Getting your ex to meet up with you for a coffee is easy in most cases because if she initially says, “No” you can still change her mind.
Here are 2 options that I’ve taught clients and they have worked pretty much every time:
Option 1: Call her, get her laughing, smiling and feeling good on a friendly phone call with you and then suggest catching up for coffee.
When you make a woman smile and laugh, she can’t stay mad at you for long even if she initially tries to act cold or distant.
Eventually, her desire to stay mad at you will fade and she will start to enjoy talking to you again.
The more light-hearted and relaxed the interaction between you and her is, the less she will be able to hold on to her negative, angry feelings about you.
For example: A guy calls his ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife with the intention of getting her to meet up with him for coffee.
He might say something along the lines of, “Hey Samantha, how are you? I’d really like to meet up for coffee sometime, what do you say?”
Yet, that’s not going to work in most cases.
Why? Nothing about what he is saying will make her think, “Sure! I’m just going to put all my negative feelings about you away and rush out to have coffee with you ASAP!”
Instead she’s likely going to say, “Why would I want to do that? It’s over between us and I don’t want to see you again.”
That’s not the reaction you want to get from her, which is why you have to make her laugh and smile first before you suggest catching up for a coffee.
Here’s how you can do it…
Imagine that you’re talking to your ex on the phone right now.
You will likely start off by saying something like, “Hey, how have you been?”
She will most-likely just say, “Fine,” or “Fine. How are you?”
You can then respond by saying something like, “I’m great! I’m meeting this really beautiful woman for coffee tomorrow at that little coffee shop we used to like…do you remember it?”
She will likely flip out and say, “What? You’re actually calling me up to tell me about your date with some other woman? You’re nuts!” at which point you can laugh and say, “Nuts am I? That’s okay, but you still haven’t told me what time I can pick you up for that coffee tomorrow?”
She will probably then realize that you were joking and begin laugh about getting caught out with your joke, while at the same time feel flattered that you’re still referring to her as beautiful even though she’s your ex.
She will feel curious about the changes in you (e.g. you’re so confident and are willing to joke around, rather than doubting yourself and being on your very best behavior in the hopes of impressing her) and will naturally feel some respect and attraction for you for having the balls to tease her in that way.
When that happens, she then opens herself up to the idea of talking to you again, at which point you can persuade her to meet up with you for that coffee.
For example: “I was just kidding, but anyway – I think it would be fun to just catch up and say hello. We could grab a quick coffee at that place. I’m going to be busy on Monday and Wednesday, but I have Tuesday and Thursday free at the moment. Which of those days could meet up on?”
When you see her in person, just focus on building on the newfound respect and attraction that she is feeling for you and then gently guide her back into a relationship with you.
Option 2: Call her, chat in a friendly, easy-going way and then suggest a catch up to say hello, or to say goodbye if she never wants to talk to you after that.
Just like in the previous example, it’s important to keep things light and relaxed between you and your ex over the phone.
So, don’t get into deep discussions about the relationship and let her bring up all the ways that she feels you stuffed up.
Letting her rant will cause her to connect with her negative emotions about you (e.g. anger, resentment, disillusionment) to come to the surface and she will likely close up and be unwilling to meet up with you for coffee.
Instead, just keep things light and friendly.
Then, once you’ve chatted to her for a few minutes, simply ask, “How about we get together for a cup of coffee sometime this week?”
She might be resistant to the idea at first and say something like, “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” or “We’re broken up. Let’s not open up old wounds again” or, “Maybe, but I need more time apart.”
Regardless of what she says, don’t get upset or start saying things like, “Please! Why won’t you just meet up with me? I just want to see you. Why are you being such a bitch about it? Come on, just meet up with me. Please.”
Obviously getting annoyed, upset or angry with her isn’t going to convince her that she wants to see you again and it’s also not going to re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Instead, she’s probably going to be thinking, “Oh boy! I can’t believe he’s losing it like that and he still expects me to meet up with him again. I’m going to hang up now and block his number so that I don’t have to put up with this type of behavior again.”
So, if she’s saying no, or playing a little bit hard to get, simply say, “Look, it’s just a 10 minute coffee. It doesn’t mean that we’re going to get back together again because we’re having a coffee. These days, it’s no big deal for ex’s to catch up and have a chat in person. We’re mature adults. We can do that. Besides, if we meet up and afterwards you decide that you never want to hear from me, or speak to me again, that will be fine by me. I will respect that and promise to never contact you again. So, how about it? We can at least have a coffee as friends to say hello, or if you want, it can be a goodbye and I won’t contact you again. Let’s try to catch up in the next day or so.”
In most instances, a woman will likely respond by saying something like, “Oh, okay. Maybe just this once,” or, if she really hates her ex and wants him out of her life, she will say, “Okay, as long as you agree that you won’t call me again after that.”
Then, just go ahead and make plans to meet her at a time that suits you both.
Just remember: When you meet up with her for coffee, you’ve got to continue saying and doing the types of things that will keep turning her feelings back on for you.
When you trigger her feelings of respect and sexual attraction at the meet up, it makes her see you in a different light.
She Might Refuse to Meet Up With You if You Make Any Of These Mistakes
Persuading an ex to meet up with you for coffee isn’t as difficult as some guys might think.
However, there are certain approaches that will spark a woman’s feelings and make her feel happy to be meeting up with her ex, and some that will cause her to think, “Is this guy for real? What makes him think I’d ever want to see him again? No frikken way I am meeting up with him for coffee!!!”
Here are some mistakes to avoid making if you want to successfully persuade your ex to meet up with you for coffee.
1. Trying to persuade her via text.
Sometimes, a guy will be too afraid to call his ex in case she responds in a cold or unfriendly way towards him, so he will instead try to break the ice by sending her a nice, friendly text.
However, after helping 100s of guys to get women back, I’ve found that texting an ex after a break up should only ever be used as a means of getting her to talk to you on the phone, so that you can persuade her to meet up with you in person.
Where many guys go wrong is by texting an ex many random things (e.g. “How are you?” or “What have you been up to lately?”) in the hopes that she will eventually contact him and let him know that she wants to meet up or that she misses him.
He hopes that he can then ask her out for coffee without putting himself in a position where she will likely say “No.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
If your ex is currently feeling some anger, resentment or any other negative emotions towards you because of what happened between you and her during the relationship or break up, any text from you can easily be misunderstood or perceived in a negative way.
Numerous studies have proven that up to 90% of communication between two people is non-verbal.
Essentially this means while someone is talking, we are not making our minds up about them only based on what they are saying (10% of the communication), but rather on their body language, their tonality and the way they come across to us (90% of the communication).
So, when a guy texts his ex to try and persuade her to meet up with him for coffee, rather than her saying to herself, “Oh, it’s my ex and he wants to meet up for coffee. Cool! He sounds so confident, charming and charismatic now. What an amazing text he just sent me!” she will likely be thinking, “What does he want? What is he up to? Is he trying to get me to meet up with him to get me back? He thinks he can do that via text? No way. He has to grow the balls to get me on the phone and ask me. I don’t believe that he has changed and a text message isn’t going to change that.”
When a woman can’t see a guy’s body language, or hear the tone of his voice, she has to guess his state of mind at the time of sending the text.
Her perception of his texts will be based on how she felt about him during the break up and afterwards because she doesn’t have any other reference point, since they aren’t talking on the phone or in person.
If he keeps texting to insist on meeting up with her for coffee (e.g. by saying things like, “Why won’t you meet up with me? What’s wrong with you? Just one time. Please!”) she will only feel more turned off by him.
In her mind she will likely be thinking, “Why is he being like this? Clearly nothing about him has changed. I’d be a fool to meet up with him for coffee. I’ll only be prolonging my pain. I don’t want to get back into a fight with him. No way am I going to see him again. He’s most likely still the same and nothing has changed, so no!”
Your ex is only going to take you seriously when you can make her feel the type of respect and attraction she feels is necessary for her to consider giving you another chance.
…and you cannot achieve that via text.
So, if your ex isn’t answering her phone right now, or if you first want to break the ice, then send her a text like this: “Hey Samantha, Dan here. I hope you’re well. I want to ask you something quick over the phone, so I’m going to give you a call later today.”
Then, make sure that you call her and focus on reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you, by making her feel good to be talking to you again.
By the way…
The quick thing that you want to ask her is to meet up for coffee.
When she hears the tone of your voice and senses the changes in you as well as smiles and laughs on the call, she will be a lot more open to the idea of meeting up for coffee because it will feel like a good idea to her.
Yet, if you try to achieve all that via text, you will almost certainly get a “No” from her.
The next mistake that guys make is…
2. Trying to make her feel pity for him.
Sometimes, a guy will be so frustrated with his ex because she is being stubborn and refusing to meet up with him for coffee, that he may try to make her feel sorry for him in the hopes that she gives in and says, “Yes” to meeting up.
For example: He might say to her, “Come on…why are you being like this? Why do you keep punishing me? Can’t you see how sorry I am for hurting you? Does making me feel like this make you happy? Do you like seeing me suffer? Please babe… just one cup of coffee is all I’m asking for. I really need to see you one more time. Do it for old time’s sake. Please!”
Yet, making a woman feel pity or guilt for the emotional pain that you’re experiencing, usually only turns her off even more. Why?
A woman doesn’t like to feel like she’s being forced into doing something she doesn’t want to do, simply because the guy can’t take “No” for an answer.
If she doesn’t feel enough respect and attraction for him as a man, she simply won’t care enough to want to see him again.
So, if you want to persuade your ex to meet up with you for coffee, don’t play the pity card on her.
Instead, focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you, so that she will be motivated to want to meet up with you because it feels good to her, not because she feels sorry for you.
3. Taking her initial “No” too seriously.
Most women don’t want to come across as being too desperate to meet up with their ex, so chances are, your ex might say “No” the first time you ask her to meet up with you.
It’s not the end of the world.
As long as you continue making her smile and laugh when you’re interacting with her and making her feel respect and attraction for you again, she will eventually change her mind and catch up with you.
So, rather than get upset and give up if she resists you at first, simply say in light hearted, joking way, “Hey, it’s just a 10 minute coffee. We can do that. I’m not asking you for a kidney here” and have a laugh.
Just keep making her laugh and persist (in an easy-going way) until she says yes.
Don’t give up until you get that coffee catch up.
4. Not letting her know that if she doesn’t want to talk to you again after that, you will respect her wishes.
Sometimes a woman doesn’t want to consider about getting back together with her ex yet, so when he asks her to meet up with him for coffee, she may think, “I don’t want to say yes because I don’t want him to think that I’m interested in getting back together again. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. If he does, I’ll then have to be mean to him to make him leave me alone.”
It’s up to you not to put her in that position.
So, when you ask her to meet up with you, rather than make her feel like it’s a serious thing, you can say something like, “I think it will be good for us to catch up over a cup of coffee now that the dust has settled between us. I’m not expecting us to get back together again just because you’ve agreed to meet up with me. We’re just two friends catching up. After that, if you feel like you want to see me again, then great – I will be open to that too. However, if you decide you never want to talk to me again, I will respect your wishes and leave you alone. In this way, we can both have closure and at least the last thing you remember about me isn’t that I stuffed up, but rather that we are able to hang out as friends if we want to. Isn’t that better than just ignoring each other and feeling all the hurt of the break up?”
Saying something like that to her calms things down and puts her mind at ease.
She begins to wonder, “Why am I being so stubborn? It’s just coffee after all. I don’t have to get back together with him if I don’t want to, so why not just catch up with him?”
Her guard then comes down and she says, “Yes” to catching up.
You Can Do it
Here’s the thing…
You can sit around for the next few days or weeks wondering, “How can I persuade my ex to meet up with me for coffee?” or you can pick up the phone right now and make it happen.
It’s actually a lot easier than you might think.
When you trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you on a phone call, she will stop focusing on how bad you made her feel in the past and start thinking about how good you’re making her feel now.