Here is what you need to know about how to date a friend…
1. Don’t tell her that you have feelings for her, unless she really needs you to say it first
Almost every woman hates it when a guy blurts out that he has “feelings” for her and expects her to then say something like, “Wow, I have feelings for you too. Let’s start a relationship!”
That’s not how a woman wants a relationship to begin, regardless of whether or not you have been friends with her for quite a while.
The only time when a woman will need you to tell her that you have feelings for her, is when she is a shy, insecure woman who doesn’t think that she is good enough for a guy like you.
When you tell her that you have feelings for her, she will then feel more confident around you and be more willing to reveal her feelings for you.
However, for all other types of women, she will want you to make her feel sexually attracted to you and then confidently guide her to a first and then sex.
After the kiss and sex has taken place, both of you will then naturally begin to talk about how you feel and discuss the possibility of having a relationship.
In most cases, a woman wants to be able to be able to say those things to you first.
She wants to be feeling so attracted to you and be so excited that you and her have finally hooked up, that she then says something like, “I really like you…I’ve liked you all along” or “I’m so excited that this is happening. I’ve dreamed of this day” and so on.
She doesn’t want you to steal that moment from her by sharing all your feelings like a woman, where you explain how you’ve been tossing and turning in bed at night, thinking about her constantly and hoping that a day would come where you’d finally get to kiss her.
Let her say those kinds of things first, so she can feel as though she is the lucky one who is getting to hook up with you. Let her feel like a lovesick woman who has finally snagged the man of her dreams.
Let her blurt out all sorts of sweet things based on the rush of feelings that she is experiencing now that she has finally kissed you and had sex with you.
Don’t take that away from her. Relax and let her be very feminine and girly in comparison to your masculinity.
She will love you and appreciate you so much more if you allow her to have that kind of experience, rather than stealing it away from her by talking like a woman or being too emotionally sensitive or clingy.
After she has poured her heart out to you or at least said a bunch of lovely dovey things, you are then free to say some things to her, such as:
- You’re twice as beautiful when you smile at me like that.
- It’s nice being this close. It feels good.
- (Joking) Why didn’t you kiss me before? I didn’t know you were so shy.
- (Joking) I’m glad we did this. Now we have to pretend that it never happened.
One of the main reasons why you should let a woman lead the way with emotional talk is that many women hate it when a guy immediately falls madly in love with them and wants a relationship or marriage after sex.
If your friend is an attractive woman, then she’s usually going to prefer a guy who is more of a challenge to win over.
As long as your friend feelings like you are a worthy challenge for her to win over (i.e. she feels sexually attracted to you, she looks up to and respects you as a guy, she knows that other women want to or would want to be with you), then she is going to be excited to get a chance with you.
If you watch the video above, you will understand why most women don’t want to find themselves in a situation where a guy wants her much more than she wants him.
There’s nothing wrong with showing your sexual interest in her before you have sex, but leave all the lovely dovey stuff for after sex and preferably after she has begun saying it to you.
2. Trigger her feelings of sexual attraction for you
One of the most important parts of understanding how to date a friend, is to get clear on the fact that you need to trigger a woman’s feelings of sexual attraction in you before a sexual relationship will begin.
If you are good friends with this woman and you get along well, it doesn’t automatically mean that she will want to have sex with you, because a woman’s attraction for a man works differently than a man’s attraction for a woman.
For example: If a woman is physically attractive, most men will be willing to have sex with her instantly, simply based on how she looks.
Most men won’t even care what her personality is like or if there will be a possibility for a relationship after sex and will simply be interested in having sex with her based on how much attraction they feel for her physical appearance.
This is why men have always masturbated to porn and visual images of women, because a man’s attraction for a woman is instant and is mostly based on her looks.
Although a woman can feel attraction for a man’s physical appearance, it’s almost always not enough for a woman to be willing to have sex with a guy.
Most women are more attracted a man’s personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities (e.g. confidence, charisma, masculine vibe that makes her feel feminine and girly in comparison, ability to make her laugh, etc) than his looks.
This is why most women have to first interact with a guy to be able to feel the type of attraction they need to be willing to have sex.
So, if you want to start dating this friend that you like, you need to make sure that you are actively triggering her feelings of sexual attraction for you, rather that it only being about you feeling attracted to her and her feeling like a friend around you.
If she only feels like a friend around you because you’re not really saying or doing anything to trigger her feelings of sexual attraction, then she will most-likely reject you when you try to kiss her, ask her out or start dating her.
Watch this video to understand how a woman’s attraction for a man works and how you can use it to make your friend want more than just a friendship with you…
As you will discover from the video above, your friend can begin to have “feelings” for you if you simply start creating feelings of attraction inside of her.
That isn’t going to happen if you just act like an innocent friend around her. You have to focus on saying and doing the types of things that will make her feel attracted and aroused by you.
If you’re not willing to do that, she will usually just continue to look at you as a friend and will remain open to meeting other guys who actually make her feel attracted.
3. Stop placing yourself in the friend zone
One of the funniest things about the friend zone is that most guys don’t realize that they place themselves in it.
If a guy knows that he can naturally attract women by displaying some of the personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities that women find attractive (e.g. confidence, charisma, masculine vibe, ability to make her laugh and feel girly around him, etc), then he won’t place himself in the friend zone by thinking that a woman only likes him as a friend.
Rather than hoping that he will grow on a woman by being a friend and eventually get a chance with her one day, he knows that a woman will instantly experience feelings of sexual attraction for him and will want more than just a friendship with him.
Based on the confidence he has in his ability to make her feel attracted to him, he simply takes on the role of a potential lover or boyfriend (i.e. he feels free to hug her, touch her, he moves in for a first kiss, he asks her out on a date, he has sex with her, etc).
So, if you want to date this friend you like, you must ensure that you don’t doubt your ability to create feelings of sexual attraction inside of her.
Don’t wait around hoping that she suddenly feels attracted to you because you’re such a good, decent guy. That’s not how it works.
A woman’s sexual attraction is triggered when a man displays certain personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities.
Once that attraction is there, the man then needs to believe in himself and move things forward to a kiss, sex and into a relationship, rather than placing himself in the friend zone and hoping that the woman makes the first move.
Here’s the thing…
Most women are passive when it comes to dating. What I mean by that is: Women tend to just go along with whatever a confident guy wants to do.
For example: If a woman meets a confident guy and he asks for her number, tells him to join him at the bar for a drink or asks her out on a date, she will usually just say, “Umm, okay” or “Yes, that sounds good” and go along with it.
That is the role that women refer to play in the dating scene. Women prefer to guided from conversation to kiss to sex and into a relationship, rather than having to take on that leading role themselves.
Being passive and allowing a confident guy to lead her, allows a woman to feel feminine and girly in comparison to the man’s masculine approach, which is a turn on for her.
If you place yourself in a the friend zone, a woman will rarely, if ever say something like, “Hey – stop placing yourself in the friend zone. Touch me. Start kissing me. Let’s go home and have sex!”
In most cases, she will simply be passive and accept that you lack confidence in your attractiveness to her and may also lack the maturity to take on the leading role as the man.
4. Build up some sexual tension with flirting
Sexual tension occurs when a man and a woman are attracted to each other, but there are things getting in the way of them kissing and having sex.
For example: If you and a woman work together and it’s seen as wrong or unprofessional for employees to hook up with each and have relationships.
Another example is when you’re talking to a woman who is attracted to you, but you’re in a group of friends and you can’t show much interest in each other because you have to keep it discreet for now.
You can also build up sexual tension between you and your friend by flirting with and making her feel attracted to you in places/environments/situations where it’s not possible to start kissing and having sex.
For example: If you and her are eating lunch together at a café or restaurant, you can flirt with her and get her laughing to make her feel attracted to you.
Wait until she starts eating some of her food and then smile and point to the side of her mouth and say, “Oh, you have some food there.”
When she finishes wiping it off (there doesn’t have to be any food there and she will still wipe/check), you can then point to her chin and say, “Oh, you have some there too.”
When she tries to clear the non-existent food off her chin, you can begin to smile and laugh a little and say, “You’ve got something on your forehead as well.”
She will then feel attracted to how you are making her feel girly in comparison to your masculinity, how you’re making her laugh and also to your confidence.
When she has those sexual feelings for you, but is in a place where it’s not possible to start kissing and having sex (i.e. at the café or restaurant), it will build up sexual tension between you and her.
5. Release the sexual tension with kissing and sex
The best part about sexual tension is how good it feels for both of you when you release it with kissing and sex.
However, if you keep building up sexual tension and never release it, what happens is that the woman feels aroused and wants to release it with you or any other guy who can make her feel attracted and confidently move in for a kiss.
So, if you build up sexual tension, you then need to allow her to release that with you, otherwise she will be in an aroused state and you may miss your chance with her if a confident guy comes along and makes a move.
6. Relax and let the new relationship unfold at its own pace
When you begin to date a friend, the relationship may immediately become a whirlwind romance where you both spend loads of time with each other and fall madly in love.
You may immediately begin to announce your relationship to friends, talk about moving in together, go on holidays and even discuss the possibility of marriage.
Yet, that isn’t going to happen in all friendships that transition to a sexual relationship.
Sometimes, a woman will want to keep it secret for a while (e.g. if you work together, have mutual friends, etc) to see if she has enough feelings for you to actually get into a serious, committed relationship.
So, after you get to kissing and sex, just let her know that you and her don’t have to rush to decide what to do next.
Let her know that you are happy to allow it to unfold at its own pace and see what happens, but do reassure her that you like her, find her incredibly sexy and will still respect her and treat her well whatever happens between you.
When she hears that, the ball will be in her court and if she does have feelings for you, she will either begin acting like a girlfriend (e.g. calling you all the time, wanting to have sex with you, getting jealous about other women, etc) and may even straight out ask if you want a serious relationship with her.
If she does ask for a serious relationship, let her know that you do like her and are happy to see where it goes.
Let her know that both of you will know whether or not the relationship should get serious and she should just follow her heart and let that guide her to what she wants with you.