So, how can you get your girlfriend or wife to lose weight?
Over the course of being with you in a relationship, she’s put on a fair few extra pounds or kilos.
You want her to go back to the way that she used to be or something similar.
How can you make her feel motivated to lose the weight and to feel happy about doing it, rather than having to get into unnecessary arguments with her where you try to convince her to lose the weight and then, she ends up getting angry at you and it causes problems between you and her?
I’m going to explain all of that for you, as we go through this structured video with 8 tips that I’ve personally tested in my relationship and have caused my wife to always want to stay in shape and look good for me.
1. Tap into her natural motivation to look good for you
What you need to understand is that her level of motivation to look good for you is directly linked to her level of attraction for you.
The more attracted she feels to you, the more motivated she will be to make you feel attracted to her so she doesn’t lose you.
The best way to understand this is to imagine that you’re in a relationship with a woman that you’re not very attracted to and you don’t care if you lose her or not.
She then starts asking you to put in loads of effort to improve your physical appearance for her.
She starts complaining about your body and saying that you’re either too skinny or you’re too fat, or you need to put on more muscle and she starts putting pressure on you to improve your body for her.
Now, how are you going to react?
Some guys might dump her on the spot.
Other guys might think, “Well, alright, I’ll put in some more effort and see if that will shut her up.”
Other guys might think, “Well, I’m not going to put in any effort for this woman. I’m not even attracted to her and I don’t care if I lose her.”
The guy might then tell her that he likes his body the way it is and he’s not going to put on weight or lose weight for her regardless of what she says.
So the point here is that if you want your woman to lose weight, you first have to make sure that she feels enough attraction for you to actually care about maintaining your interest and to not want to lose you.
2. Let her know what you find attractive about her now while also saying that if she did lose some weight, that would look good too
Saying what you find attractive about her now, isn’t about being politically correct, being a nice guy or anything like that.
It’s got to do with the psychology behind sexual confidence.
For example: When she knows that you find very specific things about her to be sexy and attractive, it’s much easier for her to feel confident when having sex with you.
The best way to understand it is to flip the example and think about a skinny guy in a relationship with a woman.
She sometimes grabs at his skinny arms and she says that she finds it unattractive.
She gives him weird looks when she sees him naked and she touches his bony ribs and says, “Gross” and things like that.
Now, some skinny guys aren’t going to care.
They’re just going to laugh at their woman and say, “You love it. Come here” and get on with being in an intimate relationship with her.
Yet, some skinny guys are going to start feeling insecure.
For example: When the skinny guy is on top of his girlfriend and he’s giving it to her missionary style, he’s probably going to be feeling a bit insecure about his body.
He may begin to look at her eyes and her facial expressions to try to understand what she may be thinking or feeling.
If she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it, he may assume it’s because she is turned off by his skinny body.
The same thing applies if a man is in a relationship with a woman and he looks at her weird when she’s naked, or when he sees her in her underwear and bra.
Alternatively, if he grabs at her fat or pokes her in the stomach and has a bit of a laugh or makes a bit of a face that shows her that he doesn’t like it and so on.
Yes, he wants her to lose the weight and yes, he doesn’t find it attractive, but what’s important to understand is that she doesn’t have to lose the weight if she doesn’t want to.
Just like a skinny guy doesn’t have to start eating loads of food and going to the gym all the time to build up muscle for his girlfriend or wife.
So, the best way to approach it is in a loving way and with a long-term perspective, rather than in a hateful or spiteful way with a short term prospective.
Approaching it in a loving way with a long-term perspective means that you actually care about how she feels.
You actually care about the consequences of your behavior and actions in the relationship.
You are creating a loving relationship dynamic between you and her that is going to last for life.
In terms of having a long-term perspective rather than a short-term perspective, if you plan on staying with her for life then you don’t need to rush her into losing the weight in the next couple of weeks or months.
It may take her six months to get back in the top of shape that you want her to be in.
So, a personal example with my wife…
When I first met her, she was 46 kilos, which is 101.4 pounds.
Yet, at one point in our relationship, she got up to 53 kilos, which is 116.8 pounds.
Now, the thing is, she wasn’t really overweight that much, but for her petite frame, it was starting to build up around the stomach area and her cheeks were starting to fill out and so on.
When she has occasionally put on weight during certain parts of our relationship, she has asked me things like, “Do I look fat?” or, “Does this top make me look fat?” or, “Do these pants make me look fat?”
I gave her honest answers like, “You don’t look fat. You don’t look skinny. You look good.”
In terms of the top she was wearing, “No, the top doesn’t make you look fat. It looks fine.”
The thing is, all the way throughout our relationship, I’ve always said to my wife that I think she’s beautiful and I look at her as being sexy and she knows that.
So, she knows that if she’s thinking that she’s fat and is starting to feel insecure about that, it’s not my fault.
It’s not because I’ve said to her, “You’re fat, you need to lose weight.”
I’ve never said that to her.
She has always been the one asking, “Do I look fat? Do I need to lose weight? Does this top make me look fat?” and so on.
When she has asked me, “Do I need to lose weight?” I’ve given her an honest answer and that is, “You can lose weight if you want to. It’s up to you.”
That’s the reality of relationships.
You’re an individual and she’s an individual.
You can do whatever you want, but if you want the relationship to work, you’re going to do things that bring you closer together, that make the other person happy and make the other person want to stay with you.
So, in terms of number 2 here, let her know what you find attractive about her now, while also saying that if she did lose some weight, it would look good too.
Actually, before I move on to the third tip, I’ll give you another example for number 2 to make sure that you really understand it.
Think about an example of where a guy is skinny or overweight in a relationship with a woman and she then told him what she found attractive about him before saying that if he were to put on weight, that would look good too.
So, she tells him that she finds him attractive and sexy because he is confident, charming, makes her laugh, he’s charismatic, he’s cool to hang around with, he’s a good man and so on.
That way, he doesn’t have to become insecure about his attractiveness to her.
No doubt, he may develop some insecurity about his skinny arms or his belly if she talks about how it would look good too if he were to lose that belly, or if he would have put on some muscle, but he’s still going to feel as though his girlfriend or wife feels attracted to him because she has made that clear.
So, if you want your girlfriend or wife to lose weight and to feel happy about doing it, then make sure that you tell her what you find attractive about her and make it genuine.
Let her sense that you really do find her attractive and that if she were to lose weight, then that would look good too.
3. Don’t try to motivate her to work out by talking about the importance of health or telling her how much you care about her health
If a man starts telling his woman how much he cares about her health and how he only wants her to be happy and healthy, she can easily say that she’s already happy and healthy.
Additionally for every person out there who follows a strict diet and exercises all the time and is healthy as a result, there is another example of a person who doesn’t follow a strict diet, doesn’t even exercise and is healthy and doing fine.
When it comes to diet and exercise, a new study comes out all the time that contradicts the previous studies.
There are all these weird diets that people say will work where you don’t even have to exercise and where you can eat junk food and you’ll be totally fine.
So, if a guy starts pressuring his woman to eat perfectly and exercise all the time because he secretly wants her to lose weight, then she can easily say that she doesn’t need to do that because other people don’t do it and they’re healthy, fine and they have no problems.
4. If you don’t find overweight women as attractive as slim women or slender women, then don’t pretend to
Some guys find overweight women attractive, no problem.
Yet, most guys don’t.
So, if you’re one of the guys who doesn’t find overweight women attractive and you prefer women who are slender and in shape, then make sure that your woman is aware of that.
For example: You may be watching TV with your woman and she will test you by asking you something like, “Oh, she looks good. What do you think?” about a slim woman and see how you react.
She may then ask you about a certain female celebrity who is overweight and see how you react to her as well.
By the way…
For the men watching this video, you’re probably aware that man aren’t allowed to talk about women being overweight in the media or on social media and if they do, they get a whole bunch of hate.
So, if you’re enjoying this video so far, make sure that you show your support by clicking like, otherwise I’ll probably get a whole bunch of dislikes from overweight women who are angry at me for talking about a woman needing to lose weight.
Okay, so back to the example…
Say for example you’re sitting on the sofa with your girlfriend or wife and she points out a female celebrity that used to be slim, but has put on weight and is now overweight.
She asks you what you think of her and she says, “Oh, she looks good. What do you think?”
If you think she looks good as an overweight woman, then go ahead and say that, but if you think that she looked better when she was slender and she wasn’t overweight, then say that.
“No, she looked way better when she was slim. She is a bit too overweight now. I don’t like it.”
Alternatively, “Oh, she still looks pretty cute, but I prefer her when she was slimmer.”
Since I’ve had those type of conversations with my wife, she knows that I don’t find overweight women as attractive as slender women, or slim women.
She knows that.
I’ve never had to say when my wife put on a few extra kilos, “Oh, you’re looking fat. I don’t like that.”
I’ve never had to say that to her because she knows that I find women more attractive when they are in shape.
When you’re in a relationship, it’s important not to be politically correct with your woman by telling her that you think overweight women are just as attractive to you as slender women, if you don’t actually think that.
You’ve got to be real so she knows the deal.
You’re not saying that she’s fat, you’re not saying that overweight women can’t be attractive to other men and you’re not saying that you’re going to dump her if she doesn’t lose weight ASAP.
Instead, you’re answering her questions about other women in an honest way, so she understands what you prefer.
5. Workout as something fun to do together, while understanding that it might take some time for her to develop a liking for it
Make working out fun, easygoing and without any pressure to succeed.
Just do it for the fun of it, rather than being like a drill sergeant and trying to push her to do more and more.
Just let her have fun coming to the gym with you or going for a run with you, but understand that she may not be consistent initially.
Most people aren’t.
If she doesn’t like the idea of going to a gym, you should initially be open to going for bike rides together, going for a run at the local park, going for walks along walking trails on the weekend, trying a group exercise class or doing something like boxing.
Essentially, you want you and her to genuinely be able to have a fun time as you get into the habit of being active together.
As you may know, most people who get a gym membership or decide that they’re going to start working out don’t actually follow through on it for years and continue it on for life.
Many people will feel motivated initially and then they will stop, they will give up.
If you want your woman to remain motivated to continue to work out and stay in shape, it’s best to link it to you and her having some fun together.
Don’t make it about, “We have to go to the gym to lose weight or to stay in shape. We have to go for this bike ride because we ate pizza the night before.”
Don’t link it to something that feels like work.
Link it to you and her having fun together.
Now, it doesn’t need to be a whole bunch of fun where you’re jumping around the gym and saying, “Wow, I’m having so much fun,” or you’re going for a run together and high-fiving and laughing all the way.
Instead, just go and do something active and focus on having a good time together, focus on being in an easygoing relaxed mood and being able to not take things too seriously and just have a good time together.
When a guy doesn’t approach it in that kind of way and instead approaches it in a way where he tries to make her feel guilty for not coming to the gym all the time, or make her feel like she’s not doing good enough and she needs to work out harder, then she will naturally start to build up some feelings of resentment.
She will start to feel like it’s too stressful and as though he’s putting all this pressure on her because he wants her to lose weight and he’s not being loving about it.
Once again, the best way to understand the example is to flip it around and think about a woman trying to force her guy to go to the gym and put on some muscle and she’s putting loads of pressure on him at the gym.
She’s looking at his skinny arms, she’s grabbing onto them and saying, “Come on, you need to build up more muscle” and forcing him to go to the gym all the time.
He’s not going to enjoy that and he may dumping her as a result.
So, just link working out and being active to having fun together, being relaxed, being easygoing.
You don’t have to go overboard and have loads of fun, but be in a good mood, be in an easy going mood, be relaxed about things, be lighthearted about things and don’t put too much pressure on yourself or on her.
6. Don’t be too serious about food initially
It’s not reasonable to expect someone to go from eating fun comfort foods and having a fairly relaxed lifestyle where they’re not very active, to then change and only eat the right foods at the right time, work out consistently and work out intensely from now on for the rest of their life.
That’s not reasonable to expect.
So, don’t try to get her to be perfect about her diet right now.
Instead, allow her the time to feel motivated to want to cut out some sugar from her diet, to stop eating so much before she goes to bed, or to make sure that she isn’t snacking a lot during the day.
Don’t expect her to do it right away.
Instead, allow her to naturally start to want to do it because when she sees some results of working out and starts to enjoy working out with you or going by herself, then she will most likely become more interested in improving her diet.
For example: If a couple eats out often and the woman is in the habit of ordering a sugary soda drink like a Coke or something like that, then it’s going to be best for her to drink a glass of water instead.
She’s going to cut out a lot of sugar and she will naturally start to lose weight as a result of that.
Yet, she may not want to do that all the time right away.
So, her man shouldn’t be looking at her with disappointment, picking on her and talking down to her if she decides to order a Coke every now and again.
He should allow her to eat and drink whatever she wants, while also giving her the chance to naturally start to decrease the amount of food that she’s eating and decrease the amount of times that she orders a sugary drink that is going to add more weight to her body.
By the way…
In terms of not being too serious about food initially, if a guy is in shape and he has muscles, but he also tends to eat burgers and pizzas and that’s fine for him, then he doesn’t need to stop eating that around her.
He doesn’t need to be that serious, where he is trying to make sure that he’s not being a bad influence around her.
She needs to take care of herself.
She needs to be responsible for what she’s eating.
So, if a guy happens to eat a burger every now and again or a pizza, or he enjoys some sort of comfort food and he’s able to stay in shape because he lifts heavy weights and does high-intensity workouts, then he can continue doing that.
Yet, he needs to give her the chance to naturally start to decrease the amount that she eats when she’s around him when he’s eating a burger, a pizza or some other type of comfort food.
7. Understand that sometimes things can get in the way of the progress that she has been making
For example: You and her go on a holiday and end up eating and drinking lots, or you attend a bunch of parties or birthdays, you go to yearly traditional days with family that involve a lot of eating, you have a few too many drinks together, she gets sick with the flu or she gets injured in some way or another.
All of that can temporarily add weight to her body.
Additionally, sometimes she probably won’t be in the mood to go and work out and you need to be okay about that.
So, you need to let her get into the habit of working out, enjoying it and being more consistent, but you also need to be lenient and not be so serious about her sticking to a rigid workout plan and having to go all the time.
For example: If you ask her, “Hey, honey, I’m going to go work out tonight. Are you coming?” and she says “No,” you need to be okay about that.
You have to give her the chance to feel a bit guilty for not going.
If she feels motivated to make you feel attracted, then she will feel the pressure to go the next time or the next.
Just don’t make the mistake of getting angry at her, or getting into an argument with her about her not being consistent.
That will backfire her.
Instead, allow her to naturally feel the pressure of needing to look good for you.
If you have the right dynamic in your relationship where she respects you, feels attracted to you and she looks up to you, then she will naturally want to impress you.
She will naturally feel that pressure to look good and maintain your interest in her.
8. Get her to have realistic expectations so she doesn’t lose motivation
For example: She goes to the gym, works her butt off for an hour or so, comes home, looks at herself in the mirror and nothing has changed.
She goes the next time, works out on the treadmill for an hour and a half, comes home, looks at herself in the mirror and nothing has changed.
The reality is that a person usually needs to work out for weeks or months, before they start noticing real changes in the shape of their body.
So, get her to understand in advance that it may take a couple of weeks or months to see real noticeable changes that she’s going to be very happy about.
In the meantime, just make sure that you make working out be something that is fun, enjoyable, relaxing and easygoing for the both of you.
If you do that, then you and her are going to enjoy being active together, getting out and doing things together.
Before you know it, you and her will be in the habit of working out together and because she’s doing it so regularly and because she feels motivated to look good for you, she will almost certainly begin to lose those kilos, lose those pounds and get back into the type of shape that you like seeing her in the most.
Okay, I hope you enjoyed this video and learned something from it.
If you’d like to learn my best relationship techniques for making a woman respect you, feel sexually attracted to you, be totally in love with you and want to impress you and maintain your interest, then I recommend that you watch or listen to my program, Make Her Love You For Life.
Being Forced to vs. Wanting to
One final point that I want to make for you in this video, is that you don’t have to improve your physical appearance in response to the demands of your woman when in a relationship.
You are an individual and if you want to be slim, you want to have an average body type or you want to have muscles or you want to be overweight, then you can do that.
She can’t force you to be a certain body shape physically.
Likewise, you shouldn’t be trying to force your woman to be a certain body shape for you.
Instead you create the type of relationship dynamic that naturally makes her want to look her best for you.
She wants to impress you.
She doesn’t want to lose you.