Here are the 4 steps that you need to take to make her come running back to you.
1. Change and Let Her Experience it
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she will have usually come to that decision after a long time.
She will have given the guy clues about her unhappiness, which have possibly gone on for months and even years until she finally got to the point where she had enough.
For example: Before deciding to break up with her man, she may have been saying things like, “If you don’t change I’m going to break up with you,” or “I can’t live like this anymore. You need to make some changes or else I’m going to be out of here.”
In some cases, a woman might have even been very specific about what she wanted the guy to change about himself, like saying, “Your jealousy is driving me crazy! You won’t let me do anything without you. If you don’t stop being so insecure, jealous and clingy all the time I’m going to break up with you,” or “The only thing you do all day is sit around watching TV. Why don’t you do something with your life?”
If the guy then doesn’t pick up on her hints and then change, or if he simply ignores her by assuming that because she loves him she’ll put up with anything he does forever, she will eventually lose respect for him as a man.
Respect is very important.
When a woman doesn’t feel respect for a man, she will find it difficult to feel sexually attracted to him.
If she doesn’t respect him and then also doesn’t feel much sexual attraction for him, she will then begin to allow negative feelings such as anger, resentment and pain to push the love she feels for him into the background, and she will then want to break up with him.
So, if your ex said anything like this when she broke up with you, “Leave me alone, I never want to see you again,” or “It’s over between us. I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” it’s because she stopped feeling respect and attraction for you based on your behavior.
If you want to make her come running back to you, you need to:
- Understand what caused her to break up with you in the first place.
- Change or at least improve those things about yourself.
- Let her experience the new improved you every time that you interact with her from now on (e.g. via text, e-mail, on social media, over the phone, and in person).
When she sees for herself that you’re not the same guy she broke up with, she will naturally begin to feel drawn to you again.
Where many guys go wrong is by not changing at all and expecting the woman to come running back because she misses him.
Yet, even if she does get in touch with him because he’s not contacting her, it doesn’t mean that he’s going to get her back.
If she notices that he is still the same and hasn’t really changed, she’s going to be more determined to keep him out of her life because he obviously doesn’t care enough about her to put in the work required to be the kind of man she needs.
For example: A woman might have dumped a guy because he was too jealous, insecure and clingy.
A few weeks after the break up, she might call him up to see what he’s been up to, while also trying to find out if he has made any real changes to himself since their breakup.
To test whether he’s become emotionally stronger and is no longer the insecure guy she broke up with, she might say something like, “I’m really enjoying being single. It’s fun having my freedom back. I’ve been meeting lots of new friends. I’m going to a party this weekend with my friend Michael.”
If he reacts by getting jealous and possibly even saying something like, “How can you call me up and tell me these things? Here I am trying to make things right between us and you’re hanging out with your Michael friend, who I’m sure you’ve already slept with! How can you be such a bitch to me? How can you be so cold? I’ve always loved you so much and now you’ve changed” she will see that he’s still emotionally dependent on her, which will turn her off even more.
She may think, “My ex is such a lost cause. He’s never going to stop being insecure, jealous and needy and I just can’t be with a guy like that. I guess it’s really over between us. I need to move on now I suppose. I will try to find myself a man, rather than being with an insecure guy like. Maybe I will sleep with Michael for a bit of fun too.”
So, don’t get jealous, don’t worry about her liking other guys and don’t doubt your ability to re-attract her.
You can make her have feelings for you again.
Of course, if you’ve been trying to make your ex come running back to you and nothing has been working so far, you need to try a new approach.
What you need to do is start the ex back process by re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
You can do that by using every interaction you have with her, be it via text, e-mail, on social media, over the phone, or face-to-face, to make her feel something positive for you (e.g. respect, attraction, admiration).
The more she experiences the changes in you, the more difficult it will be for her to stop herself from feeling drawn to you.
From there, you can build on that initial spark of respect and attraction and show her that things really are different now.
2. Give Her 3-7 Days of Space
In most cases, a guy can make a woman have feelings for him again immediately, or within a few days of trying.
So, if you want to make your ex come running back to you, give her 3 to 7 days of space if she asked you for it during or after the break up.
There’s nothing wrong with giving a woman a few days space after a break up to let things calm down.
However, any longer than that is usually a waste of time because it just gives her more time to move on without you or more time to get over you.
After 3 to 7 days of space you need to contact her (preferably by calling her on the phone) and actively re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Then, you need to get her to agree to a meet up with you in person.
At the meet up, you need to focus on making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be around you again, to the point where she is thinking, “Wow! It’s really good to be hanging out with my ex again. I’m really enjoying being around him. He’s so different from the guy I broke up with. I like him again. This feels good. Maybe we should get back together again.”
From there, use every interaction that you have with her to build on her feelings of respect and attraction for you and guide her back into a relationship.
Where a lot of guys go wrong is by making one of these 2 mistakes:
- Contacting her too often
Sometimes, a guy will feel so eager to get back together with his ex, that he may think, “If I give her some time apart, she might forget all about me and find herself another guy. I don’t want that to happen, so even if she doesn’t want to take my calls or talk to me in person, I’m going to text her as much as possible to make sure that I stay on her mind. Eventually, she’ll see that I’m not going to give up on our love so easily. She’ll realize how much I still care about her and miss her and she will then give me another chance.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Most women aren’t going to think something like this if they are being bombarded with texts from an ex, “OMG! It’s so amazing that he’s texting me like this. This is like a Hollywood movie love story. My ex must really love me to keep in touch the way that he has been. Maybe I’ve been too hard on him. Maybe we should just forget all about the break up and get back together again.”
After all, it’s just a text message.
It’s not him.
If she is going to believe that he has changed, he needs to prove that to her while talking to her on a phone call or in person, not via little messages or long e-mails.
Likewise, she’s not going to be impressed if he sends her pointless texts, e-mails, messages on social media, or even calls her on the phone to ask things like, “How was your day?” or “What are you up to?”
That type of meaningless contact usually just annoys the woman further because he’s obviously doing it because he misses her, but he’s not saying or doing anything to make her miss him.
She might reply to his texts to string him along or to be a nice ex girlfriend (fiancé or wife), but that doesn’t mean he is getting her back.
Just because a guy is able to remain in constant contact with his ex, it doesn’t mean that she’s not secretly moving on without him.
So, if you want to make your ex come running back to you, contacting her too often isn’t the approach that you should be using.
When getting an ex back, the best approach is to give her a few days of space, and then get her on a phone call where you can arrange a meet up.
At the meet up, focus on making her feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you so she drops her guard and opens back up to you.
- Cutting off communication with her for too long
On the opposite side, rather than contact his ex too much, sometimes a guy will think, “Okay, how about this? I just stop contacting her altogether. I go cold. Cut off all communication. That way, the longer I stay out of touch with her, the more she will miss me and want to hear from me. She will then realize that she made a mistake by breaking up with me and it will make her come running back to me.”
Yet, it rarely works that way because when most women break up with a guy, they have lost a lot of respect and attraction for him and don’t believe that he has the ability to change and become the man they want.
This is why a woman will usually only come running back to her ex if she’s still in love with him, is inexperienced with relationships and can’t deal with the pain of the break up or if she can’t find a replacement guy quick enough.
In almost all other instances, if a guy tries to get his ex back by ignoring her for a long time, she’s not going to care that much because she’s not even attracted to him anymore.
When a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy and he stops communicating with her, she’s will often think, “Thanks for giving me this space to get on with my life without you! I’ve been going out with the girls and getting hit on by guys. I even slept with a guy last weekend, so I’m moving on without you. Bye!”
On the other hand, if her ex actively made her have some feelings of respect and attraction for him and THEN didn’t contact her for a few days (no more than a week), that’s a completely different story.
She’s going to start missing him because she does feel some attraction for him.
She thinks, “Huh? What is this feeling? I thought that I was over him. Why is it bothering me so much that he hasn’t called me? Why am I missing him all of a sudden? Why am I worried that he might meet someone else?” and it then becomes much more likely that she will come running back to him to give the relationship another chance.
So remember: You don’t need to use more than 3 to 7 days of space between contacting her.
Give her a little bit of space, contact her and focus on reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you (over the phone and in person) and then don’t try to push her into getting back with you.
If you do that, it will be her who wants to get back with you.
3. Contact Her to Meet Up With You
As obvious as this may sound, chances are high that you’re not going to make your ex come running back if you don’t actively make an effort to trigger her feelings for you again.
This means that you have to contact her and get her to agree to meet you in person, so she can experience the new and improved version of you.
When you make her feel the types of feelings she really, secretly wants to feel around a guy, all of her walls come down and she literally wants to be back in your arms again.
However, without sparking her feelings of attraction first, she’s just going to be saying, “Please accept that it’s over between us,” or “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore.”
After a break up, many guys go around saying things like, “No matter what I do, my ex just refuses to give me another chance. I’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working. I don’t know what else to do.”
Yet, in most cases, it turns out that “everything” was simply him begging for another chance, trying to convince her via text and waiting around hoping that she will change her mind.
Here’s the thing…
Most women will wait to hear from their ex and if he is able to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction on a phone call or in person, she will give him another chance.
Yet, if he doesn’t contact her and arrange a meet up, she will just assume that he’s not interested in her anymore and will likely move on.
So, as a man, it’s up to you to take the initiative and guide both you and her back into a relationship.
Don’t wait around hoping that she will give you a sign that she’s wants you to contact her.
Simply pick up the phone and focus on re-sparking some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you by at least making her smile and laugh at times during the conversation, rather than only talking about the relationship.
Once you’ve re-sparked some of her feelings for you, get her to agree to meet up with you in person and then get her back.
Face-to-face is where you can really spark her feelings for you and make her want to get back together again.
4. Meet Up With Her, Attract Her, But Don’t Try to Get Back With Her
In most cases, I would advise to get back with the woman at the first meet up, but sometimes you shouldn’t, especially if you want her to come running back to you or if you think she’s the kind of woman who will refuse to get back at the first meet up.
However, whatever you do, make sure that you get some face-to-face time with her.
Not Facetime or video Skype calls. I mean face-to-face in person time.
The whole point of interacting with your ex via text, e-mail, on social media and on the phone is to get her to meet up with you in person, where you can make her smile, laugh, feel happy and feel attracted in your presence.
This shows her that you are a different man to the one she remembers and that she really does feel better around you now.
When she sees that you’ve changed and she starts to feel good when she’s around you, her guard naturally comes down.
She becomes more open to interacting with you and she then can’t stop herself from allowing all her positive feelings for you (i.e. respect, attraction and love) to come back out.
When that happens, it’s up to you to continue saying and doing the types of things that make her feel a lot of respect, attraction and love for you again.
To get her to come running back, the key is to continue triggering her feelings of attraction for you, so that she reaches the point where she really can’t bare not being with you.
She then says something like, “Hey, I think we should get back together again,” or “I think I made a mistake when I broke up with you. Please let’s start over again. I miss you.”
So, make sure that you use the face-to-face time to make her feel respect, sexual attraction and romantic feelings for you again.
Don’t waste the face-to-face time by being really nice, polite, hesitant and acting like a friend.
Behave as though you and her are on a first date and assume that she likes you.
What sometimes happens is a guy makes all the effort to meet up with his ex and then he doesn’t reactivate her feelings at the meet up, so she doesn’t feel the need to come running back to him.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “I’m lucky that my ex has agreed to meet up with me, so I better not do anything to push her away. I need to be on my best behavior and not make her feel pressured to get back with me. I will just act like a friend and be nice to her.”
He might then avoid doing any of the things that will actively spark some of her feelings of attraction (e.g. flirting with her, being charming and charismatic, being confident when she is being challenging).
Yet, here’s the thing…
If a woman doesn’t feel sexual attraction for a guy, she’s just going to end up saying something like, “It’s been nice catching up with you again, but I think we’re better off just being friends from now on. I don’t think we’re right for each other. Please don’t contact me anymore. I want to try to move on and not get dragged back into a relationship with you. I think we’re better off just being friends now.”
Don’t put yourself in that position.
If you want to get her back, make sure that you focus on making her feel sexually attracted when she’s in your presence.
For example: One way to do that is to make her feel happy when she’s around you, especially when she is acting cold or bitchy.
Make her laugh and smile and show her via the way you think, behave, and interact with her that you’re a confident, emotionally strong man no matter how she talks or behaves around you.
That will make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the strong man that you’ve become since the break up.
She will then feel like she wants to get back with you or at least give you another chance.
You can do that at the meet up or, if you want her to come running back to you, just end the meet up and wish her the best.
You will then most likely get a text, call or social media message that day or shortly after where she says that she misses you or wants to see you.
If she’s too shy or embarrassed to admit that, she might just send you a message to say hi.
From there, you should get her on a call and get her to meet up with you again.
Then, get her back.