” or, “Change this/that now, or else our relationship will be over”) as a desperate last attempt to save the relationship.
  • Realize that she no longer has enough feelings for him to remain in the relationship.
  • Start to get over him.
  • Feel like it’s pointless to keep the relationship going.

At that point, she will then break up with him.

If he then doesn’t contact her for 90 days, it will rarely affect her enough to make her want to get back with him, because she is already over him and ready to move on.

6. Leveling up your life during no contact usually doesn’t make a woman come running back to you

Leveling up your life during no contact usually doesn't make a woman come running back to you

Sometimes a guy will hope that if he works hard enough to get promoted at work, or gets a new, better job, starts a new hobby, works out at the gym, learns a new skill, or updates his wardrobe to be more stylish, it will motivate his ex to come running back.

Yet, in almost all cases, it simply doesn’t work out in that way.

Here’s the thing…

While it’s fine for you to level up and improve yourself, it’s not the secret to getting your ex back.

How you make her feel (e.g. aroused, excited, happy, intrigued, desirable) during interactions (i.e. when you talk to her, or hang out with her) is what matters the most to her.

For example: If you get a new job, but she then senses that you’re looking for a compliment from her, or hoping that she will regret losing you because of it, then she will actually feel turned off by your insecurity, desperation and confusion about how to re-attract her.

So, level up for your own benefit, but don’t do it with the assumption that she’ll regret losing you and come running back one day in the future.

If you want her back now, or within the next week or so, simply focus on making her feel attracted as she talks to you and interacts with you.

7. Some men continue to miss an ex woman for decades, or for life

In some cases, a guy will give up on dating because he doesn’t want to be with any woman but his ex.

In other cases, a guy will settle for a woman that he doesn’t truly feel attracted to or love.

As a result, guys like that almost always end up regretting not having the courage to get their ex back while they still had the chance (i.e. before she settled down, got engaged, married, had children).

The reality is that the longer you wait to start the ex back process, the more time she has to move on and no longer care about you.

So, if you want her back, don’t put yourself through years or potentially even decades of private pain because you didn’t have the courage to get her back while you still had the chance.

8. Most women don’t try to get back with an ex that they’re no longer attracted to anymore

Think about it…

If your ex isn’t attracted to you, why would she care that you’re not contacting her?

It simply doesn’t work in cases like that.

Some guys get lucky and an ex girlfriend comes back, even though she’s not attracted (e.g. because she hasn’t been able to find a good enough replacement guy and gets back with him for something to do for a while).

Yet, it’s a one in a million chance.

If you want 50/50 chance of getting back, then get in touch with her and re-attract her.

If you want an even higher chance of being successful, then make sure you prepare yourself prior to contacting her, so you are able to attract her in new and exciting ways that compel her to give you another chance.

9. The majority of success stories about No Contact are from women

If a woman uses No Contact on a man, it can cause him to feel as though he’s lost the power he once had over her, because she isn’t trying to get him back and doesn’t seem to care.

So, he then contacts her and gets the relationship back together to prove to himself that he can.

Alternatively, a guy might worry that the woman he dumped will move on before he does and therefore, end up making him feel left behind.

So, he will get back with her temporarily to prevent her from moving on.

In either case, a woman can get her ex boyfriend back (temporarily) simply by using the no contact rule.

Yet, it doesn’t work the same way when a woman dumps a guy who she is no longer attracted to.

In a case like that, a woman usually doesn’t care that her ex isn’t contacting her and simply moves on.

10. 90 days isn’t a scientifically proven number of days to wait

90 days is just a convenient sounding number, like 30 days or 60 days.

Yet, in real life, most men who get an ex girlfriend (or wife) back will contact her within a few days to a week, or a couple of weeks at the latest.

A guy who assumes that he has to wait 30, 60 or 90 days, will often experience the following consequences:

  • He spends the time feeling stressed and worrying that his ex will move on.
  • He loses hope of getting her back because she never contacts him.
  • He ruins his chances of getting her back because she assumes he’s not interested anymore, so she starts hooking up with new guys.

So, don’t just wait 90 days, or even 30 or 60 because it sounds like a nice number.

What works is when you re-attract your ex woman, so she actually has a reason to get back with you.

11. Most women become harder to get if their ex uses No Contact on them

Most women become harder to get if their ex uses No Contact on them

Many women know about the no contact rule, because it’s a rule that was designed for women to be able to get over, or get away from men.

It wasn’t actually designed to get a woman back.

Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t know that and end up using it in the hope that it will make their ex girlfriend come running back.

Yet, if a woman knows about the rule and believes that her ex has ‘gone no contact’ as a way of punishing her, or trying to make her miss him and want him back, it will end up backfiring on him.

To counter his attempt to make her regret dumping him, she will become more closed off, stubborn or cold if he tries to contact her, which then makes it more difficult to get her back.

She might even block him as a way of punishing him, for what she sees as an immature attempt to get her back.

Most guys don’t realize that until it’s too late.

Don’t be one of those guys.

If you want her back, be a man about it by taking control of the situation.

Re-attract her, so she actually has a reason to get back with you now, rather than waiting around and hoping that she comes running back one day.

12. Most women are passive, rather than assertive when it comes to dating and relationships

A woman will usually just go with how she feels (i.e. if she feels attracted, she will usually open up to the guy. If she doesn’t feel attracted, she will close up), which is why many men easily get their ex girlfriend back by re-attracting her.

Additionally, rather than leading a guy back into a relationship, a woman will usually just follow along with the dynamic that he is creating.

For example: If he ignores her, she might initially feel sad or rejected, but she won’t start chasing him.

Instead, she will wait to see what he does and if he doesn’t contact her and make something happen, she will begin to let go and open up to new men.

Then, if another guy attracts her, she will follow her feelings right into his arms and forget about her ex.

13. The No Contact Rule was originally designed to help couples get over each other and move on, not get back together

The No Contact Rule was originally recommended by relationship counselors, therapists and psychologists as a way for a couple to create space, so they can figure out what they really want or get over each other.

It was also used as a way for women to get away from controlling, needy or possessive men who wouldn’t let her leave the relationship.

It was never meant to be used as a strategy for a man to get a woman back after a breakup.

So, the no contact rule rarely works for men who want to get a woman back.

Instead, the woman gets over her ex and moves on.

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