If your ex girlfriend still doesn’t believe that you and her could make the relationship work again, or if she currently isn’t interested in trying to make it work, follow these 10 tips and she will change her mind:
1. Understand what makes a woman feel motivated to make a relationship work
When a woman believes she has nothing to lose, she doesn’t feel motivated to make a relationship work.
On the other hand, the fear that she will never find anyone better gives her that motivation.
So, how can you start making your ex girlfriend feel that way?
By understanding what really makes her feel the kind of attraction she secretly wants and then begin letting her experience that with you.
It’s not about changing superficial things (e.g. piling on the romantic gestures, changing your physical appearance, making promises to be more helpful), but rather getting to the heart of the matter and giving her what she really wants.
So, with your ex girlfriend, do you know what part of the overall attraction experience was missing in the relationship?
- Were you emotionally masculine enough for her, or were you too neutral or even feminine in your actions and behavior?
- Were you following through on your big goals and ambitions, or did you neglect those areas in your life and put all your focus and attention on her, which resulted in you becoming needy and clingy?
- Did you become too emotionally sensitive causing her to feel as though she needed to be the stronger one in the relationship because you couldn’t cope?
- Did you give her too much power (e.g. by failing to stand up to her when she was out of line) and as a result, caused her to see you as a weak man?
When you level up in some of the ways that she always wanted, she starts to feel as though she’s losing a better version of you.
She then begins to wonder what will happen if she doesn’t give you another chance and ends up never finding another man like the one you have become.
This motivates her to work on the relationship rather than risk wasting time with other men and never getting the attraction experience she has with you now.
2. Let her sense that you now know how to create a more enjoyable relationship dynamic
An enjoyable relationship dynamic is where the guy is confident and emotionally strong enough to take the lead.
He is the boss.
He knows it and she knows it and she follows his direction.
At the same time, he treats her well and makes her feel loved and appreciated.
He also takes her opinions, wants and needs into consideration.
However, he doesn’t let her dominate him, or mess him around (e.g. by being disrespectful, insisting on her way, treating him badly).
On the other hand, an unenjoyable relationship dynamic is when a guy is passive and uninvolved.
He sits back and lets her get on with things without offering his help, advice or support.
As a result, she feels as though she’s the only one putting in the effort, which makes the relationship feel stressful and like a burden to her.
Here’s the thing…
A woman will usually follow along with the relationship dynamic that a man creates.
If it’s enjoyable, she will then feel motivated to put in the effort and be a good woman to him in return.
On the other hand, if it’s unenjoyable she won’t feel like she has to bother trying to make things work.
So, if you want your ex girlfriend to feel motivated to make the relationship with you work, it’s important that you create the kind of relationship dynamic that she enjoys.
Of course, don’t try to tell her that the relationship will be better this time around, because she probably won’t believe you (i.e. she will likely think it’s empty promises because you’ve told her things will be different before and they never were).
Alternatively, she may assume that you’re just saying that to trick her into giving you another chance.
The best approach is to let your actions, behavior and the way you talk and respond to her speak for themselves.
When she experiences the new dynamic between you and her, she believes that it is real.
You’re not pretending or talking about it.
Instead, it is real now.
As a result, her guard comes down and she starts to believe that you can make the relationship work.
3. Make her smile and laugh as much as possible during interactions with you
Smiling and laughter change a woman’s perspective of her ex boyfriend and make her feel like she still has feelings for him.
She stops seeing the relationship as impossible to fix and begins to feel more hopeful and motivated to at least try.
So, it’s always a good idea to use some humor during interactions with your ex girlfriend, rather than always being serious and on your best behavior.
In fact, you might be surprised at how effective this approach really is.
Note: It doesn’t mean you crack jokes or not take her seriously.
Instead, you find something positive to laugh about together in stressful moments, rather than getting sucked into the negative feelings and arguing and feeling disconnected from each other as a result.
If you can make her smile, laugh and drop her guard around you, it makes it a lot more difficult for her to only think about what she perceives as your faults or the problems in the relationship.
She then naturally and easily opens up to giving the relationship a real chance.
4. Understand that most women don’t like it when a man is constantly trying to prove himself to her
A man who knows how to make a relationship work and approves of himself understands that he doesn’t need his woman to constantly say, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” or “It doesn’t matter what people say, I believe in you,” or “You can do it. I’m behind you all the way,” in order for him to be happy or successful in his life.
As a result, he naturally exudes the type of confidence that makes his woman (and people in general) respect him.
When she respects him, she also feels attracted to him.
She is then motivated to be a good, loving, devoted woman to him.
It actually makes her happy to do nice things to please him.
In cases where they have an argument or disagreement, she feels motivated to work things out, or risk losing him.
On the other hand, a man who wants to make a relationship work and needs his woman’s approval of his approach is usually always saying, “Is what I’m doing okay with you?” or “If you don’t like this, I won’t do it,” or “Tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”
He is always nice, agreeable and doesn’t make a move without checking if it’s okay with her first.
From his perspective, he’s being a caring boyfriend.
Yet, from her point of view, he is constantly seeking approval on how to be the man she needs him to be.
In other words, he doesn’t believe in himself, unless she is saying, “Good boy. That’s great. I’m so proud of you. Keep doing that.”
As a result, she doesn’t respect him or feel attracted to him.
She also doesn’t feel motivated to put in the effort to be good to him, because she knows he’ll accept any treatment from her as long as he can hold onto her.
So, if they then experienced problems in the relationship, she naturally doesn’t care about fixing them, because she is not worried about losing him.
She then continues to feel that way once they break up (i.e. she doesn’t want to make the relationship work because he’s not the man she wants to be with).
5. Let her see that you are interested in her, but aren’t emotionally dependent on her committing to you
A woman doesn’t want to be pressured into trying to make a relationship work out of feelings of pity or guilt, especially when she feels little to no attraction or love for the guy anymore.
This is why it’s important not to push for a commitment from your ex.
Instead, you need to show her that even though you want her back, you don’t need her back.
What’s the difference?
Essentially, wanting her back means that you still love her and would like to experience the true power of love in a relationship with her again.
Needing her implies that you’re unable to cope with the emotional pain of being without her.
You can’t move forward with your life or be happy, because you feel lost, unmotivated and lonely without her, so you need her to commit to you again as quickly as possible.
Yet, that kind of neediness and pressure is a huge turn off for most women.
The reason is, a woman doesn’t want to have to support a guy emotionally and make him feel worthy, happy and full of self-esteem.
So, if she senses that he needs her back to feel good about himself, it ruins the ex back process.
She then closes herself off and resists any attempts on his part to fix things so they can get back together.
6. Become more compatible with her in ways she actually wants
Sometimes, a guy will make the mistake of suddenly showing interest in things his ex likes that he never liked before they broke up.
He thinks that if he shows more interest in those things, it will convince her that he is serious about making the relationship work.
She will then be more willing to give him another chance.
However, in most cases, a woman doesn’t actually want or need that.
In fact, she will usually perceive it as fake or forced, which can then result in her rejecting him.
This is why it’s important to show your ex girlfriend that you’re compatible with her in ways that she actually cares about.
For example: A subtle, but important area of compatibility that actually matters to most women is the masculine/feminine balance between them.
The right balance is when a man is more masculine in the way he thinks, feels, behaves and takes action in life, which allows a woman to relax into being a real woman with him.
She can then be feminine, get emotional and focus on the love she feels for him, while still being able to follow through on her career dreams or other goals in life.
That results in exciting, attractive compatibility.
So, when a guy is too neutral (e.g. he treats her like a business partner where everything gets split 50/50), comes across as feminine (e.g. gets emotional or talks and behaves like a woman) it puts the dynamic out of balance.
She can’t relax, because she feels like she has to pick up the slack for him (e.g. console him when he’s being emotional, do her 50% of the responsibilities).
Another example of a relationship dynamic that is out of balance is when a guy thinks he is being masculine because he is unemotional, detached, cold, or distant.
He assumes it’s manly to behave in those ways.
Yet, a woman sees that as a sign of weakness, because he can’t deal with the emotional side of life.
So she closes up because she can’t relax into her feminine self around him.
7. Start communicating in ways that bring you closer together
Depending on how you talk to your ex girlfriend, she is either going to feel annoyed, irritated and unmotivated to work things out, or understood, attracted and open.
For example: Communication that drives a man and a woman apart is:
- Not listening to what the other person has to say.
- Interrupting the conversation with counter-arguments before the other person has had a chance to finish making their point.
- Talking down to each other.
- Being unnecessarily argumentative, or too agreeable.
On the other hand, attractive, loving, mature communication that brings a couple closer together is:
- Patiently listening without interruption, even if the other person is saying something you disagree with.
- Being respectful of each other’s thoughts, opinions and feelings regardless of how hurtful it feels.
- Using humor (appropriately) to ease the tension and make the conversation feel more relaxed and easy-going.
When you start communicating in ways that make your ex girlfriend feel heard and understood, making the relationship work is something she will want to do.
8. Let her see that she can trust in the new you
Your ex is almost certainly going to be testing to see if you remain consistent in your new way of thinking, behaving and feeling, before she opens herself up to give you another chance.
For example: She might…
- Pretend that she’s not impressed with any of the changes you’ve made to see if you remain confident.
- Be unfriendly, closed off or argumentative during conversation to see if you become insecure and nervous.
- Try to mess with your head (e.g. she says that she has missed you, but not enough to want you back).
- Give you mixed signals (e.g. she says that she is ready to make the relationship work, then when you show interest, she pulls back saying she changed her mind).
Essentially, she wants to make sure that if she does get back with you, nothing she says or does causes you to revert back to thinking, acting, behaving and treating her the way you did before the breakup.
9. Re-attract her, but don’t ask for a relationship
In cases where a woman is reluctant to give a guy a chance, it’s usually best for him to focus on building up her feelings, hooking up again and making her fall back in love, rather than going right for, “So, are we back together now or what?” or, “So, does this mean you’re giving me another chance?” or, “Are we boyfriend and girlfriend now?”
Remember: A relationship is the very last step of the ex back process, not the first.
So, if you focus on trying to get your ex girlfriend to commit to a relationship before re-attracting her, she will likely feel annoyed with you for putting that kind of pressure on her.
She may even see your actions as being selfish (i.e. you only care about how you feel and what you want rather than how she feels and what she wants).
Then, any motivation she might have to make the relationship work fades and she becomes closed off and even stubborn.
10. Don’t make the mistake of cutting off contact with her for too long
Some guys will feel as though they’ve tried everything to convince their ex-girlfriend that they can make the relationship work.
Yet, nothing worked.
As a result, they resort to desperate measures.
They use a low success rate technique called the No Contact Rule to cut off contact with their ex and hope that shocks or scares her enough to make her come back.
Yet, that approach doesn’t work for almost all men.
The reason is, when a woman is fed up with a guy and no longer has enough love and attraction to want to be in a relationship with him, him ignoring her for weeks or even months isn’t that big of a deal.
Instead, in most cases, it’s a relief because she doesn’t have to keep pushing him away anymore.
She then uses the time apart to find a new boyfriend and move on.
Then, by the time he realizes she’s not coming back, she is usually happy and even in love with another man.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, the best approach is to interact with her and reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
Give her something she wants (i.e. to feel attracted, in love, excited about the future) and she will give you what you want (i.e. her love and devotion).
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