To keep your relationship strong, you need to:
1. Deepen the love, respect and attraction that you both feel for each other over time.
Feeling love, respect and attraction for each other at the start of a relationship is easy because both of you are feeling a lot of lust and it is exciting to be with someone new.
Both men and women tend to be on their best behavior at the start of a relationship because they want to impress the other person and keep the excitement and good feelings going.
However, that initial stage of being really excited to be with someone new eventually starts to calm down and needs to be replaced with deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction for other reasons.
For example: A woman will feel deeper respect, attraction and love for a man if he has purpose in life and is going after his biggest ambitions and dreams, while also continuing to treat her well, make her feel loved and appreciated.
On the other hand, a woman will lose feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy if he chooses to hide from his true potential as a man behind her and the relationship and gives her way too much of his time and attention, to the point where she begins to feel suffocated by the relationship.
2. Continue to work towards mutually exciting and rewarding goals.
When I help phone coaching clients with relationship issues, a common problem that I come across is how a couple will achieve certain goals together (e.g. getting married, buying a house, having children) and then start to feel lost and confused about the remainder of their life story.
This is often referred to as a mid life crisis, but it’s also something that can happen later in life or even a few years into a young relationship.
Essentially, the couple begins to feel as though they are drifting apart and are no longer fully relevant or necessary to each other, because there isn’t much left to do together other than wait around to get old and then die.
One person may begin to develop goals and ambitions that are completely different to the other (e.g. the woman wants to travel the work, while the man wants to stay at home and rest), so they might start to feel as though staying together as a couple no longer suits them.
So, a big part of how to keep your relationship strong is to ensure that you have mutually exciting and rewarding goals that you’re working towards in the future.
Initially, a couple’s mutually exciting and rewarding goals might be something like moving in together, getting engaged and married, buying a house together, having children and going on holidays with their new family.
Some couples will then be happy to just relax and enjoy their later years of life, staying focused on their children and helping them to achieve things and enjoy a good life.
Yet, in today’s world where we have so many options of things do to, many couples tend to feel bored about the idea of just waiting around to die after they have achieved their initial goals together.
So, if you and your woman are feeling bored about where your life is heading together as a couple, you need to sit down and talk about what your dream future scenario together would be.
You and her may decide that you want to be in business together, or you want to leave the city life to go and live on a farm and grow your own food.
You might decide that you want to travel the world and party without ever having children, or travel around your home country with your children.
Once you decide on what you both feel are exciting and rewarding long term goals, you need to start working towards those goals together.
It can’t be something that you are only excited about or that she is only interested in; it has to be exciting and rewarding for the both of you.
There are so many different things that you can do in life and aim towards as a couple, so there is always going to something that both of you will enjoy working towards together as a couple.
3. Stay faithful to each other, rather than screwing up your relationship because of FOMO
FOMO (noun): Fear of missing out. A feeling of regret that participating in one activity prevents you from participating in another activity, which might be more enjoyable or rewarding.
FOMO is a slang acronym that stands for Fear of Missing Out, which a lot of modern people suffer from.
For example: A guy might get into a relationship with a beautiful woman and after a few years, he may start to feel bored of having sex with her and want to hook up with other women.
He might find himself looking at a lot of porn and feel as though he’s not getting the same kind of excitement from his sex life as he experiences with what he sees in porn.
If he begins to FOMO, he might begin to want to cheat on his woman or leave her and start a new relationship with another woman, so he can feel the excitement of having sex with someone new again.
Likewise, a woman might watch a lot of TV drama shows and romantic Hollywood movies and feel as though her relationship and love isn’t as complicated and passionate as what she is seeing on the screen.
She might also listen to a lot of female pop songs and hear lyrics about how the woman broke up with a guy and is now enjoying her single life or has a new man who is much better than her ex.
She might then begin to FOMO and consider cheating on her man or leaving him so she can experience the drama of breaking up and the excitement of getting with someone new.
When people are bombarded with the mixed messages from the media, they can often begin to suffer from FOMO and begin to wonder whether it is a wise decision to remain faithful to just one person for life.
So, part of how to keep your relationship strong is for both of you to realize that there are millions of couples out there who remain happy and excited to be in love for just one person for life.
It is possible to do that, but you must have the right mindset and not get sucked into modern feelings of FOMO based on what you see other experiencing in relationships.
What Stage is Your Relationship at Today?
Making your relationship stronger also involves being able to go from one stage to the next, rather than getting stuck at earlier stages or losing interest each other after the first few months or years of being together.
Which stage is your relationship at now?
1. The head-over-heels stage
In this stage of a relationship, you can’t get enough of each another and even just thinking about the other person releases of a potent mixture of feel-good hormones and brain chemicals.
If your relationship is in this stage, your girlfriend may seem perfect for you in every way. If you notice any flaws in her, you will see them as unimportant and something that you are willing to put up with because you feel so good when you are with her.
If everything is going well, you will feel as though you could last forever.
She may even say things to you like, “I want us to grow old together” or “I want to be with your forever,” but that is simply the result of her brain chemicals and activated hormones.
That initial feeling will not last if you don’t deepen her love, respect and attraction for you over time.
I have lost count of the amount of phone coaching clients I’ve helped to get an ex back, where the guy has explained to me that she used to say how in love she was with him and that she wanted to be with him forever.
Remember: What you feel in the first few months is a nice gift from nature to get you and her to have sex and hopefully make some babies. It doesn’t mean that you and her will be in love forever.
What keeps a relationship strong is what I outlined earlier in the article and that I go into more detail on in my program, Make Her Love You For Life
2. The power struggle stage
The head-over-heels stage can last anywhere from a couple of months to a couple of years, but statistics show that the majority of first marriages break down as a couple move from the head-over-heels stage (otherwise known as the honeymoon stage) into a power struggle stage.
The struggle for power happens when one or both parties begins trying to change the other, so they can get the person they really want or the relationship they really want.
The couples who last are those who are willing to adapt and change together over time, while couples who are unwilling to change or are asking for too much change eventually begin to fight and fall apart.
Personally speaking, both my wife and I have made a lot of changes to how we approach the relationship. We didn’t do that overnight, but over the course of the last 3 years.
That is how it should be done, rather than expecting that everything changes dramatically overnight.
Knowing that the other person is patiently loving you and sticking by you (rather than threatening to break up with you if you don’t change immediately) allows you to have the time to change at your own pace.
Of course, if you take too long to make changes and fix any problems, then it’s only natural that other person will feel upset or taken for granted, so you do need to fix problems and make changes at an acceptable pace.
3. The reaching stability stage
Eventually, you will both reach a point where the right power balance is achieved in the relationship and you’re both getting what you really want from each other and the relationship.
Over time, more changes will need to be made as you encounter new challenges in life or attempt to achieve new and bigger goals together, but with the foundation of patient, mutually respectful love in place, you will be able to accomplish anything together as a couple.
If you’ve reached this stage of a relationship, you will be no longer trying to change each other and it is at this stage that a genuinely strong relationship begins to develop and grow.
4. The true commitment stage
Couples in a truly committed relationship have moved from feeling infatuated to being deeply in love with other for reasons other than just initial feelings of intense love.
In this stage of a relationship, flaws and differences no longer cause power struggles as they are simply accepted as being part of what makes the person who they are.
If your relationship is in this stage, you will have a shared vision of your future together as a couple and you will also have a deep respect and appreciate for each other as individuals.
How Strong is Your Relationship?
If you are worried about your relationship falling apart over time, I would recommend that you at learn more about how you can deepen your woman’s attraction for you.
Most of her attraction for you is based on how you think, behave, feel and take action in life and around her.
Watch this for some examples of where guys go wrong and what you should do instead…
If you make your woman feel a lot of attraction for you based on who you are as a man and how you treat her, she will love you and want to stay with you regardless of whether you put on a few kilos/pounds, or if no longer have the young, strong body that you did when you were young.
Getting Past the Roadblocks That Lead to True Love and Commitment
All relationships go through stages and a couple either gets to the higher stages, or they peak at an early and then begin to fall apart because they either aren’t ready for the higher stages or don’t have the relationship skills to get there.
In the video below, I explain how I went from telling my girlfriend that she could be with me on the condition that I would never get married or have children, to me eventually accepting her request to marry me.
Update: Since posting this video, my girlfriend and I have gotten married and our relationship continues to be better every day. Even though it was amazing at the start, it just keeps getting better.
As you will discover from the video above, I wasn’t ready for the higher stages of commitment in a relationship when I first met her, but I was willing to do something that is a very important part of how to keep your relationship strong…
Both her and I have made many changes to the way we think, behave, feel and take action in life because we are both willing to adapt to each other.
In relationships that fall apart, it’s usually because one or both parties aren’t willing to adapt their approach to the unique dynamic of the relationship. Rather than compromising, changing or adapting, one or both parties will constantly clash and end up getting into arguments over who is right.
Yet, a big part of how to keep your relationship strong is to realize that you need to adapt to each other’s unique personality to allow the relationship to grow and mature over time.
If you expect her to adapt and change to you, but you’re not willing to make any adjustments, then she will eventually get tired of giving way too much in the relationship and begin to resent you.
In my case, I was happy to adapt to her wants and needs because she has always been happy and willing to do that for me. As a result, our relationship just gets stronger and stronger by the day.