There are literally 100s of things you can do when attempting to get your ex back.

Yet, only a small percentage of them will actually work.

After helping men from all over the world to get a woman back, here is the best list of what to do to get your ex back:

1. Understand her hidden reasons for breaking up with you

There is a big difference between the reasons for a break up that a woman will admit to her boyfriend, vs what her secret reasons actually are.

If you try to get your ex back based on the reasons she gave you, then you will almost certainly fail.

You have to understand her more subtle, hidden reasons for leaving you.

For example: A woman might say that she needs space, doesn’t feel the same way anymore, or can’t deal with a committed relationship right now, as her reasons for breaking up with a guy.

Yet, secretly, she is breaking up with him for more subtle reasons, such as:

  • How he can’t handle her changing moods and allow her to be a woman. He needs her to be emotionally consistent (i.e. like a man), which then makes her feel like she can’t be a real woman around him. If she is moody, he becomes angry, irritable, or emotionally sensitive (i.e. like women do), which then turns her off even further.
  • How she can easily make him feel insecure and unsure of himself, simply by not showing much interest in him, or teasing him. He can’t handle it. He’s not emotionally strong enough, which makes her feel unsafe and unprotected by him. She feels like she needs to be the stronger one and prepare to protect them from the challenges ahead in life, or from challenging or bad people. She can’t rely on him to be the man.
  • How he always seems to care about his own emotional needs (e.g. to be shown respect, to be appreciated), but rarely cares about hers. As a result, she ends up feeling like he takes her presence in his life for granted.
  • How he increasingly began to behave in an annoying way to get her attention. At the beginning of the relationship, she showed him a lot of interest, so he didn’t need to really do anything to get her attention. Yet, when he began turning her off in the relationship (e.g. by being insecure), she withdrew some interest and became a little distant. Eventually, the only way he could think of to get a reaction out of her, was to be annoying (e.g. poking the fat on her stomach, being very silly around her, regularly pinching or biting her in a playful way). She then began to believe that he wasn’t manly enough for her and probably wouldn’t ever figure out how to regain her interest and attraction.
  • His lack of presence as a man (e.g. how he seems emotionally distant when around her, doesn’t fully express himself during sex and is mostly in his head due to worrying about what she might think, doesn’t look her in the eyes with strength and confidence, goes into his shell, or seems shy or insecure around confident people in social situations).
  • How he puts too much of his attention and focus on her and neglects important areas in his life (e.g. his goals and dreams). She ends up feeling like his purpose in life, which is not how a woman wants to feel. A woman wants to feel like the most important person in a man’s life, but not the most important thing. His purpose, goals or biggest ambitions need to be the most important thing to him.
  • His inability to make decisions without her approval, or input. She feels like she has to mother him, or coach him through things, rather than being able to relax and follow his lead and direction.
  • How he often talks about accomplishing something big in life, but nothing ever happens. He always ends up coming up with excuses about why he can’t do it, or blames other people or things for making it too difficult, or impossible.

She doesn’t want to tell him those things though, because he can then simply say, “Okay, I will change. Just give me a chance” and she’ll then feel obliged to give him that chance.

So, she keeps her reasons vague and confusing, to ensure that he doesn’t know what he needs to adjust, change or fix to re-attract her.

2. Get clear on how you will attract her in a new way, to make her truly interested in being with you again

Get clear on how you will attract her in a new way, to make her truly interested in being with you again

For example: A guy might have done a lot of nice things for his girlfriend, as a way of trying to maintain her attraction in the relationship (e.g. cooking dinner if she has to work late, running her a bath if she feels tired), or by being a good listener, or by being romantic (e.g. buying her flowers and gifts, taking her out to an expensive restaurant, or lighting candles, putting on some soft music and giving her a relaxing, oil massage in their bedroom).

Yet, although those things work if a woman is in love with a guy, it’s not as effective on a woman who has lost touch with her feelings (i.e. fallen out of love, lost a lot of respect for him, no longer feel much or any attraction).

Instead of being impressed, she sees his nice, romantic gestures as a confused attempt to hopefully re-attract her.

In many cases, what she actually wants is for him to be more manly, or to make her feel the need to impress him and do nice things for him.

Yet, she can’t admit that because she doesn’t want him to then act manly just to impress her, because it will then seem fake.

Likewise, she doesn’t want him thinking that she will be happier if he is more of an asshole to her, who makes her feel the need to impress him.

That’s not what a woman wants in a case like that.

She wants the guy to continue being a good, respectful man towards her, but also change the relationship dynamic, so she feels the need to impress him and maintain his interest as well.

That way, she actually feels like she cares and feels lucky to be with him.

How about you?

Are you aware of the approach you used in the relationship to hopefully maintain her attraction?

What worked and what didn’t?

What do you think was missing?

Are you ready to offer her what was missing, by interacting with her and letting her experience the changes in you?

Note: Don’t tell her that you will change, or list the things you have changed because it can then feel like you’re trying to sell yourself to her.

Just change and let her experience it, so she naturally realizes that she now feels more attracted and drawn to you.

As a result, she will want to give you another chance, without you having to try hard to convince her.

3. Don’t take too long to improve yourself and reach out to her

Some guys spend months trying to improve themselves.

A guy like that will sometimes assume that he has to become ‘perfect’ before he can get another chance with his ex girlfriend.

Yet, in most cases, the woman simply moves on because she assumes her ex is no longer interested in her, or she gets bored of waiting for him to make a move and then allows herself to be seduced by a guy who shows interest.

Alternatively, when he eventually reaches out, she doesn’t want to give him another chance because of how long he took to get in touch.

Alternatively, she is interested, but plays hard to get, or acts uninterested because she’s worried that he will reject her, or surprise her with news that he’s been sleeping with new women since the breakup and that’s why he hasn’t been in contact.

He doesn’t realize that and thinks she’s not interested, so he gives up and they both miss out on getting back together.

So, an important part of what to do to get your ex back is to be efficient.

Quickly improve things such as your confidence, ability to flirt and create attraction, emotional strength, charm and overall emotional attractiveness.

Then, interact with her and let her experience it, so she can feel a new, more compelling kind of attraction for you that makes her want you back.

For example: Let her sense that you are now more manly and confident, by not taking everything she says so seriously and using humor to bring her out of a bad mood.

When she feels more attracted, she will naturally realize that a relationship with you would feel so much more enjoyable and satisfying now.

4. Reduce your emotional dependence on her

Sometimes a guy will isolate himself after a breakup, by staying at home, watching a lot of TV, playing video games and doing whatever else he can to get his mind off her.

A guy like that will usually feel sad, lonely and end up needing her back to feel better again.

Yet, needing a woman so you can feel better about yourself is the fastest way to turn her off.

Women aren’t attracted to emotional dependence (e.g. being needy or clingy).

So, if a guy contacts his ex girlfriend and she senses that he’s been falling apart (emotionally) without her since the breakup, she feels turned off and repulsed, rather than flattered and attracted.

She then has one extra reason not to get back with him.

This is why it’s important to push yourself to get out of the house at have some fun with people in social or outdoor settings.

When you do, post up photos on social media of you looking confident, happy and included around other people.

Not only will that reduce your emotional dependence on your ex (i.e. because you will genuinely feel good without her at times, you will see yourself in the photos and realize that you can be okay without her), it also makes you seem more attractive to her because women are attracted to emotionally independent men.

When she notices that you’re not looking needy, desperate or lonely without her, she then opens up to interacting with you more because she assumes you won’t be needy or desperate if she contacts you.

Of course, if she doesn’t contact you, then you need to contact her.

Don’t wait many weeks or months to get in touch with her.

Post some photos and then get in touch with her a day or two later.

5. Get her to meet up with you to say hi as friends, or say goodbye in a mature way

Get her to meet up with you to say hi as friends, or say goodbye in a mature way

I don’t recommend asking for a meet up via text, because women can easily reject a guy via text, or say yes to avoid a text discussion in the moment, but then always plan to cancel and not attend on the day.

It’s always better to re-attract her on a phone call first (i.e. by being confident on the call, being manly in how you speak and react to her, flirting with her, using humor) and then suggest catching up to say hi as friends, or to say goodbye in a mature way.

Of course, you’re not really going to say goodbye.

You’re just saying it that way, so she feels like you’re not going to pressure her into giving you another chance at the meet up.

You’re not going to pressure her.

Instead, you’re going to re-attract her and naturally make her want you back, without even asking for another chance.

6. Don’t make it an all or nothing decision for her when you talk to her

In other words, don’t ask for another chance or nothing.

When a guy does that, a woman will usually feel too pressured into making a yes or no decision, so she will reject him.

Even if she only offers you a friendship from now on, you should take it.


You can then interact with her and re-attract her.

If she offers a friendship and you say no, then she can end up saying, “Okay, well this is goodbye then. Don’t ever contact me again. I am going to move on and you need to respect that” or something like it.

Essentially, by rejecting what she is offering, you close the door to communicating with her further.

Communicating with her is how you will re-attract her and get her to meet up with you again.

Of course, you could end up successfully re-attracting her at the meet up and getting back right away.

However, if you don’t get that result, don’t try to get her to make an ‘all of nothing’ decision.


7. Re-attract her, but don’t try to get her back right away

In other words, leave her wanting more.

When you attract her and then don’t push for a relationship, you then give her the chance to miss you and wonder what it would be like to get back with the new and improved you.

She then is the one who chases you (e.g. texts to say hi, suggests catching up in person, calls just to chat for no apparent reason).

She feels the need to impress you, so you then give her a chance, rather than the other way around.

You then give her that chance and enjoy a new, more attracted and in-love relationship.

8. Be prepared for her to initially play hard to get, or pretend to be over you when she actually isn’t

Some of her reasons for behaving in that way can include:

  • She doesn’t want to come across as too easy, especially if she seemed very serious about breaking up with you when she did.
  • She doesn’t want to seem too easy, in case it makes you feel like you don’t need to change anything to get her back.
  • She wants to ensure that you really are interested and aren’t just trying to get her back, to then get revenge by dumping her when you’re ready.
  • She’s testing your confidence level (e.g. do you have the confidence to get her back even though she’s not making it easy for you?) to see what kind of man you really are when under pressure.

The best response is to focus on re-attracting her while remaining calm, relaxed and confident no matter how she behaves.

That’s what works on most women.

However, if she continues to seem cold and distant…

9. Let her know that you accept the breakup and don’t ever expect her to want anything more than to just be friends

Let her know that you accept the break up and don’t ever expect her to want anything more than to just be friends

Saying that takes the pressure off her to get back with you right now, while also making her feel a little rejected, if you have re-attracted her first.

If you say it at the start of the meet up, prior to re-attracting her, it won’t make her feel much rejection because she will likely not be interested in getting back with you anyway.

Yet, when you say it after re-attracting her, she now has something to lose, so she feels rejected and doesn’t want you and her to only be friends.

She wants something more.

10. Honestly feel as though she would be lucky to get back with the new and improved you

Women want to be with a guy that they feel lucky to be with, rather than accepting a guy they’re not really into.

In order to make a woman feel lucky, a guy has to truly believe that he’s good enough for her and that she’s winning by being his girl, rather than believing she is out of his league and is doing him a favor by being with him.

If you can make her feel like the lucky one, you won’t have to try hard to get her back because she will make it obvious that she’s interested.

11. Don’t show emotional weakness in any way

For example, don’t:

Seek pity from her, by telling her how sad and lonely you’ve been without her.

Appear lost, confused and as though you can’t cope without her.

Seem insecure and unsure of yourself around her.

Women aren’t attracted to the emotional weakness in men; especially in men that they’ve dumped.

So, if your ex senses that you need her to feel happy, confident, secure and continue to make progress in life, she will lose even more respect and attraction for you.

She will then feel relieved that she broke up with you and not want to give you another chance.

12. Attract her in ways she wasn’t expecting

For example: She might be used to you always treating her like a princess, being nice and sweet and letting her have her way.

Yet, now you are good to her, but also stand up to her when she’s behaving badly (e.g. you laugh at her, in a loving way, when she’s creating unnecessary drama).

Attracting her in ways that she isn’t expecting, will impress her and make her want you back more than anything else you can say or do.

The reason why is that the key to getting a woman back is to make her have feelings for you, rather than trying to express and get her to care about your feelings for her.

What matters to her right now is how she feels.

Make her feel attracted in new and interesting ways and she will naturally want to give you a chance for her own reasons.

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