To get your ex to see you as the man she originally fell in love with, you need to:
1. Add to your emotional attractiveness before you contact her
When you contact your ex, allow her to sense that you really are a different man than you were leading up to the break up.
For example: You are now much more confident, charismatic, charming, funny and emotionally masculine.
Why is this important?
Even though the man that your ex originally fell in love with was awesome, somewhere along the way he slipped up and stopped being as appealing.
Certain aspects of your thinking and behavior changed and caused her to lose respect for you (e.g. you became insecure about your attractiveness to her, you became clingy or needy, you gave her too much power over you, or you didn’t allow to have any power because you were so controlling).
So, if you contact your ex without first improving your emotional attractiveness to her at all, rather than see you as the guy she fell in love with, she will just remember you as the guy she fell out of love with.
Instead of reminiscing and thinking, “Mmm…when I met him, he was such a wonderful, charismatic, confident man. I really liked that about him. He was so amazing and based on that, I think getting back together again is a great idea,” she’s going to be thinking something like, “He made me fall in love with him and then changed. It was all an act. Now he wants me to forget about his mistakes and give him a chance because of how good things used to be. No way. He’s not like he was in the beginning. All I see is the guy I broke up with and I don’t want that back. It’s over between me and him.”
So, make sure that you work on your weaknesses before you contact her.
When you do, she will be able to see that you’ve become an even better man than you originally were.
You’ve leveled up as a man and have used the experience to quickly, learn, grow and be who you should have been all along.
Of course, don’t tell her that before you reactivate her feelings!
If your ex isn’t feeling much respect, sexual attraction and love for you rush to her and tell her about all your changes and realizations, she’s just not going to care.
You have to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you by interacting with her and letting her experience the changes.
Don’t try to convince her that you’ve changed by telling her about what you’ve changed.
Let her experience it, so she can decide that for herself.
That’s how a woman wants it to be.
If you try to convince her with words, she will keep her guard up and play hard to get and if you try even harder, she will feel turned off because you start to appear desperate.
So, make changes and get ready to let her experience that the next time you interact with her on a phone call or in person.
If you do that, her guard will come down and she will open up again and allow herself to go with the flow and hug, kiss and have sex with you again.
That’s how it works.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys who are trying to get an ex woman don’t know that.
For example: Many guys think that the love they shared with their ex woman should be reason enough for her to give him another chance.
That was before and this is now.
You have to make her feel respect, attraction and love now, rather than trying to convince her to be with you because of how good things were before.
The reality is that a man and a woman are in a relationship together because they choose to be with each other.
It’s a decision that they both make based on how they feel.
So, if a woman doesn’t feel like a guy is able to maintain her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him (i.e. because he becomes needy, insecure, immature, childish, wimpy or weak-minded), she will eventually decide to break up with him and move on.
He doesn’t own her (and visa versa) and she doesn’t have to stick with him simply because they used to be in love.
Staying together in a relationship happens when both the man and the woman decide to be in it.
If either the man or woman decides not to be in the relationship anymore, they can leave, even if the love was great in the beginning.
So, if you want to get your ex back, you must now add to your emotional attractiveness to reignite her feelings for you, rather than hoping because she loved you before, she should do so again.
- If you became needy because you lacked purpose in life outside of the relationship and essentially made her your reason for living, then you need to start making progress towards your biggest goals in life to give yourself purpose and direction.
- If you become too emotionally sensitive, you need to start being more of a man by making yourself be more emotionally masculine (i.e. ballsy, emotionally tough).
- If you took her for granted and treated her badly, you need to get back to being a more balanced, loving man.
- If you slipped into the habit of giving her too much power and sucking up to her all the time, you need to reclaim your balls and start being a more masculine man.
The list goes on.
There are so many ways that you can improve your emotional attractiveness.
You must improve in the ways that apply to your relationship, so she will be able to see that you really have leveled up as a man and become who she always wanted you to be.
Once you’ve improved your emotional attractiveness, you need to…
2. Contact her to interact with her on a phone call and say hi as a friend or ex
One of the quickest ways to reignite a woman’s feelings for you again is by making her smile and laugh when she’s talking to you on the phone or in person.
Laughter stops her from focusing on the past and on the negative things about you she doesn’t like, which then allows her to see you with new eyes.
When she’s smiling and laughing while talking to you, instead of thinking, “What a jerk! He stuffed up and I’m never going to forget that,” she’s more likely to be thinking something like, “This is fun. I’m actually enjoying myself talking to him now. This new version of him reminds me a lot of the man I originally fell in love with. I like that we’re talking again. Maybe we don’t have to remain broken up. Maybe there is a chance for us.”
She then becomes open to seeing you in person.
By the way…
You can’t achieve that via text messages.
So many guys try to hide behind texts and it just doesn’t work.
You have to get her on a phone call where she can hear the tonality of your voice and get a sense of your new and improved confidence and emotional strength.
So, only use text to break the ice with your ex.
Then, get her on a phone call with you right away.
When talking to her over the phone, make sure to keep the conversation light and easy-going, while also being very confident.
Don’t dull down your confidence to be nice or be extra polite.
It doesn’t work.
Women respect balls, so be a good guy, but be very confident and easy-going as you talk to her.
Additionally, make sure that you’re not being too serious about everything.
Just relax and be light-hearted, so she can relax as well.
Where a lot of guys go wrong is by trying to have a serious, emotional conversation with their ex girl, even though she doesn’t fully respect him or feel re-attracted to him yet.
In other words, the feelings aren’t mutual yet.
Women don’t respond well to relationship conversations (especially after a break up) if the feelings aren’t mutual.
For example: A guy might call his ex on the phone and after the initial “Hello,” he might start saying things like, “Look, we really need to discuss what went wrong in the relationship so that we can fix it. I know I stuffed up in many ways and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get you back. So let’s get everything out in the open now and fix this. What do you feel I could do better in the relationship to keep you happy? What do you need from me to be able to give me another chance?”
Yet, when a woman has disconnected with her feelings of respect and attraction for a guy, hearing him say something like that to her doesn’t make her think, “Well, that’s very mature of him, isn’t it? Wow. Clearly he’s doing his best to improve himself. If we talk things through, I’m sure we will be able to get our relationship back again. He’s right! I just need to be open, help him fix things and he can get me back! Yayyy!”
Instead, she will think something like, “Really? He calls me on the phone and the first thing he wants to talk about is how I can help him to become a better man so he can get me back. What if I don’t want to get back together right now? Has he even considered that? Maybe I’d prefer to find myself a guy who already knows how to be a real man, rather than have to spend a lifetime fixing a guy who doesn’t even know what I need to feel attracted to him.”
She then closes up, plays hard to get and potentially even says something like, “Look, I’m sorry, but I don’t have feelings for you anymore. It’s over. You need to accept that” because he’s trying to get a relationship before he has re-attracted her.
So, if you want to get your ex to see you as the man she originally fell in love with, I recommend that you steer clear of serious discussions about the relationship at the moment.
Instead, you need to reignite her feelings for you first and one of the best ways to do that is by getting her smiling, laughing and feeling good when talking to you.
When you make her laugh, she automatically feels attracted to the fact that you have the confidence to joke around with her, even though you and her are broken up.
Women hate it when a guy suddenly gets on his best behavior when under pressure (e.g. a guy is worried about joking around after being dumped, because he fears the woman will get angry at him and never talk to him again).
Remember: Women respect balls.
So, don’t be afraid to be confident and get her smiling, laughing and feeling good when talking to you.
If you do that, she can then stop focusing on things about you that she didn’t like and start focusing on what she does like about the new and improved you.
When she’s relaxed and having fun talking to you again…
3. Arrange to meet up in person
After a bit more conversation where you make her laugh and smile, suggest a meet up so you and her can catch up in person.
For example: You can say something along the lines of, “Well, it’s been fun talking to you again. I guess you and I can still enjoy each other’s company, even though we’re only friends now. So, friend…how about we meet up sometime later this week to say hello in person? Let’s grab a quick coffee to say hi.”
If she seems a bit hesitant, don’t worry about it.
Just maintain your confidence and say in a joking way, “Hey, it’s just a quick catch up as friends. If it makes you feel better, we’ll pay for our own coffee so that it doesn’t feel like a date or anything like that, okay?” and laugh with her about it.
When she sees that you’re being so relaxed about the meet up, she will likely say “Yes,” because she won’t want to come across as being the one who is making a big deal over nothing.
When you meet up with her you can then…
4. Educate her on the reality that the original spark between you and her still exists
After you have been reigniting her feelings for you (i.e. making her feel sparks of respect, attraction and love for you again), she will become much more open to you and to talking about relationships.
At that point, you can explain to her that successful couples who stay together for life understand that no-one is perfect at all times.
They also understand that in a relationship, mistakes will sometimes be made and it’s simply a chance to learn and grow as people, rather than a mistake they have to keep making over and over again in the relationship.
Additionally, just because a guy (or a woman) makes a mistake, it doesn’t mean that the love dies.
In fact, as long as they are willing to forgive each other and as long as the one who stuffed up puts in the effort to change and improve and become a better person, then the spark will not only still be there, but it will grow even stronger over time.
They become one of those couples who literally become closer and closer over time and fall more and more in love.
It’s like when people say, “You have to fall in love with each other over and over again.”
That happens when mistakes are made, forgiveness is given and whoever made the mistake improves and becomes an even better person in the relationship.
As a result, the couple becomes an even better match for each other over time, until it gets to the point where they are completely in love and are so happy together for the rest of their lives.
That’s how it really works.
So, even though you made some mistakes and it ended in a break up with her, it doesn’t mean that the spark and the love between you and her is dead.
Instead, it has simply been pushed into the background, or has tried to be forgotten about, so both of you could move on.
Yet, it’s still there.
All she needs to do is allow herself to feel it again.
By the way…
When you say that kind of thing to her, make sure you don’t talk as though you’re in a romantic movie (e.g. getting all soppy and emotional, being overly dramatic and saying things like, “We’re meant to be together and if you just give me a chance, you will see that I’m still the guy you originally fell in love with”).
If you do, her guard will go up and she will wonder why something just doesn’t feel right (i.e. you seem to be putting on an act, it’s not natural, it seems like you’re forcing her into it).
So, forget about what’s supposed to work in the movies and focus instead on what actually works in real life.
What works in real life?
Be confident, real and easy-going when you tell her this and she will smile and reconnect with the original spark of attraction she once felt for you.
Except this time around, she will feel even more attraction because you will be attracting her in new and interesting ways that she will want to explore (e.g. you’re more emotionally mature now, you’re more confident, you’re more manly).
5. Show her that you are now a much better man than the one she fell in love with
She will sense this by the way that you now you talk, think, feel, behave, take action and respond and react to her.
For example: If she tries to squash the idea of getting back together, you can remain confident, laugh and say, “Heyyy, you’re killing the idea before you even know how good it might feel.”
By saying something like this to her, it instantly proves to her that you have changed in some of the following ways:
- You’re more confident now and aren’t feeling nervous or unsure of yourself, even though she is playing hard to get.
- You believe in your attractiveness and value to her, even though she is trying to make you feel insecure.
- You have the confidence and emotional intelligence to use humor to break through her defenses, lighten the mood and make her feel attracted to you.
- You make her feel feminine and girly by being more emotionally masculine than her (i.e. you don’t let her dominate you with her confident personality).
The more she interacts with you and sees that your thinking and behavior is at a completely different level from the one you were at when she broke up with you, the more respect and attraction she will feel for you.
When that happens, it becomes a lot easier for her to see you as the man she originally fell in love with.
On the other hand, if you try to get her approval (e.g. by being extra nice and sweet, never standing up to her when she disagrees with you or tries to make you feel insecure around her), she will simply continue to see you as the guy she fell out of love with.
Important: Women naturally respect a man who doesn’t seek the approval of women, or anyone else, to feel good about himself.
You have to believe in yourself no matter what she says or does to try to make you feel insecure or unsure of yourself.
This doesn’t mean that you should be disrespectful, arrogant or rude towards your ex.
Instead, just approve of yourself, regardless of what she says and does.
Be a good guy, but believe in yourself no matter what she says or does.
When your ex notices that even though you still care for her and want her back, you don’t actually need her back to feel good about yourself, she will automatically respect you.
She will then feel drawn to you and begin reconnecting with her original feelings of love for you.
6. If she doesn’t want to get back together right away, agree to catch up as friends one more time to see how you feel
In some cases, a woman won’t be open to getting back together after the first meet up.
So, if your ex says something like, “Look, you have changed and I can see that, but I’m just not ready to get back together again right now,” don’t let it upset you and make you think things like, “It’s hopeless! She still hates me and I can’t seem to convince her. I can’t do it! I’ve lost her forever!”
If you think like that, she will pick up on your insecurity and will feel turned off.
Then you’ll have to start all over again trying to convince her that you really are a new and improved man now.
So, don’t let that happen to you.
If your ex doesn’t want to get back together right away, just remain confident and say to her (in a friendly, easy-going way), “Hey, I get it. You’re not ready yet and that’s perfectly fine with me. We don’t have to get back together right away. Let’s just remain broken up, but keep the door open if we want to catch up as friends again in the next few days or a week, okay?”
She will most likely agree, because you’re taking the pressure off her to make a decision about a committed relationship.
After that, you need to use every interaction you have with her via text, e-mail, social media and over the phone, to continue building on her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
By the time you and her meet up again, you should have successfully reawakened her feelings enough for her to start seeing you as the man she originally fell in love with.
As a result, she will want to get back together or at least give the relationship a try to see what happens and how she feels.