Making an ex want you again, even though she currently despises you is actually a lot easier than you might think.

Follow these 3 steps and she will go from despising you, to liking you and then loving you again:

1. Change the Things That She Despises

The fastest way to make your ex stop despising you and want you again, is to actively change the things she despises, and make her have some positive feelings (e.g. respect, attraction, love) for you again.

Make her feel impressed that you’ve quickly changed those things and are no longer the same guy that she broke up with.

Of course, before you do that, it’s important that you take a moment to fully understand exactly what caused her to get to the point where she said something like, “Go away! I never want to see you again. I despise you now.”

If you try to change things that she doesn’t really care about (e.g. you become even nicer to her, when the real thing that she despises is that you are insecure), she’s not going to be impressed.

Likewise, if you try to get her to explain what she wants you to change, she’s just going to despise you even more.

For example: A guy might say, “I realize that my ex and I had our problems, but she never really told me what I was doing wrong. Why can’t she just say exactly what was bothering her so that I know exactly what to change?”

He might even go as far as saying to her, “I know that you despise me right now, but I don’t understand why, so please tell me what I did wrong so that I can change. I’ll do anything to fix this. Just tell me what you want and I will do it.”

Yet, that’s not how the ex back process works.

In most cases, a woman will have likely given her guy multiple hints regarding what she wants him to change about himself, but she won’t have told him the real, more subtle reasons why she has lost respect for him as a man.

What do you despise about me?

So, why doesn’t a woman just come out and say what exactly is bothering her and what the guy can do to change?

The main reason is because most women don’t want to be a man’s teacher or mother and have to teach him how to think, act and behave like a man in his life.

If she has to teach him once how to behave like a man, what is going to stop him from always turning to her to solve all his problems in the future?

A woman doesn’t want to be in that position in her romantic relationship.

She doesn’t want to feel like she’s taking care of him or as though he’s her student or child.

She doesn’t want to take on that role because it destroys her feelings of sexual attraction and respect for him.

If he wants her back, he needs to work this out himself or get help.

He can’t expect her to take care of him, hold his hand and guide him through the process of getting her back.

She’s just not going to do that.

So, if you want your ex back, you need to get very clear on what caused her to break up with you and then despise you.

You can then make some adjustments to how you interact with her (e.g. via your behavior, body language, the way you talk to her, the way you interact with her).

She will then see for herself that what she used to despise about you isn’t there anymore, so her guard then comes down.

When that happens, her feelings for you begin to change in a positive way very quickly.

For example: If a guy was insecure and needy during the relationship, he needs to show her that he is now a confident, emotionally secure man.

If a guy stopped making her feel feminine and girly, his woman will need to experience his masculine vibe and see for herself that he is now more confident and is an emotionally strong and emotionally masculine man that she can look up to and respect.

Do you know what you need to fix to get her back?

If you don’t fully understand what you need to change, you will simply continue saying and doing the things that make her despise you (e.g. being too much of a pushover and letting her walk all over you, feeling insecure and jealous if she mentions other guys, trying to convince her to give you another chance, trying to make her feel guilty for making you feel so sad about the break up).

If you do that, your ex is going to behave coldly towards you (so she doesn’t give you the impression that she’s warming back up to you) and may say things like, “Why won’t you just leave me alone?” or “It’s over between us. I don’t want you in my life. Why don’t you get that? Leave me alone.”

So, make sure that you are prepared to re-attract her whenever you interact with her from now on…

When she experiences the new, more attractive version of you from now on, she won’t be able to hold on to her negative feelings about you.

She will then begin to drop her guard and open back up to the idea of being with you again.

2. Become Emotionally Independent

It’s only natural that when the woman that a guy loves says something like, “I despise you,” or “I hate you,” he might feel like his world is crashing down around him.

This is especially true when a guy makes his girlfriend his main reason for living (e.g. he lacks purpose and ambition outside of the relationship and focuses most or all of his spare attention and energy on her).

When she dumps him, he not only has to live with the reality of losing her, but also that she now despises him.

It’s a devastating blow for a guy who lacks purpose and ambition outside of his relationship with his woman.

He became needy, insecure or jealous

She is his world, so without her, he feels like life isn’t worth living.

All of a sudden, the world becomes a cold, mean, horrible place to live in.

He’s on his own and people around him keep saying annoying things like, “Don’t worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea” or, “Don’t worry, you’ll find another girl soon.”

Yet, he doesn’t want any other girl! He wants her.

Feeling lost and panicked without her, he might then try to change her feelings for him by saying something like, “I love you. Without you there is nothing valuable left in my life. You are my world and I can never be happy without you.”

Essentially, he will try to convince her to give him another chance because he needs her.

Yet, that’s not what she wants.

A woman wants to be truly loved and appreciated by her man, but she doesn’t want to be his reason for living.

So, telling your ex how much you love and need her right now is not going to make her stop despising you, especially if she doesn’t currently respect you.

Women only feel attracted to men that they respect and they only remain in love with men that make them feel respect and attraction.

If you want her back, you’ve got to focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you first.


You have to believe and accept that you don’t need her love to be happy and fulfilled.

Sure, you really want her back, but you don’t need her back.

Feeling like you can't live without her

You will not die without her.

You will survive and you will be able to live a happy life without her.

You need to think that way first, so you can stop feeling so emotionally dependent on her.

You will want her back, but you don’t need her like your life depends on it.

When you realize that you can have a great life without your girlfriend, your mindset changes and you instantly begin to become more emotionally attractive to her because you’re now more confident, emotionally independent and emotionally masculine.

Then, whenever you interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) and she notices that you are now emotionally strong and happy in your life without her, she begins to see you in a different way.

All of her old positive feelings of respect, attraction and love that she’s pushed into the background suddenly get woken up, and she feels drawn to you again.


By becoming emotionally independent, you are effectively showing your girlfriend that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.

You are now presenting her with a version of yourself that clearly has some of the qualities that most women are attracted to. (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity).

It’s just so important that you get to the point where you want her back, but you don’t need her.

You can do that within days and you do not need to sleep with any other women to achieve it.

It’s simply a mental thing.

You’ve got to imagine life without her and picture yourself feeling happy, loved and fulfilled with other women or another women in your life.

If you do that and can truly believe it, you will instantly become more emotionally attractive to your ex.

So, make sure that you make this mental change and stop looking at her as the answer to all of your problems in life.

When she can see that you are now an emotionally strong and independent man without her, she will automatically feels attracted to you… even if she doesn’t want to and even if she was saying that she despised you.


Attraction isn’t something that a person can prevent from happening.

Attraction is an automatic reaction that men and women have to each other when they notice attractive traits.

So, when you display some of the behaviors and traits that are instinctively attractive to women, your ex girlfriend (fiancé or wife) will automatically feel a new kind of respect and attraction for you, even if she initially tries to deny it.

Once you make her feel that way, you then need to focus on making her feel excited to be in love with you with you again by building on her newfound feelings of respect and attraction for you.

That’s the way to get her back.

Don’t sit around waiting and hoping that she comes running back by magic.

You’ve got to do something about this and get her back.

For example: If a guy sits around at home feeling sad and depressed because his girlfriend currently despises him, and he then sends her loads of text messages, e-mails, or calls her on the phone to tell her that he loves her and misses her, it’s not going to convince her to give him a second chance.


Nothing has changed.

He has feelings for her, but she doesn’t have feelings for him.

He’s trying to get her back even though he hasn’t changed anything about himself.

It’s just unfair to her and she knows it, which is why she eventually gets to the point where she despises him for being so selfish and unloving.

On the other hand, if a guy gets excited about what is happening in his life and starts becoming a better man that she can feel attracted to, then she is going to be impressed and will immediately begin to think differently about him.

When he interacts with her and says something like, “By the way, I finally got that promotion at work. It’s awesome. They’re even sending me to our offices in Europe for two weeks to get more training,” or “I discovered that I actually love to cook, so I’ve been attending a professional cooking school on weekends, and I’m actually planning on opening up my own little bistro,” she will see that he is very different from the guy she once despised.

When that happens, she just can’t stop herself from beginning to look at him in a more positive light because he is now behaving like the kind of man she can actually look up to and respect.

3. Interact With Her and Let Her Experience the New You

Change how she feels about you during interactions

When a woman is saying things like, “Stay away from me! I despise you and I never want to see you again,” it sometimes becomes difficult for a guy to stay positive about his chances of getting her back.

He might then say to himself, “Okay, well if I give her some space for a month, she might cool off and stop being so angry with me. Then, when she forgets about all the negatives of our relationship or of me, I will be able to make her want me again.”

He might then decide to avoid all contact with her for weeks or even months.

Yet, avoiding a woman only works when the woman is still in love with the guy and is secretly hoping that they will get back together again.

If she is still in love with him and really wants him back, she will be happy to be hearing from him again so they can finally get back together again.

However, when a woman despises her ex, giving her weeks of months of time apart will be exactly what she wants.

She will most likely use that time to move on with her life and possibly even get herself another guy.

Here’s what you need to get clear on…

To make an ex want you again even though she currently despises you, you have to actively interact with her and let her experience the new you, so she can feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction and actually like the new you.

Meet up with your girlfriend

You have to use every opportunity (e.g. by texting, e-mailing, messaging her on social media, calling her on the phone, or seeing her in person) to change her negative opinion of you.

How can you do that?

Focus on making her smile, laugh and feel happy every time you contact her.

For example: If a guy is talking with his ex girlfriend on the phone and she says, “I hate you! I despise you! Just leave me alone,” rather than letting her get under his skin and make him feel like he’s a bad person for having made a mistake, he can turn it into something to laugh about together.

He can say something like, “Well I guess I’m the worst ex boyfriend in the world then, right?” she will then most likely say, “Yes you are,” and he can laugh about it and say, “At least I’m consistent then. You know that I always like to be the best at everything I do. I’m doing an awesome job of being the worst ex boyfriend in the world. I think I deserve an award for it or something” and then laugh with her about it.

The point of laughing and making light of her comment is to get rid of the seriousness of what she is saying.

At the same time, it’s also a good way to show her that he is now emotionally strong enough to cope with her anger.

He doesn’t become insecure and self-doubting and he doesn’t become angry.

He remains confident, loving and masculine and that is something that every woman feels attracted to about men.

Humor also takes the edge of a potentially hostile situation and allows her to be more open to interacting with him again.

Essentially, when you make a woman smile, laugh and feel happy, she simply can’t hold onto negative, angry feelings about you for long.

Of course, you can’t change how she feels about you if you’re not actively in contact with her.

So, don’t bother wasting time ignoring her.

Give her a few days of space (e.g. 3 to 7 days) to cool off if she needs it and then contact her and re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you.

By the way…

When I talk about respect and attraction, some guys make the mistake of just focusing on physical attraction, which is actually the least important type of attraction when getting an ex woman back.

For example: A guy might say to himself, “If I need to re-attract my ex, then I’m going to get myself a physical makeover. I will build muscle (or lose weight) and update my wardrobe. I’ll get a new, stylish haircut and get a tan as well. Then, when she sees me again, she will notice that I’ve changed and she will like me again.”

Yet, although she might appreciate that he’s taking better care of himself physically and is putting in effort to look good, if she currently despises him, those things will seem superficial and unimportant to her.


A woman’s attraction to a man is based mostly on how he makes her feel.

It’s about who he is when she’s interacting with him.

For example: A woman will subconsciously ask herself…

  • Do I feel good when I’m around him, or do I feel bored, stressed out, or uncomfortable?
  • Does he make me feel turned on and attracted, or does he turn me off?
  • Is he the type of man that I can look up to and respect, or do I look down on him and feel like he’s not good enough for me?
  • Does he make me feel feminine and girly in his presence, or do I feel emotionally stronger than him or neutral around him like a friend?

That’s what really matters to woman.

So, if you’re serious about making your ex want you again, you have to focus on letting her experience the new and improved you when she interacts with you.

Focus on improving your emotional attractiveness to her (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity, charisma), rather than wasting time on superficial things like your appearance.

If your ex has been saying that she doesn’t have feelings for you now, it means that the way you’ve been interacting with her hasn’t been making her see you in a new light.

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t change that.

You can.

When you show her that you’ve changed the things that she despised about you, she won’t be able to stop herself for feeling drawn to you again.

For example:

  • If you were insecure in the relationship, you have now become an emotionally strong man.
  • If she didn’t feel feminine and girly in your presence, you have now become the kind of man who takes the lead, remains in control and never loses confidence around her.

Feelings Can Change…and That’s Good News For You

Right now, your ex might be saying, “I despise you! I never want to see you again!”

Yet, that doesn’t’ mean her feelings can’t change.

Feelings change all the time.

Think about it…

Bring back the love

There was a time in your relationship where she was probably saying things like, “I love you. You’re so wonderful. I want to be with you forever.”

Unfortunately, over time, those positive emotions changed and were replaced by more negative emotions such as anger, pain and distrust.

The good news is that her feelings for you can change again and she can reconnect with her original feelings of respect, attraction and love, as well as feeling even more for you when you get the relationship back together.

When you trigger her feelings of respect and attraction via the way you think, act, behave and interact with her, even if she tries to fight it, she won’t be able to stop herself from seeing you in a more positive light again.

From there, it’s up to you to keep building on that spark of respect and attraction that she’s feeling, until it becomes a raging fire inside of her and she can’t stop herself from wanting to be back in your arms again.

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