Here are 4 tips on how to make your ex realize what she lost:
1. Understand why she really left you
Right now, you may or may not know all of your ex’s reasons for leaving you.
If you do now all of her secret, subtle reasons, then you’re off to a great start.
You are one of those few, lucky guys who already knows what he needs to change and improve in himself to get his ex back.
However, if you’re like the majority of guys out there, you might still be feeling confused about where things went wrong between you and your ex.
You may even be thinking things like, “I know we had some arguments and disagreements, but in general, I thought we were happy together. Why did she leave me? I don’t really know what went wrong. Could I have prevented the break up? What happened?”
If that sounds a bit like you, don’t worry about it.
You just need some help and you will be on the right path to getting her back.
Here are some questions that will help you better understand her real reasons for breaking up with you.
- Did you maintain your confidence and belief in your value to her, or did you become insecure, self-doubting and begin to worry that she was too good for you?
- Were you emotionally strong and independent in the relationship with her, or were you mostly insecure, needy and clingy?
- Were you the more emotionally masculine one in the relationship, or did you allow her to wear the pants and make most of the decisions for you and her?
- Did you make her feel feminine and girly in your presence, or did you turn the relationship into a friendship where you and her felt more like buddies?
- Was she able to look up to you and respect you as her man, or did she look down on you a bit after losing a lost of respect for you?
- Did you place her needs ahead of your own and suck up to her all the time, despite her bad behavior or unfair treatment of you?
- Did you have a big purpose outside of your relationship with her, or did you make her your sole reason for living?
- Did you maintain and build on the love, respect and attraction between you and her over time, or did you just assume that it would take care of itself because things used to be good between you and her?
- Did she feel proud of you in social situations because you were so confident and able to talk to and get along with people, or did she feel a bit embarrassed, ashamed or annoyed at you for being socially anxious?
- Did you make her feel happy to be with you by being a loving guy, or did you end up turning into a nagging, annoying, irritating boyfriend (or husband) because she stopped treating you the way she did in the beginning?
- Were you aware that all women change their behavior in a relationship at some point to test their man’s confidence, or did it make you angry and annoyed at her?
- Were you able to pass her confidence tests and make her fall more in love with you as a result, or did you fail her confidence tests and ruin her feelings for you?
By fully understanding why your ex really left you, you will then be able to make the correct changes to your thinking and behavior to re-attract her.
Then, when you next interact with her again (via text, e-mail, on social media and especially over the phone and in person), she will be able to see for herself that you’re not stuck repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
You have leveled up as a man.
You are 10x better than you were before and she didn’t even have to help you.
You have quickly become the sort of man that other women would be lucky to have and she can sense it.
When she senses the changes, she automatically starts to feel some respect and attraction for you again.
Her defenses then come down and she begins to wonder things like, “He’s so different now. What if I’ve actually made a mistake by breaking up with him? Maybe I should give him another chance. After all, he really has changed and I really do feel differently about him. Why should I let another woman have him? I want him.”
She then opens herself to the idea of getting back together again.
On the other hand, if you don’t fully understand her real reasons for leaving you, chances are high that you will keep making the same old mistakes and offering her things she doesn’t even care about.
For example: A guy might say, “I promise there will be no more fights and arguments between us. I won’t do anything to upset you and cause you stress.”
Yet, what his woman really wants is for him to be more manly and stop buying into her fake drama and tantrums (i.e. her tests of his confidence).
He doesn’t understand what she really wants, so she will say, “Sorry, but I’m just not interested. Please accept that it’s over between us and move on” rather than explaining to him that he needs to man up and following her lead.
So, if you want to make your ex realize what she has lost, make sure that you understand what really turned her off and lead to the break up.
If you don’t understand that and make changes, she’s just not going to be interested.
On that note…
2. Prepare yourself to re-attract her on a phone call or in person
It’s all good and well to decide that you want your ex back, but the question you need to ask yourself is: Are you actually ready to re-attract her?
If you called her on the phone now, would you know what to say and do to make her feel attracted, or would you possibly get nervous, stumble over your words and make her feel like talking to you is a waste of time?
If you don’t know how to attract her and she ends up getting annoyed, you might hear her say something like, “Look, I’m really busy and this conversation is a waste of my time. I know that you mean well, but it’s over between us. The sooner you accept that, the better.”
So, prepare yourself to attract her.
For example: Have you actually changed and improved for real since the break up in the ways that are important to her, or are you still the same guy she broke up with?
Unfortunately, sometimes a guy will get so caught up in trying to make his ex realize what she lost, that he forgets to actually change and improve the things that turned her off.
He convinces her to meet up with him, only for her to discover that he’s still stuck at the same level he was at when she broke up with him (e.g. he’s still emotionally sensitive, he still doesn’t know how to make her be submissive and respect him, he still can’t handle her confidence tests).
When that happens, she loses even more respect for him for trying to get her back without improving himself first.
As a result, it then becomes more difficult for him to get her back.
For example: Even if he does change and improve after that, she is unlikely to believe him because he has already tricked her once before since the break up.
So, she might refuse to meet up with him and he will then be left frustrated and wondering what else he can do to make her want him.
If you don’t want that to happen to you, be sure to prepare to re-attract your ex before contacting her (i.e. change and improve the things that actually matter to her).
When you do it right, she will sense that you are different when you talk to her on the phone and in and will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
By the way…
You don’t have to tell her that you’ve changed.
She will be able to pick it up automatically based on your tone of voice, your confident body language and the way you make her laugh and smile, even when she’s being cold or bitchy to you.
Her walls will begin to crumble, she will look at you in a new, more positive light and begin to feel like breaking up with you was a mistake.
However, be warned…
If you call her on the phone or meet up with her in person without preparing to attract her properly, then you will likely say or do something unattractive, which will then confirm to her that she made the right decision to leave you.
So, once you’ve prepared yourself to re-attract her properly…
3. Make her feel attracted during an interaction (on the phone or in person) and then cut off contact for 3 to 7 days
When you feel ready, get your ex on a phone call or talk to her in person so that you can properly reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Texts are okay, but not all women feel enough attraction simply based on text messages, which is why I recommend a phone call or in person interaction.
To make her feel attracted on the phone or in person, you can use humor to lighten the mood and break down her defenses.
You can also add in some flirting to create sexual tension.
Whatever the case, just make sure that you focus on showing her that you’re now a new and improved man.
For example: If you…
- If you were shy and introverted throughout most of the relationship, you’re now so more confident and assertive.
- If you allowed her to dominate you emotionally, you are now able to stand up for yourself (in a loving way) and take the lead in the interaction.
- If you used to feel like you couldn’t live without her and needed her for a sense of purpose and direction in life, you are now emotionally independent and feel happy and fulfilled with, or without, her.
The more she experiences the new you and improved you, the more attracted she will feel.
Attraction happens automatically and isn’t something that either men or women can stop feeling for each other.
It’s an instinctive reaction.
When traits are displayed that cause attraction, it happens whether we want it to or not.
So, when she is attracted to you again and the sexual tension is building, you can say something like, “Hey, so it was good to chat to you again, but I’ve got a meeting I have to get to now. I’ll call you again sometime. Bye,” and then hang up the phone or leave the in person interaction.
Then, don’t contact her again for 3 to 7 days.
She will have to live with the fact that she felt attracted to you during the interaction.
She will feel drawn to you and won’t be able to stop herself questioning whether she made the right decision to leave you.
Then, she will either call you or send you a text to say hi, in the hopes that you will call her and arrange a meet up so you and her can hook up sexually and get back together.
4. If she doesn’t contact you after a week, call her and arrange a meet up
Sometimes a woman won’t call her ex (even though she’s feeling re-attracted) to avoid coming across as being too easy or desperate.
So, if your ex doesn’t get into contact with you after your first interaction with her, just call her after a few days (no more than 7 days later) and ask her to meet up with you.
For example: After a bit of conversation where you spark her feelings for you, you can say something like, “Anyway… as nice as it is chatting to you on the phone, I think it would be even better to catch up and say hello in person. So, how about we get together for some coffee in the next few days? I’m available on Wednesday night or Sunday morning. Which day suits you best?”
By that point, she will most likely say “Yes,” and you can then go ahead and make plans.
Then, when you see her in person, just focus on building on her newfound feelings of respect and attraction for you and guide her back into a relationship with you.
3 Mistakes to Avoid
If you want to make your ex realize what she lost, try not to make any of the following mistakes…
1. Sending her a goodbye letter, when you really want her back
Sometimes a guy will hope that saying goodbye in a letter will make her suddenly realize what she’s losing and come running back to him.
It would be nice if women were that naïve, but they’re usually not!
Instead, in most cases, a woman sees right through his fake goodbye letter and knows that he still wants her back.
She will reason that if he didn’t want her back, he wouldn’t have gone to all that effort to send her a goodbye letter and would have just moved on.
If she has had some experience with relationships, she will know that if a guy really doesn’t care and doesn’t want her back, he just moves on and doesn’t look back.
So, if her ex is looking back and putting in effort to communicate with her in a letter, it’s pretty obvious that he still cares about her and is secretly hoping for another chance.
Additionally, when a woman breaks up with a guy against his will (i.e. he’s still in love with her and doesn’t want to let her go), he usually reacts in ways that make it clear to her how he feels about her.
For example: When she is breaking up with him, a guy might…
- Beg and plead with her not to leave him.
- Make promises to change.
- Cry and tell her that his life is over without her.
- Get angry and make a scene.
- Try hard to talk her out of it.
- Confess his undying love for her.
- Ask her to tell him what to change so he can still be with her.
- Promise to wait as long as it takes for her to change her mind.
So, if a guy acts in any of those ways during the break up, she will assume that the goodbye letter is just a cheap trick to hopefully make her realize what she is losing.
What I recommend is that you be a man about this.
Be mature, be honest and be real.
If you really do want your ex back, then don’t pretend that you are over her and aren’t interested in being with her anymore.
If she knows that you really do want her back, then she will look at your behavior as meaning that you’re either too emotionally weak to go after what you want (i.e. her) or you are clueless about how to re-attract her and are just giving up.
As a result, she will lose even more respect and attraction for you and begin to feel very attracted to men who are confident, emotionally masculine and not afraid to speak their mind and be real.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Trying to seem happy with your life via text messages to her
Even if you truly are happy and having a great time without your ex, telling her about it via text is unlikely to make her think, “Oh my goodness, what have I done? He’s such a wonderful man and I let him slip through my fingers. What can I do to get him back? He’s so happy without me now! I am unworthy of him! He’s soooo cool!”
When a woman can’t hear the tonality of your voice, or see your body language, she has to guess at how you would come across to her if you said that in person or on a phone call.
Rather than give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are happy and moving on without her, she will remember how you behaved leading up to, during and after the break up.
If you behaved like many guys do during those times (e.g. insecure, clinging to her, being emotionally sensitive, pleading with her), she will assume that you’re still the same guy and are just pretending to be happy now to hopefully impress her.
So, if you want to get your ex back for real, don’t try to convince her that you are happy and enjoying life via text.
Firstly, if you lie to her about being happy and she finds out, it will only make her lose even more respect and attraction for you and then convincing her to give you another chance will become a lot more difficult.
Secondly, text messages won’t re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, because she won’t be able to experience the new and improved you for real.
It’s fine to text your ex (as I explain in the video below), but don’t rely solely on text…
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Pretending to be dating other women when you’re not
Just like with the previous mistake, lying to your ex about dating other women (to make her realize what she lost) is a bad idea.
Not only will she feel disgusted with you if she finds out that you lied to her, but saying that you’re dating other women can backfire.
For example: She might test you by saying, “Oh, really? That’s great. I’m glad you’re moving on. I’m moving on too. I met a great guy recently and I think he could be the one. We’re thinking of moving into together soon.”
If you then slip up and say something like, “What? How can you be moving in with another guy already? Didn’t what we had together mean anything to you? How can you move on so fast like that? I don’t understand you” she will know that you were just lying about other women to make her feel jealous.
At that point, she will lose respect and attraction for you and close up even further.
So, don’t put yourself in that situation.
If you truly want to make your ex realize what she lost, I don’t recommend that play games with her.
Instead, interact with her (on the phone and in person) and show her that you really are a new and improved man now.
Attract her and make her want you for real, rather than trying to fake your way back into her life.
If she knows you well enough, she won’t fall for cheap tricks.
What works is focusing on making her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again, which is actually very easy to do.